The door clicks shut, and the locks are thrusted over before I step onto the path. Was I just used for sex? She made the first move earlier, and technically she made it clear she wanted me still when I came back and then she’s telling me to leave and there will be no repeats.
Swinging my leg over my bike, I sit there for a beat before digging my keys out.
I told her I wasn’t going to play games, what I didn’t realise was, we were already playing, and she was winning.
Nina
My heart is racing and I daren’t look out the window to see why he hasn’t left yet.
I can still feel him on me, his touch, his breath, his kisses, they all stick to me and seep into my pores.
I’m on fire just thinking about him in my bed and then frozen when I think how I threw him out.
His bike roars into the night and I hear a dog barking up the street. Great, the neighbours will be on my back for this. One thing you’re not allowed to do on this street is upset the dogs, because when one goes off, others follow and yes, a parade of dogs are now yapping and barking away. But hey, I had great sex tonight, what do I care, it’s not like I’m getting any sleep tonight. Zach fades into the distance and I need air. Unlocking the door, I sit out on the porch, keeping my eyes everywhere. I wasn’t lying when I told Zachery I wasn’t afraid and I’m not going to back down. I came home from the hospital to this house when I was born, I grew up on this street, I know every single person that lives here. I should not be afraid to live here, not when I can still sense my mom here. She was always strong for me, and I’m going to be strong now.
I sit out all night and watch the sun rise over the street. Zach’s touch is clinging to my skin and I wrap my arms around myself as I stand and walk inside. I’ve been up all night and I’m not tired. I can’t face sitting around here full of memories of happier times.
I end up at the diner and I order a large coffee as three Lost Souls walk in. They sit at the counter and the waitress, who must be new to town as I don’t recognise her from before I left, smiles shyly at each of them and pulls out her order pad. I realise my heart is pounding and it’s not because Zach is here, it’s because he isn’t.
The one on the end scans the place and when his eyes land on me, they sweep over me, do a double take and then something outside the diner catches his attention. Looking myself, two guys wearing patches walk across the parking lot and my stomach drops. They’re not Lost Souls patches, they are Black Crows. The last time I saw Black Crows, I witnessed three murders and Zach was shot and ended with us having sex last night.
The Lost Soul nudges the other, and then in one motion, all three are walking outside and they come face to face with their enemy.
I didn’t hear much when my kitchen was crowded with club brothers, but you didn’t need to, not to guess trouble was brewing in Willows Peak.
I don’t notice my coffee arriving. I keep my eyes on the men outside, their lips are moving but I can’t hear shit from here behind the glass. The Black Crows grow angrier and the Lost Souls find them amusing.
I’d love to know what they are talking about, why they are always fighting, and why Black Crows keep coming to our town.
Even the town folk know this is Lost Souls territory and the black clouds aren’t the only storm brewing in town.
One of the Lost Souls lurches forward, his brother whipping his hand out across his chest to stop him. A Black Crow laughs and swings his arm, missing the Lost Soul by a few inches. A cop car drives by and then circles around, causing the men to break apart. The Crows head for their bikes and the Lost Souls come back inside.
The cops pull into the diner and walk in moments after them. I can’t stop watching them all. This is Zach’s life, whether he’s here or not, he goes through this like he did the other day by the cemetery.
“What was that all about out there?” one of the cops asks.
“What was what?” a Lost Soul mutters.
“The men who rode off weren’t from your club, and it didn’t look friendly. Is there or is there not going to be trouble in town because of you?”
Everyone in the diner is watching the scene unfold around them and I’m fascinated.
“What men? I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Where’s Cas? He hasn’t been seen for a while.”
A string of triumph hits me, I’ve seen Cas, a couple of times. The guy came to my house.
The cop sighs and the second cop looks bored.
“Cas is a busy man, I’ll send him your regards and tell him you’re asking after him.”
The waitress from earlier comes over and stands herself next to the cop.
“Can I get you something, dad?”
“No, I’m fine, I’m not staying.”
He kisses her forehead as he adjusts his police belt and then struts outside. His partner is on his tail and the door closes behind them.
The police officer’s daughter sticks close to the bikers and they give her their orders. One gets on his phone, no doubt calling Cas and I wonder if Zach will hear about this.
My coffee is cold by the time I remember I have a drink and I leave it as I grab my purse. The bikers are too busy eyeing up the waitress as I leave and head for my car.
As I drive home, I keep my eyes open for Black Crows. They’ve shown up twice that I’ve seen and both times, the encounters weren’t friendly. At least this time I didn’t see any of them die.
My street is quiet, only Mrs Peterson out pruning her roses, not that any Black Crow biker would have reason to be here causing trouble. I park up and stay sitting in the car for a beat longer.
The house is empty, no one is inside, there will be no smell of food wafting from the kitchen, mom won’t call out reminding me to take my shoes off. I’ll open the door and there will be silence, and it will be deafening.
Perhaps I should cook, I should be the one causing enticing smells of food around the house. I could make the house come alive this time around.
Locking the car behind me, I unlock the front door and quickly lock up behind me once I’m in.
I slip out of my boots and dump my purse on the side unit under the mirror my mom found and restored.
In the kitchen, I rummage through the cupboards and find everything I need to bake a cake. The last time I attempted a sponge, it set the fire alarm off and the thing was burned to a crisp.
PAST
I’m back at the church fate and the only thing in colour is the yellow balloons floating towards the church doors. I’m dreaming, I must be. This is not real. I was just here, this afternoon, the grass was green, the sky was blue, there wasn’t a cloud to be seen.
“You said you’d help me find my daddy.”
I recognise the little boys voice.
Tommy.
I spin around, searching for him and I see nothing but the yellow balloons.
“Nina.”
I hear him so clearly, why can’t I see him? Everyone disappears apart from the yellow balloons I’m being drawn towards and then I’m in the middle of them. They waft against me and I bat them away. As soon as one pops, another replaces it. I can’t win.
“Ninaaaa,” Tommy drools out slowly.
“It’s okay, I’ve got you. I’ll always look out for you.”
That’s a man’s voice.
I do a full three-sixty and still, I see no one.
“Tommy!” I scream, and the balloons move just enough for me to see him walking off, holding a man’s hand.
“That’s not your daddy! Come back!”
He doesn’t hear me.
I have to stop him.
I go to run but my feet are stuck to the grass, my body can’t keep up with the stoppage and I crash down to the ground.
Tommy is getting further away with the strange man and nothing comes out of my mouth when I scream his name.
I give it one last try and open my mouth. Dirt crumbles out and when I go to dig it all out I can’t move my arms.
> My silent screams go unheard and I can no longer see Tommy. The sunny blue sky clouds over and the heavens open, rain falls everywhere apart from on me and then the brightest bolt of lightening I’ve ever seen shoots from the sky and comes straight for me. I don’t know how I know this, but it’s coming directly for me. I scrunch my eyes closed and then I’m darting up and my arms are moving, and my legs are moving, I’m awake.
It was a dream, like I thought it was.
Rain beats against the window and thunder rolls across the sky. The storm must’ve made its way into my dream and darkened it somehow. My hair is matted to the sides of my head and my night top is saturated with sweat.
Slipping out of bed, I pull off my top and replace it with a fresh one from the top drawer on my old dresser and I make my way to the bathroom and then the kitchen.
My throat is dry, and the dream dirt has left an odd taste in my mouth. I fill a glass with water and down the lot in five gulps. It leaves me feeling nauseous but I’m not so dry. It’s just after two am and I’m glad I still have around six hours of sleep to enjoy.
A crack of lightning lights up my bedroom as I step in and then I’m frozen. A man’s face is watching me through the window. I scream.
It’s ever so brief but I saw him. In the few seconds it takes me to turn and slam my hand on the light switch, he’s gone before my scream dies out.
My fear takes over and I train my eyes not to move from the window in case he comes back.
“Nina?” Mom cries and moves me out the way so she can run into my room.
“What is it? Why are you screaming the house down?”
“It was the creep, he was at my window.”
He’s been so careful not to let me see his face and I still haven’t, I mean, I saw his face, but I can’t remember one detail for a description. It was so quick, and he took me by surprise.
“This has to stop, I’m calling the police. They’ll have to do something now he’s trespassing on property.”
We sit at the kitchen table with low lights on. A part of me thinks my mom wants him to think we’ve gone back to bed so he’ll come back, the other part hopes I’m bloody wrong because that will put us in danger again.
“Drink your tea, the sugar will help with the nerves.”
The sugar does nothing for my nerves, when there’s a quiet knock at the front door, I half jump out of my seat.
“It’s okay, it’ll be the police.”
She scuttles off to answer them and finish my tea. Mom will want to pour fresh cups when the police come in and I don’t want to finish cold tea.
The door opens, and heavy boots walk up the hall against the wooden flooring and then stop. I turn to find an officer I’ve never seen in town before and then Officer West walks in with mom. All three sit at the table and listen kindly as I recount what I saw.
Officer West smiles and takes out her little black book.
“Can you tell me what he looked like, Florentina?”
I squeeze my eyes shut to picture what I saw but it’s no good.
“I don’t remember features, but I think he had dark hair, short, or it could have been a hat? I don’t know, I’m sorry. It was over so fast, I didn’t see properly.”
“Are you sure you weren’t still asleep?” the officer I haven’t met before asks.
“No, I had been to the bathroom, got a drink in the kitchen. I must have been up for over five minutes before it happened.”
Officer West closes her book and slides into a compartment on her belt.
“If you see him again, call us straight away. If it was somebody lurking around, be sure to tell all your neighbours.”
“That’s it?” Mom shrieks, clearly not happy.
“There’s not much we can do, I’m afraid. We’re on patrol for the rest of the night, we’ll circle around here a couple more times and keep our eyes open.”
“Keep your doors and windows locked.”
Mom continues to question the officer’s inability to do anything and I tune them out. I can’t listen to them keep telling us they can’t help.
“Go and get some sleep, I’ll stay awake and make sure you’re safe.”
I look up and mom is standing by the sink, washing our cups up. The officers are gone.
“Mom?”
She puts the cup on the drainer and dries her hands.
“Why won’t they do anything? I swear, there was a guy looking through my window.”
She hurries over and collects me in her arms.
“Hush now, child. I believe you, I always do. I don’t know why they won’t help but I’m here, I’m going to protect you. Go, get some sleep and tomorrow we’ll talk to all the neighbours. If he comes back, we won’t be the only ones watching out for him, perhaps the police will do something if the whole street is on their case.”
She doesn’t let me go, and I wind my hands up to hug her back. This woman is everything to me, everything.
Zachery
“Are you going to talk to me today?”
I open my eyes and see Slade hovering over me.
“Nope.”
“You’ll have to one day, might as well be today,” he pushes on and I groan, pulling myself up to sitting.
“Tell me truthfully and I’ll give you the time of day, did you really want me around when you met mom?”
He doesn’t hesitate to answer me. “Yes, I did.”
He’s a bare faced liar. I lay back down and close my eyes.
“You said…”
“You said you were my fucking dad and lied, I guess I got something from you after all.”
I don’t open my eyes to see him walking off and I ignore the silence around me as no doubt brothers were listening to our conversation. I never belonged anywhere, not in school, not with Leo and JJ, but I didn’t care because I had my dad. He took me everywhere with him when he wasn’t on a run or I wasn’t at school.
Their lies have taken everything from me, he can’t just say a few words and expect me to forget and forgive.
“If I stay here any longer, I’m going to shoot myself.”
Christ, can’t I get any peace around here, and like fuck do I care what Leo is going through. He brought all this shit on us, he can fucking deal with the consequences.
“Do it, I’ll make sure Indie finds someone to look after her and the baby, someone hell of a lot better than you.”
Sitting up again, I fall into the chair beside the bench and reach into my pocket for my smoking tin.
I pick up a blunt and light it.
“Fuck you, just for that, I’m going to stick around and give her four more babies.”
What’s wrong with him? I don’t need to know that shit.
“I don’t care what you do as long as you don’t cause my sister pain, you know, knocking out a football team and all.”
“Love you too, brother.”
Love?
Fuck.
I’m not high enough for this.
“Why are you hanging around me for?”
This is new. Ever since he and India got together, the time after we all knew about them, he’s been trying to get close to me and I don’t like it one little bit.
“India’s worried about you,” he says, lighting a cigarette.
“Yesterday, you and India were mad at me for taking care of Rayna. Shit changes quick, doesn’t it?”
“I assumed shit and I was wrong.”
Maybe I’m too high now. Did Leo just admit to being wrong? I think he fucking did.
I throw my head back and let the sun burn my eyes. Nope, I can still feel the heat, hell isn’t freezing over yet.
“India told me a while ago about Slade not being your real dad.”
Now hell has frozen over. Or I’m frozen. I have no fucking idea. It’s bad enough Leo being family, but it grates on my every nerve that he knew my business. India had no right to open her mouth.
“What are you telling me this for?” I ask, keeping my tone bored, hiding
the fact I’m pissed underneath the lie.
“I should have come to you and asked if you were okay, and I didn’t, that’s not what being a brother is all about.”
Mom’s car comes through the gate and she’s followed by the twins and a prospect.
I take another hit as she parks up near dad’s bike and frowns when she lays eyes on me.
“I don’t need you as a brother like that, you want to fight or I need you as back up when I’m in a fight, I’ll want you there. We’re not doing the one on one shit because you’ve lost your best friend,” I tell him, readying myself for my mother.
First dad, then Leo, and now her. I guess it’s let’s-bug-the-shit-out-of-Zach-day. Her step doesn’t slow as she walks towards me and Leo jumps up from his chair and leaves us to it. Asshole. He wasn’t afraid of my mom when he came for India and left with her against mom’s wishes.
“Are you going to talk to me today?”
Using dad’s words tells me they’ve been on the phone in the last half hour. My mom hurts the most when I think about our relationship. She came to town looking for my biological father and found out he was dead, it was just me and her and by all accounts from what I’ve been told by numerous people, her and dad fell hard and fast for each other. She lived with him, letting me believe I was from him when all along, not just her but everyone knew what really happened. Blood means everything to me, and I’m not his blood, it fucking kills me that I’m the odd one out again, and I get hassled day and night because I’m not over it yet.
“In all my life, I’ve only ever trusted three men. My dad, Slade and you. I made decisions for you and me back then that I thought I’d never have to make, and up until you found out about Billy, you thought Slade was God. It was because of you that I fell in love with him, because he fell in love with you, when are you going to forgive us for being a family?”
Her words hit me in the gut and I look away from her. I can’t explain me anymore, what I think or how I feel, nothing makes sense.
Nina was starting to fall into place for me, but since she kicked me out, the black hole I was falling in before has knocked me off my feet again.
His Ride or Die : Sons of Lost Souls MC Book Three Page 9