King of Hearts

by R H Tucker

  “I have had an amazing time.”

  “With me. You were going to have an amazing time with me.”

  “Oh.” She looks away.

  I can’t stand this. If this is going to be the very last time I get to talk to her like this or say what’s really on my heart and mind, then I have to do it. “Be honest with me.”

  A soft laugh that’s not humorous floats out of her. “I’m always honest with you.”

  I lean closer, keeping my gaze fixed on her large, umber eyes. “You feel it, right?” I wait for a second, but she doesn’t answer. “Us?” I move my fingers back and forth. “You and me. Zoey, I can’t be so wrong about this, right? You have to feel this connection that I’ve never been able to get over.”

  “I do.”

  Her words are so soft, so low that I have to do a double take, unsure I heard her correctly. “You do?”

  She nods, and it gives me a little more strength. Reaching over, I take her hand. I shift around and lean closer, so our foreheads are touching. “Then, don’t fight this, Zoey. You’re in my system, and there’s no getting you out. I don’t want to. If you feel anything like that, don’t fight it.”

  “But you’re you,” she whispers. Keeping her face in front of mine, she stares down and squeezes my hand. “And I’m me. Just let us go, Derrik. I’ll always love you, but we can’t—”

  I don’t think about my next move. I don’t second-guess or let anything else get in the way. I hear her words and I act. She’ll always love me. Pulling her close, I connect my lips to hers. And the only thing I’m shocked by is the fact that I’m not the least bit surprised at all when she reacts the same way. She doesn’t pull away or hesitate or even start slow.

  She climbs on top of me, running her fingers over my short hair, and I immediately remember what it feels like to have her this close. Now I’ll do anything to make sure we’re never apart again. My hands run around her waist and then under her shirt. As my fingers climb up, I find the clasp to her bra. As if we were alone in the dark, with nothing but our raw emotions, the moment my fingers unclasp her bra, it turns the lights on.

  She jolts back, bringing her arms in front of her as a barrier between us. “I can’t do this.”

  “What?” I whisper out through ragged breath.

  “Derrik, we—”

  “Yes, Z. We. Me and you. I don’t care what you said last year, and I don’t care where I go, who I see, or what fake relationship people want me to be in, it’ll never be enough. You and me. That’s what I want.”

  “I do, too, but—”

  “No. No buts. I know you feel the same.”

  “It doesn’t matter, Derrik.”

  “How can you say that? It’s the only thing that matters.”

  Her breathing has slowed, but she still sits in front of me. Although I keep my hands to my side, I want to reach up and touch her. Hold her. I want—No, I need her to know this is the realest thing in my life, and I’m going to do whatever it takes to make sure it doesn’t end this time.

  “Our lives—”

  “No. Don’t give me that. You’ve used that excuse for over a year now. If you’re going to give me a reason why we shouldn’t be together, it’s not going to be that.”

  A hard look of determination falls over her face. “You don’t think I haven’t second-guessed everything since that day? I have, okay?”

  “Then, why are you so set on fighting this? You think I haven’t seen or noticed other people? I have. That I didn’t try to go out with anyone else? I did. But I wasn’t lying about you being the last girl I kissed. Because any time I’d see someone or Peter would talk to someone’s client, or even partying with Maddox, nothing and no one could compare to you. No one. What are you so afraid of?”

  “Everything! I’m scared of everything, okay? You’re at the very start of this career. Of this life. And that’s just it, it’s your life. Not mine. That’s why I asked Landon—” She cuts herself off.

  The realization hits me. “Are you serious right now? That’s why you asked Landon out? Is that what you were going to say?”

  “It doesn’t matter why, what matters is what is.”

  I want to be empathetic to her worries, but I can’t be. Because it seems like we’re magnets that are naturally drawn together unless you flip one over. And when you do, it’s almost impossible for them to connect. We’re at an impasse. I don’t know how we’ll ever get over it, and it pisses me off.

  “So, you’re fine with throwing it all away? All of the memories? The feelings that you’ve obviously been bottling up because you’re scared? That’s what this boils down to.”

  “Don’t say it like that.” She gets to her feet, folding her arms across her chest, staring down at me. “I’m allowed to be scared. You said you’d give up the band if I wanted you to, do you remember that? How am I supposed to deal with that? Jade, EJ, Maddox? They’re my friends, and I’d be ruining their lives. If you do stay in the band, then I’m the rock star’s girlfriend, without my own identity, waiting for you while you travel the world. I’m the one with everything to lose.”

  “You’re not going to lose! We can make it work. Zoey, I’m in love with you. I’ve never stopped being in love with you.”

  She stands there, silent, and I’ve never felt more vulnerable in my life. I can’t say I totally understand her fears, but then again, I’m on the other end. If I was in her position, would I feel the same? If Danica was who she is and I wasn’t a celebrity, and she wanted to be with me, would I be insecure? As a guy, I’m supposed to say no. I’m supposed to say I’m not intimidated by any guy, and I know who I am. However, I know the truth. I knew it the moment Zoey told me Landon was her boyfriend. I’m afraid of losing her, but in her eyes, I’m the one with all the power.

  “Say something,” I struggle to get the words out. Then she crushes my soul.

  “I slept with Landon.”

  22

  Zoey

  The grenade explodes.

  Reality begins to shatter around me.

  As soon as the words leave my mouth, I know my entire world will never be the same again, and I’m not even looking at him. I don’t want to because I won’t be able to handle seeing the pain and heartbreak that will surely be on his face.

  I can still taste him on my lips—a combination of heat, and sweat, and something only Derrik tastes like. I can still feel his fingers crawling up my skin, slipping under the clasp of my bra. I still feel the whispers rattling around in my ears and his breath over my chin. It’s how I know I love him, and Becca was right about how I was with Landon. I was acting. With Derrik, I’m committed. And I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to unfeel, unhear, or untaste any part of him. The worst part is I don’t know that I want to. I just know I have to.

  He puts a finger under my chin. Even with his help, it feels like I’m trying to lift fifty tons. I force my head up and finally meet his eyes. Instead of torture on his face, I find confusion.

  “What?” His voice is low and pained. “You’re … are you … you’re not serious.”

  Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath. I need to do this. It’s the only way to finally make sure we’re both on the path our lives should go. And I can’t crack. I can’t show any weakness. If I do, he’ll know I’m lying. Opening my eyes back up, I hold his gaze. “I am.”

  A chuckle escapes him. No, not a chuckle. A flabbergasted choke. “No.” I nod. “Z …” He nervously chews his lip, analyzing my face. I can see his eyes wash over me, almost as if he’s examining my posture, my breathing, my entire being. “I don’t believe you.”

  “It’s the truth.”

  He shakes his head. “No. No, I don’t believe you. You’re lying.”

  “I’m sorry. I’m not.” I avert my eyes, trying to keep my breathing calm.

  He inches closer, and I feel his hand run along my arm. “Z, look at me.” I don’t. I can’t. “Zoey … please look at me.”

  His stare against mine when I fin
ally meet his gaze is more than pained. It’s tortured. Clenching my jaw, I take a struggling breath of air. I can’t blink. If I blink, I’ll cry, and I can’t do that. But it’s agonizing having to keep my eyes on him. I can see the confusion washing away. His mouth parts slightly, and he twists his head to the side. Once the confusion is gone, I can see the exact moment the acceptance sets in. His eyes stay open and begin to mist.

  “I thought …” His voice fades out, and then he closes his mouth, shaking his head.

  I know what he thought because I did, too. It’s something I knew was certain when we were dating. Everything we did, everything we shared when we were together. We both figured that was it. I believed it at the time. I wanted it to be. I never wanted to be with anyone other than him, and I know he felt the same.

  “You’re … you’re serious?” His words are no more than a whisper. I can tell they aren’t really a question. He’s coming to terms with it.

  Behind him, I hear Jade and Becca laughing through the door.

  “Are you two back there?” Jade calls out with a laugh.

  Becca teases with a long, “Oooh.”

  “Derrik, the car’s been waiting forever. Danica left if you’re still afraid of that.”

  Neither of us move. I want this to be over, and at the same time, I deserve every painstaking millisecond that ticks by. I deserve to know I’m breaking his heart. And I deserve every torturous and traitorous thought running through my mind. Our eyes stay locked, and if I didn’t think my heart could shatter any more, it does watching the tears leak out of his eyes.

  “You missed it!” Becca shouts with a laugh, sliding the door open. “A fight broke out between these two guys trying to get Jade’s autograph. We—” Through the corner of my eyes, I can see her stop, staring at both of us. “Sorry. I can come back.”

  “No. We’re done here,” Derrik mutters, quickly throwing his arm across his face, wiping his eyes. Spinning around, he almost knocks her over, rushing by her and through the door.

  Becca’s head is on a swivel, and Jade behind her is doing the same thing. I watch Derrik hurry down the bus toward the front door, and Jade turns to go after him. When Becca takes another step toward me, my eyes finally fill with tears. But I can’t cry because I’m the one doing this. This is all because of me.

  Sliding the door shut, she hurries over to me and wraps her arms around my shoulders. “What happened?” My legs lose all the power in them, and I fall down to the bed with her arms still around me. “Zoey, what happened?

  “I-I did it,” I struggle to say.

  Her brow pinches together in confusion. “What? What did you do?”

  “I finally ended it. For good. It’s definitely over. He’ll never forgive me for what I said.”

  She pulls back, staring at me. “What did you tell him?”

  Even though I don’t deserve to, tears fall out. I try to wipe them away quickly, knowing that I’m not the one who should be allowed to feel some sort of pain in all of this. “I told him … I slept with Landon.”

  There’s a jolt to my system as she grabs my shoulders, shaking me. “Why would you do that?”

  “It was the only way.”

  “To lie to him, Zoey?”

  Another long breath escapes me, and I pull away from her, wrapping my arms around myself. “Now we can finally move on. For reals this time. He never stopped thinking about me. And I haven’t with him, even though I tried my hardest. But doing this … it’s the only way. A hard reset. It’s the only way, Becca.”

  She doesn’t say anything. She knows what I’m feeling. She’s always known. And I don’t know that I believe my words, even as I say them, but I have to. I need to find a way to believe because it’ll be what’s best for both of us in the long run.

  It’s the only way. I keep repeating that to myself. Maybe if I think those words for long enough, I’ll believe them.

  23

  Derrik

  When I get to the hotel suite, EJ tries talking to me, but I ignore him. Before I get to my room, there’s a knock at the door. I would just ignore it, but I hear Danica screaming on the other side.

  “What the hell, Derrik?” She pounds on the door again.

  I stand where I am and hear EJ get up. He walks over to the door, opening it, and Danica’s in my face before I know it. “What are you doing? I’ve been calling and texting you. Where have you been?”

  “Danica, you need—”

  “No,” she cuts me off. “We, Derrik. We need to get out there. Why do you think I’m on this tour with you? I’m doing this—”

  “For yourself!” I shout, causing her to flinch. “You’re doing this for yourself,” I repeat, my voice dying down a bit. “I’ve had one helluva day and even a worse last thirty minutes.”

  “Why? What’s wrong?”

  “Like you care?” I spit back. “Danica, there are going to be a bunch of guys at that party. Actors way better at filling the role on your show than I will be. Just go. Replace me. I seem to be extremely replaceable at the moment.”

  “Wow, someone’s a Debbie Downer tonight,” she jokes with a giggle. When I do nothing but give her a blank stare back, she frowns. “We won’t go to the party, then.”

  I shake my head. “That’s you, Dani. Just go.” I swallow down the frustration, and when she doesn’t move, venom starts to build up inside. “Go! It’s your scene, with your people, doing your famous Hollywood bullshit. I don’t fit in there.”

  “Hey!” She jabs a finger in my chest, and the stern tone of her voice is enough to break through my depressed stupor. “I’m putting up with your rock star bullshit, Mr. King of Hearts. We all have crap around us that we might not like, but we put up with it. Don’t you dare lump me in with a vapid barrel of yes monkeys simply because that’s where I make my money.” Pausing, she looks away for a moment, then gives me a hard stare. “You’re better than that.”

  A chuckle floats out. An actual chuckle, something I wouldn’t have thought possible only five minutes ago. “Who are you, and where is Danica Parker?”

  Taking my hand, she ushers me to the door. “Danica Parker, the Hollywood star, is taking the night off.” Opening the door, she looks back at me, smiling. “Danica Parker, the girl who’s friends with a heartthrob rock star that looks like he could use a drink, is taking over for the night.”

  I glance back at EJ, who offers me nothing but a smirking shrug. I shrug myself and follow Danica out of the room, down the hallway, toward an elevator. “Dani, we can’t go down to the bar. We’ll get swarmed.”

  “Seriously?” She looks at me like I’m clueless. “You really don’t think I’ve got any brains, do you?”

  We make our way to the elevator, and it dings. Getting inside, I lean against the wall, not paying any attention to what floor Danica presses. Instead, I keep my eyes low, trying to understand everything that just happened, and wanting to forget it at the same time.

  I know Zoey and I aren’t dating. We haven’t been together for a long time. I’ve kept in contact with her through text messages, but those aren’t daily. And they aren’t personal text messages either. I’ll ask her how things are, or about a test she told me about, or just send her a picture of some site in whatever city we’re in. And if all of that wasn’t enough to remind me that we do not have a romantic relationship and haven’t had one for a very long time wasn’t enough, she has a boyfriend. I know all of that.

  But somewhere in the back of my mind, I believed we’d end up together. Buried underneath tour stops, media appearances, her graduating, and going to college, I truly believed we’d end up together. Which is why I’m so crushed that she—

  I can’t even think it.

  Call me stupid or insane, but there’s no denying the spark that I feel around her. And she admitted that she’s felt the same thing. How do you deny something so strong that you feel in your bones? It’s what’s moved me to write ninety percent of our songs with Jade. Yeah, we’re an alternative-rock band, so at f
irst, people don’t think they’re love songs. But you don’t have to say the word love, or talk about two people being together, to make a song about your heart. You need the feeling. The emotion. And you need to convey that essence through your words and the rhythm. That’s what she did for me.

  “Earth to Derrik,” Danica says. I look up and find her standing in the elevator doorway, pressing the Keep Open button.

  “Sorry,” I mutter, and step through the doors. “Where are we going?”

  “This way,” she calls out over her shoulder and begins walking down the hall.

  Reaching into her clutch, she pulls out her keycard, and I scoff. “Seriously, Danica? I’m not in the mood for this tonight.”

  Glancing back at me as she opens the door, she replies, “Stop being an idiot and come inside.”

  It’s not said in her usual flirty demeanor, or even a friendly one. It’s an annoyed tone. I think that’s the only reason I don’t turn around and leave, but instead, follow her in.

  “Take a seat over there.” She points to a small loveseat facing a huge, widescreen television.

  I pause for a moment, wondering what she’s thinking, and look over at her. She’s ignoring me. After tossing her bag onto the marble counter, she walks into the kitchen and opens the refrigerator. It’s odd and so unlike her. She seems … normal. So, I do as she instructs and head over to the sofa. I don’t feel like watching TV. I’m not sure if that’s what she has planned, but I grab the edge of the couch and twist it around, so it’s facing the wide sliding glass doorway that opens out to her luxury suite deck.

  “Oh, good idea,” she says behind me. I turn around to find her standing with a wine bottle and two glasses. “Switch spots with me.”

  Without waiting, she walks in front of me, moving me to the other side of the sofa, setting the glasses and bottle on the small end table. Taking a seat on the couch, she slips one of her heels off. “Ugh, I can’t tell you how horrible these things feel,” she mutters, throwing it off to the side.