Color of Loneliness

by Madeleine Beckett

  * * *

  Myra sits on the couch, listening to Dylan’s truck as it pulls out of her driveway; he must have gotten the tarp fixed. Sighing, she pulls out her cell phone and turns it off as a tear slips down her cheek. She doesn’t feel like talking to anybody tonight. Not even Susie.

  As she slowly climbs her squeaky staircase, tears begin silently falling down her cheeks. She slips off her sneakers and climbs into bed with her clothes still on. Pulling up the blanket and tucking it under her chin, she lets the tears flow.

  She doesn’t know what would have happened had Dylan not shown up like he did. She didn’t want the police involved because being a cop’s daughter she knows how the system works. She should have never opened that door without looking out first. It was an honest mistake considering she thought it was Dylan, but she’ll never let that happen again. From now on, she’ll always look out the window first.

  Turning on her side, she wraps her arms around her knees, curling up into a ball. At least she was able to resist Dylan tonight. Her fingers reach up and touch the place where he caressed her cheek.

  But she can’t be the other woman…

  Myra stares at the bedroom door that Trent just marched out of, her mouth gaping open. She has done absolutely nothing wrong. She has been completely faithful to Trent. Craig flirts with everyone in the office, he knows that. Why would Trent suddenly doubt her now? It just doesn’t make any sense.

  This must be the reason why he’s been so distant lately. She has to fix this. They have to talk this through right now. She needs to convince him that she loves him and that she would never do anything to jeopardize their relationship.

  Determined, she makes her way back to the office. She chews nervously on her fingernails as she waits on the elevator.

  She walks slowly down the hallway, trying to think of the right words to say, her stomach twisting with nerves. She frowns when she sees no lights on in his office. As she stares down the dark corridor, trying to figure out where he might be, her ears detect the faint sound of voices. Following the sounds, she walks towards the conference room. The blinds are pulled shut, but she stops short when she hears Trent’s voice.

  “… I know. I have to do it,” he says in a somber voice.

  “The sooner the better. You have to cut her off. This has gone on long enough. You have to let her know about us.” Myra gasps when she recognizes Julia’s voice.

  Trent clears his throat. “I told her what you said about her and Craig. She denied it.”

  “Of course she would deny it. She’s not going to admit it to you. But I’m tired of waiting on you. I need to be with you,” Julia says, her voice almost a purr as the bile in Myra’s stomach rolls.

  “I want to be with you too…” Trent says but Myra doesn’t hear the rest because she starts running. She doesn’t bother with the elevator; she takes the stairs, gripping onto the railing as she stumbles down them, tears streaming down her face.

  She runs, tripping occasionally, sobbing and out of breath until she finally reaches her car. Falling into it, she picks up her phone.

  “Hey, honey,” Susie answers.

  “I, I…” Myra stutters between sobs.

  “What’s wrong?” Susie shouts.

  “I, I’m coming over,” Myra says before breaking down completely.

  Myra picks up the edge of her comforter and wipes her eyes.

  * * *

  Dylan opens his front door, walks to the couch and slumps onto it. Staring into the darkness of his living room, he pulls out a cigarette, lights it and watches the orange glow in the dark. He hasn’t felt anything for another woman since… Sabrina. Grimacing, he reaches up and softly rubs his fingers over the center of his chest.

  Myra has his thoughts all tied up in knots. He doesn’t want to give a shit about anyone in this town. He just wants to mind his own business, do his damn job, and try to make it to the end of each fucking day. But tonight he cared. He felt something shift when he saw that piece of shit pawing all over her. Sighing, he takes another drag on his cigarette and slowly blows out the smoke.

  He frowns when his phone rings and can’t believe it when his heart starts beating harder.

  Pulling it out and glancing at the caller ID, he relaxes as he blows out a breath.

  “Yeah,” he says as he flips open his phone.

  “My little fuckwipe bro actually answered his phone? I don’t believe it. Is it Christmas time because this is like some kind of fucking Christmas miracle or some shit,” Chad says in a loud voice, followed by some equally loud guffaws.

  “Shut the hell up,” Dylan mumbles.

  “So mom said you were coming…?”

  “Yeah.”

  Chad clears his throat. “Good. I just wanted you to know that you can stay at our house if you want.”

  “Nah, I’ll just stay with mom and dad.”

  “You sure? You know how annoying they can be, and we could have a lot of fun fucking around with each other and shit.”

  “Nah, but thanks,” Dylan says gruffly.

  “You doing all right?” Chad asks. “I know this time of year…”

  “I’m good,” Dylan says, cutting him off.

  “Okay. Good. That’s good to hear. Well, I’m in the upstairs bathroom sitting on the shitter in the dark, and I can hear Nat’s fucking high-pitched bitchy voice all the way up here yelling at me so I better go.”

  Dylan mumbles a goodbye before he hangs up and throws the phone on the couch beside him. He finishes his cigarette and snubs it out on the coffee table, flicking it into the darkness and not giving a shit where it lands or if it catches his fucking house on fire.

  He had everything once. He had the perfect life. Angrily, he gets up and quickly sheds his clothes, leaving on his boxers. As he walks towards the kitchen, his foot gets caught on a T-shirt causing him to stumble and almost fall. “Fuck,” he roars as he picks up the offending fabric and hurls it across the room.

  Yanking open the fridge, he grabs a beer and leans up against the counter in the dark as he unconsciously rubs the center of his chest. Tossing the empty bottle into the sink, he walks down the hallway to take a shower.

  * * *

  Myra picks up her phone and turns it back on. There are numerous missed calls and voicemails from Susie including seventeen text messages. She decides to call her back later, but takes a minute to scan through the texts.

  Answer your phone. Now. Pronto. -S

  Hellllllloooooooo?????-S

  Where the hell are you, woman!? -S

  Are you banging the contractor?-S

  I’m starting to get pissy pissy.-S

  Are you pounding his ball-peen hammer? -S

  Have you fallen and can’t get up? Hehe.-S

  I a m g o i n g t o k i c k y o u r A S S! -S

  Is Dylan using his chisel in your cave? Okay I’m LMAO over that one. You have to admit that was funny. ;) I know you’re laughing. Don’t deny it.-S

  Myra stops reading and fights against the smile that tugs on her lips. Shaking her head, she heads for the kitchen to start some coffee.

  She frowns when she hears a knocking on the door. Dylan and Ray aren’t supposed to show up for another half an hour.

  Her heart picks up speed as she walks towards the door. Swallowing hard, she peeps out the small window. She takes in a deep breath and blows it out when she sees Jackie standing there.

  “Good morning. I saw your lights on so I thought you were up. Have you had breakfast yet? I brought some bagels. I didn’t know what kind you liked so I bought three different kinds. Plain, poppy seed, and blueberry. I like mine plain with cream cheese. How are you doing? Sorry I didn’t get to stop back by yesterday. I just got so busy and didn’t have time,” Jackie says talking constant non-stop as she steps into Myra’s house and follows Myra down the hall towards the kitchen.

  “I had to unpack and start moving some of grandpa’s stuff around to make room for my stuff, which of course, you know all about. Then I had to
go down to the bookstore and do a bunch of work there. Whew. I’m completely exhausted.”

  Myra feels completely exhausted just from listening to her. She doesn’t say a word as she pours herself and Jackie a cup of coffee and pulls out some paper plates for the bagels.

  “I saw the guys working on your roof yesterday. Looks like they’ve been making a lot of progress on it.”

  Myra nods her head. “Yeah. I’ll be glad when it’s all done.”

  “I bet. Grandpa looks like he’s done a good job keeping the house in good shape. I don’t really see anything that’s going to need any work right now, which is a huge relief. I don’t have time to mess with renovations and all that stuff.”

  Myra nods as she takes a bite of her bagel. They’re interrupted by more knocking on the door.

  She takes a quick sip of her coffee and stands up. “That’s probably the guys. Excuse me for just a second.”

  “Oh, I’ll come with you,” Jackie says before she pops another bite of bagel into her mouth.

  Just the thought of seeing Dylan again causes a nervous bubbling in Myra’s stomach. She peeks through the window in the door and sees Ray standing there. She cringes. It seems to be an automatic reaction now every time she sees the man.

  When she opens the door, Ray gives her a sly grin. “Good morning,” he says. “You look stunning as always.”

  Myra ignores him and does some quick introductions.

  “Pleased to meet you,” Ray says as he shakes Jackie’s hand.

  “It’s really great to meet you too,” Jackie says, grinning. “You guys seem to be doing such a great job. I saw you two working on the roof yesterday. I just moved in next door so I’m still unpacking and everything. But if I ever need any work done on my house, I’ll definitely know who to call.”

  Jackie doesn’t even take a breath before she keeps plowing along. “It’s just so great to meet some new people. I’m from Boise so I’m not used to living in such a small town. It’s going to take some getting used to living here. I’m going to miss living in the big city. There were just so many things to do in Boise: concerts, awesome restaurants, museums. I could go on and on. There seems to be absolutely nothing to do here. But it’ll be good. I’ll get used to it.”

  Ray stares at her with his mouth hanging open a little.

  Jackie turns to Myra. “I hate to run but I need to get down to the store. I have so much stuff to get done today so I need to skedaddle. I’ll talk to you later. I want to cook you dinner soon so let’s plan on that, okay? Maybe tomorrow night?”

  Myra just nods because her mouth cannot compete with Jackie’s.

  “Bye. It was really great to meet you,” Jackie says to Ray before she skips out the front door.

  “That’s your next door neighbor?” Ray asks with wide eyes. Myra nods her head sadly.

  Ray snorts. “Damn. I feel like a tornado just ripped through here.”

  “I know. She’s something else.”

  He smiles. “Since we barely got any snow last night, we’re replacing the decking on the roof today so it’ll probably be louder than normal. Just giving you a heads up because I don’t want those pretty little ears of yours to hurt,” he says with a wink.

  Her lips thin as her eyes narrow. She stares at him for a long moment before she finally nods.

  “See ya later, beautiful,” Ray says, grinning, as he walks down the steps backwards and gives her a salute.

  Myra doesn’t respond and closes the door.

  Her phone rings.

  “Hey.”

  “Why the hell haven’t you been answering your phone?” Susie yells. “I’ve been worrying my ass off. I was about to call Porter and have him send out a damn search party to comb the countryside for you. What the hell have you been doing? Don’t tell me you attacked Mr. Shit-faced Asshole. Is that why you didn’t answer? Did you tie him up with an extension cord and play with his screwdriver?”

  “No. I had a rough night. And Dylan has a girlfriend, Susie, a girlfriend. For some reason, you seem to never remember that fact, and I don’t appreciate you making comments implying that I would cause Dylan to cheat on his girlfriend. Because I would never do that. I would never be the other woman. Like Julia.”

  Susie pauses a moment before she responds. “You’re right. I’m so sorry. I never even once thought of it like that. You know I love you and that I’d never do anything to hurt you, right? I just open my mouth and shit flies out. I tried to buy a muzzle, but they didn’t have a big enough size. Do you forgive me?”

  Myra sighs. “Yes, of course. You just really need to watch how far you take your jokes. Sometimes you go too far and the things you say hurt.”

  Susie growls. “I know. I get so out of control sometimes, and I just piss myself off. I am really and truly sorry. Do you still love me?”

  “Yes.”

  “Thank God. I promise to be good in the future.”

  Myra rolls her eyes. “Sure. Until tomorrow.”

  “Probably. You know me so well. So what happened last night that was so bad?”

  Myra sighs, shivering at the memory. “It was awful,” she mumbles.

  “What?”

  Myra quickly tells her about calling Dylan about the tarp, Derek showing up and trying to kiss her, and Dylan arriving on her doorstep.

  “Mr. Angry Shit-faced Asshole showed up? Okay, I might need to get a pacemaker or something because my heart skipped a beat there for a minute,” Susie says excitedly. “What’d he do?”

  “Derek swung at Dylan and missed so Dylan punched him and broke his nose.”

  “Holy shit.”

  “Then Derek got a punch in on Dylan and busted his lip, but then Dylan knocked him to the ground and started beating on his face. It was scary.”

  “Why, oh why, couldn’t I have been there?” Susie whines. “I always miss out on all the good stuff. Did you drool over that fine man beating the shit out of that skeezball?”

  “No, I was terrified.”

  “I swear I would’ve lost a pair of panties over that one. Maybe two pairs. Oh hell, I’d have probably thrown my panties at his gorgeous head. So what happened next?”

  “Nothing, really. Derek left and Dylan fixed the tarp and went back home.”

  “And is Derek now in jail?”

  “No. Dylan asked me if I wanted to call the police but I said no.”

  “Myra. I have to agree with Dylan on this one. You should’ve called the cops and had that scuzz sent to jail.”

  “I know. I just didn’t want to.”

  Susie sighs heavily. “Well, I’m at least glad you’re safe. You need to start packing a gun.”

  “I have a gun, or I should say guns. You do remember what my dad did for a living, right?”

  “Oh, yeah, I forgot. Well, make sure you keep one ready and available.”

  “I will.”

  “So, do you want to hear about my Valentine’s Day?” Susie asks.

  “Sure.”

  “Well, Jeff showed up from work with a card and a bouquet of roses that he bought at the grocery store. He’s so predictable and does the same stinking thing every year. And get this. He bought me the exact same card as he did last year.”

  “No.”

  “He sure did. I thought it looked vaguely familiar so I went and pulled out my cards that I have saved and sure enough, it was the same stinking card. Why can’t he be like Desmond? Desmond is so romantic. Desmond would never stop at the grocery store on his way home from work.

  “So anyway, I tried to act all happy about it, but I was just pissed. And don’t ever go to the dentist on Valentine’s Day. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking, but I made that appointment six months ago, and I must have been drunk when I did because they should just let dentists have that day off. Make it a dentist’s holiday or something because my teeth and gums hurt so badly that I could barely chew my food.

  “So after dinner, we got home and had our lovely three-minute ‘V’ Day sex, which I thoroug
hly enjoyed. Not. And then we went to bed, and when I got up this morning…”

  Myra interrupts her. “You know what? You should be thankful that you have Jeff. He may not be the most romantic guy in the world like your stupid fictional character in that book you read, but he loves you. And maybe he doesn’t last long in bed because he’s just so attracted to you that he can’t control himself. Have you ever thought about that? You need to be thankful that you have a good man. You’re incredibly lucky.”

  Susie doesn’t say anything for a long moment. “God, you’re right, Myra, I am lucky, so lucky because Jeff is a wonderful man. Sorry I ragged on him like that. I do love and appreciate him; I just have that problem with the shit spewing. What’s going on with you today? You seem different.”

  Myra closes her eyes and sighs. “It’s nothing. I just, last night was rough on me, that’s all.”

  “You want to talk some more about it?”

  “No, not right now. Listen, I’m going to work on my writing for a bit. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

  “Sure, hon. You’re not mad at me, right?”

  Myra sighs. “No, I’m not.”

  “Okay. Because I could never handle it if I upset my VBB. I love you, honey.”

  “I love you, too,” Myra says before she hangs up.

  She stands there for a minute, thinking. Finally, she walks slowly to her Grampie’s gun case and unlocks it. Pulling out a small handgun, she loads it with bullets and puts on the safety.

  * * *

  Dylan starts measuring the section of the decking they are going to replace just as Ray climbs back on the roof.

  “God, Myra is amazing,” he says. “That woman is so damn hot, but I can’t figure out why she won’t go out with me. I never have a problem with the ladies; they’re usually always panting after my dick. I’m going to have to come up with a new approach.”

  “Keep your damn mouth shut. I told you not to talk about her like that.”

  Ray snickers. “You just don’t know how to get the ladies. I do. I always seal the deal.”