A Mother's Dilemma

by Emma Hornby

  Inside, the fight had ceased at least, and mother and daughter were nowhere to be found.

  ‘Probably taken themselves off to the inn to continue their spat there,’ Sarah surmised with a roll of her eyes. ‘The state they’ve left the place in, though.’

  After laying the baby on a sofa, Jewel took proper stock of the wrecked space and nodded. It seemed they had thrown in anger, or knocked into during their scuffle, every item in their path. Bottles and dishes littered the floor. The table lay on its side and the makeshift curtains had been torn from the window. Then a sudden wave of dread assaulted her and she turned slowly, almost not daring to check. Yet to her sheer relief, the picture remained where it always had, appeared to be the only item to have evaded the onslaught. Thank God.

  ‘Youse are back, then?’

  Jewel and Sarah turned to find Louise’s mother swaying in the doorway. She, too, glanced around at the carnage and, pulling a face, shrugged. ‘And where’s that hell cat, then? Slunk off to lick her wounds, has she?’

  ‘Place were empty when we returned,’ Sarah told her. ‘We thought Louise were with thee.’

  ‘Huh, not likely. Vicious young bitch. She’d do well to keep out of my road forra while if she knows what’s good for her.’

  ‘Is there no word as to Julia’s whereabouts yet?’

  ‘Nay. Ah, to buggery with the pair of them. Bleedin’ ingrates. Anyroad, sod it, I’m going to get some kip,’ the woman grumbled, shoving past them and stumbling over the debris-strewn floor towards the bed. She fell across it – shawl, clogs and all – and promptly fell fast asleep.

  Jewel and Sarah exchanged a weary look. Without a word, they rolled up their sleeves and set to tackling the mess.

  *

  Nightfall rolled around and still there was no sign of either of the sisters. Their mother snored on, oblivious to everything, but Jewel and Sarah had begun to get concerned.

  ‘I’m off to search our usual haunts, see if there’s been a sighting,’ said Sarah, reaching for her shawl. ‘Julia’s been gone way longer than what’s normal; I’m going to report her missing at the police station the morrow if she still ain’t back. Not that the bobbies will offer much help,’ she added with a note of bitterness. ‘Girls in our trade vanish all the time. What’s one more missing slum whore to them? But for Louise to disappear … The lass ain’t as hardened as her sister, nay. And what with how her mind’s been of late since the babby …’ Biting her lip, she set off to scour the inns.

  Alone, Jewel’s eyes immediately strayed to the picture. Ashamed, she tore them away, but they soon returned, and her feet itched to go to it. For though she, too, was worried about Louise, and even about the spiky Julia, another thought overrode all else: the future happiness of her child. To her, nothing was more important than that. Unable to fight the urge any longer, she hurried to the wall.

  After a quick glance towards the bed and the woman within still lost in her drunken stupor, she nodded, satisfied. Then she lifted the picture from the nail and propped it quietly against the sofa.

  For a full minute, she could do nothing but stare at the empty cavity between the bricks as the world slowly shattered around her. The cloth purse and the small fortune it contained were gone.

  Breaths coming in short spurts, she swung her head. ‘Nay. Nay!’

  The picture had clearly been disturbed after all. Louise must have spotted the secret hoard after her mother had taken herself off to the gin palace following their fight. She’d snatched away the lot, ruby ring and all, and had it away on her toes. Jewel was doubtful anyone would see the girl again. And despite her devastation, she blamed her not one bit. Who wouldn’t do the same in her situation; the family, the life, she’d been cursed with? Jewel knew, had it been her, she’d have certainly taken the opportunity of a fresh start far from here.

  But God above, where did this leave her child? Just how would she pay Minnie Maddox?

  Her last hope now dashed to the wind, the fight within her followed suit. With a moan, she sank to her knees on the cold, flagged floor.

  Chapter 20

  AS SARAH HAD predicted, the desk sergeant at Kirby Street Station had barely batted an eyelid when she went to report her niece missing.

  Despite the previous day’s search, she’d had no luck – no one in the inns, including their regular customers, had seen hide nor hair of the sisters. And so, as she’d vowed, Sarah had braced herself to go and ask the police for help. No small task for the majority of their class, to whom the law was rarely a friend.

  Jewel had felt it only right to tell her about the money, and her subsequent suspicions regarding Louise’s disappearance. Sarah had been in agreement therefore that the younger girl had gone off of her own free will, so there was little point mentioning her absence at the station. Yet it also reinstated the likelihood that Julia, given she’d left all that behind, almost certainly hadn’t gone by choice.

  ‘Three days? That’s no great length of time, now, is it?’ the bewhiskered officer had insisted, waving away her concerns.

  ‘Well, nay, I suppose not. But Julia, she’s never afore—’

  ‘She’ll turn up, you’ll see.’ Like the proverbial bad penny; your kind usually do, his eyes had seemed to add.

  ‘And if she don’t, sir? What then?’

  ‘Has it occurred to you that she might not want to be found?’

  ‘Well … nay, but I don’t think—’

  ‘Something to consider then. Look,’ he’d relented when Sarah showed no signs of budging, ‘we have her description and will keep an eye out for her. I’m afraid there’s nothing more we can do.’

  And that had been that. Many cared little for people, particularly women, who slipped below the line of moral respectability. It was simple in their eyes: choose to live a sinful existence, accept whatever fate befell you. Sarah was certain that whether Julia’s bloated corpse washed up in the river, was found broken and beaten in some ginnel, or she turned up healthy and well, it was all the same to him and his ilk.

  She’d relayed the brief meeting to Jewel shortly before with a touch of bitterness but no surprise. As she’d pointed out, in their line of work, assault and even murder was an occupational hazard. That the worst could occur with every customer, they acknowledged with grim acceptance.

  ‘Not that me and the girls are particularly close,’ Sarah admitted. ‘It just felt like the right thing to do, lass, you know? Someone had to at least try summat, for their mam wouldn’t get around to it.’ Sighing, she shrugged. ‘If they return, they return. If not … Well, I can but pray that they’re safe and wish them both well.’

  Despite the earliness of the hour, the girls’ mother was already out, propping up the inn’s counter, drowning her self-pity in funds she’d begged from Sarah. Jewel’s patience with the selfish article was wearing thin, though Sarah, God alone knew why, seemed to take in her stride everything her sister threw at her.

  ‘You still for taking the little ’un to Minnie’s today?’ asked Sarah now, and tears immediately sprang to Jewel’s eyes. ‘Ay, it’s all right, lass, if you’ve changed your mind.’

  ‘It’s not that. Oh, Sarah, it’s all ruined.’

  ‘Julia’s brass? Is that it?’

  Jewel raised her head and her face flushed pink. ‘I didn’t want to steal it, you understand? It was for the child, to buy her a brighter future.’

  ‘You were desperate. I get it, lass, don’t fret. You do what you must for your kiddies. That’s a mother’s job.’

  ‘But what will I do now? Louise has taken the lot. I’m out of work, haven’t a penny to my name, will never find enough to pay Mrs Maddox’s fee—’

  ‘Come on, dry your eyes.’

  ‘But Sarah, it’s hopeless. How will I—?’

  ‘I’ll pay.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Rather than give Minnie a lump sum, we’ll see if she’ll allow me to pay weekly for the child’s upkeep until new parents are found. I were for putting the self
-same notion to Louise but, well, given how frail the poor divil she birthed turned out to be …’

  ‘Aye.’ Sarah was right, Jewel saw it now. Neither hers nor Julia’s money could have made a difference to that poor soul.

  ‘Please,’ Sarah continued. ‘Let me do it for thee.’ She extracted some coins and pressed them into Jewel’s palm. ‘Here. Give her that to be getting along with.’

  Jewel was almost too choked to speak. ‘You’d do that for me?’

  Sarah nodded.

  ‘But why?’

  ‘Because you’re a good lass with a golden heart. For despite the pain that’s eating away at thee at the thought of parting with your daughter, you’re willing to suffer it to put her first. I’d say you’re one of the bravest lasses I know.’

  Now, when Jewel burst into silent sobs, Sarah let her cry. She put her arms around her and hugged her close, and Jewel clung to her.

  ‘It’s killing me.’

  ‘Eeh, lass. I know.’

  ‘Will I die from it, this agony?’

  ‘Nay.’ Sarah’s voice was husky with emotion. ‘You’ll bear it, somehow.’

  ‘She will be all right, won’t she? Mrs Maddox will honour her promise?’

  ‘Fret not over that at least,’ answered Sarah without hesitation. ‘Minnie shall find her nowt but the very best people.’

  ‘And she’ll care for her well until then?’

  ‘That you could even wonder at it. Some, aye, are wholly unqualified for the task of hand-rearing babies – not Minnie. What she don’t know ain’t worth knowing.’

  Ada Bickerstaff entered Jewel’s thoughts and she shuddered. ‘I almost gave her up to an infant killer, Sarah. She insisted no one but her was to enter their room so as not to disturb them – how could I be so blind? Louise told me what she were. Baby farmer. But I’d never heard the term afore, and when I questioned her, she insisted—’ She broke off suddenly as the memory of their conversation flooded back. She lifted her head to look at Sarah. ‘Did Louise know what Bickerstaff was about?’ she whispered. Then with dread: ‘Please tell me Louise didn’t know.’

  ‘I’ll not lie to thee, lass, she likely did. Though some mothers, victims like yourself, pay baby farmers believing care will be provided, others know the truth. There’s an understanding of sorts that the child’s chances of survival will be slim.’

  Angel makers. That’s how the girl had referred to them. Of course, it was all making sense now.

  ‘Whether her child had been born in Bolton or Manchester, weak or robust … she didn’t want it,’ Sarah continued. ‘Adopted out or snuffed out, so long as it were off her hands one way or another, it didn’t matter. Mind, she didn’t expect the end result to fall to her; that’s why she sought out a baby farmer in the first place. To her, it were less personal, like. Luckily for her conscience – and mine, for I were witness to it, weren’t I? – the child arrived as it did: at death’s door through sheer fate alone. Had Louise not intervened, it still wouldn’t have lived. I’m certain of that.’

  ‘How can you speak of it so calmly? You don’t agree with it, surely?’

  ‘Course I don’t. But what could I have done? She’s a grown lass; aye, with a callous streak beneath, to boot, like her mother. Nowt I could have said would have changed her mind.’

  ‘She would have let me send my child to the slaughter, though, too. What say if I’d changed my mind soon after handing her over, gone back to reclaim her, only to find …’

  ‘Aye, you’re right. And it happens, lass, too: some never hear from their child again. Most are too ashamed or frickened to probe, or take their worries to the police, and so it goes on, with baby farmers continuing their trade undetected.’

  ‘How could Louise risk that? How could she be so wicked?’

  ‘You mebbe deciding you’d made a mistake … perhaps she didn’t think that far ahead.’

  ‘She still should have told me, Sarah.’

  ‘What would you have done had you discovered the truth?’

  ‘Left! Immediately!’

  ‘And gone where?’

  Jewel opened her mouth but, to this, she didn’t have an answer.

  ‘Happen in her mind, shielding thee from this foulness was her way of doing you a kindness. She knew you couldn’t keep your child and mebbe thought you’d be stuck getting rid of it, if not with the Bickerstaff one. Who knows? But she saw thee as a friend, I reckon. She fetched thee here with her, didn’t she? Whether she did or not, I think the intention to help thee was there.’

  Reluctantly, Jewel knew she couldn’t deny that. In her own way, Louise had been there for her. She hadn’t had to take her under her wing, had she? And the girl hadn’t wanted anything in return, can’t have done, for she’d had nothing to give. Louise had done it because she wanted to.

  ‘Now, why don’t you go and put my proposal to Minnie?’ A sad smile touched Sarah’s lips when Jewel’s arms tightened instinctively around her daughter. ‘If it’s what you want, of course.’

  ‘It is. It has to be.’

  ‘Then I think it’s time, lass. Prolonging things will only make it harder on the pair of youse.’

  Jewel’s voice faltered. ‘You’ll be here when I get back?’

  ‘I’ll be here,’ Sarah whispered. ‘Good luck to thee. Be strong.’

  *

  If Jewel hadn’t willed herself on with every step, she would never have got to Kirby Street.

  Her every instinct was telling her to turn tail and run, but she silenced it with the mantra she’d adopted months ago: I must. There’s no other way. I must.

  Eliza welcomed her inside then discreetly took herself off to make tea to give her and Minnie some privacy. Taking a deep breath, Jewel looked to the older woman, sitting smiling softly by the hearth.

  ‘Hello, lass. Come on in, proper like, and sit yourself down.’

  She took the chair opposite. ‘Ta, thanks.’

  Minnie’s voice was gentle. ‘You all right?’

  ‘Aye. Nay. I hate myself for this, all of it. How have I got here, Mrs Maddox? How did things get to this?’

  ‘Don’t bottle it up, lass,’ insisted Minnie when Jewel attempted to gulp down the tears that hadn’t been too far away all morning. ‘Let it out and gain some relief. There’s no shame in showing emotion.’

  For the next few minutes, she did just that. Holding her daughter close, her bitter weeping mingled with the sound of the crackling fire. Finally, she wiped her eyes and nodded. ‘You were right. I can breathe a little easier now.’

  ‘I’m glad. Now, drink your tea, there’s a good lass.’

  Eliza had placed it on a side table by her elbow and, between sips, Jewel explained to Minnie the situation and Sarah’s generous offer.

  ‘She’s a kind soul. Course I’m in agreement to that, aye.’

  ‘Really?’ She closed her eyes in relief. ‘Eeh, Mrs Maddox, thank you.’

  ‘And lass?’

  ‘Aye?’

  ‘I’ll find the very best parents for the little angel there that I can. Never fret on that. You have my word.’

  Tears returned to Jewel’s throat, making it impossible to respond. Instead, she conveyed her overwhelming gratitude with her eyes.

  ‘Now, there’s just a few things I need to ask of thee, if that’s all right?’

  ‘Aye.’

  ‘Has the babby developed any health problems since the birth? The labour, it’s not had no effect on her?’

  ‘Nay, none.’

  Minnie nodded, satisfied. ‘And does she have a name?’

  ‘I thought it best not to. You know?’

  ‘I do, lass. Some prefer it that way.’

  ‘Is there owt else you need to know, Mrs Maddox?’

  ‘Aye, just one more thing.’ A small smile deepened the lines around her mouth. ‘What’s your ruddy name? By gum, d’you know, I don’t even know?’

  ‘It’s Jewel, Mrs Maddox.’

  The sharp gasp from Minnie, and the clanking of Eliz
a’s cup as she dropped it on to the table to cover her mouth with her hand, rent the air. Jewel stared at them in puzzlement.

  ‘What is it? What’s wrong?’

  ‘Who …?’ Minnie was gazing at her open-mouthed. ‘Who did you say?’

  ‘Why Jewel, for that’s my name.’

  The old woman rose from her chair. ‘It can’t be, it can’t.’

  ‘It’s uncommon, I know. Folk allus react in surprise when I introduce myself,’ she said, frowning in confusion as Minnie began pacing the floor. ‘But Lord, never to this extent … Is tha all right?’

  Receiving no response, Jewel looked instead to Eliza for help but, like the other woman, she, too, had paled and was wringing her hands. What was going on?

  ‘Mrs Maddox?’ Jewel crossed the room and touched her shoulder, bringing her to a juddering halt. ‘Mrs Maddox, you’re not well. Come, sit down.’

  ‘Sorry. I … I’m sorry.’

  ‘What made you react so?’ she asked when she’d guided her back to her chair. ‘Eliza, too. What is it?’

  Minnie cleared her throat. She stared at her for a long moment then cleared her throat again. ‘The night you went into labour, when Sarah called here asking for my services … she just said that her niece’s friend needed help, never mentioned your name. And then again yesterday, I never thought to ask, I … I never … could never have guessed …’

  ‘Guessed what? What, Mrs Maddox?’

  ‘I once knew someone with the self-same name as yours. But it’s impossible,’ she added, almost to herself. Then she looked past Jewel slowly to stare into space, and her lips mouthed the name of another: Sarah. ‘Oh my God,’ she choked.

  Jewel’s bafflement had reached fever pitch. ‘Sarah? What about her? Will someone please tell me what the divil’s going on?’

  Eliza settled on her haunches in front of Jewel and took her hand in hers. Her expression was one of fearful expectancy and deep pity. ‘Lass?’