by Lelly Hughes
“I love you, Zara. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you.”
I hiccup and manage to smile. “I love you too, Levi.”
“Answer me this, before you go. Are you pregnant?”
I shake my head and see a bit of life dull in his eyes. He wants another baby or at least one with me. “Just a rumor.” Levi pulls me into his arms again and holds me until my tears have dried.
Chapter 32
Levi
It’s been hours since I dropped Zara off at the airport and the ache I feel in my heart isn’t even close to subsiding. When I returned home, the laughter that I had grown accustomed to has all but dissipated. The girls were moping, they had the television on, but the sound muted. Stormy wasn’t on her phone like usual, and Willow was just staring out the window, almost as if she expected Zara to show up.
I’m not faring much better, sitting between my girls with each one resting their head on one of my legs. If I couldn’t hear them breathing or feel the slow inhale and exhale I’m emitting, I would probably think we’re dead or living in some alternate vortex because nothing seems right at the moment.
I’m trying not to be a selfish person here. I know she has friends and family in California, but dammit if I’m not pissed off that something has busted the happy bubble we’ve been living in. Deep down, I knew it was bound to happen. We both have work that we’ve been neglecting, but I was hoping that she’d find a way to stay here, to record her music in my studio and not have to run back to Los Angeles.
Of course, she didn’t leave because of work, but because of her friends being in an accident, and that is something I can’t contend with. I would’ve done the same, although, after the other night at Chet’s, I’m very selective with who gets my time now.
As I look out the window, I decide that is where I need to be. Working with my hands, manual labor, anything to get my mind off Zara not being here.
“I’m fixin' to go work in the barn,” I tell the girls. They both pick up their heads and offer me a sad smile. I have no doubt mine matches theirs. “Zara will be back. Her friends were in an accident, and it’s no different if your Uncle Chet was in one. We’d do the same thing.”
“We could always go see her. Maybe she’ll need us if…” Stormy trails off with her mother’s death still fresh in her mind. Hearing her now reminds me that I promised myself the girls would get therapy. I’ve been so caught up with Zara and getting the girls back here that I’ve let them down in that way.
“Do you want to talk to someone about your mom?” I ask them both. Stormy shakes her head while Willow shrugs. “Tell me what you’re thinkin,” I plead.
“It’s just… she really wasn’t much of a mother,” Stormy says.
“We couldn’t call her mommy,” Willow adds. Both statements stab me straight into the heart because I could’ve prevented this. I was stupid enough to believe that they’d be okay living with Iris.
“How come you never told me?”
“I thought you would take away my dancing, so I asked Willow not to say anything.” Stormy looks ashamed. Part of her should be, but I’m certain that her mother fed her a great amount of bullshit.
“I would never take away something that makes you happy, Stormy. Ever.” I make sure to look at both girls, so they know that I’m telling them the truth. I may not like the dancing, but Stormy does, and because of that I will support her. “You girls are the most important… well, everything in my life. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you. That is why I let Willow go to California, so you’d have your sister, Stormy. Hell, even lettin' you go was hard, but I did it because it’s what you wanted.”
Stormy leans into me and gives me a hug. “There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you girls.”
“Anything?” Willow asks. Her eyes go wide with excitement.
“Well almost anything,” I say, only to watch her face fall. “What do you want, Willow?”
“A puppy!” she bats her eyelashes.
“Yes, oh my God, Daddy, can we please get one?” Stormy begs.
I act as if I’m standoffish, making faces at them to lead them astray. They clasp their hands together, jut out their lower lips, and continue to flutter their long eyelashes at me. I’m a sucker, and they know it.
“Okay, fine. We can get a puppy, but…”
“Anything,” Stormy says enthusiastically.
“No, not anything,” Willow adds. “I won’t pick up poop!” She rolls her eyes in the most dramatic way, causing me to laugh.
“First, we find one that has been left at a shelter. Second, he or she goes to training. Third, all of us care for the puppy. Fourth, said puppy is not allowed on the furniture. If you want to hold or cuddle, you’ll have to sit on the floor.”
The girls look at each other as if they’re contemplating my ground rules. They’re non-negotiable. I refuse to be kicked off my couch by a dog.
“Okay,” they both say in unison.
“Okay. Stormy, you get online and look at the shelters. Decide together. I’m going to go work in the barn for a bit.”
“Thank you, Daddy.” Stormy stands and hugs me, with Willow following suit.
I’ve always wanted a dog, but it didn’t seem right with all the traveling I have to do. Now that the girls are home for good, my tour will be less and less and will have to be scheduled around their schooling. I won’t be like Iris and put myself before them. If anything, her death has taught me how to be a better dad.
Outside, the sun is still blazing, and for some odd reason, I look up to the sky as a plane flies overhead. It’s not like it’s the plane Zara is on, but something told me I needed to look. Which in hindsight is a good thing because Chet just pulled into my driveway.
Thankfully, he’s alone. Not that I mind if Lori comes over, but usually Sarah is with Lori and I don’t have anything kind to say to her right now.
“’Sup, shit stain?” he says as he walks toward me.
“Not much, just about to head to the barn.”
He looks back toward the house and sighs. “Something on your mind?” I head toward the barn, knowing he’ll follow me. When I get in, I go right to the small frig that I keep out here and offer him a beer.
“Saw some headlines today, thought I’d stop by and see how things are.”
Instead of answering, I take a long pull off my bottle of beer. “You or Lori?”
“Lori,” he admits.
“Right, well if you have a question, ask it.” There was a time when I considered Chet my best friend, but after the other night, I’m not so sure we’re on the same page where our friendship is concerned.
Chet shrugs. “Lori’s concerned that you have yourself in a pickle.”
“Would Lori feel this way if it were Holly that was pregnant?”
He runs his hand through his hair and grimaces.
“That’s what I thought.” I walk further into the barn and pick up my tools to muck the stalls. “I don’t know why y’all have an issue with Zara.”
“I dunno. I mean, she’s not one of us. I mean, she doesn’t even listen to our music.”
“And that makes her some sort of alien?” I can’t even look at Chet right now because I’m fuming. Friends aren’t supposed to be like this.
“No, but come on, Levi. She’s different. She doesn’t fit in.”
“She fits in just fine,” I tell him.
“How much do you even know about her? I mean, Lori’s going on and on about her being hitched up and how there’s a scandal brewing because you got her pregnant. She ain’t good for your career, and the girls just lost their mother. Don’t you think you’re moving too fast?”
“I know plenty about her,” I tell him, purposely avoiding the pregnancy rumor and anything that has to do with her divorce.
“Oh yeah, what’s her favorite movie? Color? Song?”
Unfortunately, I pause long enough to let him know that I don’t know those things. “That’s all trivial.”
&nbs
p; “It’s all first date questions that you ask, man.”
I put down my shovel and sigh. “Except I don’t get first dates, Chet. Hell, it’s hard enough to find a woman that wants to be with me, for me, and my fame and fortune. Holly, she wants the fame that comes with datin' someone like me. It oozes off her. I could tell from the moment I met her. But with Zara, she doesn’t care about any of that because she has her own.”
“But she’s nothing like you!”
“Exactly, and that’s why I love her.”
Chet takes a step back, almost as if I’ve stung him. It’s true, and she knows it. I’m in love with her despite the differences we share.
“Hey, Uncle Chet,” Stormy’s voice breaks through the tension. He turns toward her as she walks into the barn. She eyes me warily, making me wonder how much she’s heard. I know she had trouble accepting that Zara was going to a part of my life in the beginning, but they’ve grown close and over the past few weeks have been inseparable. I’m not trying to replace Iris, but I wouldn’t mind Zara stepping into the role.
I also wouldn’t mind finding out that the pregnancy rumors are true, even though I know they’re not. I’m not opposed to expanding my family, especially if that includes her.
“Hey, Stormy. Glad to have you back home.” He gives her a hug, but I can tell she’s not really into it.
She pulls away and looks at me. “I found some dogs. There are a few older ones and puppies down at the shelter in Franklin. Willow and I thought maybe we could get an older one too, give him a home since he was abandoned by his family.
“Y’all gettin’ a dog?” Chet asks.
I shrug. “Looks like we’re fixin’ to pick up two.” I smile at Stormy, who clasps her hands together. Seeing the excitement on her face is worth it, although I’m not excited about having two dogs running around. “Go get your sister ready, and we’ll scoot on down there.”
“Thank you, Daddy.” She hugs me, which sends my heart racing toward the moon.
“You’re never home,” Chet points how. “How you gonna care for two dogs?”
“See, Chet,” I say as I scoop up my tools and take them back over to the rack. “If y’all would quit meddlin’ and start talkin’ to me like a friend, you’d find out that I won’t be touring like a madman with the girls home, and when I do go on a tour, my mama will be here.”
“Or Zara?” he asks.
I know the smile that spreads across my face is pissing him off, but I don’t give a shit. I love that woman. “Nah,” I say. “The more I think about it, the more I’m certain. When I go back on tour, my family is comin' with me. Two dogs included. It’ll be one hell of a cramped bus, but man it’ll be worth it.”
I slap him on the shoulder and leave him in my barn, trying not to get royally pissed off at the audacity he has by coming here and second-guessing my life. The last time I checked, I’m an adult and capable of making my own decisions. He should respect that.
Now if he had come to me with concerns that Zara was cheating or not being honest, I may have listened, but he didn’t because he and his wife are too busy making a molehill into a mountain over the fact that Zara is a rocker. Believe me; there are worse things in the world.
Chapter 33
Zara
Cameras are everywhere the moment I step into the general population area of the terminal. My name is being called, screamed in order to get my attention. I’m told to look left, right, anywhere but at the ground that I’m currently looking at. Someone tipped the press off that I was arriving because the horde of paparazzi taking my picture is triple what I’m used to. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that Laura did this, and she did it on purpose.
Levi’s name is said, questions about our relationship are asked. They want to know how Van feels, especially since I’m pregnant. I’m half tempted to take a pregnancy test and post the results online, but that is just feeding into their delusions. I never did anything like that when Van and I were together, and I don’t plan to start now.
Thankfully airport security sees my plight and comes to my rescue. This is another thing that Laura should’ve done, have security meet me at the gate, but apparently, my safety has slipped her mind.
With two guards, one in front and the other flanking me, I pull out my phone and text Levi to let him know that I made it. The entire flight, I stared out the window so that no one would see my plight. Tears clouded my vision while my heart tore into pieces. I did not want to leave Levi and the girls but knew I had to be with Rusty and Gabe. They’re my family, just as Levi, Stormy, and Willow are becoming one as well.
This feels like a test, some evil reality that is proving that I can’t combine the life I’m starting to build and the one that I’ve lived for so long. It’s like everything is playing out the way the critics have been saying, the way Levi’s friends have alluded to—Levi and I can’t exist in the real world together.
I refuse to believe that Levi and I can’t co-exist together outside of his home because deep in my heart, I was meant to meet the Austins and be a part of their lives. Falling in love with them was icing on the cake.
The guard taps me on my shoulder, and I look up. “Miss, I believe he’s waiting for you,” he says, pointing toward a man in a dark suit, holding a sign that says ZARA PHILLIPS. Behind my dark shades, I roll my eyes at the complete bullshit. Everyone in the industry has a pseudonym, but no, my publicist alerts everyone at LAX that I’m arriving today.
“Sure enough,” I mutter under my breath but manage to smile at the guard, so he knows to lead me in that direction.
The driver reaches for my bags, and I hand them over easily. He says something to the guard as we fall in line behind him, and head toward the car. I sigh when I see the ostentatious limo parked in the no parking zone, along with the police officer barking out that he’s going to have it towed. Of course, he’s using much more colorful language and seems rather put off by the fact that it’s parked where it is.
As luck would have it, a group of girls run up to me and ask for my autograph. As much as I want to tell them no, I can’t. I sign each one and pose for a photo before telling them that I really must go. A few of them mention Van, but it’s the one who mentions Levi that brings a smile to my face.
I’m sure to wave to her before I climb into the car. It’s my way of letting her know that I appreciate her support. I thank the guard who is holding the car door and climb in, closing my eyes and resting my head on the back of the seat.
“Hello, Zara.”
My head jerks up, and my eyes slowly focus on the person across from me. I reach for the door handle and pull, only to find it locked and the car moving.
“What are you doing in my car, Van?” My heart thunders loudly, the pounding rings in my ears. I’m not scared of him, but the situation. He shouldn’t be here, and if Laura knew… no, of course, she knew. I pull out my phone, only to find the battery dead with my charger in the trunk with my bags. “Fuck,” I mutter.
“I’m doing the same thing you’re doing.”
I shake my head. “I don’t remember agreeing to share a car with you.”
“We’re saving the band money,” he states, shrugging as if it’s no big deal that we’re together. To him, it’s not. He doesn’t feel like he’s wronged me at all. That cheating on me was okay and that I’m going to forgive him because that is what he wants.
“Aren’t you supposed to be in rehab?” I ask. “Wasn’t that your big save me from me push you tried to get me to buy?”
“I checked out. It wasn’t for me,” he says as nonchalantly as possible.
“Right, cheating on your wife, the woman you’d been with since you were seventeen is more your speed. How stupid of me to forget.”
“Zara,” he draws my name out in the tone he used to use when I was upset with him or when he would need something. I can’t fathom how this man doesn’t understand that I’m beyond my breaking point with him. “I’ve asked you to let me explain.”
“Explain what, exactly?” I catch him staring. I turn toward the door and look out the side window, only to have the scenery blocked by a semi. Not that there’s much to see between LAX and Hollywood, or whatever hospital Rusty and Gabe are at.
“I know I hurt you, that I destroyed your faith and trust in me. I took advantage of a situation and couldn’t stop.”
I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from crying. Not because I want Van back, but because I’m angry that I’m here, trapped in this car with him. I don’t want to hear his excuses, to be blamed for our marriage failing, to find out that I could’ve done something to prevent him from straying. I already blame myself, wondering at what point he thought another woman would treat him better than his wife.
Van leans forward, and I adjust in my seat, pushing me closer to the door. I desperately want to try the handle again, but becoming road kill is not high on my priority list.
“I’m sorry, Z. I’m sorry for everything I did that fucked up our marriage. If it’s any consolation--”
I hold up my hand in a silent plea for him to stop talking. “If you’re going to finish that sentence with ‘she didn’t mean anything’ or ‘they didn’t,' don’t. I don’t want to know, Van. I’ve lost more than enough sleep, wondering if there was only one, and then finding out there were two. I don’t want to know anymore.” I shake my head to fight off an impending bout of tears. I refuse to cry in front of him, to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he’s reached me on an emotional level.
Surprisingly, he stays quiet for the duration of the drive. Without my phone, I’ve lost track of time. I don’t know if we’ve been driving for thirty minutes, forty-five or longer. What I do know is that I’m tired, I miss Levi and the girls, and I want to go home. Home being Nashville, in a house that is filled with laughter and love.
When the car finally pulls off the highway, I’m actively looking for any sign as to what town we’re in. There isn’t even a hospital sign.