“Let go of me, please. You have completely the wrong idea. Mik and I have never been together, he literally is my best friend and that’s it,” I try to reason with him. His expression doesn’t change at my words.
“You are the only man to have touched me in any way. You’re my first boyfriend.”
Nobody has ever dared to treat me like this. During the past few months I’ve learned that Brendan can be pushy sometimes but I've never seen him act like this and it has me equal parts afraid and angry. It takes every ounce of restraint I have not to show him how I would normally deal with someone treating me this way, so instead of ripping shreds off of him with my nasty tongue or physically removing his hands from my body, I try to placate him. It's not my usual approach but hopefully it will calm him. I don't want to cause a scene and deal with a bunch of ‘I told you so’s’ from Benji, but I will yell for my Dad or kick his ass myself if he gets any further out of hand.
As I make escape plans in my head, my words finally my register with him. His face lights up and he crushes me to him in a bear hug.
“Are you saying you’re a virgin?”
“Yes, I am,” I mumble, embarrassed that he has verbalised what I was hinting at. “What gave you the idea that I wasn’t? Why would you think that Mik and I had a relationship? You’ve never even met him.”
I pepper him with questions as relief sets in.
Now that he has let go of me and is calm, I’m becoming bemused. I can't believe that he feels he has a right to be jealous of someone who has been in my life forever. It's absurd.
“Your entire family is always talking about you two like you’re an old married couple or something. I know you call each other regularly, plus you go to Brisbane all the time to stay with him.” Brendan is literally whining as he explains himself. “They like him a lot more than they like me.”
I can't help myself. Brendan’s plaintive tone makes me burst out laughing so I push my face into his chest to muffle it. It's true that Dad loves Mik—he is his godson after all—and that he hasn’t exactly taken to Brendan. Dad calls Brendan ‘Mr. Pretentious’ behind his back. I never realized Brendan had picked up on Dad’s aversion though.
“Oh my God! Mik is my Dad’s godson...his Dad is my Dad’s best friend! I’ve known him since I was born and we’ve been friends forever. We became best friends because our moms died two months apart. He’s awesome and I love him but not in a boyfriend way.”
I’m trying my hardest to control my laughing as I explain my relationship with Mik to him because I know Brendan is serious, but honestly how can he have such a wrong idea about someone he has never met?
“I’m so sorry, Maddi. I snapped at you for nothing. I’m such a jerk! I was jealous,” he apologizes quickly with a sheepish look on his face. “I'm glad you're only ever going to be with me.”
His tight hug and silly reasoning help me decide to forgive him for his ridiculous outburst. I have no idea where he got his crazy idea but my ego is enjoying having the most eligible guy I know in a jealous panic over me.
“It’s okay. I’m still not ready to take the next step with you though,” I warn him as he lifts my face to his for a kiss. He nods at my words and pulls me tightly against him, leaving me no choice but to straddle his lap. We share the most passionate kiss we’ve had and it takes my breath away even as it pushes my boundaries. I pull away from him when the front light of my house comes on and Benji sticks his head out the door.
“It’s midnight, Maddi. Get your ass inside!”
I flip my twin the bird and give Brendan a quick kiss on the cheek, moving off of his lap quickly. It's not a position that I'm comfortable being caught in by my twin brother.
“I’ll see you tomorrow before we leave?” I ask Brendan when Benji comes to stand next the vehicle and crosses his arms over his chest. Brendan jumps down from his truck and then lifts me over the side before placing me on the ground in front of him. As he puts me down, he slides me down the front of him and I feel his erection press into my stomach. He’s never been that forward with me before. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I take a quick step away from him.
“I’ll see what I can do. I’d still prefer you to spend the weekend with me instead,” he says before he kisses me again. He ignores my resistance and pulls me back into his embrace. Benji snorts at his request and I shake my head. I'm not missing Mik’s party.
Brendan narrows his eyes at me and pushes me away, abruptly turning to leave. Nodding curtly at Benji, who simply gives him an arrogant chin lift in return, he gets in his vehicle and drives off without even a backwards glance. I'm getting whiplash from his behaviour tonight and it’s not pleasant.
Once Brendan is out of sight, I turn to Benji with an angry hiss.
“What the fuck is your problem? Why do you always have to be so rude to him?”
I rarely swear even though everyone around me does constantly but I’ve had enough of Benji’s issues. My head is swimming from Brendan’s irrational jealousy and rude departure, my temper needs an outlet and Benji is right in front of me.
It irks me that Benji hasn’t been friendly with Brendan since the day he asked me out. Every time they are in the same place, they always end up having words and getting physical and I have to play peacemaker. I have no idea what their problem is with each other and neither will give me a straight answer when I ask.
Benji slings his arm over my shoulder, turning me towards the front door. My twin dwarfs me so I actually feel petite next to him. He is also the exact opposite of me in looks. While I inherited our mother’s blondness and fair but easy to tan skin, my four brothers all take after our father.
They have black hair, light olive skin, and tall broad frames. Benji and Joel are naturally muscular and good looking men like Dad and I can see Matty and Lachie quickly taking after him. The only way you can tell that I'm related to them is by the electric blue eyes that we all share with our mother and our well above average height. Dad’s eyes are an unusual sea green that I would have loved to have inherited.
“Little sis,” he begins, smiling cheekily since he knows it will get a reaction out of me.
He's always a smartass. Taking his bait, I elbow him hard in the ribs. I’m only little in size against him. I’m actually seven minutes older. He laughs at my attack before his expression turns to concern.
“That fucker is bad news. He’s not who you think he is. The whole alpha, my shit don't stink vibe he gives when he is around you pisses me off and the way he threatens everyone to keep you to himself is fucked up. He is possessive as fuck and it's not fucking normal. That guy wants to own you and that's bullshit. You’re not a toy, ya know?
“What are you talking about Benji? I'll agree that he does come on too strong sometimes but we weren't even official until tonight so why would he be trying to isolate me?” Benji glares at me when I mention the upgrade in my relationship status with Brendan but I ignore him and resume our argument. “I really think you're trying to find an excuse to pick a fight with him.”
Narrowing my gaze at my overprotective brother I work myself into a righteous state.
Standing on my tiptoes, I angrily shout in his face. “I thought your original problem was that I was just a quick fuck to him. Now you’re upset that he wants me to himself. You just have your nose out of joint because he’s my first boyfriend and Dad doesn't let you run my life anymore.”
My temper is ready to explode and I’ve unconsciously balled my fists up at my sides. Benji holds his palms up in surrender, his eyes widening. He knows he’s close to getting thumped by me. He might be bigger than me but I can still pack a punch and he knows it.
“You're so fucking wrong, Mads, I'd actually fucking laugh at you if this wasn't so serious.”
I roll my eyes at his overreaction.
“Open your bloody eyes. Next time we’re all together, actually pay some attention to how he treats all of us because then you'll see I'm right. Don’t you think it's weird that none of your
friends hang around anymore? Why do you think Kyle and the other guys don't talk to you when he's around? He’s threatened everyone. Fuck, Maddi, he actually punched Kyle because he hugged you goodbye in front of him. Kyle’s fucking family! Brendan's a possessive motherfucker and you don't seem to see it.”
“Alright, I'll pay attention.” I huff in defeat. Benji wouldn't argue like this if he wasn't worried. He can be overbearing but that's only when he thinks I need it. Despite my previous accusation, he’s normally pretty laid back with me so this outburst is out of character.
When I muse over Benji’s claims, I realise that he's right, my girlfriends don't really come over anymore. I've been so busy with my last year of school, that I haven't realized that almost every minute of spare time I have involves Brendan, even though I don't seek him out. And I'd never paid much attention to Kyle because Benji is right about him practically being family and therefore a bit like furniture at our house, but he hasn't been hanging out with me like he used to, unless it's one of the rare occasions when Brendan’s not around.
On top of all that, there is the whole not wanting me to go away with my family for Mik’s birthday argument we had tonight.
Everything on its own seems innocent and easily explained but together it looks like it might be more. I don't think Benji is right about Brendan's motivations but he could be. Brendan was pretty jealous of Mik tonight for no logical reason and I still have the lingering tenderness in my biceps from when he shook me as a reminder of his irrational anger.
CHAPTER SIX
Lainey
Present Day
“Are you serious?” Brendan asks me, in an incredulous tone.
His words jolt me back into reality, leaving me with lingering feelings of stupidity caused by the memories of the warning signs I ignored so many years ago.
“You’ll promise to be mine if I leave him alone?” He snorts sarcastically. I'm certain he would roll his eyes at me if he wasn't so well raised.
“We both know that’s not going to happen.”
Ignoring how stiff I become when he touches me, he nuzzles his nose beneath my ear and then leans down to nibble my neck. Pulling away from him, and pushing aside the pain in my body and the throbbing of my head, I sit up and face him. I have one chance to rationalize with this madman to try and keep myself and Mik safe long enough for me to work out how to get away from him. I might once have been young and naïve enough for him to intimidate into doing what he wanted, but the last four years have taught me how a healthy relationship should function.
After wiping the tears from my face and straightening my shoulders, I look him in the eye and smile innocently, as if his sarcasm has gone straight over my head.
“I’ll commit to you again if you promise me three things…”
My voice isn't as strong as I would like it to be since my throat is raw from all the screaming I've done. I'm force to suspend my negotiations when he cuts me off.
“Only three things, Lainey?” He smirks. “You have to know that I don’t need to compromise with you. I hold all the cards. You’ll commit because you’re smart enough to realize I'm right.”
I laugh at his unfailing arrogance. He hasn't changed one bit. All that time in jail and he still thinks the world revolves around him and what he wants.
“You’re confusing commit with submit once again, Brendan.” I school him. “You can get me to submit to you with the cards you’re holding, just like you did last time. But you will never be able to get me to commit to you with those cards. I’ll always be looking for a way out again.”
He regards me as if I'm someone he’s never seen before, his eyes narrowing and his lips thinning as he searches my face. I think I have shocked him out of his delusions for once.
“You’ve changed, Lainey. You’ve always challenged me like nobody else but never to this extent. You’re starting to push it too far. What the hell happened to you? ”
His questioning expression makes my blood boil. How is it that he doesn’t understand what he did to me during our façade of a relationship? How can he still think that I'm wrong and he’s right?
“You happened!” I scream hoarsely at him, all ideas of rationalizing with him flying out of my head. “The way I am now is the result of being left broken, mentally and physically, after you repeatedly raped and beat me. You systematically wore me down to nothing when we were together. You broke my spirit when you broke my body and what you see now.” I gesture at myself, “is how I was rebuilt by….”
My words abruptly end as he grabs my cheeks with his big hand and squeezes my mouth shut. He knocks me onto my back and straddles my hips. I slap at him but he pins me with his body ensuring that I can’t move. I inwardly curse my inability to stop pressing his buttons by mentioning Mik. I keep losing my cool with him and if I don’t rein it in, I’m going to end up really hurt or even worse, I'll get Mik hurt.
“What are you talking about? I never hurt you on purpose, you made me do it. You wouldn’t stay away from him or any other man for that matter. You wouldn’t put me first, you wouldn’t give me your love, you wouldn’t smile at me like you did him. You acted like the sun rose and set for him.”
Shaking with rage as he berates me, he showers me with saliva as he yells. “I was just taking what belonged to me from the moment I put my ring on your finger. Once I became your first lover, you were mine to fuck whenever I wanted. That's how a relationship bloody well works, you stupid bitch. I was your first, for fucks sake.”
He’s losing control as he yells at me, his precise and educated manner of speaking lost as his rage takes control. He’s jabbing my chest vehemently with two of his fingers, to emphasize his points. Each jab hurts my already battered body further. I’m struggling my hardest to get away but I can’t move him.
He's too heavy.
Too out of control.
His tirade is nearing the end; I realize that when I see him curl his hand into a fist. I know he’s going to hit me but there’s no way I can get out of his range, not pinned the way I am. My heart pounds harder as my fear spikes. I've been in this position before and every fibre in my body remembers what it felt like.
Painful.
Humiliating.
Life threatening.
I’m trying to brace myself for impact when he finally loses it.
“I SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOUR ONLY!”
Helplessly, I watch his fist rush towards my face. I hear the impact but the pain doesn't register immediately. With his features contorted in rage, he’s almost unrecognizable. My heart lurches as Brendan pulls his fist back and hits me again. My last thought before my world goes black is that I can’t believe he still thinks he was my first.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Lainey
Four and a Half Years Earlier
“Happy eighteenth, Maddi.”
Brendan leans over my shoulder and sweetly whispers in my ear. I’m standing with my back leaning against his chest and his arms around my waist while everyone sings ‘Happy Birthday’ to Benji and me. The tension I've been feeling all day reduces and I finally allow myself to feel a small flash of excitement at the night ahead when Brendan's calm tone registers. Thank God, he seems to be over last night’s fit of jealousy.
Dozens of cameras and phones are pointed at us, flashing when Benji and I lean down to blow out the candles on our individual cakes once the crowd finishes singing. Benji’s cake is a large set of breasts that Dad proceeds to push his face into before he lurches into a speech.
I burst out laughing at Benji's icing covered face and elbow Brendan so he doesn’t even think of letting anyone do that to me. My cake is the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Company’s logo.
I’ve been in love with Harley’s for as long as I can remember. My Dad rides one as does Mik and his Dad, nearly every man I know rides one. Dad and the rest of them are members of the Black Shamrocks Motorcycle Club. The name is in reference to the founding members’ Irish ancestry. My Pop started the Shamrocks with a h
andful of his Vietnam War mates when they returned from the war in the early seventies.
Mik’s Dad, Victor, is President and my father is Vice President. Dad patched in once his footy career started winding down. He was on his way to becoming President when Pop decided to step down but he had to take a step back when my mother died so he could raise my brothers and I. Vic, or Viking as he's called around the Club, may be President at the moment but I know that they have an agreement where he’ll step down to VP once Dad is ready to step up and move back to the mother chapter in Brisbane. Pop may have passed away already but I know he'll be thrilled when his son finally fulfils his legacy.
My Harley lover gene was passed down by both of my parents. My mother is the only woman I know who rode next to her man, not behind him. She wasn’t an official member of the MC, although I'm sure she would have joined if they didn't have their stupid ‘no women’ rule. Joel and I are Harley fanatics while my other brothers have a keen interest. Benji likes superbikes as well, much to Dad’s annoyance, which I think is half the reason why Benji likes them.
I love helping with rebuilds, having spent most of my childhood watching my Dad and Pop, so for the last year Joel and I have been helping Mik rebuild a 1996 Wide Glide and a 2010 Fat Boy. They are nearly finished—and probably would be—if I hadn’t cut back on my trips to Brisbane over the last few months because Brendan gets really upset and spiteful when I spend time away from him.
Once we finish the rebuild, I’m going to ask Dad if I can buy the Wide Glide using some of my inheritance from my mother. I can’t technically access it until I’m twenty-one but Dad has said he’ll bend the rules for things he thinks our mother would agree with us spending the money on.
As much as I love being a passenger, I prefer riding on my own and I know Mom would love me to continue her passion. Dad and Mik taught me to ride when I was fourteen and I think I'm ready for my own bike.
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