Without thinking, my legs move, his eyes are fixated on me with each step bringing us closer together. Nerves fill me because I’m scared. Scared of rejection. Scared of being judged.
“Ella!” Something about the way he says my name causes my feet to falter. I’m right in front of him. I can feel his breath against my skin. Close enough for me to wrap my arms around him and want him to hold me.
I take one last step and my body touches his. My breasts press against his firm chest, leaving me aching and wanting. Craving him. I know I could be about to make the second biggest mistake of my life, but here and now, I don’t care. Everything from this moment onwards will change.
I want Connor Andrews.
I need to feel him.
I need to lose myself to him.
I drop my eyes from his, but his soft, warm hand touches my chin and tilts my head so, once again, I’m staring back into his dark brown eyes. He leans forward and presses his lips to mine, not giving me another second to think about what this means. Not giving me another minute to back out. My body is tense against him.
I give in to my feelings. I slide my hands up his chest as his hands hold my face firmly in place where he wants it. His tongue slips between my lips and my breath catches; all I can do is moan softly into his mouth.
His strong hands stroke the sides of my face as we sink deeper into the kiss. A kiss I never want to end. My body finally melts against his, my hands roaming all over his muscular chest, feeling him, when he suddenly pulls his lips away from mine, leaving me breathless and uncertain.
“Ella.” His voice is laced with pain as he says my name and I can’t work out why. “If this isn’t what you want, tell me now,” he says, closing his eyes briefly. I hear the pain in his tone and I hate that I’m the cause.
His hands tense as he rests them on my shoulders, waiting for my answer. This isn’t fair. I can’t leave him not knowing. “Connor, I want this.”
He moves his hands under my arms, lifting me up. Instinctively, I wrap my legs around his waist. The smile on his face tells me I’ve said what he was waiting to hear. He strides with purpose through the house and up the stairs, along the hallway until he stands before his bedroom door.
He pauses.
“Connor . . .”
He stares at me for a second, eyes locked on mine. This time his body is tense as he seems deep in thought. Whatever thoughts were going through his head, he shakes them off and pushes the bedroom door open and walks closer to the bed.
When he stops, I jump from his hold. He stands before me, his eyes on mine as I start to undress. The cardigan and top both go. They lie on the floor in a heap. I loosen my jeans, leaving them open, so they hang on my hips as I kick off my heels. I stand three inches shorter than I was mere moments ago. Still, his eyes never leave my face, brimming with desire. They never wander, to take in what I’m giving him.
I remove my jeans and reach my hands around my back and unhook my bra, allowing it to fall to the floor where it joins the rest of my clothes. I’m now standing before him in only my underwear.
He reaches out his hands, pulling my body into his. “You won’t change your mind this time?” His question startles me and I try to pull back, but he holds me tighter. “You really don’t remember?” He chuckles lightly and I shake my head because I have no idea what he’s talking about.
With one hand now at the nape of my neck and the other gripping me tightly at the waist, my thoughts are lost as his lips find mine in a frenzy of lust. Desire unfurls as our lips mesh together; tongues taste and tease.
Shit! A really strange thought, or is it a memory from Saturday night, flashes through my head, of me standing in front of him in my bedroom as I let my dress slip down my body onto the floor.
I pull back and stare into his eyes. “Oh, no.”
“Oh, yes, but I couldn’t allow it to happen, even if you had been prepared to take the next step. I need you to remember every last detail of our time together. It broke me.”
“You walked away from me?”
“Yes and no. I promised you I would look after you and that’s what I did until you were fast asleep, and only then did I walk away. I don’t regret leaving you alone the other night; it was the right thing to do. But I won’t regret this happening now because it’s meant to be.” His voice is strong and even. No hesitation and no regrets. Not from him, only me.
“Don’t overthink this,” he says, lowering his lips back to mine. I don’t. Again, I’m lost in the feeling of his lips and tongue against mine. The only thought that enters my head is how quickly can I get him naked?
I work my hands slowly across his back, feeling his breathing quicken against my fingertips. Then around his waist until I reach for the waistband of his jeans. I fumble with the buttons before he stops. His chuckle is deep and I can’t help but giggle as I drag my mouth from his. “I’ll get these and this,” he says as he reaches for the hem of his t-shirt and pulls it up and over his head, leaving me drooling as I take him in.
This is stupid. This is a part of his body I’ve seen a million times before.
I try keeping my eyes on his as he unfastens the first button on his jeans, but it’s hard; all I want to do is sneak a peek. I don’t though. I keep my focus straight ahead until he reaches down and removes his jeans.
He’s back before me, his eyes dark and clouded, then his lips press fiercely on mine. I press my hands against his chest before drawing them down his body, feeling every muscle tighten and relax under my touch, all the way down to the perfectly formed V until I reach the waistband of his boxers. My nails scrape along his lower abs and his breath hisses.
He grabs my hair, wrapping it around his fist, pulling my body closer to his. I gasp, feeling his impressive erection pushing against my stomach. He tilts my chin and I sigh as his lips leave mine and, slowly, he places the softest of kisses along my jawline.
“You, Ella McGregor, are the most beautiful woman in the world,” he murmurs against my neck as his free hand glides down my skin, finding my breast. My head rolls back and my eyes close as his lips descend.
I gasp out loud when the warmth of his mouth covers my breast. Sensations flood me, leaving my body dripping in a pool of desire as he sucks harder on my nipple. Bloody hell. The ache that has been simmering through my body intensifies and all I want is for him to lower me to the bed, remove our underwear, and slide deep inside me.
His teeth graze against my nipple as he slowly releases it. My insides are in turmoil with desire that is bursting to release. He smirks as though sensing how I’m feeling. He picks me up and gently lowers me to the bed. So, maybe I am getting exactly what I want.
Crawling slowly up the bed, I allow myself to watch him. He grabs hold of my arms, pinning my wrists on the bed above my head. I wriggle against his hold but he’s strong. I’m really no match for him.
With our eyes on each other, he leans down and teases my lips with his. He licks along my bottom lip with his tongue as his erection presses against me, exactly where I want it to be.
He sits up on his knees, freeing my arms. “Ella, do you care to share what you’re smiling about.”
“No,” I reply quickly and breathlessly.
“Oh, I can hazard a guess.” He lays his fingers on my stomach and gently starts drawing circles against my skin, around and around. The motion already has me gripping the bed sheets beneath me. His fingers travel further south and I expect to feel them at the waistband of my knickers, but I don’t. Instead, they glide over the fabric, tracing back and forth.
“Was this what you wanted?”
“No.”
“So, tell me what you want, because until you do, I won’t know.”
“Connor . . .” His name rolls from my lips as he continues to tease me. “Please!”
“Please what?”
“I want you. All of you.”
He tilts his head from side-to-side watching me. Everything about him has me wanting more. “I know that.” I g
asp at his boldness. “But I think I should have some fun first.”
I’m about to ask what he means when cool air hits my heated flesh as he pushes my knickers to the side. I cry out when his mouth makes contact. His fingers part my flesh and slip inside me and his tongue glides up and down. All sorts of sensations course through my body and I’m trying to hold back.
I moan loudly as soon as his fingers hit that sweet spot inside me that sets a fire ablaze. He continues teasing all my senses, licking and rubbing, and it all causes the right amount of friction that sets off my undeniable crash.
My eyes close tightly as the intensity rises. His name falls from my lips as I ride out the orgasm he’s taking from my body. His mouth is still buried between my legs, licking and sucking until it’s all too much to bear.
I’m still spinning out of control when I feel him slide back up my body. Then he’s there, his mouth on mine, tongue parting my lips and delving deep inside. He’s teasing and I’m tasting. I moan.
He takes my head in his hands, controlling our kiss. And I let him. I hold nothing back until he pulls away and I’m left breathlessly staring into his eyes and wanting more. “Starters are always very teasing, don’t you think?”
I have no answer to that. He removes his body from mine. With his hands on the waistband of my knickers, he removes them and stands. His eyes roam my body before he lowers and removes his boxers. His eyes are still on me. I feel them but my eyes are fixed on the impressive sight before me.
Closing my eyes, I give myself a shake before opening them again. He stands at the edge of the bed, full of confidence. There’s a cocky smirk on his face as he watches my reaction, amusement hidden just behind his lustful eyes.
He stands, staring, maybe thinking about what’s about to happen. One of two things will happen; this will either be slow and sensual or fast and hard. If he gives me the option, I want fast and hard.
He grabs my legs, pulling me down the bed until they hang off the end. Looks like I’m about to get my way.
I’m completely unashamed as my eyes fall over his body to the part I want to become acquainted with. I watch, envious, as he draws his hand back and forth along his length several times. My breath catches in my throat. I want to be the one doing that, giving him pleasure. With a smirk, he stops, and picks up something from the bed. I watch as he tears open and rolls on a condom.
I inch further down the bed, closer to him. I gasp when he settles himself right where he’s meant to be. His eyes hold mine as he slowly enters me, every last inch of him. I watch as his eyes darken and I see the struggle he’s facing to keep them open. He’s not the only one, but I’m hypnotised by the sight before me.
My muscles clench around him in anticipation, but also wanting to hold him there. He stays exactly where he is, not moving, just feeling. I can’t wait any longer. I wrap my legs around his waist, showing him what I want.
That’s all it takes. He pulls back and thrusts into me, going deeper than before. Shock waves ripple through my body at the intrusion. His hands grip tighter on my legs as he drives in and out.
My pulse pounds.
Each draw back and thrust sends my body soaring towards the final destination. My senses are overwhelmed. My muscles tense around him. I watch as his shoulders stiffen and I know he’s as close to the finish line as I am.
I cry out as the fire within me explodes. Connor carries on thrusting harder, taking my body past the brink until he finds his own release.
He pulls me back up the bed with him until we reach the pillows. With both of us panting, he rolls me onto my side until I come face-to face with him. “I should tell you, we will be doing that again, because now that I’ve finally had you, once won’t be nearly enough.”
He kisses me on the nose and I close my eyes, hoping and praying the words he said are true. Once won’t be enough for me either.
HE’S NOT BESIDE ME. I don’t even need to open my eyes to know that. His arms aren’t wrapped tightly around my waist. Just the same as I don’t need to open them to know that it’s Tuesday morning. It’s bright and sunny. I can already feel the heat coming through the open window. It’s going to be a warm day. He kissed me before he left over an hour ago. I think I remember him telling me he was going for a run with Callum.
I’ve lay here since he left with a million things going around in my head. And the one thing I keep coming back to is; what the hell have I done? I’ve ruined the friendship we shared. This is a disaster.
Yesterday, I took the lead, which is so not me. It was what I wanted, but now I’m not so sure. The dynamics of our relationship has changed and there’s a part of me that’s scared I’ll lose my friend.
I also found out Connor is a man of his word, not that there was ever any doubt, but when he told me last night we would be having sex again, part of me didn’t believe him. We did and we even had a break when he phoned for a takeaway after he insisted we needed to eat. And the surprising thing was, I had actually worked up an appetite and I managed to eat everything on my plate. Connor joked that we would need to have sex a lot more if it meant I ate a full meal.
I couldn’t bring myself to agree with him, even though a part of me did. Because sex with Connor was everything I could want and more.
Connor was attentive and playful all through the night. But now I know I need to leave his bed, come back to reality, and deal with whatever today brings. I checked my phone last night while we were having dinner. Callum had texted to tell me my interview was going to be aired in the States on the showbiz news at ten p.m. eastern. I’m now expecting Donovan to come back at me with something, although I’m unsure what. I’m dreading what he’ll say. What lies he might tell, because even I know he won’t tell the truth. There’s no way a man who craves the attention of the showbiz lifestyle will take this lying down.
A door banging closed downstairs has me opening my eyes. I’m sure it’s Connor, unless my Dad or Callum has decided to pay me a visit. I need to get up. I pull the covers off my naked body. Shit. Yesterday’s clothes are lying in a heap on the floor. I have two choices: wrap a towel around me or put yesterday’s clothes back on. I spot one of Connor’s crisp white t-shirts folded neatly on the dresser.
Climbing out of bed, I walk toward the dresser and pull the t-shirt over my head. The bedroom door opens and in walks Connor, dripping in sweat after his morning run. And he still looks incredibly hot.
His dark eyes roam my body and stop at the hem of his t-shirt. “And here I thought you would be lying waiting on me so we could continue what we started.”
“I’m sure we both have lots to deal with today.”
“Ella . . . I’m sure we do,” he says, strolling toward me. “But I’ll always make time for you.” I don’t doubt the sincerity of his words; it’s my own doubts that worry me. He places his hands on my shoulders. “Ella, stop thinking. Whatever is going through your head, push it to the side. Now, I think you should call Julie and go shopping with her today. You’ll need a new dress for tomorrow night.”
I sigh as I think of tomorrow night’s red carpet event in the West End cinema. “I’m sure I’ve got something I can wear.”
“I’m sure you have, but when I have you on my arm tomorrow night, I want to be sure you’re feeling like yourself and are happy.”
“I’m not sure about this.” His soft eyes study me as I think about his words.
“Ella, you’re overthinking again. Regardless of what I want to happen between us, I will always put your feelings before my own. You’ve already said you’ll be there tomorrow night and I’d love nothing more than to have you on my arm and tell the world you’re mine, but I won’t. But, I’m also sure that you’ll be in my arms, whether it’s because you need my support or you just want to be close to me. So I think you should humour me and go shopping.”
“Shopping! It was only a few days ago I couldn’t even go shopping for basic food and now you want me to go and spend a small fortune on a dress.”
H
e’s still holding me but looking a bit bewildered. “Ella, I’m not saying spending a small fortune. I just want you to be happy when you walk down that red carpet tomorrow night.”
“Sorry. I’m tired and stressed today.” I’m unsure of what has just come over me and I know I should walk away from him, but I can’t. He smiles and pulls my body to his, and I almost crumble.
“Come here. I take it now isn’t a good time to tell you your phone has been ringing non-stop this morning?” he says, rubbing his hands up and down my back. I know this is wrong to want to be in his arms. The selfish part of me has no qualms about being here. But there’s a part of me telling me not to lead him on.
It’s too late for that.
“Has it?” I ask, sounding surprised, even though I should’ve expected it.
“Yeah, and Trevor wants you to call him. He wants to come over and speak to you about a few things.”
“I see.”
“And one of the news stations wants an exclusive interview with you and me.”
“Why?” I lift my head and look into his eyes.
“Because of the pictures from Saturday night, both when we arrived and when we left.”
Oh! I don’t know about any from when we left, but I can only imagine how they looked considering my memory of the night is completely fuzzy. “Now, I need you to go and sort yourself before I remove my t-shirt from your sexy arse and I become a selfish git once again.”
“I’m sorry.” I break out of his hold and leave him alone in his bedroom.
“What the hell is wrong with me?” I ask myself when I’m finally back in my bedroom. I don’t understand any of this. Connor is here and probably all the man any woman would need. He has everything going for him. The pull between us has grown rapidly in such a short space of time. Or has it always been there and it’s only now that I’m noticing it? I don’t know.
I’m so scared of my feelings. Scared of allowing myself to fall for someone else. Scared to have my heart broken in two again. What Connor and I want are two completely different things, I think. He hasn’t denied his feelings for me, but I get the impression he wants a full relationship and I’m not sure about that. I don’t want to be judged. But I do care a lot more than I had thought about him. Oh, God. I don’t know what I want.
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