It’s easier to be pissed all the time. People leave you alone and nothing can get to you.
“You’ve grown up listening to stories how the guys overcome fights and all the good times, but never forget the club doesn’t always win. I’ve seen plenty of men, your dad included, cry because a brother didn’t return home. Remember that Slade is your dad and one day, he might not come home alive. Living this life, a life you chose to continue when you wore the cut, you don’t waste life or your time.”
I dare to look at her, and for once, she isn’t crying. She’s angry with me, but fuck her, I’m angry too.
My blunt has gone out and I put it to my lips to light it again and she slaps it out of my mouth.
I sit in disbelief and someone to our side gasps.
“I didn’t go through hours of labour and stitches from pushing you out for you to be a fucking stoner,” she snaps. “Quit it.”
She walks into the bar and I wait for dad to come out and have another go for upsetting the love of his life.
Leaning over, I pick up my smoke and then throw it back down. Mom never cusses, so when she does her point is driven in harder.
Following her inside, she is sat with dad and they are talking in whispers. I slip by unnoticed and head up to my room.
Fuck the world today.
My head is thick from sleep and I nearly miss the second from last step and fall down the last couple of stairs to the bar.
“Ha, smoke too much, McCarthy?” Mason snorts as he passes me and doesn’t hang around for a response.
“Hey,” Dad calls out. I should have stayed in my room.
“Come here,” he orders, and I clench my hands into fists. “Don’t make me tell you twice.”
This is new. Slade, AKA my dad, AKA not my real dad, never gets this angry. Intrigued, I step down off the last step and walk over to him as he leans on the bar.
“Since you’re not interested in sorting this out with me and your mother in private, we’re going to deal with it right now, right here, in front of everyone. The whole club will know our business by the end of this day. So one way or another, you will fucking speak to us today.”
I look around and everyone is here. What a fucking surprise, whenever there is shit going down, there are always brothers around to watch the show.
“Come on then, what do you want to talk about, dad?” I sneer, sliding onto the bar stool furthest from him.
I catch the prospect’s eye and jerk my chin towards the tequila. He pours me a shot, but before I can throw it down my neck, it’s thrown across the bar.
“I said we’re talking,” he yells but I roar louder, “Talk then.”
And fuck me sideways, if it doesn’t feel good to let it all out.
“Maybe we should take this home,” Mom suggests quietly.
“Sit down, Kris.”
Dad doesn’t talk to mom like this and I push my shock to the side. My anger overrides it.
“Don’t speak to her like that,” I snap and they both widen their eyes at me.
“Oh, so you now you’re defending your mother? You haven’t spoken more than ten words to her in the last couple of years but now you want to jump in on her behalf. Funny that you didn’t want to talk to her earlier. Or is it just me?”
All my thoughts, all my feelings, they’re all spinning around my mind and yet nothing is coming out of my mouth.
“Come on, son. Tell me what is so bad about finding out you’re not mine biologically that you never noticed because I loved you like you were mine, I spent money on you like I would’ve my own son, I spent years teaching and guiding you into adulthood. You’re the man you are today because of me, everything you have and everything you are is because of me. Because I wanted you in my life, and I never wanted to lose you. Tell me why that was so wrong of me to do that for you.”
Mom’s hand wraps around my fist and I relax for a beat. As soon as she pulls away, it flexes again.
“Maybe I loved you too much, maybe I spent too much money getting you everything you asked for, maybe I should have treated you like the pain in my ass you are being now. I’m sorry I took you in and chose to be your dad, how will you ever forgive me for wanting you to have a good life.”
He pauses and then his eyes narrow into slits. “Say something, what’s your fucking problem?” he roars so loud I swear it echoes.
“Because I heard what you said that day,” I yell so loud my throat rips from the force. “I heard you tell Cas that it would have been easier if you just had India. You went on and on about how you wouldn’t have to deal with me if it was mom who came to town on her own.”
Recognition dawns on him and guilt replaces it.
“Is that true, Slade?” Mom asks him, coming closer.
“That’s why you’ve been walking around here like a bear with a stick up his ass?”
I shrug and refuse to give him anything more.
“I thought finding out you weren’t my real dad was bad enough, hearing you say you didn’t want me to exist hurt even more. So forgive me for not wanting to hear any more bullshit come out of your mouth because I don’t believe a single fucking word you say anymore.”
“Slade? Is he speaking the truth?” Mom asks again, and it stings she doesn’t believe me.
“No, well, yes. But it wasn’t like how he’s saying it was.”
That’s it, that’s his defence? I know what I heard, and I know how I fucking heard it. There is no defence strong enough.
“You made a promise to love us, I came back to town for you, because you said you loved us both.”
This time, her pain hits me. It almost makes me feel bad for treating her like shit all this time.
“Don’t doubt me, darlin’. You’ve known me far too long to know I would wish him away. He’s my son and he always will be.”
She looks to me and a single tear falls from her eye. She’s torn between us and this is the reason I will never have a kid of my own. I will never be put in a position where I could leave my kid feeling the way I’m feeling now. Fucking alone.
“Okay, show’s over.”
We all turn, and Cas is falling to the ground. Sparky is at his side first and dad is quick to join them.
“Go and get Alannah,” Dad tells me and turns back to his long-time friend and brother.
I check Cas’ office, and his old room upstairs and she’s nowhere to be found. Where the fuck could she be? She couldn’t have gone far, everyone is here. Cas wouldn’t let her go off the grounds with Crows lingering around. Come to think of it, Bonnie isn’t around either. Stopping by the bar, I jerk my chin at Tal and he dutifully comes over.
“Where are the old ladies?”
“Your mom is over there, and Alannah and Bonnie are over at the main house.”
“Thanks.”
The main house hasn’t been used in a while and I have no idea why they would be there today. I cross the short distance between the bar and the house and the front door is half open.
I invite myself in and call out Alannah’s name.
“You in here?” I add.
I don’t know why I call that out, I’ve just been told she is, and I soon hear her voice talking about new wallpaper.
“In the living room,” she calls back as I walk in and see the two of them sitting on the couch.
“You need to get over to the bar, Cas has collapsed.”
“What?” she gasps and jumps up to her feet.
She barges past me and Bonnie is quick to follow her. I tag behind and he’s still on the floor when we all walk through the door. Dad moves to the side to make way for Lana and she grabs onto her husband’s hand.
“What happened?” she asks anyone and everyone around her.
“He just fell to the floor, and he hasn’t come around. There is an ambulance on the way,” Sparky tells her.
“I don’t understand. What caused him to fall?”
Sparky’s face tightens and his mouth, for once, shuts.
�
�Tell me,” she shrieks, looking between her husband and our VP.
“He’s sick, Lana, real fuckin’ sick and now you know.”
“Know what? I don’t know a fucking thing,” she yells at him.
“He’s got lung cancer.”
After the words have left his mouth, the bar descends into silence. No one seems to have known this apart from Sparky, not even Alannah.
Leo appears behind the scene and clenches his fists as he takes in the news.
“Dad would’ve told us if he was sick.”
“How long has he known?” Alannah asks over her son’s question.
“A while.”
Sirens drawn out the tension in the place. I step back as the EMT’s rush in and push Sparky and Lana out of the way. Time becomes a blur around us and the bar is the quietest I’ve ever heard it. Even during the night, there are noises to be heard. Alannah goes with Cas, Leo is arguing with Sparky about being told to stay behind and me, I reach for my smoke tin in my back pocket.
Nina
It’s been four days since I last saw Zachery and it’s worrying how much I’m missing his touch and his presence.
I told him to leave so he wouldn’t be caught up in my old troubles and since he left, nothing has happened. There haven’t been anyone lurking around, I’ve kept my eyes wide open.
We’re meant to be going on our first date tonight and I have zero belief he will still show for it. Now it’s Thursday evening, I want him to show. After the quickest shower, I blow out my hair and apply a little makeup. In the bottom of my old wardrobe, I find the little black dress I hoped was still in here and thank my mom she never got rid of my stuff.
I love how I still fit into it and I slip into my black heels to finish the look. My reflection takes me by surprise and what’s more surprising is this is the first time I’ve dressed up like this for a guy.
Opening the door to my mom’s room, I borrow her clutch purse and transfer my purse and car keys from my bag.
I don’t waste any time and keep my eyes open to my surroundings as I jump in the car and pull away from the house. My nerves dance excitedly during the entire drive and by the time I reach his club, I don’t know my right from my left.
Giving myself one last once-over in the window reflection, I pull my dress down a little more and ignore the stares from men hanging around outside. It’s warm out tonight and everyone is taking advantage before the storm that is due comes.
Taking a deep breath, I compose myself and walk inside the bar. I look around and Zach is nowhere to be found. One by one, the guys notice me and my resolve isn’t so strong anymore.
“You’re brave showing up here, looking like that, looking as lost as you do.”
“I’m not lost, I’m looking for Zach McCarthy. Is he here?”
“Depends who’s asking,” the guy shrugs.
“Is he here or not?”
I’m beginning to lose my patience.
“Who’s asking,” he grinds out, repeating himself.
Because I want to know, I answer him.
“Nina Rollins. Is he here?”
I’ve asked three times now, surely, he’s going to tell me this time.
“Prospect?” he yells to someone behind him but keeps his eyes on me. “Is Zach here?”
“Yeah, he went up to his room.”
“He’s here,” the guy then tells me even though I clearly heard the prospect.
“Can you let him know I’m here please?”
“Do I look like I’m the kid’s errand boy?”
“I don’t know who you are, for all I know, you could be.”
For a second, amusement breaks through the ice and he steps to the side.
“Take the stairs and he’s in room two.”
“Thanks.”
Everyone’s eyes follow my every step. Nerves grow with every step I take, and they flutter like butterflies when I knock on door two.
He doesn’t answer, and it occurs to me the guy downstairs could have lied to me.
I knock one last time before I forget it and I hear him yell through the wood.
“What?”
I don’t grace him with an answer and knock again. The boy can open the door and speak to my face.
The door flies open and he looks murderous. I gulp as I take in his bare chest, I swear he doesn’t wear clothes unless he really has to.
He softens, and then confusion sets in. He takes me in from head to toe and blows out a long whoosh of air.
“Nina? What the hell are you doing here?”
I smile at his shock and step closer to him. He doesn’t back off, but he doesn’t come to me either.
“We have plans tonight, we’re going on our date,” I say, my shoulders straight and my head held high.
“Are we now?” He finally smiles but tries to hide it. “The last time I saw you, you were kicking me out of your house after using me for my dick.”
“No, I did not. I mean, yeah, I kicked you out, but I didn’t use you.”
He barks out a laugh and it relaxes me.
“You should get dressed, it’s warm out but not that warm.”
“Who said I was going? I told you I don’t play games,” he says seriously.
“I’m not playing games, I thought I was doing right, but I was wrong. So I got myself dressed and drove out to your club. The least you can do is appreciate how I look in this dress and take me out tonight.”
Wow. I’m all sorts of brave tonight. Or needy. Yeah, I think I’m needy. The longer we stand here with him half dressed, I’d rather not go anywhere and lock ourselves in his room.
“Do you live here?” I ask him, peaking over his shoulder inside.
“Pretty much,” he shrugs. “Would you like a tour?” he smirks.
“I can see the bed, tour done. Get dressed.”
“I didn’t think you’d be this bossy.”
“I didn’t think you’d make me wait especially as I’m not wearing any panties.”
His face falls and his cockiness vanishes. He has trouble getting his words out and turns instead, going back into his room to get dressed.
I shake my head, men, so gullible when it comes to women’s bodies. Of course I’m wearing underwear. I wouldn’t leave the house without it in a dress that annoyingly rides up my thighs every five minutes.
I can have Zach wearing underwear or not, so why would I put it on show for everyone else?
His back is to me as he digs out a clean shirt and I’m transfixed on his shoulder blades as the push together as he shrugs into his shirt. He only has the one tattoo on his back but it is huge. How come I didn’t notice this the other night? Oh yeah, because I was too busy laying on mine.
He’s ready to go in less than four minutes and takes hold of my hand after he locks his door.
He looks me over again and shakes his head.
“What?”
“I can’t believe you came out here with no panties on.”
“I can’t believe you believed me,” I smirk, and he laughs again.
I’m coming to love that sound.
“That’s fine, I’ll soon have them off.”
I stop smiling and let him lead me downstairs so he can’t see my desperation for him.
Everyone seems to be interested in us as we walk through the bar and outside and then I’m being spun, and I end up in his arms, inches from his face.
“You told me we weren’t going to see each other again,” he says.
“I thought it would be for the best, if Vincent is back, you could get hurt by him.”
I’ll never lie to him.
He doesn’t speak for the longest time and his stare is heavy on me.
“Say something.”
“I’m quite high right now, so if I laugh I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop.”
Laugh at me?
I’m not a fucking comedian.
I pull out of his hold and head for my car. This was such a bad idea. A stoner biker isn’t going to
be healthy for anyone.
“Hey-hey-hey, stop.”
He catches me up easily enough and blocks my way.
“Why? So you can laugh at me?”
“No, so I can explain what I meant. You don’t need to be worried for me, I can handle myself and if in the slightest chance I can’t, I have this club around you to come fight for me. I laughed because you’re too fucking cute worrying about me. I liked it.”
Oh.
Well, that sounds nice.
“Look, I like you a lot and I don’t care if you know. I’m putting it out there and I’d like to have sex with you again. So, are we going on this date or not?”
My cheeks are warming up and I have no idea why I’m getting so irate for.
“Oh, we’re going on our date and I’d like to have sex with you very much too.”
My lips spread into a huge smile and I let out a squeak when he strikes as fast as a snake and throws me over his shoulder.
“Hey, I’m wearing a dress,” I call out, facing his ass.
“It’s a good job you’re wearing underwear then,” he laughs, and I land on his bike.
“You’re not going to bitch on how I can’t ride after a smoke, are you?”
“I should.”
“But you’re not?” he asks, unsure.
“Not tonight.”
His eyes aren’t bloodshot or hooded over.
“If you kill me, or get me in an accident, I’ll kill you.”
“Fair enough,” he chuckles, climbing on in front of me.
I nestle up close to him and it’s just like the first time I rode with him, only this time I’m wearing a lot less.
Warm chills creep up my legs and between my thighs. It’s exhilarating out on the road and I remember it well. It doesn’t occur to me that we’d head out of town, but I go with it until he rides up to a majestic cabin and I fall in love. The tall trees shadow over us and the leaves are a mix of colours.
“Is this your parents place or something?”
“This is where Leo and India live when they’re not on lockdown at the club.”
He’s the first to dismount the bike and then he helps me off and keeps his hand on mine.
His Ride or Die : Sons of Lost Souls MC Book Three Page 10