Seizing Control

by Kylie Hillman

  I roll my eyes skyward. I should have known when Benji offered to help me with the coffee run that he had an ulterior motive. They are ganging up on me.

  The tension in the waiting room can be cut with a knife, not only because we are waiting with baited breath to find out how serious Joel’s injuries are but also because of the tension between Dad and Mik; Mik and I; and myself and Timber.

  I picked a chair between Matty and Lachie when we first arrived but Mik and Timber shoo’d them away and planted their big frames in the chairs, one on each side of me. Benji completed our odd foursome by dragging a chair in front of me. I’d studiously ignored Mik and Timber’s attempts to drag me into their conversations, only answering Benji if he asked me something directly. It’s petty behaviour that I normally wouldn't stoop to, but I don't want to cause a scene at the hospital and they can't take a hint.

  “He only hooked me up with grass and he wasn't happy about doing that.” My annoying twin continues, “I needed something to take the edge of the pressure Dad was putting on me and after he busted my stash and scared off my dealer, I needed a new way to get my hands on it.”

  I shrug at him not really interested in his excuses even though I know that now he’s started on the topic I might as well hear him out. He's not going to shut up until he has had his say. I continue stirring sugar and milk into the coffees I'm preparing as he prattles on.

  “I blackmailed him by telling him that I would tell Viking he was still smoking weed and I may have mentioned that I would let you know that he had the hots for you.”

  I can't help laughing at his juvenile manipulations and Benji joins in. It seems so long ago when stupid stuff like that getting let out of the bag seemed like the end of the world. Nowadays Mik wouldn't blink an eye at someone dobbing on him to his dad and he sure as hell wouldn't care if anyone told me he liked me.

  “Seriously though, Maddi. He didn't know I’d touched any of the hard drugs. Mik didn't even know his mate sold it. That's how I got it so cheaply and so easily. I'm not proud of it but I played everyone off against each other to get what I wanted. I threatened my dealer that I'd tell Mik and the Club if he told anyone I was using. I blackmailed and lied and now I've caused shit between you two.”

  I blink back the tears that are forming at his honesty. For a girl who prides herself on never crying, I've turned into a weeping willow lately.

  "Benji, I'm not happy that he hooked you up but I completely believe that he had no idea you were using, let alone addicted. I'm your twin and I had no idea until Brendan told me.”

  “Well what's your goddamn problem then, Mads?”

  “I'm angry and hurt that he lied to me about it and that he enlisted you, Timber and Kyle to keep it from me. He kept me in the dark because he thought I'd probably leave him over it. The one person I trust to keep it real with me at all times lied to me so he could control me, so he could keep me where he wanted me. Does that not remind you of someone else?”

  I'm struggling to keep my cool. How come no one understands where I’m coming from? They know what happened to me and they hate Brendan for it yet they think it's okay for Mik to do similar things.

  “Would you have left him if he'd told you?”

  My temper explodes.

  “I don't bloody well know because the choice was taken out of my hands by all of you!”

  I grab the tray of coffees I have prepared and walk away. Benji quickly puts lids on the coffees in his tray and jogs to catch up with me.

  “You can't compare all of us trying to protect you with what Brendan’s done.”

  “I'm not saying that any of you meant to hurt me. I saying that by lying to me to stop an outcome you didn't want and by lying to me to keep me where you thought I should be, you employed the same controlling tactics as Brendan. How can you not understand this?”

  “I do understand, Mads. You have every right to be pissed off at Mik, at all of us really. But you can't throw away four years with the man you call your soul mate over this. He wanted to tell you so many fucking times but one of us would talk him out of it. It never sat right with him, you know?”

  “Timber said the same thing but it doesn't matter. He still chose to listen to you.”

  We are almost at our waiting room so I drop into one of the chairs lining the wall. I need to get this off my chest and Benji might be the best person to vent to. He went through it all with me.

  “The most painful thing, Benji, is that if he would have said no to you this all might not have happened. I might not have been raped and beaten until I nearly died. You might not have become an addict and Joel sure as shit wouldn't have been shot. Mik always says that he blames himself and I always tell him it isn’t his fault. But it is a little bit, so he is right to feel guilty.”

  Pausing, I drag in a deep breath as I get to the part that has me confused and upset the most.

  “Now, just to really mess with my head, I don't know how much of that guilt has bled over into our relationship. Is he with me because he loves me? Or is he with me because he feels guilty that I got hurt by his mistake? How do I trust anything he tells me when he lied about something so important?”

  I burst into tears, loud sobs tearing from my chest. I've just voiced my biggest fear.

  Shock and disbelief at my words covers Benji’s handsome face. He gently takes the coffee tray out of my hands and puts it onto the seat next to him. Throwing his arms around me, he cuddles me to him.

  “Should have, could have, would have. They are dangerous thoughts. We are never going to know what might have been. You can't torment yourself over this. Have faith that he loves you. Have faith in your ability to trust him. We all know he loved you long before Brendan was around and I honestly can't think of anything that would change that.”

  I sob into my brother’s chest for a few more minutes. I hope this is the last time I need to cry into someone's chest today. It's becoming an embarrassing habit.

  As I start to pull myself together, he laughs at our predicament. It's infectious and soon I’m laughing with him.

  “Fuck me,” he exclaims in amusement. “You tell anyone I just cuddled you while you cried and I gave you love advice, I'm going to have to kill you. Twin or not. I need to wash my mouth out to get rid of all the sweet bullshit I just sprouted.”

  Slapping his chest lightly, I push myself to my feet. “Benji, we both know you owed me that cuddle.”

  His eyes flash in apology and I know he is thinking about what I went through with Brendan to save his career.

  “No arguments here, Maddi. I'll owe you for eternity.”

  “Mr O’Brien? Joel O’Brien’s father?” A young female doctor with glorious red hair and wearing green scrubs, closes the waiting room door behind her and approaches Dad.

  “That's me,” he replies uneasily.

  “I am Dr Juliette Patrice, the surgeon on call tonight.”

  “I'd say it was nice to meet you, but I'd be lying, Dr Patrice,” Dad replies, unhappily. “How is he?”

  “Please call me Juliette, Mr O’Brien. I'm happy to inform you that Joel is stable now. It was touch and go for a little while but we have removed both bullets.”

  Both bullets means Joel was shot twice in the stomach. No wonder we have been waiting for more than five hours. My heart flips in my chest. I can't believe he was shot twice and survived.

  “He had internal bleeding but we have stopped it. He was very lucky as the bullets missed all his major organs. His spleen was the most damaged so we removed it. Internally he should heal well. He is young and obviously fit.” The doctor pauses, the corners of her lips drooping, and dread fills the room.

  “Your son has quite a few external injuries that concern us. He was stabbed repeatedly in his thighs, he has cigarette burns over his torso and back and he had the tops of three fingers removed from his left hand. Most worryingly is the damage thatw was done when the main muscles and tendons in his right hand and wrist were severed. We have reattached them but ev
en with intense rehabilitation he is unlikely to regain full mobility and use of his right hand and wrist.”

  Dad’s eyes go black at her words and Wendy moves quickly to calm him. Joel is a skilled carpenter, he loves nothing more than creating beautiful one of a kind pieces from reclaimed wood. If he is missing fingers from his left hand and is unable to regain full use his dominant hand, his dreams of designing and building his own furniture are gone.

  The last words Brendan said to me today return to the forefront of my thoughts. He warned me that people were going to get hurt because I ran awayw from him. He said it would all be on my head and he is right because I know deep down that the sadistic psychopath told the Mavericks of Mayhem exactly how to hurt my brother to gain maximum impact.

  “It appears your son was tortured, Mr O’Brien.” The doctor continues. “I have already notified the police and they would like to speak to Joel when he is brought out of his sedation.”

  The pretty doctor surprises me by how calm she is in the face of my father’s growing fury at her words. For someone surrounded by large men whose leather cuts identify them as outlaws, she seems awfully calm. She’s almost completely composed, a slight tick under her right eye giving away the tiny crack in her composure.

  “He will be sedated for at least a week to allow his body sufficient time to heal. He should be fine to speak to the Police after that.”

  Dad is about to tell her what he thinks of her idea to involve the police but Timber speaks first.

  “Thank you for your concern, Juliette. I'm sure Joel will be happy to speak to the police when he wakes. I'll see to it myself.”

  Timber pulls out his megawatt smile and to my surprise a deep blush appears on Dr Patrice’s cheeks. I always forget how attractive he is since I've become immune to his muscled bulk, piercing light blue eyes and long, thick dirty blonde hair that's usually tied on the top of his head in a man-bun. However, it appears that the good doctor likes what she see.

  “T-that would be appreciated,” Dr Patrice stammers as she heads for the door. “I will leave you all alone now. I would suggest that you all go home as Joel will not be waking tonight. Should anything change, someone will be in touch.”

  Once the door shuts behind her, my father demands to know Timber was thinking.

  “We knew that the police would be involved once we called an ambulance. That girl could be a good ally if we treat her right. You getting in her face for doing her job is only going to scare her and put her offside.”

  “He’s right Patrick,” Wendy cuts off Dad's protest.

  He shakes his head in disagreement but thankfully remains silent.

  “I'm going to stay here with Joel tonight,” I announce. “It's the least I can do considering that I am the reason he is hurt.”

  “No you're not,” Mik states in a tone that allows for no argument. “It's too bloody dangerous with that fucking bastard still out there. What do you think he is going to do to you if he gets hold of you? You need to be secured in the compound not running around causing us all worry.

  I ignore his terse words but I don't argue any further about staying. He’s right, the last thing my family and the MC needs is to be stressing about me when they could be planning Brendan's demise. Any ambivalence I had about his death was resolved by my brother’s torture. I'm now happy to be the person who ends him.

  “I’ll stay in his room for the rest of the night,” Timber says with confidence. “I’ll put Murray on the door and Connor at the front entrance just in case. That leaves four enforcers at the compound. With the officers and our other brothers we will just have enough to rotate shifts between there and the hospital. Once the Emerald Chapter gets back and our other Chapters arrive, we’ll have plenty of men to circulate.”

  Dad and Mik nod in agreement with Timber’s security plans. It pains me that all of my family is in danger because of a monster I brought into our lives.

  “I want Elijah and Shadow on Wendy, Matty and Lachie at all times. Once I finish up here in the morning, I’ll rotate between the hospital and Benji. Benji can come with me when I need to be here.”

  Benji lifts his chin in agreement.

  “Beast, you don't go anywhere without either myself, Mad Dog or one of our enforcers. Mad Dog you are with your Lainey when you aren't needed. I’m backup when you're busy.” Benji shoots a cheeky grin at me when I’m assigned to Mik. “Princess, you stay in your room or the bar when we aren’t around. Do not step a foot outside.”

  “Timber, I don't want Mik. I’d rather Elijah or Shadow then he can concentrate on keeping my brothers safe and the other stuff he needs to do.”

  Mik turns hurt eyes to me. His pained expression at my flimsy excuses makes my heart ache but I can't bring myself to spend time alone with him at the moment. I’m too raw and need space to think.

  “You don't get a say, Princess.” Timber smirks at me. He sees straight through my objections. I'm certain he assigned me to Mik just to annoy me. “You’ll walk all over anyone else so Mad Dog it is.”

  With a pleading look, I beg my father to take my side. He doesn't.

  “I agree, baby girl. I need Timber to rotate and plan so Mad Dog is my next best. You can be as pissed off as you want to be at him, he fucking deserves it. But you need to heed everything he says safety wise. This shit has kicked up a notch. We voted this afternoon, even before Joel was shot and we are officially at war with the Mavericks of Mayhem.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  Lainey

  Present Day

  “Benji told me what you said at the hospital.” Mik announces, placing a steaming cup of coffee on my bedside table.

  I mumble my thanks as he lays down on the bed next to me. Why am I not surprised that Benji went straight back to him with details. I'm just about over the lot of them teaming up on me. If Mik wants to know how I am feeling he should man up and ask me himself. Last time I checked there was only two in this relationship, not four. Benji and Timber need to quit meddling before their interference causes me to commit grievous bodily harm on the pair of them.

  After returning to the compound from the hospital, I spent a restless night in our room. I tried to fall asleep on my own but found it impossible to drift off all the way. As much as I tried to stop it, I laid here all night with one ear open. I felt pathetic but I couldn't help hoping for Mik to come back to our room and demand that we sort our problems out. He never came.

  Rolling my eyes at the ceiling, my answer is dripping in sarcasm. “And?”

  “I want you to know I'm really fucking sorry. I should have told you years ago. Well before I asked you to marry me.” Reaching between us, he clasps my hand in his. I don't hold his hand in return but I don't pull mine away either.

  “I swear I had no idea about the meth. I know I should have said no about the grass but Benji can be a little bastard. Dad was sick and was on to me about not smoking weed so I lied to him saying I’d stopped. It's not an excuse but it is what it is. If I could go back in time, I wouldn't fuck up but I can't do that. Tell me how to fix this?”

  "I don't know if we can, Mik.” Willing my voice to stay strong, I continue. “I keep hearing you’re sorry that you got caught lying to me. You’re sorry you introduced Benji to your dealer. You keep defending yourself and saying you’re sorry. That you didn't know your mate dealt hard stuff.”

  I push myself into a sitting position and Mik does the same, facing me.

  “I don't hear anywhere in your apology that you’re sorry for manipulating me into staying with you. I don't hear how you’re sorry for controlling me with lies. I don't hear how you’re sorry for using my love for you against me and making a mockery of my trust in you.”

  He tries to protest my words but I talk over him.

  “I fully believe that you didn't know about the drugs so that's not an issue. I can forgive that you basically handed Brendan the ammunition he needed to blackmail me and then hid your involvement from me. I think that eventually I will get over th
e fact that right now I blame you for Benji’s addiction. What I don't think I can get over is the broken trust and that you think it's okay to control me like he did. You might not use blackmail and abuse to do it but what you do to me is exactly the same.”

  I can see that I've left Mik reeling. Pulling my engagement ring off, I press it into his hands. He refuses to take it from me so it falls into his lap.

  “No, Lainey,” he sounds tortured. “Don't do this.”

  “I have to. I need to get my head on straight and re-evaluate everything I think is real. I’m seizing control of my own life. I’m sick of every man I know trying to control me.” I speak as firmly as I can. I need to tell him where I stand before my determination falters.

  "I don't mean to control you. Angel, I love you.”

  "I love you too but I don't know if love is enough to get us through this.”

  “It is. I'll prove to you it is. This ring is going back on your finger by your own choice or I'm going to die trying.”

  I hope he’s right. My finger already feels bare and my heart feels empty but I can't dive straight back into his arms after he says sorry a few times or we risk repeating the same issues for eternity.

  During my sleepless night, I did some serious soul searching and realised that I have never truly stood on my own two feet. I've always let the men in my life control me, moulding me so I suited the purpose they each wanted me to play for them. I've always been the dutiful daughter, the sensitive sister or the firecracker fiancée. They always presented their purpose as if they have my best interests at heart and more often than not they do, but I've never actually stepped back and thought about what I want out of it all. I thought I had what I wanted with Mik but in light of his deception I'm not sure.

  None of them are adverse to lying, manipulating and bossing me into being what they wanted. I accept that I don't exactly help myself either by always putting them first, even at the expense of my own health and safety. But as the early morning sun began to rise above the horizon today, I decided that I was finally going to seize control of my own destiny, once and for all.