by Gigi Moore
Jess glanced at his brother from the corner of his eye, and blood or not, he wasn’t too crazy about the idea of Jax softening up Tamara even if he did it for Jess.
This was exactly what he had not wanted. Only back on the ranch barely a day and Tamara already came between him and his brother and wreaked havoc with her presence.
She can only wreak havoc if you let her.
Easier said than done. He really didn’t have a choice in the matter. She couldn’t be ignored as much as Jess would like to try and forget she existed. It hadn’t worked in the almost twenty years since she’d been away. It certainly wasn’t going to work now. Not when he knew she lived and breathed walking distance away and accessible.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, remembered the look of someone betrayed etched across her caramel features and knew that he had put it there, that he had betrayed her.
If she would just give him a chance to explain, she might not hate him so much.
Who did he kid? He wanted it all. He didn’t want her to just not hate him. He wanted her to care about him as much as he cared about her. He wanted to recapture those precious, quiet moments at the motel away from everyone and everything when she had been his.
“I appreciate your help, Jax but you really don’t have to do this.”
“Like it’s going to be any great sacrifice.”
That’s what Jess feared. Getting close to Tamara wasn’t going to be any great sacrifice for Jax. He knew Jax couldn’t wait to toss his hat in the ring and see if she would go for him the same way she had gone for Jess. He knew his brother, knew how Jax liked to compete because he did too. At least in this respect, they had lots in common. Must have been a Reynolds family trait bred into them from a father who didn’t know the meaning of the words give up, quit or surrender.
“Jess, I want to do this for you and Tam. Let me help you.”
His reluctance must really be showing. And if so, Jess wondered, what else showed? Could Jax feel his jealousy? Could he see it?
He hated being all balled up inside, hated not knowing whether he was coming or going and, especially, all because of a woman.
Maybe he’d be better off just letting it go and stepping aside altogether to let Jax be with Tamara.
Even though his heart twisted in rebellion at the idea, he couldn’t deny the chemistry he’d felt between them when Jax had massaged her shoulders. He couldn’t deny that something simmered between them. It wouldn’t take much to fan the flames of desire between the pair, not with Cool Hand Jax on the case.
Just thinking about all his brother’s lusty antics in college and all the different ways Jax had of separating a girl from her panties made Jess’s stomach flip.
“You’re not giving up before we even start, are you?”
Jess opened his eyes to stare at Jax, hadn’t even realized before then that he had closed them as if to ward off a vision of his brother and Tamara together. “Giving up?”
“Yeah. On Tam?”
“Not a chance,” he blurted, meaning it. He wasn’t giving up on Tamara that easily, even if his brother was the other man.
“Good man. That’s what I wanted to hear.” Jax clamped his shoulder again just as Tamara turned the corner and neared Clipper’s stall.
Jess caught the way she slowed down as she approached and the way her back straightened, emphasizing her already proud posture, which consequently pushed her breasts out at a mouth-watering angle.
He watched his brother turn to her and plainly saw the look of appreciation splashed across Jax’s face, but couldn’t find it in himself to be angry with Jax. The man only followed his instincts. Besides which, Tamara was an attractive sexy woman, as Jax had pointed out earlier. Jess knew she would garner second and third glances from any red-blooded male within a twenty-mile radius, himself included.
Jess remembered the way she’d looked earlier that day, shamelessly walking around the motel room naked, and caught himself licking his lips as she neared.
Tamara frowned as she paused a couple of feet away from them, and Jess noticed that she had freshened up, changing into a black pair of jeans and an orange shirt that perfectly set off her complexion. She eyed him warily before turning to Jax. “Am I interrupting anything? Let me know and I can come back later.”
“No you’re not interrupting anything. I just touched base with Jess about some work that needed to be done around the ranch.”
Jess smiled at his brother’s cool tone. The man proved such a smooth operator it should have been illegal. It still wasn’t enough to put Tamara at ease, he noticed, since he could feel her tension washing over him in waves as she stood between them.
Clipper whinnied and nodded his head, relieving the friction, and Tamara looked at the animal as if noticing him for the first time.
She stepped closer, easily patted his head, smoothing her hand down his shiny spotted coat and grinning. “What’s his name?”
“This here’s Clipper, one of our finest stallions,” Jax responded with pride. Tamara turned to look at him with a bright smile that belonged to Jess. At least it had belonged to him up until a couple of hours ago before he’d become persona non grata around here.
“Actually he’s Sunspot’s Eclipse. I just call him Clipper.”
She turned to him, her look guarded, and he wished he hadn’t been the one to put that expression of hostile distrust in her eyes. “Beautiful name for a beautiful horse.”
“Want to take him out? I’m sure Jess won’t mind, will you, Jess?”
Jess ground his teeth. He darn well did mind, but he’d walk over hot coals before he let Tamara know that her going out for a ride with his brother on his horse bothered him. “No, I don’t mind at all.” He handed the reins over to Tamara then crossed the stall to retrieve Clipper’s saddle. By the time he made it back, Jax had already draped a blanket over the horse’s back, and Jess settled the saddle on top of it.
He reached to cinch the saddle around the horse’s middle, but Tamara stepped between him and Clipper and reached for the straps.
“I can do that.”
“I thought it might have been a while since you’d ridden…”
“It has, but I haven’t forgotten.”
And he could see that she hadn’t. She acted as perfectly comfortable and at ease with Clipper as he acted with her, and in no time flat, she had attached the saddle snug but not too snug over the blanket and around the horse’s belly.
He watched her take Clipper’s reins again to lead him out of the stall, and traitor followed her like an obedient servant.
“Well, I’ll go get Cappuccino saddled up, and we’ll be on our way.” Jax left before either of them could object, and Jess watched as Tamara shifted her weight from one leg to the other as she averted her gaze and almost compulsively patted Clipper.
“Get much riding done in New York?”
Tamara looked around her then gave Jess a head-on stare as if to say “You talking to me?” before she finally acknowledged that he could only be talking to her. “Not unless you count the carousel at Coney Island.”
“I would have liked to have seen that.”
She shrugged. “No big deal. You seen one carousel, you’ve seen them all.”
His arms ached to hold her and the fact that they were standing there like two strangers tore him up inside. He could barely believe he had been buried deep in her body and they had been wrapped around each other not a few hours ago.
Jess didn’t know what he considered worse—her being back only to ignore him like yesterday’s garbage or her not being back at all. He thought he could deal with never having known how it felt to make love to her, than knowing her body only to have it snatched away from him. To heck with that better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all saying. The pain of having her within arms’ reach, but her hating and mistrusting him too much for him to want to do anything about it, ate him up inside. .
Jess decided to leave her alone a second b
efore Jax turned the corner, leading a saddled and spirited Cappuccino down the aisle.
“Oh, he’s beautiful too!” Tamara rubbed the shiny copper coat of Jax’s stallion as they neared, and like Clipper before him, Cappuccino welcomed her attention, pushing his head against her hand and whinnying in pleasure.
Tamara giggled at the animal’s antics. “I missed this a lot more than I thought I did.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, the look on her face far away and dreamy as she continued caressing the animal’s head and shoulders. “The feel of a horse, the earthy smell of the country… There’s just nothing like it in the city.”
“Makes you wish you never went away, huh?” Jax asked.
Jess held his breath waiting for her answer then felt the top of his ears heat with embarrassment at the naked regret he saw in Tamara’s eyes when she opened them.
Leave it to Jax to be blunt and get to the painful heart of a matter.
“I had to go away, Jax. You know that.”
Jess read between the lines. She’d left not just because law school in New York had been calling her, but because she couldn’t stand to be in the place of her greatest humiliation and failure a minute longer. Yet, she might have stayed on and even gone to school in Colorado had Bailey showed her the slightest indication that she was still his cherished daughter. She’d just wanted to know that he loved her no matter what, and that she hadn’t irreparably disappointed him. That the man had been too stubborn to do so had been all of their loss.
“You know we never stopped loving you, no matter what Bailey said or did.”
She glanced at Jess before turning to Jax. “I know. And you know the feeling’s mutual. I never stopped loving you either.”
Tamara had her back to him, but he could still hear the catch in her voice as she stepped close to stand on her toes, wrap her arms around Jax’s neck and peck him on the cheek.
That they’d shared a brief, friendly kiss made it no less of an affront to Jess. She might as well have stuck her tongue down his throat and rubbed herself against him.
Jess clenched his hands into fists at his sides and squeezed his eyes tight.
He didn’t know how he intended to survive Jax’s grand plan to get Tamara to forgive him, especially if it involved Jax and Tamara getting any closer than they stood right now. In fact, he thought he’d die a thousand times over at the thought of her being out and about on the ranch with Jax.
The ranch featured several vantage points to particularly panoramic views that could be turned into an excuse for a romantic interlude. Sunsets and sunrises were especially dazzling. Jess knew that after so many years surrounded by high rises, smog and starless nights, Tamara would be exceptionally susceptible. She would be more than willing to show her appreciation of nature’s wonders to the nearest available person. He remembered how much she’d enjoyed the mountain view from their motel room when she wasn’t enjoying his body and the thought made him smile.
“…out now.”
Jess shook himself and opened his eyes to stare at Jax and Tamara who both frowned at him. “What?”
“I said we’re going to head out now. I’ll look over the fences during our ride.”
“Have a good time.”
Jax curved his free arm around Tamara’s shoulders as they headed toward the exit. “Oh, don’t worry. We will.”
Just what Jess worry about.
Chapter 12
The farther away they got from the ranch and Jess, the more Tamara’s stomach churned and the more uncomfortable she felt, as if she left behind her best friend.
Why did she feel so guilty about leaving Jess and riding off with Jax?
He’d lied to her. He had betrayed her. He didn’t deserve her soft heart or sympathy, far from it. But she couldn’t seem to keep the cool and detached stance, not in her heart, and especially not with the memory of their time spent together in the motel haunting her.
Tamara refused to believe that she had fallen for someone who behavior so despicably toward her, someone with no redeemable qualities. She usually proved such a good judge of character, usually knew when someone pulled the wool over her eyes. But she’d had no reason to doubt Jess’s sincerity, no reason to believe that the young man Jay had any reason to lie about his identity.
Why had he lied?
Jax had earlier indicated that his brother had a good reason for doing what he did, and she had to admit that curiosity almost tempted her to ask him—almost.
Had it just been to get her into bed? Would she have slept with him had she known his real identity? Tamara couldn’t really say one way or the other but she doubted she would have entertained the thought of being intimate with Jess. Too much baggage existed between them, too much history. She still saw him as a kid and the fact that he’d pulled that little identity game on her at the airport didn’t help matters.
Why?
She knew she appeared relatively attractive to the opposite sex, but she functioned under no illusions to believe that her allure was irresistible. Not enough to make Jess act so out of character, to make him lose all sense of decency and reason and lie to someone he knew and cared about.
“You’re mighty quiet over there. Anything you want to talk about?”
Tamara turned her head to look at Jax, momentarily thrown by the familiar tone of his voice, thrown by the sexy drawl. Thrown by how much he sounded like Jess.
She mentally kicked herself. Damn it, she needed to stop thinking about Jess, which proved a pretty tall order when his mirror image rode not more than ten feet away from her.
“Nothing you can help me with,” she said and turned her head to admire the scenery they were riding by. She unintentionally got lost in the lush green and brown countryside below them and the view of the sun beginning to dip low behind the mountains on the western horizon.
She’d forgotten how breathtaking this country could be, how homesick it could make a body.
“I’m a good listener.”
Tamara smiled as she turned back to Jax to find him and his horse riding much closer to her. She’d been so absorbed by the landscape she hadn’t even heard their approach.
She looked at the earnest expression on Jax’s face and wanted to spill her guts—not just about what had happened between her and Jess, but what had happened with James. But from there it would have been just a hop, skip and a jump to spilling the beans about a whole lot of other things that he just didn’t need to know or probably didn’t want to hear.
Tamara wasn’t good at sharing confidences. She never had been. She’d always been a bit of a loner on the ranch except when it came to immediate family, and she had stayed that way when she went away to college because saw no reason to change. She didn’t fit in with any of the various factions except those bent on excelling in their studies and that group, like her, wasn’t interested in socializing except under duress and unless it would further their academic goals.
She talked a good game at work, proved proficient at mixing when she needed to, at rubbing elbows with the bigwigs and the clients of her firm, but when it came to intimates she kept close to her, the circle almost didn’t exist.
James had been the closest thing to a confidant she had had, and he had been a poor excuse for one when she got right down to it. She knew about and had shared more with Jess since she’d been back than she had with James their entire time together.
Tamara had never felt comfortable enough with her fiancé to tell him her innermost secrets or to reveal her vulnerabilities. When she got right down to it, he had done her a favor by dumping her. What kind of marriage would they have had, really? She would have been making the same mistake of incompatibility that her own parents had made.
She didn’t want the relationship her parents had had. She wanted the sort of relationship that Jeremiah and Paula had had.
Tamara knew that her father’s friends hadn’t had the ideal relationship and that everything wasn’t always sunshine and kisses for them. They’d gone
through some rough patches, had their disagreements like any other married couple, but for every disagreement or moment of unhappiness between them, they worked that much harder to make sure the good times outnumbered the bad.
Vaguely, she wondered if Jeremiah had ever kept a secret or lied to Paula.
But you’re not married to Jess. You don’t have anything beyond a crushed ego invested. Better to cut your losses now than to devote any more time or energy to something doomed to failure and that shouldn’t have started in the first place.
“Right here’s a good spot to rest for a spell.”
Tamara dismounted, took Clipper’s reins, and led him toward the stream several yards away, following Jax and Cappuccino.
In synch, the horses lowered their heads and drank.
The stream, leading to a pristine waterfall in the mountains yonder, appeared cool and refreshing and tempted Tamara on a visceral level.
She closed her eyes and could see herself naked and frolicking with Jess and Jax beneath the force of the falls, the cold water making her nipples stand at attention for both men’s sucking and viewing pleasure.
Tamara licked her lips and opened her eyes with a start when she felt Jax’s hands on her shoulders and his lips near her ear.
“Thinking about going for a dip?”
“You read my mind.” She turned to face him and smiled. “The water just looks so good.”
“Feels even better.” Jax winked, took a couple of steps back and tossed his hat aside right before he began pulling off his boots.
“What are you doing?”
“Getting ready to go for a dip. Care to join me?”
Everything in her said she shouldn’t, that it would be a mistake, bigger than going to bed with Jess had been. But her heart fluttered at the idea of making at least half her fantasy come true, even though she knew the water must be a bracing forty degrees, if not colder. Sure spring abounded but she wouldn’t dare underestimate the cold of the Colorado Rockies.