Twin Cowboys for Tamara

by Gigi Moore

  “What about Tamara’s face? How am I supposed to look her in the face and not tell her the truth? How are you supposed to?”

  “We wouldn’t really be lying.”

  Jess cut a glare at him so fierce Jax wondered why he didn’t go up in a ball of spontaneous combustion.

  “All right, fine. It’s a lie of omission. But, Jesse, he begged me. I can’t tell her. And you can’t either.”

  “You should have never made a promise like that, especially not for me.”

  Jess drove in silence for several long moments, hands gripping the steering wheel so hard Jax thought he would pull it right out of the steering column any minute. Just when he’d decided not to say anything else until Jess did, his brother cursed under his breath, pulled to the side of the road and turned off the ignition. He slammed his fist against the steering wheel once then leaned forward and pressed his forehead against his knuckles.

  Jax just watched him, waiting and wondering what to do before Jess raised his head to look at him with moist, red-rimmed eyes. He could see exactly what his brother thought, could feel it, awash in the same guilty relief that a terminal illness had not befallen their dad, still overcome by grief for their impending loss.

  They barely remembered their mother, taken from them with the same general disease. But this death, they would both remember. They couldn’t escape it.

  “What are we going to do, Jax? This just isn’t right.”

  Jax couldn’t agree more. He’d thought the same thing when Bailey first made him promise not to say anything to Tamara.

  Bailey wanted to break the news to his daughter in his own way, in his own time, and he had that right. But where did that leave the rest of them, practically forced to walk around the house on eggshells, anxious and afraid of saying or doing anything that would tip off Tamara?

  “He had no right to ask us to do this,” Jess murmured.

  Jax nodded, felt as pressed between a rock and a hard place as his brother.

  They could either respect the wishes of a dying man and lie to the woman they both loved, or they could tell her the truth and violate Bailey’s confidence.

  “This is going to hurt her no matter how this plays out, and I don’t know if I can be a party to this. I love her.”

  “I know you do. I do too.” Jax’s heart sped at the admission, but he couldn’t deny it as attractive as it might have seemed to do so. It wouldn’t have been the truth though, and there wasn’t enough of that going around right now—not enough truth and too many secrets. “I probably should tell you that her mother might be making a visit.”

  “Jasmine? When? How?”

  Jax could imagine all the other questions going through his brother’s mind. Why, after all this time, would she come back to the ranch? “I didn’t get all the details, just stuff I caught before I interrupted Pop and Bailey. They argued about letting her visit while Tamara’s at the ranch. Pop wants to kill two birds with one stone. Bailey’s dead set against her coming.”

  “And I suppose we’re not supposed to warn Tamara about her mother’s impending visit either right?”

  “I think that’s a given.”

  “I don’t have to tell you how much this stinks.”

  Jax nodded, in total agreement. And he knew how much this stressed Jess out and would stress out his brother in the days to come. Already he could see the sense of responsibility, the need to keep everything organized and everyone happy already weighing down his twin’s shoulders. He almost regretted telling Jess anything, but he couldn’t have helped it anymore than he could have helped loving the same woman his brother did.

  He reached out an arm to wrap around Jess’s shoulder. “Hey, you don’t have to do this alone. I’m here for you.” Jax saw the question in his brother’s eyes and quickly put in, “And we’ll both be here for Tamara when this crap finally hits the fan.”

  “As it will inevitably do.”

  Jax did not look forward to the coming days and weeks. He wasn’t good with confrontations and tears, and he anticipated a lot of both with Tamara’s mother visiting and the progression of Bailey’s illness. “We’ll help her get through this.”

  “She may not want us to help her, may not want us near her. Not after she finds out we knew things ahead of time and kept it from her.”

  “You’re probably right. But that doesn’t have to stop us from taking care of her in spite of herself and her anger.”

  “And there will be that.”

  “And probably blood too,” Jax said and Jess laughed. “It’s going to be okay, bro. We’ll get through this.”

  “I want to believe you.”

  “I know it’s not in your nature to, but trust me.”

  “It’s not that I don’t trust you, Jax. When the chips are down, I’ve always been able to count on you to come through for me.”

  “You just don’t trust anyone to get this right except you.”

  Jess nodded and Jax thought when they got right down to things, they left the control of a potentially volatile situation in Bailey’s hands, and Jax knew that just didn’t sit well with Jess, especially not where it concerned Tamara. Bailey had a history of not thinking clearly or objectively when it involved his little girl.

  “Let’s just play it by ear. If it gets to be too much to handle, we’ll go back to Bailey and insist he tell Tamara himself before we do.” He hated to give a sick old man an ultimatum, but what else could they do? Bailey for sure wouldn’t be comfortable or happy with any decision they made regarding his illness. Better to at least give him a head’s up before they dropped the bomb on Tamara.

  Jess turned the key in the ignition and started the truck as he grinned at Jax.

  “What?”

  “You really are maturing aren’t you?”

  “It’s about time, isn’t it?”

  “I suppose so.”

  Jax credited Tamara’s arrival in no small part to his maturation. She made him want to be a better man, and this made him know he really loved her.

  Love changed people, made them do strange things, things they’d never done before. “I guess love is making me grow up,” Jax whispered, realization dawning.

  Jess glanced at him and smiled. “It looks good on you.”

  Chapter 20

  Jess drove the rest of the half-mile up to the ranch in complete silence, planning his escape as he made the turn onto the dirt path leading up to the main house. He needed some time alone to think and decide whether or not he would go along with this secret.

  But as soon as he entered the house through the back door in front of Jax and spotted Tamara standing at the kitchen sink, he really didn’t want to be alone or make any major decisions.

  Tamara didn’t make it easy to avoid her either when she unabashedly flew across the room and flung her arms around his neck in greeting. “Are you okay? I’ve been worried about you.”

  Jess took his hat off and plopped it on the back of Tamara’s head before leaning in to give her a slow kiss on the lips. Drawn by her warmth and taste, he slipped his tongue into her mouth and stroked her welcoming tongue with his, hunger quickly growing along with is cock.

  When Tamara responded, pressing against him so that her soft curves molded to him in a sensual perfect fit, Jess’s guilt came crashing down on him.

  How could he sustain Bailey’s ruse for more than the time it took him to say hello when just touching the woman made him want to come clean right here and now?

  He didn’t like the idea of lying, much less to Tamara—again. Not to mention he knew perfectly well what Tamara thought on the subject.

  Jax cleared his throat behind them. “So, I’m chopped liver?”

  Tamara giggled and pulled away from Jess to reach over and pat Jax’s cheek. “Nothing of the sort, honey. But you weren’t the one who got thrown off of a horse.”

  “Is that what a guy’s gotta do to get some tender loving care around here?”

  “I wouldn’t recommend it, but it is a goo
d way to get a boo-boo kissed.” And with this, Tamara cupped Jess’s face with both hands and stood on her toes to kiss his forehead.

  When she pulled away, he stared at her, tongue-tied as he sank into her dazzling onyx gaze. After an endless moment, he licked his suddenly dry lips and blurted, “The doctor gave me a clean bill of health, but I wouldn’t refuse some more tender loving care.”

  Now Maria cleared her throat. “I think some of my famous homemade chili should go a long way in helping to heal any other injuries.”

  Jess almost forgot that Maria stood in the room. He supposed she’d been quiet long enough, busy at the stove, stirring her pot and making herself as unobtrusive as possible.

  Did she suspect he and Jax had gone way passed flirting and kisses with Tamara? What would she do if she knew? Would she be as disapproving as Jess suspected Bailey and his father would be?

  As if to put his mind at ease, Maria winked at him then turned back to tend to her pot.

  “I washed the vegetables for the salad before you guys arrived,” Tamara said and hooked an arm through his to pull him closer.

  “Chili and salad. Sounds like a plan to me. I’m starving.” Jess gave Tamara another kiss on the lips before pulling away to head toward the foyer and stairs.

  Maria caught his arm to stop him on the threshold. “We’re glad you’re okay, niño.”

  He wouldn’t be if he stayed in this kitchen a minute more acting like there wasn’t anything wrong.

  Jess patted Maria’s hand and eased out of her grasp just as Jax hooked an arm around his neck in a playful headlock and led him to the stairs.

  “Gotta go wash off some of this dirt so we can have your delicious lunch, Maria. We’ll be back down directly,” Jax said over a shoulder.

  “There’s homemade buttermilk biscuits too,” Maria said.

  “Can’t wait!”

  As soon as they got upstairs behind the closed door of Jess’s room, he started pacing and Jax took a seat on the king sized four-poster bed that dominated the room.

  Jess felt his brother’s worried look following him the entire time he marched from one end of the large bedroom to the other, but didn’t know what to say to stop Jax from worrying.

  “You okay?” Jax finally asked.

  Jess paused in his pacing to glare at his brother who peered back at him like a dormant volcano Jax expected to erupt any second. “What do you think?”

  “I know you’re upset about this, but you’ve got to keep it together—for Bailey.”

  Jess wanted to tell his brother that if Bailey cared a lick about any of them he wouldn’t ask them to do this. But that wasn’t fair. The man was sick and dealing with things the best way he could. Jess just didn’t like being caught in the middle of his and Tamara’s power struggles and emotional minefields, or whatever the heck they wanted to call things.

  “Just think of it as a test. You’ve always been good at passing those.”

  “This is different, Jax.”

  “Not really. Just put it into perspective. Do you really want to be the one to tell Tamara her father is dying?”

  Christ, did he? When Jax put it like that, heck no he didn’t want to be the one to deliver news like that to someone he cared about.

  Jess let out a long tired breath as he flopped down on the bed beside his brother, Jax’s question totally knocking him for a loop.

  “I didn’t think so.”

  “Someone needs to tell her.”

  “It’s Bailey’s responsibility. He’ll tell her when he’s ready.”

  Knowing Bailey he might never be ready. He might take this feud and his silence to his grave and leave the rest of them to clean up the emotional fallout after.

  “Do you remember when Mom died?” Jax asked.

  Jess turned to look at him. “Do you really want to talk about that now?”

  “What better time?”

  Jess shrugged, didn’t know where his brother intended to go with the question, but waited for the rest with his heart drumming.

  “I remember when Pop sat us down in his study after he got back from the hospital without Mom. I knew something bad happened because that’s the only time Pop took us into his study—to give us a serious talking to.”

  “I remember,” Jess said past the lump in his throat. He really didn’t want to do this now, felt like he went through a dress rehearsal for when Bailey finally died, felt like they rushed things.

  “When Pop finally explained to us that God had taken Mama to heaven to be with Him I just started crying. I didn’t want Mama to be in heaven with God. I wanted her to be here with us and didn’t care what Pop had to say about Him needing her more than we did.”

  “Dad said you shouldn’t be selfish, that we needed to share her with God.”

  “And I told Pop that God was selfish.”

  Jess nodded, remembered Dad’s stricken look, how the man had come that close to striking Jax. It was the first time he had ever seen his father so close to losing it with them.

  “Even back then you played the responsible diplomat.” Jax chuckled and shook his head, turned to look at him. “Do you remember what you did?”

  “Barely.”

  “You stood up and rubbed and patted Pop’s back as if exchanging roles and you told him everything would be okay, that you’d talk to me and make me understand. Then you turned to me, and by this time I had been crying pretty hysterically. But you wrapped your arms around me and hugged me tight and told me everything would be all right. You said I still had you and that I’d always have you.”

  “Dad left us alone in the room after that.”

  “But I saw the tears in his eyes before he left, and I felt like crap for making him feel bad like that. I wanted to say sorry.”

  “He knew.”

  “Yeah.” Jax nodded. “I just think about how difficult it must have been for him to sit two four-year-olds down and tell them their mother had died. And I wonder how much more difficult it’s going to be for Bailey to tell his daughter he’s barely civil to that he’s going to die. I just wonder what’s going through his head, his heart, and I know I don’t want to be in his shoes for more than just the obvious reason.”

  “Is there some message you’re trying to relay in your convoluted way?” Jess asked only half jokingly, and Jax shrugged.

  “Just wondering who death is harder on—the one who dies or the ones left behind.”

  Jess wished he had an answer for that. He wanted and needed a clue how to make it easier on Tamara when Bailey died. It wasn’t like he had that much experience consoling the grief-stricken. Aside from his Mom, he hadn’t lost anyone else nearly as close or important in his life, glad that he’d never had to go through that sort of loss too often. He knew it wasn’t realistic to believe that he would never have to go through that loss again, but once was enough.

  When a sudden knock sounded on the door, they both froze and stared across the room before looking at each other.

  “You decent in there?”

  Before either of them could answer, Tamara opened the door and paused on the threshold when she saw them. “Hey, good, you’re both in here.” She closed the door behind her, frowned and asked, “Should I ask what’s up with you two? Busy plotting your next move?”

  Jess tried not to look at her too warily. “In regards to what?”

  “Me and how you’re going to get me out of my clothes and into bed again.”

  Jess grinned and shook his head. “No, no plotting,”

  “Just reminiscing,” Jax offered.

  “Really? About what?”

  “Mom,” Jess said.

  “Oh.” Tamara arched a brow. “What brought that on?”

  He shrugged, couldn’t think of something that wouldn’t point the finger at Bailey’s illness but Jax saved him.

  “Having you around reminds us of Mom.”

  “Gee, thanks.”

  Jax chuckled. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

  “How do you
know how I think you meant it?”

  “We can tell by the look on your face,” Jess said and stood to cross the room. He stopped less than a foot in front of Tamara, admiring the flush that added an ethereal glow to her smooth, caramel complexion. “I think what my dear awkward brother meant to say…” He paused, enthralled by the way she looked up at him, all curious innocence and carnal hunger—a deadly combination. No wonder he and Jax got tongue-tied around her. No wonder Jax had made that ridiculous promise to Bailey. It was hard to deny either of the Carpenters anything when they turned on the persuasion and looked at a body in a way that could make it melt inside and out.

  “What did Jax mean?”

  Jess peered at her face and the words just fell into place. “We’re just glad you came back home to us.”

  “Yeah.” Jax stood now and came to position himself just behind Tamara, effectively pinning her between him and Jess.

  Jess saw the doubt in Tamara’s eyes, the dispute when he’d said home, and his heart fluttered at the idea of her leaving the ranch. He didn’t know what he had been thinking, what dreamland he had been living in the last few days to forget the reality glaring him straight in the face. When everything was said and done, when Bailey died and they buried him, Tamara would go back to her world and leave him and Jax behind—again.

  He could see the resolve in her eyes right now, but became determined to do everything in his power to convince her to stay, that she could practice law anywhere. He knew his thoughts selfish but couldn’t see past his desire to keep Tamara put. He’d deal with the logistics and mutual sacrifices later.

  Jess glanced at Jax when he heard his brother push the lock in the doorknob.

  “Learned your lesson after the last time, did you?” Tamara teased without turning and Jess smiled as he nuzzled her neck. He wrapped his arms around her and drew her farther into the room, Jax hot on their heels as Jess got them to the bed.

  “I’ve always been a quick study,” Jax said.

  “So you’ll remember how I like to be ridden then.”

  “Slow and easy” Jess rasped.

  “Hard and fast,” Jax murmured.