The Reason

by Jen Andrews

  “What’s wrong, Adam?” I asked sarcastically. “You scared to get junk punched again?”

  Jeremy laughed. “Dang, Z! That was so fuckin’ funny when you did that.”

  The last time Adam woke me up, he scared the hell out of me, and my instant reaction was to start swinging. He got punched right in the crotch. It was his own fault, of course, and I didn’t feel bad about it.

  “It was not funny at all!” Adam growled from the safety of the doorway. “I’d like to have kids someday!”

  “Oh fuck, please do not breed,” Jeremy said to Adam. “We don’t need any more of you in the world. One is more than enough.”

  Adam flipped us off and left. Jeremy and I laughed until our mom came into the office.

  “Mija, come on. Let’s go shopping,” she said and tossed my purse onto the couch next to me. Jeremy pulled me off the couch, slung my purse over my arm, and gave me a shove toward my mom who was already leaving the lounge.

  “Have fun, you two,” he called to us as I wondered where the fuck I was being dragged off to by my mom.

  Twenty minutes later, I stood next to my mom in the paint section at a home improvement store, eyeing her curiously.

  “Why are we doing this again?”

  “Because, Zoey, Andy will be starting his job at the shop next Monday. He won’t have time to do any of this on his own, and you know the apartment needs some color. His final day at his job was last Friday, and he’s taking Thanksgiving week off to spend with his family. He’ll be moving here this weekend.”

  My mom was referring to the new guy, Andy Tate. Andy was my dad’s newest mechanic at our family business, James Racing, where my dad and four brothers built and worked on drag racing cars.

  The realization of what day it was finally hit me. Shit! It’s already Monday of Thanksgiving week! All I wanted to do was go home and crawl into bed. I was tired and depressed and didn’t want to be away from home. There were too many people around, the store was too loud, and I needed to be alone.

  Unfortunately, my mom had other plans for me. I only had a few days to whip the four-room apartment above the shop into shape and make it habitable again, all for someone we didn’t even know. It had been empty since I moved out after my dad and I bought the building next door to the shop. There were two nice apartments on the second level of that building, so I moved into one and rented the other to two of my best friends.

  Three-quarters of the bottom level of the building was a warehouse, and the front part of the building was a store. My dad and I owned and ran a side business of James Racing, Inc. that we named “The Speed Shop.” We sold high performance auto parts for racing. It made sense to have the store there. My brothers would always have the auto parts they needed, and the do-it-yourself mechanics who built their own cars would have access to everything they needed, instead of having to order online. We sold oil, accessories, and general maintenance items for cars, too.

  “Why is Dad taking such a special interest in this guy?” I questioned, dragging my mind back to what I was supposed to be doing.

  “Because, Mija,” she said. “He doesn’t know anybody here. What family he does have lives in Sonoma, so he is coming here all alone.”

  My dad had been raving about Andy for the past several days. He was happy about getting a new mechanic because the last few hadn’t worked out so well. One of the last few was my loser ex-husband, Rob. The other two were either lazy or just couldn’t handle the job. Dad was very meticulous about hiring this time, and I hoped that Andy was going to be a good fit at the shop working with my four brothers.

  My dad was trying his hardest to retire from the business, and no longer worked on the cars, but he filled in when he absolutely had to. During the drag-racing season, the shop was very demanding, so we really needed five full-time mechanics. My brother, Jason, was one of the top engine builders on the west coast. With Jeremy’s help, they’d earned quite the reputation for building top of the line motors. Adam and Noah did all the electrical work and custom projects on the cars they built.

  Mom recently decided to update the furniture in the shop’s customer lounge, so she was giving Andy the nice chocolate brown leather couch, coffee table, and the two end tables that were in the lounge. Damn, I was gonna miss that couch. I wondered if she’d let me take that couch and give him mine instead. Nah, I wouldn’t wish my couch on anyone. I hated it. It was fine to sit on, but you’d need a chiropractor and a deep tissue massage to recover if you accidentally fell asleep on it. Which, unfortunately, I did at least once a week.

  Funny thing about my depression, I fell asleep at odd times, and then couldn’t sleep when I needed to. To put it bluntly, it fucking sucked.

  Stay focused, Zoey.

  The inside walls of the apartment were already painted a neutral, creamy beige color, so Mom and I decided to paint accent walls in the living room and bedroom. We also decided to paint the entire kitchen and bathroom to brighten up the small spaces. She’d given me a five hundred dollar budget to buy paint and other items to spruce up the apartment.

  With my mad skills, as my best friend, Jess, liked to say, I had no doubt I would be able to get everything within my budget, and the apartment would look great. Decorating had become a hobby of mine over the years, and I was always helping family or friends pick out paint schemes and décor for their homes. It used to be fun for me, and it kept me busy from time to time.

  Then everything turned to shit again, and I rarely went anywhere. I went to work, and then I went home. It was apparent that my mom was just trying to get me out of my apartment by having me do this decorating project.

  Mentally, I was in a major funk. It all started eight months ago when my ex, Rob, decided to try to take everything that I’d worked so hard for. Luckily, the issue was taken care of after a couple months, but it was still a painful memory and caused me to have some trust issues again.

  Slowly, I started sinking to a place I hadn’t been in years. I felt alone, but I did it to myself. I didn’t want to cause any more issues for my parents after everything they’d done for me. They were my saviors, and I owed them my life. Being depressed, I didn’t feel like spending time with my friends anymore either. I just wanted to stay home and be alone. I had my apartment, my iPod, and my guitar.

  I was okay with that for a while, but knew I needed to attempt living my life again. It was hard to make that step after being depressed for so long. Maybe I should get a cat. Suddenly, I pictured myself as a crazy old cat lady. Yep, scratch that. No cat.

  “Zoey, what do you think of these?” my mom asked as she dragged me in front of a giant paint sample display.

  “They’re nice colors, Mom. I think I can work with them,” I said to appease her. Let’s get this over with so I can go home.

  We chose four different colors for the apartment and took their sample cards to the customer service counter to get the paint mixed. The couple in front of us in the line was bickering about which shade of white paint they wanted for their home. Stifling a giggle, I glanced over at my mom who was grinning and rolling her eyes.

  My mom, Luisa Rodriguez-James, was born in Mexico, and the house and town she grew up in was extremely colorful. We had an inside joke about how boring white walls were because my parents didn’t have a white wall in their house. Well, except for the ceilings, of course, but who looked at those anyway? That’s right. I do…every fucking night.

  Once we finally turned in our paint sample cards, we were told it would take around an hour to get them mixed, so we went to a home-furnishing store to buy the rest of the items on my mom’s shopping list. We found several of the items on clearance, so we were actually able to buy more than we’d anticipated. Andy would be getting a nice bedding set and several towels in addition to all the furniture my mom gave him.

  Since Adam had recently moved in with his girlfriend, Angie, my mom was giving his entire bedroom set to Andy as well. Even though we didn’t know him, I hoped that Andy would like everything
in the apartment. We finished our shopping and went back to the home improvement store to pick up the paint.

  “I really love this teal color you chose for the bedroom, Zoey,” my mom said happily while we loaded the paint into my dad’s truck. “It reminds me of the ocean down in Cabo. You are going to love it, too, when you take your vacation in a couple of months.”

  My depression had made my parents convince me to take some time off. I would be leaving at the end of January to stay with my Aunt Maria and Uncle Victor at their home near Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. How I let them convince me to stay there for an entire month, I would never know, but I was going to do it and hoped that it would get me out of the mental funk I was in.

  “I’m excited to see it for the first time, Mom,” I said, hoping I convinced her that I really was happy to be taking a vacation.

  On the way back to the apartment, we swung through the Dutch Bros. drive-thru and spent the last ten dollars from our shopping excursion on two Cocomo coffees. I hadn’t slept well the night before, so I was a bit sleepy and needed caffeine. Plus, being woken up so rudely from my nap at the shop by Adam hadn’t helped.

  When I pulled through the back gates at the shop, I honked the horn a few times to get my brothers to come out and help unload everything. They had a big job they needed to finish up on, so they were working late. Adam had already gone home, so Jason, Jeremy, and Noah packed all the heavy items up the stairs to the apartment. The apartment had no washer or dryer, so I decided to take the bedding and the towels next door to my place to wash.

  As I juggled the enormous bags full of towels, bedding, and my purse, my dad called out to me, “Hey, Zoey, put some of that down and let me help you with it,” he ordered me in his most loving, fatherly tone. “Your mom said you outdid yourself again with the paint and everything else you found.”

  I stopped at the edge of the small, grassy courtyard between my apartment building and the parking lot to let my dad catch up to me. When he did, I smiled at my favorite man in the world as he took half of the bags from me. “It’s gonna look really nice once we get it all together, I think,” I replied, grateful for his help.

  “Glad to see you out and about, Zoey. We’re happy you’re willing to do this for Andy. You need to start getting out more, you know?”

  He was right, and I knew it, but I wasn’t sure if I was ready or not. “I know, Dad. Maybe this project will be the kick in the ass I need.” I laughed but didn’t want to tell him that I was doing the project for them and not Andy. It’s not like I even knew the guy.

  “That’s my girl,” he said with a genuine smile on his face. My dad and I had always been close and could talk about anything. I loved that about him.

  When we arrived at the door of my apartment, my neighbor, Will, popped his head out of his apartment door when he heard us on the landing. “Hey, Zoey-girl! What-cha been up to? Ohhh, looks like you went shopping. What did ya buy?” he asked when he spotted the bags my dad and I both carried.

  “Hey, Will,” I said, happy to see him. “Mom and I bought some stuff for the new mechanic who’s going to be moving into the apartment above the shop next weekend,” I explained.

  “Oh nice,” he said. “Can’t wait to meet our new neighbor and see what you’ve done with the place. Hopefully he’s better looking than the last mechanic!”

  “Well, I haven’t seen him yet, so I honestly don’t know.” I chuckled and shook my head at Will’s enthusiasm.

  He and his boyfriend, Justin, were very dear friends of mine that I had met in high school when I joined the choir at my mom’s insistence. They frequently got me off my ass and over to their place for dinner during the week. They lived right next door to me, so I couldn’t avoid them the way I did everyone else.

  After we said our goodbyes to Will, we dropped everything off in my laundry room and went back over to the apartment at the shop. By the time we made it inside, my mom had already instructed my brothers on where to put everything and had them assembling the new lamps we’d bought.

  We discussed our plan of attack, and my mom forced my brothers into helping paint and move furniture since we had such a small amount of time to get everything finished. Thank God they are helping. I didn’t have very much time to do it by myself, considering I worked full time, had my own business to run, and it was Thanksgiving week.

  Once our plans for the apartment were made, I was getting ready to go home when my body rudely reminded me that I hadn’t eaten since breakfast. My mom heard my stomach growl loudly and insisted that we all go out for pizza. I didn’t want to go, but she left me no choice. Jeremy and Jason both got away with not going because Jason had to get home to his wife, Heather, and my two adorable nephews, Jake and Alex. I didn’t want to think of where Jeremy was going when he said he had plans. I was sure he was off to visit his girl of the week.

  Noah was engaged to my best friend, Jess, so he called her and invited her to come along with us. We took our seats at a long table at Rico’s Pizza, our favorite pizzeria that just happened to be down the street from the shop. Once we’d ordered a couple of pizzas and a family sized salad to share, I decided to ask my dad about his new mechanic.

  My curiosity got the better of me, damn it. It always fucking did, and I hated it. I had done all of Andy’s pre-employment background checks and all that crap, but I paid little attention. I simply obtained the information we needed and put it in his file.

  “He’s originally from New Zealand, which was a surprise when I did his phone interview. He moved to the US about ten years ago, but still has a fairly strong accent. He was renting a room from his aunt and uncle in Sonoma. Luckily, he can work on both American cars and imports. It sounds like he just needed a change of scenery and found the job here from the online posting,” my dad explained to me.

  “Oh, and he’s divorced, so he’s single.” He glanced over at me optimistically.

  In response, I rolled my eyes and groaned. Everyone laughed, including me. If I did start dating again, I would definitely not be dating someone I worked with. “Well, I hope this one works out, Dad,” I said honestly. “But, it’s a pretty safe bet I will not have a relationship with anyone who works for you, ever again.”

  I thought back to the previous mechanics that didn’t work out, and my mind drifted back to Rob. Young and dumb, I married the first guy who told me he loved me. What a waste of time that was. Rob and I met in high school, but waited for two years after graduation to get married. I attended college, crammed all my classes into two years, and got my degree in Business Administration. Rob went to the local tech school and started working for my dad at the shop.

  One year into our marriage, I was miserable and considering divorce when I found out I was pregnant. Rob decided we married too young, and he was missing out on being young and partying with his friends. He didn’t want to be stuck with a wife and kid at his age. He was out getting drunk with his buddies when I started cramping and bleeding. Jess took me to the ER, and I miscarried my baby at just over two months into my pregnancy.

  All I ever wanted was to be a good mom. Better than the woman who gave birth to me and then failed miserably at raising me. I was devastated by the loss of my child, but I realized that everything happened for a reason and I shouldn’t dwell on it.

  Shortly afterward, I filed for divorce, but unfortunately, Rob didn’t stay away.

  Snapping myself back to reality, I sat and listened to my family talking and laughing. The server dropped off our food, and we enjoyed our family dinner out together. We stayed late catching up and talking about Jess and Noah’s wedding the following June.

  “Zoey, we need to hang out more,” Jess whispered sadly. “I miss you.”

  “I miss you too, Jess. We should hang out soon. Maybe get Will, Justin, and Sasha together for dinner or something,” I suggested. “We can do it at my place since the boys live right next door. They keep feeding me like I’m some sort of zoo animal,” I joked.

  Jess smiled at me. “Th
at sounds fun, Z. Maybe we can break out the karaoke machine too!”

  God, we hadn’t done that in ages. “Sounds like a great plan, Jess.” It really did sound like fun, and I missed my friends.

  “Oh! You should do this dance class with me and Sasha!” Jess squealed. “It starts after Thanksgiving week and would be awesome to do together. It’s on Tuesday and Thursday nights and lasts six weeks. You game?”

  Not even caring what kind of dance class it was, the fact that it started next week was good enough for me. I knew I needed to get out of my apartment, so I asked Jess how to sign up for the class. She pulled out her phone and sent a text to someone. A few minutes later, her cell pinged with an incoming text.

  She read it, and then turned to me. “Alright, Z, you’re signed up.”

  That was easy.

  Everyone had to work the next day, and I was exhausted, so I decided to call it a night and drove home in my 2011 Audi A4.

  My sleeping habits were beyond my control, but I fell asleep within minutes every night. Staying asleep all night was the problem. I was restless and woke several times during the night for no apparent reason. Each time, I just laid there and stared at the wall, unable to fall back to sleep. At one point, I even tried pacing to make myself tired, but it didn’t work, so I got back in bed.

  Eventually, I fell back asleep, but then woke up yet again. This time, I stared at the ceiling. It was white and boring, and I considered buying some of those plastic, glow-in-the-dark stars and solar systems to stick up there, so I’d at least have something to look at.

  As soon as my brothers moved all the furniture into the apartment after work the next night, I threw them out because they were annoying me and kept making fun of the music that I played on my iPod dock while we worked on the apartment. They had only painted one room, so it was up to me to finish painting and to clean the apartment before Andy arrived that weekend.

  At least without them there, I could listen to my music and not be teased. They loved to tell me that I had ‘Musical A.D.D.’ because I listened to everything from classical music to death metal and everything in between, well, except for country music. I could not handle listening to songs about red Solo cups and sexy tractors. Really? Sexy tractors? What the fuck?