Someone tapped at the door and swung it open. Laura peered into the office, then stepped inside when Lesley beckoned for her to enter. She sank into one of the guest chairs. “I thought I’d let you know that I’ll spend the Festival of the Way in C3. I doubt there will be trouble, but since it’s the first one with Jayne in attendance, having a commodore there won’t hurt.”
“You can sit with us, though we’ll be in the back,” Lesley said, wondering why Laura was really here. She wouldn’t have batted an eye at seeing Laura at the festival; she would have been surprised if Laura hadn’t decided to keep an eye on C3ers as they celebrated the Chosen Tradition with an Adams in attendance. “The Adams skit. If people want to gawk, they’ll have to make the effort to turn around.”
Laura chuckled. “Maybe I should sit next to Jayne.”
Lesley smiled in turn. “You could. I’m always in the middle, so...” She trailed off. Would she be in the middle, or would Mo? “The chair next to her should be free. I’m sure she’d appreciate the support.”
“Ben and Megan always beg me to sit in the back. I’ll surprise them.”
“Daniel will be out of the Indoctrination Academy next year, right?”
Laura nodded. “And Megan will be in.” She paused. “With your course, we haven’t had a chance to speak much lately. How are things going?”
Finally, the reason for Laura’s visit. Lesley leaned forward and rested her elbows on her desk. “I was right about Mo.”
“She has feelings for Jayne?”
Lesley nodded, then forced out her next words, knowing Laura would find out at some point. “Jayne feels the same way about Mo.” She controlled her breathing with difficulty.
“I see.”
“I’m having extra sessions with Berry,” something Laura could discover at the press of a comm station button, if she didn’t already know, “but they don’t know that.”
“It must be difficult,” Laura said gently. “Don’t push yourself. You have time. I know you’re Joining in a couple of months, but I also know that you want to put an end to CT134 once and for all.” Her mouth turned up at the corners. “Nobody will be checking the sleeping arrangements.”
Lesley lifted a pencil from her desk and rolled it between her fingers. “I don’t know where everything will stand in two months, but I’ve made it clear to them that I won’t be upset if they...enter into a relationship.”
Laura’s brows drew together. “Really?”
“Yes.” Or at least she’d make it clear next time she saw them. She wanted them to stop avoiding each other because they thought her too fragile, too weak, to cope.
Perhaps if she told them about her appointments with Berry, they’d know she was dealing with it and worry less about how their relationship would affect her. Berry had said that Lesley had to reach the point where she could handle discarding their arrangement, but Lesley was starting to believe that talking about it wouldn’t get her there. Nothing would. It was time to move the triad in the direction it had to go. When she was backed against a wall, she’d have no choice but to accept whatever happened. Delaying the inevitable was wallowing in it. She was stronger than that.
*****
As Jayne followed Mo and Lesley from Berry’s office, she wondered why Lesley hadn’t asked her to lunch yet. They were overdue, but Berry hadn’t called her on it. The entire session had been boring, mainly a recounting of their activities since they’d last seen Berry two weeks ago. Not wanting to upset Lesley, Jayne hadn’t brought up her feelings for Mo, and was sure that Mo hadn’t said anything for the same reason. Jayne would have been flabbergasted if Lesley had raised the subject.
“So where are we meeting William?” Mo asked, breaking into Jayne’s thoughts.
“On our land.” Lesley smiled when Mo did, but was she genuinely looking forward to it?
Half an hour later, Jayne dutifully listened to William as he tapped the blueprints Lesley and Mo held open against the side of Lesley’s aviacraft. It was hard to believe that a house would eventually sit in this empty field, the house in which she’d live with her Chosens and their children, grow old, and die. “Whatever you think is best,” she murmured, when Mo asked if she agreed with a suggestion Lesley made to William. They’d tell her it would be as much her house as theirs, but she didn’t feel that way and would agree to whatever they wanted. Anything would be better than her small apartment, and the estate was lovely—and private. Another reason she shouldn’t have applied to art school: if she got in, she’d have to leave the estate three or four times a week. But she wouldn’t be accepted, so it was a moot point.
“When will construction start?” Lesley asked.
“Next week.” William rolled up the blueprints and slid them into a cylindrical case. “But I wouldn’t bother coming to look. There won’t be much to see for a while. Oh, Karen wants you all for supper again. I’m supposed to tie you down to a date.”
“You said Carol wants us over, too,” Mo said to Jayne.
She nodded. “But if you want to go to Karen’s first—”
“Tell Karen I’ll beep her later,” Lesley said to William. “We have to put our three schedules together to figure out a date. And we haven’t been to supper at Carol’s yet.”
“All right.” William slung the blueprints over his shoulder and picked up his bike.
“Just a sec,” Lesley said as he mounted it. “We haven’t talked about the interior design.”
William shielded his eyes from the sun and gazed at her. “It’s a little soon for that.”
“I know. But...Jayne.”
Jayne turned to Lesley.
“Will you work with William’s team when they’re ready to think about the interior design—choose the colours and the furniture? Run whatever you want by Mo and me, but we’re hoping you’ll take the lead on it.”
Jayne gaped. “But—I don’t know anything about interior design.”
Lesley shrugged. “You’ll have a better eye for it than we will.”
But what if they hated a colour she chose, or loathed a piece of furniture? Then again, Lesley had said that Jayne could run whatever she wanted by them—which Jayne would take to mean everything. Despite her fear that she’d make a mistake, she couldn’t throw their trust back in their faces, or their generosity, especially Lesley’s. Any attempt to include her must be difficult for Lesley, and this gesture was huge. “Okay. I’ll, um, take the lead.”
William looked at Jayne. “Catherine Moss oversees the interior design. I’ll let her know. When it’s time, she’ll contact you.” With a wave, he rode off. “Don’t forget to beep Karen,” he shouted over his shoulder. Lesley nodded, even though he could no longer see them.
“So what now?” Mo said. “It’s only 15:30.”
“I have that meeting with Commander Blair in an hour,” Lesley said.
“Right. That was pretty inconsiderate of her, scheduling it on your day off from your course.”
“Don’t blame her. This was the only day I could fit her in.”
“How long do you think you’ll be? We can meet you afterward, have supper somewhere.”
Lesley pursed her lips. “I shouldn’t be longer than an hour. But let’s talk first. Why don’t we sit in my aviacraft?”
Jayne tensed. Last time Lesley had suggested they talk in her aviacraft, she’d dropped the Brenda Stewart bombshell. Apprehensive, she followed her Chosens onto Lesley’s craft and sat in her habitual seat. Mo twisted the passenger seat toward Lesley. “What is it?”
Lesley sighed. “I’ve been seeing Berry a couple of times a week, to talk about how I feel about everything. Obviously I had to tell her about...you two.”
No wonder Berry wasn’t prodding Lesley to invite Jayne for lunch and hadn’t pried as much as usual during their session. She knew everything! Jayne noticed Mo’s eyes widening and saw her jaw tightening. Was it because Lesley hadn’t told her first, or was she just surprised?
“So it’s okay to talk about it during
our sessions. You don’t have to hide it because of me.” Lesley lifted her hands, then dropped them to her lap. “I should have asked you whether it was okay to tell her, but I needed to talk about it, and I didn’t want you to know I was seeing her, not at first. I hope you’re not upset.”
“I’m not,” Mo said. “That’s what counsellors are for. She can’t tell anyone.”
Jayne felt relieved that Lesley had told Berry for her. “I agree.”
“But as far as our sessions go, I don’t think we should bring something up unless we’ve agreed to it,” Mo said.
Lesley grimaced. “She’s supposed to help us. She can’t do that if we keep problems from her.”
“I’m not saying we hide stuff, just that we don’t surprise each other by bringing something up out of the blue. I’d like to think we’ll have discussed it amongst ourselves first.” Mo leaned forward and put her hand on Lesley’s knee. “Les...I’m glad you’re going. And that you told us.”
Lesley’s face flushed. She twisted toward Jayne. “I did tell her we’d go to lunch soon.”
“Sure. Just let me know when you have time.”
“I’m on 72 in a couple of days. Go then,” Mo suggested.
“You won’t be taking Jayne with you?” Lesley asked.
The edge in Lesley’s voice made Jayne wonder why she was upset.
Mo lifted her hand and drew back. “I didn’t think—”
“That I can handle it?” Lesley glared at her. “That’s the other thing I wanted to talk to you about. Our arrangement. I know it won’t last, so it’s off.”
Stunned silence greeted her announcement. “Les, there’s no rush,” Mo finally said.
“Pretending our arrangement will last is only delaying the inevitable. I’ll be okay. I’m dealing with it. Why do you think I’m seeing Berry?”
Mo gave her a long look. “We should talk—”
Lesley sliced her hand through the air. “No! As far as I’m concerned, it’s off.”
Mo raised placating hands. “Okay, it’s off. But I’m still not taking Jayne to 72. I’m only going for one night, and the only reason I’m staying overnight is that one shift is late, the other early, and then I’m in a meeting with Ross all afternoon about the practicums starting next week. So there’s no point. I’ll be flying or busy the whole time.”
Not when you’re in bed. Jayne couldn’t believe the thought had popped into her mind, and wondered if it had entered Lesley’s. While the prospect titillated, she wasn’t ready for that, and Mo probably felt the same way. They hadn’t even kissed.
“Fine.” Lesley sat stiffly. “I just wanted you to know that it’s off. You don’t have to worry about me.”
But Jayne was worried, and she could see the concern in Mo’s eyes.
“Where do you want me to drop you?” Lesley asked.
“Home,” Mo said flatly. Less than a minute later, the craft landed in the Middleton Estate holding area. “Come over here after your meeting and we’ll have supper together,” Mo said as she unbuckled her seatbelt.
“I don’t know, the meeting could run late,” Lesley said. “I don’t want to make you wait for me.”
“Even if it runs two hours, you’ll be here before 19:00. But it won’t. You said an hour.”
Lesley shook her head. “I have studying to do for my class tomorrow.”
“Come on, you can do that afterward.”
“I have things I need to do tonight, okay?” Lesley snapped. She glanced over her shoulder. “Don’t forget your sketchbook.”
Jayne had already picked it up. “I have it, thanks.” She hesitated. “It would be nice if you joined us for supper.”
“Yeah, come on, Les.”
“I really should get going, or I’ll be late for my meeting.”
Mo frowned at Lesley. “Take us with you. We’ll walk around the grounds while you’re in your meeting. All we’ll do here is hang out and talk, so we might as well do it there.”
“I wouldn’t mind seeing the grounds,” Jayne added, though under other circumstances, military headquarters wouldn’t be high on her list of places to stroll.
“We’ll meet at your aviacraft afterward and go for supper,” Mo said.
Lesley threw up her hands. “Okay. If that’s what you want, okay.” The craft lifted off again. Mo glanced over her shoulder and caught Jayne’s eye.
After landing, they walked with Lesley to the bottom of the steps rising to the military headquarters entrance. “I shouldn’t be more than an hour,” Lesley said. With a nod, she climbed the stairs and disappeared inside.
Mo motioned for Jayne to walk, and didn’t start talking until they were on a tree-lined path away from the entrance. “I don’t know what she thinks she’s doing.”
Jayne suspected that Lesley was trying to prove something to herself. But what if she failed? What then? “What do you think we should do?”
Mo met her eyes. “I don’t know. I’d say stick to our arrangement, but she seems determined to push us together, to the point that she’ll be angry if we don’t go there, but probably horrified if we do. What are we supposed to do with that?”
“Maybe we should speak to Berry.”
Mo shook her head. “That would do more harm than good. Les would be upset that we were discussing her with Berry behind her back. I know she’s seeing Berry, but that’s different.” She stopped walking, dug a rock from the path with her boot, and kicked it away. “And now that she’s declared the arrangement is off, there’s no way she’ll admit it was premature and go back on it. But I don’t know what she’s expecting us to do. Well, maybe I do, but I think it would be a bad idea.” She liberated and punted another stone. “On the other hand, if we stubbornly stick to our arrangement, that’ll upset her, too.” Her hands went to her hips. “No matter what we do, she’ll be upset. And I don’t blame her. I’d feel the same way.” Mo snorted. “If it was me, I’d still be giving both of you the silent treatment.”
Jayne smiled. “We can just say okay, the arrangement is off, but stick to it.”
“If we say the arrangement is off, and you come to 72 with me, or I spend time at your apartment, she’ll assume the worst, and it’ll kill her. I know it will.”
“She wants to show that she can handle it.”
“But she can’t!”
“I know.”
“So what do we do? If we don’t act like the arrangement is off, she’ll think we’re trying to protect her, which to Les means we think she’s weak. If we act like it’s off, I don’t know what she’ll do.” Mo released an exasperated sigh, then looked at Jayne. “We can trust ourselves, right?”
Jayne nodded. She’d worried about being alone with Mo, but now her concern for Lesley would prevent her from doing anything stupid.
“Then let’s stop walking on eggshells and see what happens.”
“What do you mean?”
“Let’s treat the arrangement as off.” Mo swallowed. “I don’t know about you, but even with it off, I want to take things slow—really slow. Things are going to feel weird for a while. If we take it slow, that will give Les time to...I don’t know, accept it? Adjust? We can see how she deals with it. If she can’t deal with 72 or us hanging out in your apartment drinking tziva, we need to know—and then maybe involve Berry.”
What exactly was Mo proposing? “So...we don’t worry about being alone and how it will affect her? I don’t think I can do that.”
“Of course we’ll worry, and she’ll hate every minute we’re alone together in private. But apparently she’d rather that than have us coddle her. So unless we want to antagonize her, let’s give her what she wants. If she falls to pieces the first time I tell her we spent time together at your apartment, even though I’ve told her nothing happened, we’ll beep Berry.”
“She obviously wanted us to spend the evening alone together.” And maybe more? Didn’t Lesley think they cared about her?
“No, she wanted to show us that she wouldn’t fall to piec
es. But I won’t let her hurt herself.”
“We won’t.”
Mo grinned. “There really is no point in you coming to 72 with me this week, though. I wasn’t lying about that. Anyway, come on. Let’s walk.”
She strolled away; Jayne reached her side in two strides. Would holding Mo’s hand be going slow? Wishing she hadn’t left her sketchbook in the aviacraft, she shoved her hands into her cloak pockets.
*****
Mo nodded at two fellow pilots as they passed on their way out of the canteen. She checked her comm unit, and silently cursed when her lips tightened.
“Am I boring you?” Ann asked. “You’ve checked your comm unit three times since we sat down.”
She shook her head. Les and Jayne would meet in fifteen minutes, and she was already wondering what they’d talk about and how long they’d spend together. Two Chosens, double the jealousy. If she didn’t learn to control it—to trust them—she’d make herself ill.
“Go, already!” Ann urged. “I have to fly in an hour.”
Mo glared at Ann and took a bite of her sandwich, then slid a card from her hand and dropped it onto the table.
Ann studied her cards. “So I finally heard about Peggy. Is it supposed to be a secret? You didn’t mention anything last time you were up, and it took Andrew long enough to tell me.”
“What did he say?” Mo asked, eyes on her own cards.
“That your papa surprised you all at the supper I wasn’t invited to.” Ann threw a card onto the pile.
“It was for family only. You didn’t miss anything exciting.”
“I missed seeing your eyes bug out of your head.”
Mo resisted the urge to kick her under the table and took the top card from the deck.
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