Out of Step

by Maggie Makepeace

  ‘Easy.’ He pushed back the duvet and went across to the table where he’d left the teapot and milk on a tray. Nell admired the shape of his naked legs, and neat bum half hidden by the loose hem of the jersey. As a lover he’d been a fraction tentative, and she’d been obliged to assist him by saying ‘down a bit’ or ‘up a bit’ at times, when he’d seemed unsure of the topography. But Nell was convinced she could train him up; the potential was there. He was gentle and considerate and sweet, and she felt entirely at home with him. Who could ask for more?

  He came back with the tea. ‘This “person before”…’ he began carefully, ‘… is he still around?’

  Nell laughed. ‘Heavens no! He’s long gone. His name was Martin and he was a disaster – nothing like you.’

  ‘Well, that’s a relief.’

  ‘What about you?’

  ‘Me? Well, only Cassie as it happens.’

  ‘And … was that a success?’

  ‘Define your terms? We got the children, so yes … I suppose.’

  No, Nell though, that wasn’t what I meant but now isn’t the time to pursue it. ‘I only wish we hadn’t wasted so much time,’ she said.

  ‘Well, it’s best not to rush these things.’ Rob put his mug down on the bedside table. ‘Look!’

  A green woodpecker was flying past the window and away downstream in characteristic undulating flight, and calling loudly like an excited punter on a switchback ride: Look at me! – whoops – look at me – whoops! – look…

  ‘Yaffle,’ Nell said, identifying it. ‘I’ve just thought. You know some people keep a tally of birds and other animals seen from their gardens? Why don’t we make a list of everything seen from our bed?’

  ‘Haven’t we got better things to do?’ Rob raised an eyebrow.

  Nell grinned. ‘So we have.’ She took her pyjama top off, and snuggled down. Rob was just pulling his sweater over his head when the telephone beside the bed rang.

  ‘Hello?’ Nell said.

  ‘Mr Hayhoe please,’ a sharp woman’s voice said.

  ‘Oh, hang on, I’ll just see if I can find him.’ Nell winked at Rob. ‘Who’s speaking?’

  ‘Mrs Hayhoe.’

  ‘Oh… is that Cassie? This is Nell here. I was wonder –’

  ‘Just tell him to phone me,’ the voice interrupted. There was a crash.

  Nell held the receiver away from her ear. ‘Terrific,’ she said. ‘The Mad Cow isn’t exactly sweetness and light, is she?’

  ‘What did she want?’

  ‘You to phone her.’

  ‘Oh Gawd,’ Rob groaned, ‘what’s she after now?’

  ‘She didn’t say. She was amazingly rude.’

  ‘That figures.’ Rob leant on one elbow and traced a finger round her mouth. ‘Lovely lips,’ he said. Nell held out her arms and pulled him down to join her. He sucked each of her nipples in turn, until they became pink and erect. Then he slid his hand over the curve of her stomach and down between her thighs. ‘There?’

  ‘Up a bit.’

  Cassie waited impatiently for Rob to phone her back. The house was already in chaos: beds not made, washing-up not done, toys underfoot… Rosie had wet the bed again and the smelly sheets were still in a heap on the kitchen floor in front of the washing machine. Rosie herself was being even more bloody-minded than usual, and deliberately winding Josh up. She’s doing it on purpose to spite me, Cassie thought. How could a daughter of mine be so malicious? The answer was clear – she took after her father.

  ‘Why don’t you ring me, you bastard?’ she muttered. ‘Here I am, all on my own, trying to cope with two hyperactive children, and there you are shacked-up with some totty and living the life of Riley! It’s time you bloody well took your responsibilities seriously.’

  Then she discovered that the lavatory was blocked. This was the final straw. Everyone is conspiring against me, she thought. Why? And why should I put up with it? ‘Shut up, Rosie!’

  This won’t do, she told herself. It’ll push me over the edge again. She made herself sit down with a cup of coffee and a Prozac. ‘Go away,’ she said to Rosie. ‘You’re making me ill. You too, Josh. Go and play in your rooms. I need some peace and quiet.’

  ‘But, Mum –’

  ‘GO AWAY!’

  After half an hour she felt calmer. She knew exactly what she had to do. She stood at the bottom of the stairs and called, ‘Josh? Rosie? Get your coats on. We’re going for a ride.’

  Elly phoned Nell late on the Saturday morning. They hadn’t been in touch since Boxing Day, and a lot had happened in the last month and a half. She was surprised Nell hadn’t already rung her. It was out of character for her to be silent for so long.

  ‘Nell? It’s me. How’s things?’

  ‘Elly! Lovely to hear you. Everything’s fine. How about you? Where are you?’

  ‘I’m at Ma’s, but I’m about to go down to the houseboat to live on my own for a while. I can’t take any more of Paul.’

  ‘It’ll be a bit cold and uncomfortable, won’t it?’

  ‘No, I’ve bought loads of fuel for the stove. I’ll be snug as a bug.’

  ‘Look, Elly, Rob and I have been talking. He’s told me to warn you about Bert.’

  ‘Too late,’ Elly said briskly. ‘I found out the hard way.’

  ‘Oh dear. What happened?’

  ‘It’s all off. I must have been stark raving mad. I’ve gone off the idea of acting too.’

  ‘So … what will you do?’

  ‘Live off the proceeds of the business for a while. Think of something else. I really don’t know.’

  ‘What about the boys?’

  ‘They’re fine. They’re being very adult about the whole mess, now they know it wasn’t my fault. And to be fair to Paul, it seems he handled them brilliantly in Switzerland so I feel a lot more relaxed on that front. The only problem is, Paul’s now saying he wants to take early retirement. It seems he can’t stand the stress at school any longer. Typical midlife crisis! So everything’s up in the air.’

  ‘But you’re not leaving the boys with him? I thought –’

  ‘Oh no, not entirely. Hat will be there for them, and they love being with her. Anyway, they’ll be down here most weekends as soon as the weather gets warmer, staying with me while their dad goes sailing. It’ll work out, you see.’

  ‘Well… yes, but you won’t live away from them for long, will you?’

  ‘Who knows? We’ve got to sell this house and divide the proceeds. Could take some time.’

  ‘So you’re still going ahead with the divorce then?’

  ‘Of course. The way Paul’s behaved leaves me no option.’

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘So, how’s life with you, Nellykins? How’s Roger the lodger?’

  ‘Wonderful.’

  ‘Hey oop! Do I detect nookie down t’cottage?’

  ‘Rob’s lovely. He’s just what I need.’

  ‘But that’s great! I never thought he’d actually get round to it. How did you swing it?’

  ‘That’s not the sort of thing you ask.’ Nell was indignant.

  ‘Sorry, sorry. I’m getting too cynical. Look, I’m really pleased for you. It’s terrific news. How are his children reacting?’

  ‘They don’t know yet. We’re going to wait a bit before we tell them. They’re very young, after all.’

  ‘It’s a good age,’ Elly said, thinking of her two. ‘They’re so easy to please at this stage, and it’s so rewarding. You want to make the most of Rosie and Josh, you know, whilst they’re still only babies, before the teenage horrors begin.’

  ‘Mmm.’ Nell sounded unconvinced.

  ‘Anyway, must dash. Pop over to the boat whenever you want.’

  ‘Right. I’ll look forward to that.’

  Nell put the phone down. ‘It’s all right,’ she said to Rob, ‘that was Elly. She’s seen the light.’

  ‘Just as well,’ Rob said. ‘No broken heart?’

  ‘Apparently not, although you can never te
ll with Elly; she puts on a good act. She’s pretty resilient, though.’

  I wish I was too, Nell thought, but when people like Elly talk that way about children, I feel like some sort of alien being. Am I totally lacking in normal female maternal feelings, or what? Or am I just scared of the responsibility of someone else’s children? Most people seem to be able to cope instinctively, so why do I feel that I can’t? Thank goodness Josh and Rosie don’t live with Rob full-time. I couldn’t survive that.

  ‘Hadn’t you better phone Cassie back?’ she reminded him.

  ‘I suppose so, but it’s bound to be trouble.’ He sighed, and picked up the phone. After a few moments he put it down again. ‘Well, that’s a relief,’ he said. ‘No reply.’

  ‘Oh good,’ Nell said. ‘I was looking forward to a nice uncomplicated self-indulgent day.’ Two car doors banged outside as she spoke. ‘Oh no! Who’s that?’

  Then they heard the sound of a car driving away up the hill, and almost immediately the front door was kicked open and Rob’s children burst into the kitchen, hitting each other.

  ‘What’s going on?’ Rob demanded. ‘Josh?’

  ‘Mic’s walked out on us and Mum’s ill,’ he said. ‘I didn’t want to come, but she says it’s your turn now.’

  Chapter Seventeen

  ‘She just dumped them and ran!’ Nell said to Elly. ‘What if we’d been out?’

  ‘Well, I suppose both your vehicles were there, so it was unlikely.’

  ‘Or in bed?’

  ‘Now that could have been awkward.’ Elly sat back against a red velvet cushion and grinned at her broadly. ‘How’s it going then?’

  ‘It was bliss – until the children arrived.’

  ‘Well, they’re only staying for the weekend, aren’t they?’

  ‘Yes, and then for the whole of half-term the week after next! Rob’s having to take leave from work. And then they’re coming every weekend after that for the foreseeable future.’

  ‘But why?’

  ‘It seems the Mad Cow needs “a rest”. Her live-in skivvy has done a runner.’

  ‘Don’t blame her! Never mind, you can do what you’re doing now: escape here from time to time, to me.’

  Nell looked out of the small windows of the houseboat to Eely Isle and the grey river beyond the creek. The tide was on the ebb, and the first mud was coming into view at its edges; a gradually expanding buffet for the waiting curlews and other birds with long probing beaks.

  ‘I suppose I ought to be at the cottage getting their lunch,’ she said.

  ‘There’s no “ought” about it!’ Elly exclaimed. ‘Rob can manage baked beans on toast, surely?’

  ‘Maybe, but he isn’t much good at discipline.’

  ‘I expect he feels guilty, having left them in the first place. He’s probably, unconsciously, trying to make it up to them all the time.’

  ‘That’s more than likely true,’ Nell said, ‘And I’m sure it’s selfish of me, but I don’t want my lovely cottage all grottified by flying food, sticky fingers and muddy boots.’

  ‘Don’t blame you. You’ll just have to set some rules and get Rob to enforce them too. At least that’s one thing Paul and I did manage to do together – bloody man! I hate all men at the moment.’

  ‘So what happened with Ber – Malachy?’ Nell was dying to know.

  ‘Oh, him. He just wanted a compliant female to flaunt. There was nothing in it for me. He never had the least intention of helping me with my career. It was a total con. Great shame – he was brilliant in bed – really knew what he was at.’ Elly smiled ruefully.

  ‘Well, you always did go for masterful types, didn’t you, even at school?’

  ‘Much good it did me. Is a liberal nineties man less of a disappointment then?’

  Nell blushed. ‘Most certainly.’

  ‘I’m so glad for you, Nellie.’ Elly put out a hand and patted the knee of her jeans. ‘But someone like Rob would never do for me. If I get my own way too often with a man, I begin to despise him or walk all over him, or both. Either way it’s a disaster. Let’s face it – I am a disaster with men!’

  ‘No, you’re not. You’re sometimes not a very good chooser, that’s all.’

  ‘Let’s go to a pub for lunch,’ Elly suggested. ‘Preferably somewhere high up with good reception for my mobile. It’s useless trying to call the boys in this valley. It’s like being inside a railway tunnel.’

  ‘You must miss them.’

  ‘Oh Nell …’ Elly collapsed into tears. ‘What on earth am I doing here?’

  Anna made up her double bed with great care, using the best duvet cover and matching pillowcases. She put coasters on the bedside tables so that any glasses wouldn’t leave ugly rings on the polished wood if they were to be put down too sloppily in the heat of the moment. She tried to think of all the places she didn’t normally clean, that he might notice – under the loo seat, that high shelf in the kitchen, where else? She was pretty confident he’d be too busy to be critical, but she didn’t want to take any risks.

  She wondered how much sex it was going to take to seal their relationship once and for all. She would have to be careful not to let her reluctance show; she’d so nearly lost him altogether at Christmas, and to be without him was unthinkable …

  He’d rung the day after Boxing Day to apologise. ‘I’m sorry,’ he’d said. ‘Just a quickie to say I haven’t been myself lately.’

  ‘Of course not.’ Anna said, managing heroically to conceal her accumulated rage, disappointment and pique. ‘I quite understand.’

  ‘Bless you,’ Paul said. ‘I knew you would. Look, love, I’ve still got to take the boys skiing, but we’ll meet soon, I promise. Love you. ‘Bye.’

  Soon? It was now mid-February! But at least he is coming, Anna thought, and for the whole half-term week too. So if I want him, then I’ve got to forget how angry I sometimes feel, and just grab him while the going’s good. And I do want him. I need a man to belong to me. It may well be trendy to be twenty-five and unattached, but then I never was a slave to fashion.

  ‘Aaaaaah,’ Paul said when he finally arrived, sinking into her sofa. ‘It’s so good to be here. I am totally knackered.’

  ‘That’s no good,’ Anna said. ‘I need you to be on full power. We’ve got a lot of talking to do.’

  ‘Cup of tea,’ Paul said, ‘then I’ll be fine.’ Anna went to make a pot, and put out some biscuits on a plate as well.

  ‘So,’ she said, handing him a full cup. ‘What’s happening then?’

  ‘Where do I start?’ He opened his hands expressively.

  ‘The divorce?’

  ‘Well, there is that, yes, but it’s not what’s occupying my mind at the moment.’

  ‘So what is?’

  Paul sighed deeply. ‘I’ve had enough of being a head teacher. I simply can’t recruit any decent staff, let alone keep them. Anyone who’s any good isn’t going to subject themselves to the bloody awful conditions and the pitiful pay. Absolutely no one with a grain of sense would want to teach these days.’

  ‘I do,’ Anna said. Had he forgotten that?

  ‘Well, of course there are shining exceptions,’ Paul said hastily, ‘but in general it’s a thankless task. I nearly got beaten up by a bloody parent last week! No, I’ve had enough.’

  ‘But, what will you do?’

  ‘Take early retirement.’

  ‘But Ermintrude will take half your money when you divorce, won’t she? How will you manage?’

  ‘Oh, I’m not sinking into pipe and slippers quite yet. I’ve got some part-time consultancy work lined up, and there’s always Uncle Tozer’s heirlooms. Anyway, Elly has some money of her own.’

  ‘Oh I see.’ Anna was reassured. ‘So,’ she said, settling back into the sofa and looking at him expectantly, ‘what shall we do for one whole glorious week? I thought we could spend some of it at the houseboat. We could get the stove going, and it would be really cozy.’

  ‘Sorry,’ Paul said. ‘I’ve jus
t dropped the boys off there.’

  ‘Why? What d’you mean?’

  ‘Elly’s living there. I think she’s off her trolley, but there you are. If she wants to freeze to death, I suppose it’s up to her. I only hope the boys will be warm enough. I’ve sent their warmest clothe –’

  ‘But it’s our special love-nest houseboat!’ Anna interrupted furiously. ‘She’s no right –’

  ‘I’m afraid there’s one difficult concept you are going to have to grasp at the outset, my darling,’ Paul said firmly, ‘if this week is going to be a success.’

  ‘And what’s that?’

  ‘It’s this: Elly – for the moment at least – is still my wife, and the mother of my children and therefore has more “rights” than you do. Sorry.’

  Land Rover doors banged and raised voices sounded outside the cottage, and Nell, within it, experienced a guilty sinking feeling. They had arrived. I must remember, she thought, they’re only children. It’s not their fault.

  Josh came in first, kicking the door as usual and bursting into the kitchen. Nell saw that his mother still hadn’t bothered to get his hair cut.

  ‘Hello, Josh,’ she said. No answer. Rob came in then with Rosie, who was clearly having a sulk, judging by the way her bottom lip was sticking out.

  ‘How old are you?’ Josh suddenly demanded of Nell.

  ‘Thirty-two,’ she smiled at him.

  ‘My mummy’s thirty-four, so she’s older than you,’ he said triumphantly. ‘So there!’

  Nell glanced across at Rob, hoping for an amused raising of the eyebrows but he was busy trying to jolly Rosie out of her sulk.

  ‘Come on, pudding, it’s not that bad.’

  ‘Is!’ Rosie said.

  ‘Hello, Rosie?’ Nell said experimentally.

  ‘Go ‘way,’ Rosie shouted. ‘Talking to my daddy, not you.’

  Oh wonderful, Nell thought. I apologise for existing. She turned her attention to the stove where lunch was nearly ready.

  ‘What is it?’ Josh asked.

  ‘Spaghetti bolognese.’

  ‘Oh no,’ he complained, ‘we had that yesterday.’

  Nell turned to him with a determined smile. ‘I’m so sorry. My telepathy line must be on the blink.’ Josh stared back at her, uncomprehendingly scornful. God! Nell thought turning away, does it have to be such hard work? She hoiked out a length of spaghetti to test whether it was done, and glanced round, chewing. It was ready, but Rob was putting his boots on. ‘Don’t disappear,’ she said. ‘I’m dishing up.’