The Triad

by Sarah Ettritch

  “Look at all the offerings,” Mo breathed. “I should have come sooner.”

  “You came when you were ready,” Lesley said as she surveyed the slots stuffed with articles. Soon they’d have to be gathered and placed in the ornamental chest that sat in each room for that purpose.

  Mo stepped behind Lesley to open the knapsack on her back. She slid out her offering and read it once more. “The border makes it unique,” she murmured. Lesley silently agreed, pleased that her teeth weren’t set on edge. Mo stepped to one of the few remaining empty slots and dropped the article into it. “I love you, Mama.” She stood silently for a minute, then turned to her Chosens with moist eyes. “Thank you for coming with me.”

  “Thank you for inviting me,” Jayne said as Lesley nodded.

  Mo managed a small smile. “I had to introduce you. Anyway, I’m ready to go.” So ready that she strode from the room without a backward glance. Lesley and Jayne looked at each other, then followed her.

  Mo didn’t slow her pace until they were outside, walking away from the crypt. “I’m glad I went,” she said, taking Lesley’s hand and, after a moment’s hesitation, Jayne’s. “I’ll feel so much better at the Joining Ceremony now. I feel so relieved. I’d built up the visit to the crypt into some big ordeal, to the point that I was avoiding it.” She blew out a sigh and visibly relaxed. “That’s the most difficult part of the week over for me. I can enjoy myself now.”

  Lesley caught Jayne’s eye. Her conviction to tell Mo about her feelings for Jayne deepened. If the guilt she felt over sharing a secret with Jayne while visiting Susan was any indication, there was no way she could stand in the Joining Chamber without Mo knowing.

  *****

  As she did every time she found herself alone again, Jayne stood off to one side of the living room and tried not to look uncomfortable. At least she had a glass in her hand, giving her juice to sip while she surveyed the guests. Spending the evening trapped in a room filled with Lesley and Mo’s relatives was awkward at times, but not as excruciating as she’d expected. There were so many guests that the formal dining room was also packed. Everyone had greeted her civilly, and a few had engaged her in polite conversation. Most had quickly moved on, satisfied that they’d done their duty. Everyone was clearly delighted that Lesley and Mo were Chosens. They were doing their best not to let the existence of a third Chosen from a disgraced family ruin the occasion.

  She sipped her drink again, hoping that someone would come and rescue her soon, before anyone pitied her. Her heart leaped when she glimpsed Lesley, then she quietly sighed. Lesley was talking to Jason, who hadn’t hesitated to shake Jayne’s hand. He’d even managed to mumble a few words of greeting. Since then, he’d avoided her, but at least he was here, spending time with his estranged sister. Jayne didn’t believe that Lesley and Jason had ever been close, but they were siblings, and she hoped their relationship would become less strained. Just because she had a worthless brother and would be happy to never see him again didn’t mean that all sister-brother relationships were expendable.

  Her Chosens hadn’t completely abandoned her all evening. They had to circulate, but they’d made a point of snatching time with her whenever they could, and so had others in their families. Alan had topped up her glass twice, Karen and William had chatted with her, and even Michael and Peggy had made small talk for a few minutes. Adelaide seemed to be taking care of the guests in the dining room; she occasionally popped into the living room for a minute or two, probably to check that Alan was doing his part. Jayne didn’t know what had happened to Mo, and felt guilty whenever she saw her. This time tomorrow, Lesley would tell Mo the last thing she wanted to hear.

  “What are you thinking about?”

  It took a moment for Mo’s voice to register. “S-sorry,” Jayne stammered. “I didn’t see you come over. I’m glad you’re here,” she said, the familiar guilt snaking through her. “I didn’t really know what to do with myself.”

  “I think I’ve spoken to everyone at least once, so I can hang out with you now. I figure people will start leaving soon, anyway. We’ll see some of them again at lunch tomorrow.”

  “What are Adelaide’s parents like?” Jayne asked. She’d meet all her Chosens’ grandparents at the lunch, but Adelaide’s parents concerned her the most.

  Mo barked a laugh. “Well, her mama’s okay, but her papa makes Adelaide look laid-back. The good news is that he’ll mainly talk to Adelaide, Alan, and Les. The few times I’ve spent time in his presence, he’s ignored me. I don’t know, maybe now that I’m going to be a Thompson, it’ll be different. I kind of hope not, though. I’m totally okay with him passing me over. Trust me, you’ll know what I mean tomorrow.”

  Jayne tried not to show her dismay. When she felt Mo’s hand slip into hers, she knew she’d failed.

  “Maybe you should have invited your grandparents,” Mo said, squeezing Jayne’s hand.

  Jayne shook her head. “They never visited when I lived with my aunt and uncle. Well, they did, but not with me.” Their rejection had deepened her suspicion that she’d somehow been responsible for the Incident. Her adult self had eventually stopped believing that, but as a child, she’d taken it all upon herself and wondered if she could have stopped it. “Honestly, I don’t even know if I’d recognize them.” And she didn’t care. If they ever wanted to see her, they could look up her comm code. Having to invite her aunt, uncle, cousins, and Robert already grated. Carol was the exception, but Jayne thought of her more as an older sister, and having her and Ronald at the main table would make the Joining supper extra special.

  Mo’s hand felt hot in hers. Should they be holding hands in front of the families? What would Lesley think? Jayne glanced in her direction. Blood rushed to her face when Lesley and Jason quickly turned back toward each other. They’d been looking over here! Was Lesley upset? Had Jason pointed out that Lesley’s two Chosens were holding hands, or had they not been staring at her and Mo, specifically?

  Jayne didn’t want to upset Mo by pulling her hand away, and she liked holding Mo’s hand. At the same time, she worried about Lesley, but the harm, if any, was already done. She continued to hang onto Mo, not wanting to perturb both Chosens. Her stomach knotted. After tomorrow night, this balancing act would be a hundred times more difficult.

  *****

  With a weary sigh, Mo plunked into Les’s chair and waited for her to come upstairs. What was on Les’s mind? The moment the front door had shut behind Jayne, Les had said that she wanted to talk and would meet Mo in her bedroom. Maybe she just wanted to get away from her parents and anyone who happened to be visiting. They hadn’t had five minutes to themselves since they’d awakened that morning, and tomorrow would be no different. Mo didn’t dare lie on the bed; Les would find her fast asleep.

  As it was, she jumped when Les shut the bedroom door. Rubbing her eyes, she realized that she must have snatched a two-second nap, because she hadn’t heard Les climb the stairs.

  Les sat on the bed and beckoned for Mo to join her. “You mean, you want me to move,” Mo mumbled. She considered rolling the chair over to Les, then pushed herself up and shuffled over to the bed. “I’m surprised Jayne has the energy for a walk. Then again, she’s not used to having people in her face twenty-four hours a day. Leaving the house is the only way she can get any time alone.” No wonder she’d insisted that she didn’t want company. But… “We should have gone with her. She might get lost, and if she runs into a patrol…” Suddenly wide awake, Mo dropped onto the bed next to Lesley.

  “Relax. Laura’s briefed everyone about Jayne. They’ve seen her image, they know she’s living on the estate. Laura won’t tolerate so much as a dirty look from anyone. And Jayne has her comm unit. If she gets lost, we’ll go find her.”

  “When’s Laura giving up C3?” Mo asked, hoping a change of subject would calm her worry. “I would have expected another commander to take over by now—or will we be getting someone fresh out of your course?” C3 was—or used to be—such
a dull sector that a green commander could handle it.

  Les shrugged. “I’m not sure. Laura hasn’t said anything explicit to me, but I think she’s decided to hang onto the sector until she’s confident that there won’t be any trouble because of Jayne. Admiral Hall obviously agrees with her.”

  What sort of trouble—Jayne corrupting C3, or C3ers trying to kill her? The latter scenario was likely Laura’s main concern. Tomorrow evening would be interesting; the Thompsons had invited many from the nearby estates to a buffet supper. Most had already seen Jayne at the Festival of the Way, but they’d given her a wide berth, which would be difficult to do in the formal dining room. A few families had turned down the invitation, but most had accepted, and a smaller group would also be at the Joining supper. Nobody had turned down that invitation, but Adelaide had included only those who had more than a polite, neighbourly relationship with the Thompsons or Middletons. And hey, in twenty years, when hopefully a triad—and an Adams—in C3 wouldn’t be such a novelty, they’d probably crow about their presence at the triad’s historic Joining supper.

  “Tomorrow night, we should stick close to Jayne,” Mo said. “I doubt anyone will be blatantly rude, but—”

  “I need to tell you something,” Les blurted.

  Mo instantly grew wary. It wasn’t like Les to interrupt. “What?”

  “It’s happening for me. With Jayne.”

  Mo sucked in her breath. “What do you mean?” she squeaked, knowing full well what Les meant. She clenched her trembling hands on her lap.

  “I feel something for her. More than friendship,” Les stated.

  “And you’re telling me now?” Mo cried, shooting to her feet. She knew she was being unreasonable, but she’d rather focus on Les’s timing—easy—than on Les’s message—not flaming listening!

  “I didn’t want to keep it from you. I didn’t want to stand in the Joining Chamber with—”

  “Yeah, we’re being Joined. In five flaming days!” Mo stomped over to lean against Les’s desk, and glared at her.

  “What would you have preferred? That we stand next to you—”

  Blood pounded in Mo’s ears. “We? Who’s we? You and Jayne? She knows?”

  Les’s voice remained even. “I told her a couple of—”

  “You talked to her first?” Mo wanted to run from the room, cry, scream, punch something, lift the comm display from Les’s desk and hurl it out the window. “What else have you been doing behind my back? Apart from plotting about how you’ll tell me about the two of you. No wonder she wanted to go for a walk.” Argamon, Jayne! “She can’t even have the decency to be here.”

  “Don’t put this onto Jayne. I wanted to speak to you alone.”

  “Well, thank you very much for considering that maybe I don’t want to cry my eyes out in front of a crowd.”

  “You’re not crying, you’re angry,” Les said, in that same even tone that was really, really starting to grate.

  “That’s because I can’t be upset, right? Because you’ve been so flaming reasonable that I can’t…be…upset. I can just be flaming mad that you’ve both known for—you knew at the crypt!” Her fingernails dug into her palms. “But I can’t cry, right? Because you’re not doing anything I haven’t done.”

  “We haven’t done anything except tell each other.”

  Oh, so Jayne also had feelings for Les. Why wasn’t Mo surprised? Because Les and Jayne were Chosens. Because everyone kept saying that it was only a matter of time. Oh, and because Les was beautiful and on her way to admiral and everyone would have dated her, if not for her irrational attachment to Mo Middleton. Why would Jayne be any different? She didn’t have to settle for the short, plain Chosen anymore—and neither did Les. Yeah, Mo was flaming mad! She’d known it would come to this! No wonder Les had been so flaming reasonable. All she had to do was bide her time until Jayne fell for her. Liar! They were both flaming liars, both of them! How could they do this to her? She hated them!

  It wasn’t supposed to hurt this much. She knew it was possible to love one without diminishing the love for the other. She knew that each relationship would be special in its own way. She knew that Les’s feelings for Jayne weren’t a rejection of her. How many times had she told Les that nothing had changed between them? How could she have been so stupid? How could Les have been so reasonable when she hadn’t yet experienced having feelings for—loving—two women. Mo’s feelings for Les had deepened since she’d fallen in love with Jayne, and yet she still wanted to scream, cry out in agony, hurt Les, hug Les. It must have been infinitely worse for Les. She’d had to blindly believe Mo’s assurances; she hadn’t had any experience to draw upon. “If I’d known how it would feel, I never would have…I couldn’t have…our arrangement would have been permanent.”

  Les lifted a brow. “It’s a good thing you didn’t know, then.”

  “How could you have been so flaming reasonable? I could see you were upset, but you kept pushing us together.”

  “I had no choice. Emotionally, it’s been a struggle. It still is.” Les’s chuckle conveyed that as an understatement. She touched her right temple. “Intellectually, I had to accept—believe—that holding you back would hurt our relationship in the long run. Because it would have.”

  “Still. I get that—now. Especially since I love you more than I ever have. Seriously, Les, I do. My relationship with Jayne will never change how I feel about you. But I still—” Mo balled her hands. Hated them? Wanted to scream at them and throw something at Jayne’s head next time she saw her? Wanted to flee from the room, crawl into a hole somewhere, and cry until her eyes burned, her throat was raw, and she’d run out of tears?

  Les’s expression was sympathetic. “I came to understand that our reaction after the notification meetings was our way of coping until we could face that we’re in a triad. I include Jayne in that statement, though I think her reasons for not accepting the triad were different from ours.” She stood. “The Chosen Council doesn’t make mistakes.”

  “I get that, too. And I’m hardly in a position to object to you and Jayne, right? But…” Mo threw up her hands. The tears she’d fought welled in her eyes. “I’m not as flaming reasonable as you.” Her lips trembled. When Les closed the distance between them and wrapped Mo in her arms, Mo leaned into her and sobbed into her shoulder. Howling in pain would have to wait until her social calendar calmed down. She quashed her stirring indignation at Les’s timing. Les was right about telling her before their Joining Ceremony. It was bad enough that she and Jayne had known at the crypt, but forgivable under the circumstances. “I have no right to cry,” she sniffled.

  “Of course you have a right to cry,” Les murmured. “You’re handling it better than I thought you would.”

  Mo snorted. “You’re not hearing what’s running through my mind.”

  “Tell me, if it’ll make you feel better.”

  “It wouldn’t make me feel better. Maybe I’m maturing or something, or maybe it’s because I fell for Jayne first, but I know that lashing out at you won’t help. That doesn’t mean I don’t feel like curling up into a fetal position and staying that way for the next year, but maybe how you handled it is helping me to accept that it’s not me. You’re not rejecting me. You’re not out to hurt me. I’m probably saying the same things you said to yourself.” When she felt Les’s nod, she almost added, “And it probably didn’t help to make you feel better, either.”

  “As I said, all Jayne and I have done is talk about it,” Les said. “I don’t know exactly how she feels. We didn’t say much beyond that we have feelings for each other, mainly because I’m too unsettled right now to even consider, uh, getting involved with her. I’m still conflicted about you and her. I need to feel more comfortable about you, her, us, everything, before we complicate the situation further.”

  Whereas Mo had plunged forward without a second thought. Well, that wasn’t quite true, but she’d accepted Les’s assurances as genuine and rushed ahead every time Les had
granted her “permission,” without considering whether “could” meant “should.” Jayne had been the one to slow them down.

  Les’s arms tightened around Mo. “I’m sorry about the crypt. I wish I could have told you beforehand, but Jayne and I only discussed this a couple of days ago, and I didn’t want to scuttle your visit to the crypt. I just—”

  “It’s okay. You were right. If you’d told me before, I probably would have backed out of the visit, used it as an excuse.” She slipped her arms around Les’s waist.

  They held each other in silence, until Les said, “What do you want to do now? Do you want some time alone? Do you want me to tell Jayne you’ve gone to bed?”

  “No.” Partly because she wanted to do what Les had done—reassure Jayne that she didn’t hate her—and partly because the thought of them alone together would now drive her crazy for a while. Yeah, Les had said nothing would happen, but that wouldn’t stop Mo from sticking to them like glue. Jealousy wouldn’t be her only motive. She loved them. Ironically, she’d draw comfort from them, and need them to get through the coming days. Yep, conflicted was one word for the emotional storm that would now consume her.

  It was a good thing she’d fallen for Jayne before Les did. If Les had gone first, Mo would have caved to her worst fears—that Les didn’t love her, had rejected her, would abandon her for Jayne. She might have destroyed the triad and all of their lives. Oh, she wouldn’t have ended up on the Wall of Offenders, but would her love for Les have survived? She wasn’t sure, and would live with that disappointment for the rest of her life.