My life is so confusing.
I want to be happy. Maybe one day have a family. I want to fall in love with someone who loves me not for the fame or the money, but just for me. On the good days and the bad.
But with everything that’s happened recently in my own life, I also want to help make a difference to others. I’m all too aware that if it weren’t for my dad and the position he’s in financially then things could be very different for me at the moment. The house, the cars would be repossessed and I’m not sure how I would cope ending up with nothing.
I’m fortunate. I’ve come from a privileged background in the sense that my parents had accomplished careers in the industry that I’m now a part of. But they tried to keep Callum and me grounded.
I’m lucky, but I know others aren’t. What about those who find themselves losing everything they’ve worked so hard for. What happens to them when they lose not just possessions, but family and friends?
This is something that has been on my mind for weeks now. I’ll speak to my dad and Trevor about this. I’m sure they’ll be able to advise me further.
I pull off Connor’s shirt and stand with it in my hands. It smells of him, and now of me. Us. This is so not good.
Maybe he should go and stay with Callum and give me some breathing space. Time to think about what I want because I’m not sure I can do that with him around.
Do you want to go shopping this afternoon? I text Julie.
Julie: Yes, just tell me where and when to meet you.
Me: Ok. I’m going for a shower and Trevor wants to come and see me.
Julie: Looking forward to seeing you and hearing all about Connor.
I have no idea how I’m going to manage avoiding the subject of Connor. Julie will want me to spill all the details about yesterday, but for me, some things should remain personal. But maybe with everything else going on, I should talk to her about how I’m feeling. She might help me to understand what’s going on in my messed up head.
Or she might just get swept away on what I’m sure she’ll see as a blossoming romance between two friends.
I need a shower. Hopefully it will help slow my mind down because I swear all these thoughts are going to send me mad.
“So, there you have it,” Trevor says as he finishes telling me all about the soap opera and the contract as we sit in my kitchen with papers spread all over the island. “I’ve had my lawyer and yours looking at this and they agree everything is in your favour. Now, I don’t know much about the initial storyline you would be involved in, but that’s something we would find out when we sit around the table with the producers.”
“When can you set up a meeting?”
“They’re keen to meet with you and Connor as soon as possible, so I reckon before the end of the week. I’ve also been sent a script for a major movie; a book adaptation that sounds interesting. I’ve still to read through the small print on that one, but as soon as I do, I’ll send it over.”
“Okay. Anything else?” I’m still waiting for him to mention Donovan’s name and the reaction to my interview. I’ve been too scared to look online and see what is being said.
“Yes. Your interview is going down well. The response has been remarkable. You are being praised for speaking out in an industry where things like this happen on a daily basis, but no one wants to speak out because of fear of not progressing. That is a sad fact. I’ve seen it myself over the years when young actors have been taken advantage of. I know you’re still feeling reluctant about what’s going on but I think you’ve made the right decision in pressing charges against him. Do I think you’ll get anything back? No, and Archie knows this too, but it might just help someone else in the long run.”
“I know. That’s the only reason I’m going through with it, because I just feel stupid.”
“Enough, Ella. We’ve been through this. The young, mouthy girl I knew as she grew up and who I love wouldn’t stand back in this situation. She would want to take back control.”
“Trevor, I’m scared that girl is no longer here. That she’s gone forever.”
He comes around the table, sits beside me, and takes my hand. “Ella, you might be your father’s daughter, but Betty and I love you just the same. We were never blessed with our own children but you and Callum are family to us. Always have been and always will be. The strong determined woman—because that’s what you are—she’s still there. Within reach. She’s just biding her time, waiting for the right moment. I have no doubt she’ll make her appearance soon enough. Something or someone will light the spark to bring our Ella back.”
I throw my arms around him as my tears build and slowly fall.
“Ssh, come on. I don’t want you crying.” He rubs my back and I can’t help hoping that he’s right. The real Ella McGregor has been lost, and now I have to slowly find myself again. Footsteps entering the kitchen startle me. I lift my head to see Connor watching me with sadness on his perfect face.
So many unspoken words and feelings pass between us. But I do know that in order to find myself, I need to try and put whatever I’m feeling for Connor on the back burner and I think as he looks into my eyes, he already knows this.
I don’t want to hurt him.
“CAN YOU TELL ME WHY you’ve taken public transport?” Julie whines the question at me as I walk through the barrier at the train station. And some say I’m a snob.
“Hi to you too.”
“Don’t hi me. Why are we not meeting in some boutique to find you the perfect dress for tomorrow night?”
“Because I don’t want to.”
“So instead we’re going shopping in the high street?”
This should make for an interesting afternoon.
“Yes, and the best bit is, I can guarantee no one will be wearing a dress from the high street tomorrow night.”
“That’s for sure.” I can hear the sarcasm in her voice, but I choose to ignore it. Julie is very much high street for every day wear, but for special occasions, it has to be designer and exclusive. I suppose I’ve been the same. When money is no object, you don’t think about it. But when it’s gone, you have to make choices wisely. And having nothing the past few weeks has certainly given me a lot to think about.
We exit the station and Julie doesn’t say another word as we head through the lane that will bring us out into one of the main shopping areas in Glasgow. The area is busy, people all in a hurry, rushing around. I notice a man sitting in the doorway; he might be a little older than me. He looks like he’s not washed in God knows how long; could really do with a haircut and a shave. I pause as he asks passers-by for some spare change but everyone ignores him.
I walk towards him.
“Ella, what are you doing?” Julie asks, already looking as if she’s about to freak out as I reach into my bag for my purse. “You do know he’ll probably only use whatever you give him for alcohol or drugs?”
I ignore her because I can. I take a ten pound note from my purse and hand it to the man. He looks at me and the note. “Are you sure?” he asks. I nod. The man’s face lights up and he quickly stands to his feet. “Thank you. Thank you.” The words leave him in a rush and he gives me the briefest of hugs. I can hear Julie moan that I’ll smell just as bad as him.
Yes, he smells, but not of alcohol. I think Julie has him all wrong.
He picks up his rucksack and jacket. “Thank you so much,” he calls over his shoulder as he walks away. I watch him as he walks straight into a sandwich shop.
“So, drink and drugs was it?”
“What?”
“That poor man just wanted something to eat.”
“So, we’re now on a mission to help every homeless person you meet on the streets today?”
“No, but I’ve made his day. You’d have thought I’d just given him the most expensive gift in the world. Have you never wondered why he or others became homeless in the first place? What happened that was so bad in their lives? No? Well, lucky you. My thoughts these
past few weeks have been so messed up that before I never really gave it much consideration. But when I thought I was going to lose everything . . .”
“You would never have lost everything because you have good friends and family.”
“You’re right, but what about those people living on the streets? What do they have? Nothing.”
We’re still standing in the street when the man comes out of the shop with a hot cup of tea or coffee and a hot filled roll. He smiles, passing me, taking a bite, and returns to where he was.
“Come on. Let’s go and do this,” Julie says, taking my hand and pulling me towards the high street. She really doesn’t seem in the mood.
We flit from one shop to another, and I’ll be honest, I find absolutely nothing suitable for a movie premiere. “Do you give in yet?” she asks as we leave yet another shop.
“No. We’ll find something. I’m sure we will.”
The next shop is called Inspire and, taking a deep breath, we enter. The first thing that hits me is the array of colours; everything from the latest in trend to plain, boring black. Already, I love the feel of this shop. The other thing I notice is that, unlike any of the other shops we’ve been in, the staff seem focused on customer service. There’s a few members on the shop floor offering advice to some customers.
I turn and smile at Julie. “We’re going to find something in here.”
“We’ll see. I think you’ll be calling one of the boutiques to see if they have anything suitable,” she says, walking off and pretending to look at some clothes on the rails. I wander around and I really love everything I see.
“Can I help you? You’re Ella McGregor, aren’t you?” a young sales assistant asks. She’s almost bouncing on the spot.
“Yes, I am. And yes, I could do with some help.”
“It would be my pleasure, Miss McGregor.”
“Ella is fine. Now, I need you to point me in the direction of your dresses.”
“Of course. Follow me.” Julie shakes her head at me but decides to follow us. “Is there something in particular you’re interested in?”
“Yes. Something I can wear tomorrow night to a film premiere.”
“You won’t get anything in here,” Julie says, loud enough to be heard. I might kill my best friend if she doesn’t behave. What the hell has got into her today? She’s never been this much of a bitch when we’ve been out before. There must be something wrong.
“I’m sure we will,” I say with confidence. Julie huffs as she starts looking through the rails of dresses. I catch her smile as she takes a berry red dress from the rail. That’s a first for today.
“Ella, is there any colour or style in particular you would like? We have a huge selection of maxi dresses and cocktail dresses. Give me a second and I’ll ask the shop manager if there is any new stock I could let you see.”
The sales assistant walks over to the tills and I watch as she excitedly tells her boss that I’m in the store. The other lady looks over a few times in almost disbelief at what the younger girl is saying.
“Ella, what do you think of this?” Julie asks, holding the berry red dress before her.
“With your skin tone, hair, and eye colouring that would be perfect on you. Why don’t you go and try it on?”
“I think I will.”
She disappears into the changing room and the assistant and shop manager walk over to me. The manager has a few dresses in her arms. “Miss McGregor, lovely to meet you. These dresses have only come into the shop this morning and, as yet, they haven’t been put out on display. You’re welcome to try them on.”
“Thank you,” I say as she and the assistant hold them up. My eyes instantly go to a beautiful black silver-embellished strapless maxi. “This one is stunning,” I say, running my hands over the fabric.
“You have great taste,” the manager says just as Julie steps out of the changing room. “Wow, it seems your friend has great taste too.” Julie smiles and the manager walks toward her and has a good look all around the dress. “The berry dress is also a new style, but I think you should try it on in the smaller size. It’s a little big around your back and hips.”
She hands Julie a smaller size and my friend looks more than happy with what I think will be the dress she wears tomorrow night. “What size are you, Miss McGregor? An eight?”
“I’m usually a ten.”
“Okay, but I think we can all agree you’re not a ten. Go and try on the eight then we can take it from there. Now, am I right in thinking you want this for tomorrow night, if it’s suitable?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, go in and try it on. Once you’re in the dress, one of us will come and do up the zip and clasp for you.” The manager and assistant seem lovely. Yes, they are probably a bit more helpful because of who I am. They’re both excited and I can’t blame them for that.
Before I go into another changing room, Julie comes out wearing the size smaller and it’s perfect on her.
“What do you think?” she asks, taking another look in the full size mirror.
“It’s stunning. I love it,” I say, turning to the manager and the assistant. They stand, nodding in agreement.
“I have shoes and a bag that would go with that. Give me a minute.” I watch on as the young assistant leaves us briefly before returning with contrasting black and berry shoes and handbag. She’s right; it all looks great together.
“Okay, I think I’m sorted for tomorrow. It’s your turn.” And here she was adamant that she wouldn’t find anything suitable. I’m glad Julie got it wrong.
I take the black and silver dress and enter the changing room. Removing my clothes and bra, I slip the dress on and shout for someone to fasten it up. The assistant comes in and her face lights up. I’ve avoided looking in the mirror because I have a feeling the look on Julie’s face is what will seal the deal.
The assistant stands back and has a good look. “It’s perfect. You look incredible. Let’s go and show your friend.”
I nod. “Bloody hell,” says Julie as she throws her hand over her mouth. Her eyes roam every inch of the dress, taking all the detail in. “I really don’t know what to say. You know I had my doubts about shopping for the perfect dress on the high street. Ladies, I’m sorry. I don’t mean any offence,” she says, turning to the manager and assistant. “But that dress on you is . . . it’s so you. Everything about it, right down to the fishtail, which I wasn’t sure would suit you. I love it.”
Turning my head to the mirror, I finally allow myself to see it and, wow. Just wow. It has to be one of the most flattering dresses I’ve ever had on, and I’ve worn some amazing dresses. Julie’s reaction was all I needed to see. It was priceless.
“I’ll take it.”
“What about shoes, bag, or even a shawl?” the young assistant asks.
“I’ll trust your judgement.” She rushes off and, within a few minutes, she’s back with black shoes, a bag, and a shawl to match the dress. “I’ll go and change,” I say, heading back inside.
“A certain someone is going to love you in that dress,” Julie calls after me, but I choose to ignore her, which is getting easier.
“Miss McGregor, thank you for shopping with us today. I hope you’re happy with your purchases,” the manager asks as we pay.
“Yes, but I do have a small favour to ask.”
“Ask away.”
“I’d appreciate it if this didn’t end up in tomorrow morning’s papers. Thursday’s is fine.”
“Of course, but we’re not in the habit of blabbing to the press about our customers.”
“I appreciate that, but if you want to use it for publicity you can after tomorrow night.”
“That’s very kind of you, Miss McGregor. I’ll pass the message on to the owner.”
Julie and I leave the shop happy and excited about our purchases. I know for a fact no one will have these on tomorrow night. Anyone who is or thinks they’re someone special will have gone for an exclusive design.
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br /> We’re chatting away as we walk back toward the train station. “You seemed out of sorts earlier,” I say. “You were very judgemental.”
“Sorry. I’m just not myself but I can’t place what’s wrong.” I accept her answer. I’m sure when she’s worked it out, she’ll fill me in.
The homeless man I gave money to earlier is still there but there’s now a crowd of young boys tormenting and teasing him.
This is wrong on so many levels.
I stop. “Ella, there’s nothing more you can do,” Julie says as I take in the situation. There’s lots of people standing back, tutting as they look on at the situation, but no-one doing anything about the lads. In my book that is wrong. The people watching are no better than the lads.
“Maybe there is.” She frowns and watches me as I take my phone from my bag and start searching the internet. I smile when I find what I’m looking for.
“You have gone insane,” Julie says, peering over my shoulder, watching what I’m doing. “What the hell has happened to you?”
I shrug and walk through the crowd with my head dipped, hoping no one takes much notice of me. I move in front of the lads doing all the shouting and a couple of men in the crowd step forward to move them on.
About bloody time.
Bending down, the man lifts his head and looks at me. “Oh, hello.”
“Hi. Sorry about the boys.”
“Unless they belong to you, which I doubt, you’re much too young, then you have nothing to be sorry for. Thank you for earlier.”
“You’re very welcome.” I take a pen from my bag and scribble down the numbers he needs. “It’s not much but it’s the least I can do for you. Here are the details for a bed for tonight. It’s not fancy, just a basic room in a hotel, but you’ll have hot and cold water and a meal tonight and tomorrow.”
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