Hanging on (Jessica Brodie Diaries #2)

by K. F. Breene

  I smiled sweetly through clenched teeth. “William, always the gentleman.”

  Her smile faltered when I called him by his full name. Taking the slight advantage, I spoke up for myself, as instructed. “I currently work in upper-management in the Finance department for his family’s company. It wasn’t until after I met him and Tom that I learned they owned it.”

  Hearing that I actually worked for a living, her smile turned victorious. “She is a factory worker for you, then, William?” She made a mockery of his full name, implying I was a boob for using it.

  His eyes clouded over.

  I’d just lost the battle. It was inevitable. She obviously didn’t have to work. I did. I had performed so well today, not embarrassing myself once, but I should have known it would eventually come to this. This high-class woman was bringing out the reality of the situation for all to see. I wasn’t even a trophy. I was the rich guy slumming with the hired help. I was exactly what Denise didn’t want for her son.

  I wanted to run. To walk from the room and let myself succumb to tears. Instead, I bottled it up for later. I slightly lifted my chin. I might not be good enough for William, but I was good enough for me, and I would not let anyone make a fool of me.

  “The finance department works out of an office building,” I responded, not giving William a chance to answer, “but yes, I work for William’s family. I just graduated from UCLA and moved out from California. I could have branched off into acting—I have been in commercials and small roles in films, so it wouldn’t have been a big stretch to break into more mainstream roles, but decided I would rather put my intelligence to use in the work force. I chose a lucrative company growing exponentially within the industry that had sufficient potential for personal as well as business growth. The rest is history in the making.”

  I smiled bigly, grabbed William’s arm, and leaned toward him as I pulled his arm so I could kiss him on the cheek. I turned back toward her as if I had actually won this dual. Let people say I was dense and ignorant; I wasn’t going down like a dog that just got kicked.

  She’d feel so stupid when Fred bit her in the ass later!

  “Anyway, I’ll let you two catch up, okay?” I emphasized complete trust in William with my smile. A trust I would be a fool to feel. “Dezeray, it was really great to meet you. I enjoy meeting people from William’s past! We should do dinner one night.”

  With a twinkle in my eye and a hop in my step, I waited for her to nod with a fake smile, slowly turned, and walked to the first familiar faces I saw, which were Adam and Ami.

  I greeted them warmly and asked if they were having a nice time. I could tell the entire room had been watching the discourse, and I was desperate to be out of the room, but I would not let myself run with my tail between my legs.

  I was using every fiber of my being to keep the lid tightened on that bottle of desperation and emotion inside.

  Ami responded that they were having a great time and asked would I mind showing her where the bar was? She didn’t know the layout of the house and knew that I was more familiar with these surroundings. She said this loud enough for Dezeray to hear.

  Adam extended his arm for me to take, Ami on the other side, as we slowly sauntered from the room. I was holding my breath in intervals, and breathing deeply when I could. Anything to keep from breaking into uncontrollable sobs.

  It wasn’t just that I was thoroughly embarrassed in front of all these people. It wasn’t even the unmistakable issue that I didn’t belong in this society. It was that William was better off with that high class girl that knew him and his family so well. It was that I would lose him to a girl not worth half of me in value, but worth a hundred of me in status, money and birth; the things that capitalism valued.

  We went to the bar and ordered a champagne. Ami and Adam were talking quietly, but I had no idea what they were saying. When Lady came in a short second later, I couldn’t even look at her. I couldn’t look at anyone.

  Instead of checking on the bar supplies, she went to the far corner of the room, pushed a large tapestry aside, pulled a lever, and revealed a little room.

  She left it open, put the tapestry back, and went to the bar. She asked a few questions about bar supplies then said, to no one in particular, “Sometimes it is best to step away for a moment and get your bearings. Maybe get some fresh air without being seen going outside.”

  The bartender looked at her like she had gone mad. Before he could ask what she was talking about, she was walking from the room. Ami immediately pulled me to the little room, Adam in toe, and we stepped in.

  It was actually a passageway big enough for two to go abreast. Well, two of Ami and I. Adam had to both stoop and walk on his own. We followed it and saw that there were little passages off to the right and left as we made our way, which probably led to other rooms in the house. Following it still, it led to a little doorway. I felt like Alice in Wonderland as we ducked out onto the expanse of grass in the back of the house.

  As soon as I was out, my emotions got the better of me. I started to hyperventilate and bent down to try and catch my breath. The tears were locked down deeper with the degradation and pain, and I wasn’t ready to admit to those yet, but the freaking out was absolutely in progress.

  Adam gathered me up into his arms and hugged me tightly. He crooned to me, whispering for me to hush and take deep breaths. He rocked me and rubbed my back. I felt Ami rubbing my back also, saying encouraging words to calm me down.

  I pulled away from Adam. He had helped, but if he kept handling me with kid gloves I might unlock the bottle of tears. That would be disaster.

  As I gave myself space from his body, he looked down at me with the panic of a man unsure what to do with a crying woman. Seeing no tears, he relaxed slightly, fear lingering that I might let go at any minute.

  “Jessica, you did great,” Ami said, still rubbing my back. “You really did. You pulled yourself out of the ditch she put you in, and walked away the better person.”

  “I don’t fit here, Ami. I don’t fit with these people.”

  “Yeah right, and I do?” Adam asked.

  “Yes, Adam. You do. You and the other trust fund babies belong here.”

  “That’s just plain insultin’ Jessie,” Adam replied indignantly. “It weren’t my choice for the money, but I still do an honest day’s work. More ‘n a day’s work. I work hard, money or no. I built my ranch from the ground up. I made my own money.”

  “Adam, where did you get the money to start the ranch that is now so prosperous?”

  He blinked at me, but didn’t say anything.

  “Exactly. You got it from your parents. Money begets money. You work hard, yeah. So do I. But I don’t have a net under me. I don’t have a starting point. I don’t have anyone to provide groundwork.”

  “She’s right Adam,” Ami admitted softly. “You don’t have to work. I don’t have to work. Jess does. She is the working class. When she is older, she’ll be the middle class. Or even upper-middle class. We are in the upper class. That is the point she is making right now. But Jess, no one cares about that.”

  “No one but William’s ex-girlfriend. Or his mom. Or 75% or more of the people in that house. Or, Ami, your mom.”

  “Jessica,” Adam said, “Willie doesn’t care about that. He cares about--”

  At that moment Claire emerged from the passageway with a “Savage! That house has haunts and all!”

  Jane emerged exclaiming, “Creepy!”

  They looked at me and immediately their expressions turned consoling.

  “How are you?” Jane asked.

  “Jessica, that girl was a fucking cunt!” Claire exclaimed.

  “Claire!” Ami yelled, horrified with the language.

  “That bitch is that bad!” Claire pushed. “What-is-her-fecking-problem?!”

  “She wants what I’ve got. Or had,” I replied blandly.

  “Well,” Claire said, still in a huff. “You didn’t see, but sure, Willie took c
are of dat matter for ye. He basically told her to shove it up her hole!”

  “Yeah,” Jane said. “After you left, that bitch tried to push the advantage of having him alone. The whole place could see that you left with the upper hand. She was talking all kinds of shit about you! All kinds! She looked like a shallow bitch. Sorry Ami.

  “Anyway, he started talking about how you changed his life. How you were different than anyone he ever met—I think he was emphasizing her--”

  “Yeah, he was,” Claire interrupted, nodding.

  “—and that you were the one putting on the breaks with him. Then his mother of all people stepped in, all ladylike and nonchalant, and picked up the conversation, acting pleasantly surprised to be discussing her favorite person—quite the actor!—and started talking about your dancing and classic taste in fashion and wine. Then some old broad, not Gladis, but some other one-hundred-and-fifty-year-old, stepped into the conversation and she talked about how generous you were and always willing to help--”

  “She didn’t even try to be nice about it!” Claire interrupted again.

  “—and then, Gladis stepped forward...”

  The girls paused and looked around for dramatic effect.

  “Well?” I said, feeling slightly better.

  “Gladis laid into her! She was saying how you have changed her life. How you moved in and made everything brighter. How you killed your car half way to the hospital to visit her then ran the rest of the way, just to make sure she was okay.

  “She started talking about how she had money her whole life, but hadn’t ever met someone as heartfelt, hardworking and genuine until you crossed her path. How glad she was that you were in her life, on and on. She was more eloquent than I have ever heard the old bird. Then she ended with how lucky Willie was to have found her—you—and how smart he was to grab you.

  “Everyone thought that was it, but then she started in about how rude it was that the bitch—sorry Ami—was being so rude in her house to her ward and all that. Gladis didn’t throw her out, but made her feel about two feet tall.”

  Jane took an excited breath and kept going, “Then that bitch’s mother—oh, get over it Ami—who was there the whole time, but a few steps back, came to her defense. Gladis squared off with that woman and threw her weight around. Apparently Gladis is like an old crow of that community. Meaning she’s got a ton of freaking money and has been in that city a long time. More money and power than this other broad, apparently. Something about whoever Gladis’s hubby was and her father, or something. I don’t know, it’s all Greek to me, but it seems like all this other broad cared about was wealth. It reminded me of the mother in the Titanic.

  “Anyways, I couldn’t hear a bunch of the conversation, but Gladis sent her running with some comment. Did you hear it Claire?”

  “Nah. Once she got that ole bitches attention she lowered her voice.”

  “Yeah. I didn’t catch it. But something she said made this woman reel back and look at her daughter, which looked awestruck, too. Willie looked unsettled, but he was showing very little expression, so I couldn’t tell. Anyway, the two packed in their shit and hurried out of there. Willie looked relieved and winked at Gladis, who smiled. Lady then snuck up to us and told us how to find you to tell you to make your entrance again, without tears. So here we are. But you didn’t cry.”

  “I will. Just not here,” I said.

  Adam reached out and rubbed my back again. He was definitely hoping I would cry away from his vicinity.

  Claire was looking at Adam as if he had just appeared out of thin air. Then, with a devious smile, she said, “Adam, fancy a fuck?”

  Everyone turned to Claire in amazement—Ami looked like she was about to pass out.

  “Was that bold?” She started laughing hysterically and we all joined in. Adam included.

  Poor guy.

  “But seriously, Jess,” Claire said, still looking at Adam’s chest. You could see his effort not to cover up like a chick with no bra. “Dat girl wished she didn’t open up and talk a load of crap about ya.”

  “Yeah, she probably won’t go after Willie for quite a while after that. So that’s good.” Jane nodded.

  At least I had that: a rope a little longer with which to hang myself.

  We snuck back into the bar. I was still worried about my position and William’s. We would always be from two different worlds. There would always be Dezeray’s to point it out. There wouldn’t, however, always be Gladis’s to protect me. William would eventually get tired of having to stick up for me all on his own.

  As we emerged from the hole in the wall, I saw William at the bar talking to Lady, who saw us and gestured. William looked over worriedly and locked eyes on me. He didn’t move, but watched me intently until I was in ten feet from him. Then he quickly looked around. Seeing no one he rushed to me and embraced me in a rough hug.

  “Why won’t people just leave us be?” he asked in my ear.

  I didn’t reply, but let him hug me tightly. He pulled back and looked me in the face. If that cap wasn’t so tight on my inner bottle, I would have started sobbing. As it was I couldn’t feel much. I was still on defensive mode.

  “Let me in,” he whispered in a soft voice

  “Huh?”

  “Why are you keeping me at a distance? You do this when there is something wrong. Don’t. Let me in.”

  I shook my head ‘no’. The cap was threatening to loosen. Not here.

  He looked at me a second more then pulled me into a tight hug again. He walked me away from everyone else.

  “Look,” he said, “I didn’t know she would try to pull that. I thought she was engaged. There were a handful of other girls I thought might be mad, but they would be easy. I didn’t know...”

  “Do you still love her?” I asked. I still had that helpful detachment. For now.

  His jaw was clenched. "Yes."

  Beep, beep,beep,beep.This just in—flash flood warning. Head for higher ground.

  I nodded, lengthening my distance.

  “I said I wouldn’t lie to you,” he continued. “Yes, I still love her. She was my first love, and she’ll always have that ‘first’ feeling about her. Always that first love.”

  No issues. Information given. Information stored. Couldn’t give a shit. Honest.

  I would have to remember to tell Lump she can move into the pool house. I was headed to Australia. I wondered if she would want to go back?

  “But...it’s a was, Jess. Love, but not in love. I am in love with you. I want you. I couldn’t imagine being with her now, even if I never met you. I will always remember her, but I will never want her again. You, I can’t live without. Gladis has no doubt told you what last night meant for a Davies man. I have never done that for anyone.”

  Sounded good from this great divide. So who’s to say? I just nodded.

  He looked at me like I was a mental patient. Then hurt crossed his face.

  “Get over it William. Why does everyone call you Willie if you prefer William?” I asked, off track.

  He looked at me like I had a concussion and wasn’t able to focus. “My parent’s called me Willie, so it caught on. All the new people I meet take on what everyone else calls me. No one has ever asked, but you.”

  “Shall I call you Willie?”

  “Jessica--” He was growing tired of my detachment. “Please call me William.”

  “I love you, William.”

  He gave a huge sigh of relief. “I am yours, Jessica. Don’t give up on me.”

  We stared in each other’s eyes for a minute. I would still cry when that bottle opened up, but for now I was just living for the moment. It might not last, so I had to get it while I could, but right now, it was great.

  I would say the rest of the day/night went well. Of course, that would be lying.

  Gladis’s kids showed up. Well, kid. One of three.

  I was standing with William, Tom and Denise. Denise had greatly approved of how I handled the situation wit
h Dezeray, and apparently realized that I was made of better stuff than she originally thought. Tom couldn’t wait to say ‘I told you so’. The last threat of despondency was let go, and I was finally welcomed into the family as William’s girlfriend.

  Denise had asked if it was true about the acting.

  “I embellished a little.” I shrugged.

  Denise nodded like she thought I had so I thought I would elaborate. “I did do some commercials and get some small roles in films. But that is a far cry from being able to make it. I would have needed a big break, which really relies on luck—it is a long shot. Then I would have to keep the good roles going and continue to make good movies to stay on top, which is beyond hard. And even if I did that, it would enviably change me for the worst. So yes, what I said was fact. But no, that really wasn’t an option for the rest of my life.”

  Denise looked impressed. It always sounded better than it was.

  Dez and her mother had left, so I was free to relax. So I thought.

  Chapter Sixteen

  There was a tap on my shoulder. I turned around with no reservations. I beheld a woman in her forties or more with at least one face lift—face lifts were the norm around these parts. She had horribly dyed blond hair and expensive designer clothes on an unnaturally thin frame.

  “Are you Jessica?” She asked with an elevated southern accent I was beginning to realize was high-society Southern. Hers didn’t sound Texan, but I was no expert.

  “Yes?”

  “You tryin’ to steal my money?”

  “Um. What? I’m sorry I don’t think we’ve met...?”

  “I’m Shauna, the middle-born.”

  “Oh! So nice to meet you!” I stuck out my hand to shake. I was rebuffed.

  “You tryin’ to move in and take my inheritance?!”

  “What? No! No, you have it wrong. I am just renting the pool house. I answered an ad for it. I’m from California. Los Angeles. I am just renting. Gladis has been very nice to me is all.”