Both children placed their hands on Thea’s stomach, Peter closing his eyes and scrunching up his face in intense concentration.
“I felt it,” Farrow whispered in awe.
“I did, too,” Peter said. “I felt it first.”
Jenny laughed. “All right, that’s enough for now. You two get back to your chores. That baby will be here soon enough, and then maybe Mrs. Briggs will let you hold it.”
“Will you? Will you?” Peter and Farrow asked.
“Certainly,” Thea told them.
“I’ll hold it first,” Farrow said.
“Naw-uh!” he brother yelled. “I get to.”
“Girls are better with babies.”
“Not true! Boys can be good with babies, too,” Peter said.
Jenny loudly clapped her hands together, ending the argument. “Stop! Let’s see who is best at their chores. Get on and finish them up. Your father is coming home early today, remember? He said if you were both done with your chores, he’d take you fishing.”
“That’s right!” Peter shrieked.
Whooping in excitement, the children ran off.
“They are so wonderful,” Thea sighed.
Jenny winked. “You’ll get the full experience yourself soon enough.”
“I suppose I will.” Thea looked down at her belly, that familiar sinking feeling returning.
“How is Wakefield?” Jenny was back on her hands and knees, weeding away.
Thea eased down onto her knees as well. “He is allowing me to walk around by myself now. Or, at the very least, not saying anything about me coming to visit you. That is good, I suppose.”
Jenny made an exasperated noise. “That is silly. I live so close, and the saloon and store are only a stone’s throw away. One good holler is all it takes for me to call Chandler home for lunch. Nothing and no one will get you around here.”
Thea nodded. “But there is still everything else...”
“Mm-hmm.” Jenny tossed a fat clump of weeds into her basket.
Thea started digging some weeds out with her bare hands, but Jenny stopped her. “You’ll over exert yourself. You have your own garden and house to care for.”
“It’s wrong for me to sit here and watch you work.”
“You have a good excuse,” Jenny grinned.
Thea smiled, but she couldn’t work up any real cheer. It had been several days since Mr. Vang and his friend Mr. Lyman were escorted out of town, and nothing had changed. Wakefield spent almost every waking hour at the saloon, and when he did come home the conversation was strained, the mood tense.
“I thought I was going to do better,” Thea said, running her dress’ hem between her fingers. “With the cake and all...”
“You thought a cake would heal your marriage?”
Thea frowned. “You know I meant more than that.”
Jenny dug harder at a tricky weed. “Honestly, Thea, it sometimes is that simple.” Finally extracting the weed, she dropped it in her basket. “Well, that’s not to say cake fixes everything, although I’m sure Peter would tell you different.”
Thea chuckled, though the hole in her soul’s core went nowhere.
“But a little bit of love and affection can go a long way,” Jenny said. “You understand?”
“I... I don’t know,” Thea admitted.
Jenny looked across the garden, thinking. “Sometimes we make problems out to be bigger than they are. We think we need some kind of miracle to fix things, when, really, all we need is to offer others love and kindness.”
“That makes sense. I believe that.” Thea paused. “But will a dose of love make all the difference here? There is so much to be faced, Jenny. Wakefield says he is trying, that he’s going to do everything he can to love the baby and take care of us, and...” Thea choked up.
Jenny rested her hand on Thea’s. “I know it’s hard. You are very brave and strong.”
“I am tired of being strong. I want a husband to lean on. Is that too much to ask?”
Jenny’s lips pursed. “No. Not at all.”
“And then there is the drinking,” Thea said, making sure to keep her voice low so the children would not overhear. “What am I to do about that?”
Jenny appeared to be thinking hard about it, but she didn’t provide an answer.
“I can’t raise a child with a man who drinks in that way,” Thea whispered. “I can’t, and I won’t. Even if it means being divorced twice. And if he won’t grant me a divorce, then fine. I will leave anyway.”
Jenny simply sat there, listening to Thea go on.
Pressing her knuckles against her closed eyes, Thea took in a deep breath. “I apologize. I know I am ranting. I am busy imagining the worst case scenario, and when a person does that they have no energy left to focus on solutions.”
“Well, now, that might be the wisest thing I have ever heard you say.”
Thea dropped her hands and smiled at Jenny through her tears. “If I do not talk myself out of despair, I will go so far down that hole I’m afraid I will never come back out.”
“You will do what you need to do, Thea. You always have, and you will continue to do so. I know that statement might not bring much comfort, and perhaps I have said it before and am merely repeating myself, but it is the truth.”
“It does help some,” Thea weakly said. “Thank you.”
Noticing the shadows stretching across the yard, Thea stood. The day was passing faster than she liked, the time for visiting coming to a close.
“Do not worry too much,” Jenny said, as they both stood. “He has already made some effort to grow, and it has proved successful. Right?”
“What do you mean?” Thea asked.
“He told you about his past. That’s a big thing. Especially for men. I imagine he’s never told anyone about all of that.”
“Noah knows.”
“But wasn’t he there to see it all happen?” Jenny asked.
“Yes.”
Jenny gave Thea a knowing look.
“What is that for?” Thea asked.
“Give him some more credit,” Jenny said, patting Thea’s back. “Give yourself a break... and bake more cakes.”
“He did like that one,” Thea said. “Though I think it was the strawberries.”
“It was your special touch.” Jenny picked up the basket full of weeds. “Get on home to your husband. I’ll see you on Sunday.”
Thea took her time walking home. Everything was the same. At this point, she knew almost every tree between her and Jenny’s cabins. She could likely make the journey in her sleep.
She wanted to take the advice Jenny gave her. It was always such good wisdom, too. But there seemed to be this chasm between her and Wakefield. The longer they went without bridging it, the worse it became.
And, yet, she had to do something. Not only for her and Wakefield, but for the baby as well. She would not bring a child into a home where there was no love, where people came and went while doing their best to not look directly at one another.
Her child would know love; would know the greatest the world had to offer. She would make sure of it.
Thea pressed her hands to her belly, feeling for her little one. The slightest movement popped against her thumb.
“Do not worry,” Thea told the baby. “I will take care of you. No matter what.”
Chapter 38
nothing was enough
38. Wakefield
Chapter thirty-eight
Every day for the last two weeks, Wakefield had woken up with the same sinking feeling. He wanted to make things better for Thea, but he didn’t know how to.
All the words in the world would do no good. She’d said simple actions didn’t matter, that he needed to change himself.
But how did a man show he was changing, other than through action? And, better yet, how could a man be sure he was changing? He needed some firm proof. He had to make things happen, to hold results up to the light and use them as evidence that he hadn’t
given up.
Wakefield had been through things he didn’t wish on anyone, and losing his first family nearly broke him. It wasn’t until meeting Thea that he regained his faith in the world. Life could be wonderful. He needed to stop pushing it away, though.
Sweat rolled down Wakefield’s neck as he walked up the road. Sunset was on its way, but still, the heat was stifling. Taking off his hat, Wakefield fanned himself and took slower, shorter steps. He didn’t want to use the last of his energy walking up the hill, but he also wanted another minute before getting home.
Unlike the last half a month since Vang left town, today would be different. Knowing that made Wakefield nervous in a whole new way. He’d known before that he was letting Thea down on a consistent basis, and he’d known why. Today, he would introduce a whole new element to their relationship.
He wasn’t sure if either one of them was ready for it.
Turning the bend, he cleared the last of the trees. The cabin came into view. Along with it, the sound of piano music drifted through the air.
Wakefield smiled to himself. If Thea was playing piano, she had to be in at least a decent mood. She didn’t usually play when she felt bad, although she would go and sit on the bench.
Palming his hair in an attempt to make it lay flat, Wakefield stepped through the open doorway. Thea continued playing, oblivious to his presence.
Crossing his arms, Wakefield leaned against the door frame and watched her. Even from the back, she’d grown rounder. He loved her curves and softness. Over the last few weeks, they’d kissed a few times, but there had been no real warmth in the touches. And though they slept in the same bed, they kept to their respective sides.
The worst part of it all was neither one of them wanted things that way. Wakefield knew Thea hated the distance as much as he did. The problem was that neither one of them knew how to fix things.
Until today.
Wakefield’s heart beat in anticipation. Soon, things would be different. All he and Thea needed was an opportunity for change, and he was giving them that.
The song ended abruptly, and Thea turned around. At the sight of him, she jumped on the piano bench.
“Oh!” she cried. “You startled me.”
“Sorry. I was just watching you play.”
“I might have tried a little harder if I realized I had an audience.”
“Don’t you always, now?” He glanced meaningfully at her waist.
Thea looked down at her belly, and a quiet moment passed. Every time they mentioned the baby, there was an unease laced into the conversation. This instance was no exception.
“How was work?” Thea asked, dodging the question.
“Fine.” Wakefield straightened up from the doorway. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m... well.”
She looked down, but instead of directing her gaze at the floor or her belly, she was looking at her wedding ring. Twisting it around her finger.
Wakefield’s stomach flipped. Did she want to take it off? Throw it down the mountainside?
Most likely.
“Supper is ready,” she said, standing on the bench and crossing to the cook stove. “It has been sitting and warming.”
“Thea...”
“Yes?”
She didn’t look at him, instead she stayed busy dishing up supper.
“I... I’m glad to be home.”
Thea gave him a quick smile over her shoulder, her hands never stilling. “It is nice to have you home.”
Wakefield took his seat at the table. He had been about to share the big decision he’d made but decided last second to wait. Daniel would be over soon, and his arrival would make the surprise more special.
The presence of another person would also buffer Thea’s reaction, were she to respond unfavorably.
“How are the chickens?” Wakefield asked.
Thea sighed. “They are all well, but I found more droppings out back today.”
“Coyote?”
“I believe so.”
“I’ll take the rifle out tomorrow. Bring Noah with me. If there are coyotes patrolling around, we’ll take care of them.” He paused. “Although, maybe you should go.”
“I am a rather good shot,” Thea said with a smile. She took her seat and, for the briefest instant, her eyes sparkled.
“You are,” Wakefield nodded.
He tried to catch her gaze again, but the moment was gone. She’d moved on, pointedly looking down as she cut her food.
“I have letters for South Carolina that need to be posted,” she said.
“I’ll have Noah take them later this week.” A new thought occurred to Wakefield. “Unless you want to wait until we can go to Shallow Springs together.”
Thea did not look at him. “Perhaps.”
There was no excitement there, and Wakefield swallowed hard. “I’ll be having a lot more time soon. And I need to get to Shallow Springs to put in an order for lumber.”
“Lumber?” Thea frowned. “I thought you were going to cut down the trees yourself for the new barn.”
“Right,” Wakefield slowly said, realizing the blunder he’d just made. Without meaning to, he’d half given away the surprise.
“Wakefield?” Thea asked.
A knock on the open door made them both look over. Daniel Zimmerman stood there, his horse tethered up to the sapling in the yard. Wakefield had been so focused on Thea he hadn’t heard the horse’s approach.
Wakefield and Thea both jumped to a standing.
“I’m sorry,” Daniel said. “It looks like I’m interrupting your supper.”
“We only just sat down,” Thea said. “Please, join us.”
“Oh, no. I couldn’t.”
But Thea was already getting another plate. “Please,” she insisted.
“Esme has my supper cooking already.”
“So eat twice,” Thea smiled.
Daniel laughed. “You make it hard to say no, Mrs. Briggs. How did you know I have the appetite of a horse? All right, I’ll gladly join you. Thank you very much.”
Thea set the plate on the table, and Wakefield pulled out a chair for Daniel. He carried a leather satchel, and Wakefield couldn’t stop himself from eyeing it.
“This looks wonderful,” Daniel said, eyeing the meal.
Thea set the little salt dish next to his plate.
“I’m sure I won’t need that,” he said.
“Mr. Zimmerman,” Thea smiled, “you do not have to flatter me.”
Daniel took a bite of mashed potatoes and turnips. “Just as I thought. Perfect. Much more than I expected, seeing as I only came over here to drop off the contract.”
“The contract?” Thea asked, blinking in confusion.
If Daniel had noticed her confusion, he didn’t react. “Yes. For the saloon.”
All of the attention in the room turned to Wakefield, whose heart began pounding like a drum.
“I was waiting until you came over,” Wakefield explained to Daniel. He cleared his throat. “As a surprise.”
Thea’s mouth slowly fell. “A surprise? Wakefield, what are you talking about? A contract for the saloon?”
Daniel looked between the two of them. “Well, I’m not going to answer this one, Wakefield,” he chuckled. “Seems you have some explaining to do.”
Wakefield licked his lips, his gaze pinned to Thea’s face. “I’m selling Daniel the saloon. And I’m going to build a hotel. The town will need it, what with the railroad so near now.”
“That’s what you meant when you mentioned a lumber order,” Thea said.
“Yes.”
“Oh.” She sat absolutely still, looking as if she was in shock. There was no excited cry, no throwing her arms around his neck with joy, and no peppering of kisses on his face.
Daniel shifted uncomfortably in his chair. “There are other changes coming to Whiteridge, as well. We are going to build a schoolhouse next year, Mrs. Briggs. Your little one will have a school to attend when they are of
age. What do you think of that?”
“Lovely,” Thea said, but she sounded dazed, and she wouldn’t stop staring at Wakefield.
Her Silent Burden (Seeing Ranch series) (A Western Historical Romance Book) Page 23