by Gigi Moore
Whew boy, she had been hard-pressed to act like his nearness didn’t turn her on, or that the thought of him and his lying brother making love to her at the same time about drove her to her knees in a puddle of lust.
What drove her to even consider a threesome with two cowboys nine years her junior? Cowboys she used to babysit! Had she lost her mind?
Her nipples grew hard and tight, tingling at the memory of Jax’s body heat, the memory of his clean tangy scent. He smelled like evergreen and aspen trees in bloom. And her breasts told her they had no nickel in a dime of denial, and didn’t care what her mind thought, they wanted some action, and they wanted it now!
God, had they been erect while she’d been downstairs in the kitchen? And, if they had, had anyone noticed?
She’d been back less than a few hours, and she’d already been more embarrassed than at the most embarrassing incident in her life when her father walked in on her and Noah in the barn. At least back then she’d had an excuse, the stupidity of youth on her side.
What excuse did she have now?
If she admitted the truth to herself, it would pretty much be the same excuse she’d had back then, besides the youth factor. She’d suffered from raging hormones. It seemed like the older she got, the more she wanted sex. But not just any sex. She wanted hot, make-her-body-sing-for-several-days-after sex, which Jess had given her. Good thing too, because the memories of what she’d shared with him in that motel room would have to last her since she had no intentions of letting him get near her again.
At least this is what her brain said. Her body made plans to play Benedict Arnold at the closest sign of an opportunity, the turncoat.
It had to be the crisp, clean Colorado air, something in it that made her appreciate the sensual so much more than the city air ever had. She’d never reacted to men in this gotta-have-him-now way in New York as she had since she’d been back and gotten a look at Jess. The fresh, unpolluted country atmosphere seemed to bring her closer to her more basic self, made her needs clearer to her, and intensified her wants.
Tamara closed her eyes now, letting the memory of that infamous day seep in, her father’s anger and disappointment tangible forces riding her spine and tightening her heart in her chest even so many years later.
She’d thought herself so grown back then, that she knew it all, but her father had quickly shown her the consequences of her actions, that her actions didn’t just affect her but others too. The others in her case had been Noah, and the twins who Tamara later learned had been in the barn, spying on everything she and Noah had done.
The thought of those innocent nine-year-old boys watching her make out with Noah had been as, if not more, mortifying than her father catching her. Knowing that she had fallen in their worshipful eyes crushed her enough that she felt numb by the time Jeremiah handed down his decree and fired Noah and her father grounded her for the rest of her time on the ranch.
For all of August, she’d been an emotional zombie, going through the motions of doing her errands, preparing for her trip to New York, but her soul not really into anything, at least not until the time came to leave.
The closer her departure date came, however, the more animated Tamara became, until she thought she’d scream for joy at the top of her lungs in celebration of her approaching freedom.
Again, the drawback to leaving had been the twins. Even if she did want to leave the ranch, especially after the debacle with Noah and her father, and eagerly looked forward to going to New York, she didn’t have anything against the twins. She didn’t want to leave them. But she had no choice. She had to move on, her life moving on a different path, and she couldn’t take them with her as much as she wanted to.
The farewells at the airport almost tore her apart. The boys relentlessly clung to her, and Jeremiah stood back, fidgeting with his hat in his hands, eyes moist with unshed tears.
Her father hadn’t even shown up to see her off. His absence had hurt as much as the boys’ tears.
She’d held in her own tears like Jeremiah, hardening her heart against the snub and preparing to meet the world outside on her own. She knew that her dad disapproved of her and what she had done and probably would never forgive her for leaving.
Had her mom felt as abandoned and cold when she’d left or had she felt liberated?
Tamara jerked her head toward the door when someone knocked on it and took a deep breath before saying, “Come in.” She thought better of it as soon as the door opened and Jax stepped into the room, all broad-shouldered, rangy and gorgeous young man.
She knew Jax because of the outfit—he had on a navy western shirt and jeans while Jess wore a white western shirt and jeans—but wondered if they’d been dressed exactly alike would she have been able to tell them apart. She used to be one of the few people who could. At least she used to be able to. But now, she no longer trusted her judgment. How could she when she hadn’t even recognized Jess when he’d picked her up?
Tamara watched Jax take a couple of steps across the threshold. He paused, put his hands in his back pockets and rocked back on his heels as he watched her.
God, the man took her breath away, the same way Jess had when she’d first laid eyes on him at the airport, the same way Jess had when she later saw him in the kitchen after she’d slapped him. It didn’t matter how angry she remained with Jess, she still wanted to fuck him.
That she still wanted him after what he’d done to her pissed Tamara off. That she wanted him and his brother pretty much disgusted her.
If her father knew what she felt and thought, he would probably say she’d been corrupted by her long spell in the city, that New York had finished the job Noah had started eighteen years ago. Little did her father know, Tamara had a mind of her own and had been perfectly corrupted long before meeting Noah, if corrupted meant wanting and needing to be with a man who needed and wanted her as much as she did him.
Why shouldn’t she go after what she wanted without fear of censure? Why did someone in her life that cared about and loved her for her equal corruption?
Noah had Loved her For the short length of time that they’d been together, he’d cared about her and hadn’t been shy about showing her. He’d been a good man—gentle, generous, an excellent lover and ten years older than her. This more than anything had been his biggest fault and cinched his banishment from the ranch and her life.
For a long time after he’d left and she’d gone to New York, she’d wondered what had happened to him. Had he managed to get another job on another ranch? Had he left McCoy for greener pastures like her and her mother?
She’d like to think that he’d been able to make a go of it somewhere else, and that because of her, his life hadn’t totally been ruined.
“If you’re busy I can come back later,” Jax said, peering at her across the floor of the large suite where she sat ensconced among the goose-down pillows proliferating on the lavishly furnished, four-poster bed.
The room had been aired out and prepared for her with tender care, and Tamara appreciated Maria’s obvious woman’s touch.
Jax crossed the plush carpeted floor and sat down on the bed beside her, leaving just enough room for propriety’s sake but not enough not to make her uncomfortable.
Tamara shuddered as soon as his butt hit the mattress. She felt the heat of his body sitting just a foot away from him. When he reached out to pat her thigh, she didn’t move, tolerating his touch like a skittish mare he tried to calm down. When she thought about it, the description wasn’t too far from the truth. Her nerves had gone on high alert as soon as he’d opened the door and went haywire since he’d taken a seat beside her.
“Quite a scene downstairs, huh?” Jax said.
“Are you talking about outside or in the kitchen?”
“All I can say is you sure know how to make an entrance and an exit.”
Tamara laughed. She couldn’t help herself. Jax had always been able to make her laugh—during a pillow fight when he resorted to
merciless tickling to win, or when he told one of his many, so-corny-they-were-funny knock-knock jokes.
He’d often claimed he would be a rodeo clown when he grew up, kill two birds with one stone since he could rope and ride with the best of them and great at making people laugh. Not many people disputed him except Jeremiah, who, when he got wind of it, said no son of his would be a darn rodeo clown!
Tamara stared at him now and saw the devilish little boy behind the adult man’s smile. She recognized the fun-loving, rabble-rousing boy behind any prank that had ever been played on any of the cowboys on the ranch, her dad, Jeremiah or Tamara herself.
She realized now that on some level she had recognized Jess. She realized that her soul had recognized the intense and serious boy he used to be hiding inside the intense and serious man who had made love to her in that motel.
Maybe had she spent more time with him before they’d come to The Double R something would have given him away. Maybe she would have picked up on some quirk or statement he made that could have only come from Jess Reynolds and not some hot and sexy stranger named Jay.
“Your brother had a little something to do with that entrance.”
“About that, you know he’s not usually so, uh, reckless.”
“Don’t make excuses for his behavior.”
Jax grinned. “Funny you should say that because he’s usually the one making excuses for my behavior since I’m the wild and reckless one.”
Tamara returned his grin. “No comment.”
Jax scooted closer to her and draped an arm around her shoulders in a chummy way that totally belied the instant hardening of her nipples. The girls tingled and jutted out as if he had slid his hands between her legs and his tongue in her ear, not to mention the moisture trickling into her panties at his nearness.
Tamara trembled and closed her eyes at the vision of Jax kissing a path from her lobe to her cleavage. She could almost feel his hot breath on the sensitive skin of her throat and breasts.
She opened her eyes and turned to see him staring at her. The azure color of his eyes turned almost navy, their earnest expression about making her spontaneously orgasm.
Why did these twins drive her to wanton lust at a mere glance or touch?
As kids they’d always been dynamic and engaging, drawing comments about their singular beauty from little old ladies and young girls alike. Aside from their good looks, they were intelligent, well-mannered kids if also rambunctious at times, whose charms knocked down the guard of most adults, ingratiating themselves with many.
As adults, however, Jax and Jess seemed to have grown into their full potential to knock the socks off of any woman with whom they came into contact. In the short time she’d been back in town, Tarmara saw the effect Jess had had on the female contingent at Joe’s, the drools he’d elicited and the envious stares of which she’d been the recipient because she kept his company. She saw the way Maria melted beneath the full wattage of Jax’s teasing smile and could only imagine the influence he wielded over the rest of the female staff and guests at the ranch and beyond.
Realizing that she was so not immune to their charisma highlighted a vulnerability to which she didn’t want to give credence. She already felt totally insignificant with no reason for being at the ranch except a father who didn’t want to acknowledge her existence.
“He’s not a bad guy, you know,” Jax said.
The statement confused until she realized Jax referred alking about Jess. “No, just a liar.”
“Don’t you wonder why he did it?”
“Not particularly.” She reprimanded herself even as she responded. She didn’t consider anyone above reproach, certainly not herself. And it wasn’t like she had never told a lie in her life or during the course of her profession. But she couldn’t remember a time when she’d been so outright dishonest as to keep her identity a secret from someone about whom she allegedly cared.
Tamara pulled back to glare at Jax, annoyed that he made her second-guess herself. She did enough of this at her job, constantly questioning the ethics of one legal maneuver or another against the needs of her clients and the firm. It balanced her acts delicately, and not easily or without reservations. “Did you come here just to make me change my mind about him? Because I have to tell you, if that’s the case, you’ve wasted your time.”
Jax shook his head before she could even finish. “That’s not it at all. I came to make sure you got settled in okay.”
“Well, I did.”
“Good.” He grinned. “How about going out for a ride with me?
She wanted to claim jet lag, but in all honesty, she really felt tired. In fact, she felt energized and eager to get outside these four walls, away from the house. A ride would do her right nice, and she figured the company couldn’t be beat as long as she could separate Jax from his brother and what Jess had done to her. She thought herself adult enough to accomplish this, even if she wasn’t so sure about keeping her hands to herself or keeping her hormones in check.
Maybe she could if she reminded herself of the trouble her hormones had already gotten her into when she gave them free rein.
The idea of working up an honest sweat in some physical activity more than appealed to her. Working up a sweat with Jax in some physical activity made her mouth water.
Stop it! It’s just a ride on a horse, not a ride on him.
But the latter sounded infinitely more pleasurable.
Without another thought, Tamara said, “I’ll meet you out by the stable.” and felt her stomach heave at the last few words.
Her biggest ignominy and her greatest childhood joys and triumphs had all taken place in the stable. She’d had some good times playing and working with the horses there and had her earliest sexual experiences there.
Jax squeezed her shoulder before he stood to leave, and Tamara watched him walk out of the room and close the door. She wondered what sort of new memories he could help her make in the stable to wipe out the old ones.
Chapter 11
Jess felt his brother coming before he made an appearance at the entrance of Clipper’s stall. He stopped brushing the animal’s hide to watch Jax lean a shoulder against the stall door in his typical relaxed manner—arms folded across his chest and legs crossed at the ankles.
His stomach dipped because when his brother relaxed, it meant exponential trouble for everyone else. “What is it?”
“I wanted to warn you before she gets here that Tamara and I are going out for a ride.”
Jess gritted his teeth but said nothing as he picked up where he had left off brushing Clipper. He did everything he could to keep from looking at his mirror image’s face. He didn’t want to figure out whether that was a smirk of triumph or a look of concern on Jax’s face.
“You okay with that?”
“Do I have a choice?”
“Just remember it’s all a part of the plan.”
“Yeah. The plan.” Whatever that meant, Jess thought.
Jax always had plans, especially when they had been little and not a day went by that Jax didn’t come up with a scheme to skip out on chores or play a prank on some of the cowboys while they did theirs. Not to mention the typical switcharoo games they played on everyone except the supreme bullshit detectors in their parents, Bailey and Tamara.
Their little jaunt and hide-and-seek game in the barn the day Bailey had caught Noah Frost and Tamara together had been just such a prank.
Jess didn’t know how, but he found out later that Jax knew about Noah and Tamara’s previous trysts and had gotten wind that they would be arriving in the barn for another. Jax had thought it would be a great idea to see exactly what the couple did when they got alone together and had convinced Jess of his great idea.
The boys had had just a few seconds to hide themselves in the rafters among the bales of hay before the door opened and the lovers came in.
Jess’s allergies had almost totally given them away when he’d started to sneeze and his brother ma
naged to cover his mouth and nose to smother most of the noise.
He remembered his heart pounding in his ears at the idea of getting caught, especially when Noah glanced up in their direction. He’d been even more nervous at the idea of witnessing what Noah and Tamara were about to do with each other.
To this day, Jess didn’t know if he had been upset or relieved when Bailey arrived to stop whatever happened between Noah and Tamara. He’d had an idea what would have occurred had the couple not been interrupted and wasn’t sure he wanted to see a man touch Tamara that way, even if he couldn’t.
Up until that moment he’d helped his dad and the vet deliver a couple of calves and foals. He had even watched two horses mate before, but seeing the act he had only witnessed between animals, or just heard gossip about were three totally different things.
Had he and Jax not been shirking their duties that day and Bailey hadn’t been looking for them, Tamara and Noah probably wouldn’t have been caught, at least not right then. Not a day went by that Jess didn’t blame himself for what happened next. Sure, he didn’t like Noah for touching Tamara so familiarly, for doing things to her that he felt he alone had the right to do, but he hadn’t wanted his dad to fire the man.
He still blamed himself for the fallout every day since. He had wanted to apologize to Tamara a hundred times over for his part in getting her and Noah caught. He knew, however, that nothing he could have said would have changed what happened or would have put the light back in her eyes.
Jess had to settle for glimpses of Tamara around the ranch the rest of that summer as she worked and studied. She rarely ventured outside a routine that everyone on the ranch knew was part self-flagellation and part rebellion.
Jess wondered if Bailey had ached as much as him for Tamara. He wondered if anyone felt her withdrawal as acutely as he did and decided it wasn’t possible because no one cared about her as much as he did.
Jax pushed off of the door and made his way over to Jess, clamping a hand on his shoulder. “I’ll soften her up right and proper. By the time I’m done with her, she’ll be falling over herself to forgive you.”