by Carol Lynne
“Hi, it’s Casey. I thought I’d just call to tell you all Happy Thanksgiving.” Casey could hear Rio and Ryan in the background yelling at the football game. Yep, that’s exactly what his parents’ house had sounded like, well except Nate didn’t have screaming kids running through the room.
“Hey, man. How has your day been?” Nate asked.
“Okay, fixed a big meal, have tons of leftovers.” Casey plopped down on the sofa.
“I figured a big man like Hal would really be able to put it away.”
“Oh, no, it’s just me. I think Hal was having dinner with a friend.” Casey picked at the frayed patch on the knee of his jeans.
“Really? As far as I know, Hal’s only friend besides you is Gill, and I know for a fact he’s in Tennessee.”
Casey felt his stomach do a little flip. Was it possible Hal was just as lonely as he was? Nate made a sound that sounded a lot like a muffled moan. Casey could only guess, but he assumed it must be commercial break. “Well, I’ll let you go. I’ll call next week, and we can have lunch.”
“Sounds good. Take care, Casey.”
Nate hung up before Casey could say anything else. Setting the phone on the table, he rubbed his eyes. Should he take Hal some desert, or was he just using that as an excuse to see him?
Deciding it didn’t matter, Casey rose and went to the kitchen. Looking at the mountain of food, Casey decided to take Hal some leftovers. He wished he knew if Hal had cooked for himself. He knew his nurturing instinct was kicking in but instead focused on getting large enough portions packed away for a man of Hal’s size.
Forty minutes later, Casey looked at the piece of paper in his hand then back to the mailbox. “Wow, Mr. Kuckleman, who knew you lived in a chalet?” Driving on bad roads with his little Honda was one thing, but the older car definitely wasn’t up to Hal’s driveway. No wonder the man drove a big four-wheel drive.
Casey cringed as the snow repeatedly scraped the undercarriage. With one quick, stupid move, Casey was stuck. After trying several times to get out, he shook his head. “Great. What a perfect ending to my day.”
The house wasn’t that far, maybe a hundred and fifty yards or so. He could walk it no problem. Turning on the little overhead light, he reached into his pocket for his gloves and came up empty. Trying once more as if they’d magically appear, Casey still came up with nothing. He thought back to the last time he’d taken them off and could clearly see them sitting on the furnace vent to dry. Casey sighed and gathered his scarf and the big box of food. As soon as Casey opened the door the wind and blowing snow seemed to suck the breath right out of him. Adjusting the scarf to cover his face, Casey gripped the box and set out for the house.
By the time he reached the front door, he was numb. Saying a brief apology, he kicked the door with the toe of his boot instead of knocking. He was sure his fingers would break off if he tried. A few seconds later, he hit the door again just to make sure Hal heard him. Finally, he saw the big man get up off the couch and walk to the door with a questioning look. It was easy for Casey to see Hal through the glass and wood door, but with no lights on, he was sure to surprise the heck out of Hal.
Walking up to the door, Hal reached over and flipped the switch. The porch flooded with light, and Casey winced. The door opened immediately, and Hal stood before him, shirtless. Oh, God, please help me control myself.
“Casey? What’re you doing here?” Hal ran a hand through his brown hair.
Teeth chattering, Casey looked down at the box. “M-Mind if I c-come in?”
“Oh, shit, sorry.” Hal stepped back and Casey stepped inside. The house was as warm as a mother’s womb, and Casey suddenly felt like crying. Seeing Hal like this, all relaxed and warm, did a number on his heart. He held the box of food out, and Hal took it and looked inside. “What’s this?”
Casey tried to speak, but his teeth were chattering so bad he couldn’t get anything out. Hal quickly picked up on his predicament. “What happened? Did your heater stop working in your car?”
Shaking his head, he took off his scarf. “S-Stuck d-down the d-drive.”
Hal looked out the door. “Way down there?”
At Casey’s nod, Hal put the box on the floor and helped Casey get out of his coat. “Where are your gloves?” he asked, looking at Casey’s frozen hands. The look on Hal’s face melted his heart even more. There was genuine concern there. Maybe he wasn’t the only one feeling the connection?
“At h-home on the heater, drying.”
Hal pointed to a small bench beside the door. “Sit and let me get these boots off.”
Following Hal’s command, Casey sat and held his foot out. On his knees in front of him, Hal pulled the snow boots off. “Come on in and set yourself beside the fire,” Hal pulled Casey up and helped him into the living room with a strong arm around his torso. Casey knew immediately that he’d been right. Friends don’t hold each other this tight against them, even if they are half-frozen.
“Wow, great room,” Casey mumbled as he sat on the stone hearth. The heat on his back felt wonderful, thawing him even more. “I’m sorry about this. I just thought I’d bring you some leftovers. Even though I was alone, I thought I’d go ahead and make a full dinner. Somehow I didn’t quite realise how much food I’d end up with.”
Retrieving a blanket from the back of the couch, Hal knelt beside Casey and wrapped it around his shoulders. The action put them into close proximity, and Casey’s chest tightened.
Hal looked into Casey’s eyes, not backing away. “You brought me Thanksgiving dinner?”
“And dessert. I didn’t know whether you preferred pumpkin, or pecan, so I brought half of each,” he said, staring into Hal’s eyes. This close, Casey could smell the musky scent of Hal’s skin. He knew it was a blend of cologne and wood smoke, but it seemed pure Hal. Casey leaned forward and tilted his head upward, lips whispering across the stubble of Hal’s chin.
When Hal still didn’t pull away, Casey continued with light kisses and licks to the bigger man’s neck and jaw. Hal tilted his head back to give Casey better access and a faint moan erupted. Casey wasn’t sure if it was him or Hal, but it didn’t seem to matter.
The skin under his tongue tasted salty as Casey travelled up Hal’s jaw and across to his lips. With his mouth poised, Casey whispered, “Breathe.” He saw the spark of lust in Hal’s eyes just before their lips came together. Casey licked across the seam, and Hal groaned. Moving himself between Casey’s thighs, Hal opened, and Casey thrust his tongue inside the hot depths of Hal’s mouth. Oh God, this felt right. He’d never be able to explain it, but Casey knew at that moment, he’d fallen for the surly contractor.
They seemed to devour each other. Casey scooted to get closer, as Hal’s hands landed on his butt. Never breaking their kiss, Hal picked up Casey and carried him to the couch.
As soon as Hal stretched out over him, Casey began to move, feeling the hardness underneath Hal’s sweats, the bigger man grinding against him. Oh, oh wow, Hal felt good.
Casey’s hands found their way under the elastic waist and onto Hal’s firm butt. Breaking the kiss, he grabbed onto the cheeks and thrust up with all his might. “Gonna cum,” he moaned.
Hal rose up enough to fumble with Casey’s zipper, and then ahh, his cock was taken in that firm grip. Scooting to the side enough to stroke Casey’s cock, also left Hal’s erection within reach. Moving his hand from Hal’s ass to his thick cock had them both moaning.
Pressing his thumb against the wide slit of Hal’s crown was enough to set the big man off. Casey milked Hal’s cock, as he tumbled over the edge into bliss. And, “My God,” what bliss. Casey hadn’t realised he’d said those words out loud until Hal shook his head and quickly pulled away.
“I’m sorry,” Hal panted. “I can’t do this, not with you.”
“Uh…I think you just did,” Casey said. He couldn’t figure out what had gone wrong. “Did I do something?” No, no, this couldn’t be happening. It was right, it felt so right, dammi
t.
Hal rose off the couch and walked toward the fireplace, pulling his sweats up as he went. “I like you, Casey, a lot, but I can’t get involved with you. We’re too different. Our beliefs would get in the way, and one of us would wind up hurt.”
Without bothering to put his spent cock back into his jeans, Casey sat up. He didn’t know if he was pissed or hurt, but his stomach started to cramp, the words of rejection going bone deep. “So what am I supposed to do now?” He wondered if it would help for him to beg. Something told him he’d happily do it if it meant being close to Hal again.
Hal turned back toward him, and Casey saw the momentary flash of heat as Hal noticed Casey’s uncovered cock. “I’ll get dressed and get your car pulled out. I’ll understand if you want to find a new contractor.”
“No, there isn’t anyone besides you. I don’t know how I’ll do it, but I’ll manage. I’m stronger than I look.” Casey wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince Hal or himself.
Thirty minutes later, Hal’s truck had successfully pulled Casey’s Honda out of the drift. Before Casey could turn around and drive off, Hal walked toward him. Shoot, please not now. Just let me slink home with my tail between my legs. Casey rolled down the window and looked up. “Yes?”
“I’ll wait for you to get turned around and back to the road, just in case.” Casey gave a short nod and started to roll his window up. Hal put a hand to the top of the window, getting his attention. “I’m sorry. I wish it didn’t have to be this way.”
Suddenly all the confusion and pain slipped out. “Tell me,” Casey inquired. “Do you hate God or just those who pray to him?” He saw the red flush creep up Hal’s cheeks, and he knew he’d hit the nail on the head. Hal was angry at God.
Letting go of his window, Hal said nothing, but he stepped back. Casey finished rolling up the window and put the car into gear. He wasn’t sure what had gone on between God and Hal, but he hoped there was room enough for forgiveness, because he knew he didn’t want to live without either of them.
Hal watched Casey’s taillights disappear around the curve in the road. He turned and got back into his truck. Sitting in the heated cab, he felt tears trickle down his cheeks. “He brought me Thanksgiving,” Hal whispered.
Pulling into his garage, he didn’t bother wiping his eyes as he made his way inside. Hal stood in front of the fire and looked around. He could still picture Casey stretched out under him, wrapped in his arms. Hal hugged himself, as he sat on the hearth.
For weeks he hadn’t been able to think of anything but Casey. He’d tried his best to keep Casey at arm’s length, knowing they could never be together. Even coming off as an asshole was better than leading Casey on. It wasn’t that Hal didn’t want a relationship with him, because he wanted it more than he’d ever wanted anything in his life, but his beliefs wouldn’t change and neither would Casey’s.
Hal looked up at the vaulted ceiling. “Once again you’re taking away someone I love.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Hal growled and shook his head. No way could he be in love this fast and especially not with a preacher. It was just the physical attraction he felt so strongly. He’d get over it, he had to, losing someone you love was too hard, and he’d be damned if he’d ever put himself in that position again.
Chapter Four
It had been two weeks since Thanksgiving. Casey stared at the ceiling, unable to sleep. He’d prayed every chance he’d gotten, whether working or resting. He’d taken the Lord’s name in vain Thanksgiving night and had yet to come to terms with his sin.
By the time he’d arrived home that fateful night, he was hurting, and angry. Instead of going into the house, he’d unlocked the church and gone inside. Kneeling before the alter, he’d asked God why. What had he done to make a fine man like Hal turn his back? The longer he searched for answers, the madder he’d become. “God dammit, why can’t I have you both,” he shouted at the tall bronze cross.
Casey’s shame over what he’d done had followed him since. Just thinking about it now had his stomach cramping. It seemed to be doing that a lot lately. Looking at the clock, he saw it was almost time for the alarm to go off, another day of working alongside a ghost.
As the tears made tracks down the side of his face, Casey continued to question his vocation. He loved God, but he was beginning to wonder how much, because in the dark of night, he’d thought about giving it all up for Hal.
Casey sat up in bed and rubbed his eyes. And every day the sun rose in the morning sky, he remembered why he’d chosen his life’s work. Deciding to get an early start, Casey turned off the alarm and stood. Holding his abdomen, he walked through the drafty house to the shower. If he hurried, he could get a good thirty minutes worth of prayer in before his workday began.
“Hey there stranger,” Nate said, closing the door.
Casey waited until Hal got a few nails into the wallboard before letting go and walking over to Nate. Casey stuck out his hand, but just like he always did, Nate ignored it, and pulled him into a hug.
“I’ve missed you,” Nate said, clapping Casey on the back. “Why haven’t you been returning my calls?” Nate pulled back and looked at him. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I’ve just been busy getting the church ready for Christmas.” Casey felt another bite of pain in his stomach at the lie. What was wrong with him? How could he have lost his way in one night?
“Liar,” Nate said with a half-grin. “You’ve lost weight, you don’t call, and from the bags under your eyes, I’d say you haven’t slept.” Nate suddenly looked over Casey’s shoulder to Hal. “Did he do something to you?” Nate whispered.
Casey watched as Nate’s jaw clenched. Unwilling to tell even a partial lie, Casey just shook his head. “It’s nothing, really.”
“Hal, I’m kidnapping your help for an hour or so, you’ll have to suffer without him.” Picking up Casey’s coat, Nate helped him into it before steering him out the door. “I want you to see The Gym.”
“It’s done?” Casey asked, climbing into Nate’s SUV.
“Not completely, but it’s getting there.” Nate pulled out of the parking lot and drove down Joshua Boulevard
. “Feel like talking?”
Casey continued to look out the passenger window, giving Nate a slight shake of his head. They rode in silence for a few minutes before Nate pulled in front of The Gym. “Here we are,” Nate said, getting out and walking toward the door.
Following Nate, Casey felt like he needed to throw up. As soon as they got inside, he excused himself and went immediately to the restroom. Barely making it to the toilet, Casey fell to his knees. He knew it was going to be a bad one, because he didn’t have much to throw up. Sure enough, nothing but stomach acid and what looked like coffee grounds.
Casey was just wiping his mouth when Nate stepped into the room. “You okay?”
Flushing the toilet, Casey stood. “I think I might have a touch of the flu or something. I’ll be okay in a couple minutes. Just let me get my face washed, and I’ll be right out.”
“Okay, man. Call out if you need anything.” Nate left, and Casey scooped water into his hand to rinse his mouth. He didn’t have time to get sick. There were still a million and one things to get done. Drying his face, he noticed how gaunt he looked and shook his head. “No wonder Hal doesn’t want you.” He straightened his clothes and attempted to put a smile on his face as he turned toward the door. Maybe if he acted like nothing was wrong, no one would guess his heart was broken.
“Sorry about that,” Casey said, joining Nate and Rio. He looked around at the new equipment and freshly painted blue walls. “The place looks great. When do you open?”
“January second, but I don’t want to talk about that. What’s going on with you?” Nate asked, putting a hand to Casey’s shoulder.
The simple friendly touch tipped Casey’s already fragile emotional state over the edge. He felt tears well and shook his head. Nate pulled him into an embrace, and all Casey’s fears came
spilling out. “I’m in love with Hal, but he doesn’t want me because of the church.” Casey shook his head and gripped Nate’s back, trying to hold on to reality.
“I thought about giving up the church for him.” Casey leaned back and looked into Nate’s eyes. “What kind of reverend does that make me, when I’m ready to toss away my faith for a man? I swore at God, in the sanctuary no less. I’ve been praying to be forgiven, but so far, nothing seems any clearer. I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried getting over Hal, but it’s not working. He works beside me, but I’m not sure he even sees me anymore. Why would I compromise my beliefs for someone like that?”
Nate ushered Casey over to a stool beside the new juice bar. He didn’t say anything for a few minutes. Instead, Nate rocked Casey back and forth, letting him get it all out. Once the worst of the tears had subsided, Nate released his hold. “I wish I could tell you what to do. It’s obvious the stress is making you sick, but unfortunately it sounds like the real problem is between you and God.”
“Yeah,” Casey sighed. “Hal’s testing my relationship with my faith.”
“Maybe or maybe you’re using Hal as an excuse.” Rio said, coming up to put a hand on Casey’s shoulder. “What you need to do is figure out where you stood with God before Hal ever came into the picture.”
Casey bristled. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m the leader of a congregation. How could I do that if I questioned my beliefs?”
“Maybe it’s not so much your faith you’re questioning but your vocation. You told me yourself, the congregation, and the other folks in town seemed to keep you at arms length. I know this is the first church you’ve led, maybe you’re disillusioned.” Nate gave Casey a kiss on the forehead. “Maybe the problem is the town and not you at all?”
“What do you mean?” Casey wanted to believe there was another reason his own congregation seemed to wane a little more every Sunday.