Familiar Ground

by Michelle Lynn

  “What the fuck, Jason?” I keep my voice low, so Dani doesn’t hear me.

  “I missed you, babe,” Jason says while stepping back toward me.

  “Dani could have seen you.”

  “Oh shit, sorry, Leah. I forgot about her.” Jason’s voice might sound remorseful, but I catch him rolling his eyes just before I turn around.

  “So, Jason this is Dani’s Uncle Adam.” I motion my arm back and forth between the two.

  “It’s nice to meet you.” Adam extends his hand first.

  “Not exactly what I pictured.” Jason looks at me, narrowing his eyes. “Nice to meet you, too.” Jason glares into Adam’s eyes and meets his hand shaking it firm and strong. The entire showdown reminds me of those arm wrestlers right before the referee says go.

  “Let’s get Dani out.” My voice comes out a little louder than I intended, but I’m anxious to divert their attention to something other than each other.

  “Hey, man, can you take her off our hands tonight?” Jason asks Adam. Seriously, I’m going to have to have a heart to heart with Jason soon in regards to Dani.

  “She isn’t comfortable yet, and I don’t know if she’ll be okay with it,” I say, noticing Adam staring at Jason in disbelief and nodding his head in agreement to what I said.

  “Leah, she just spent a few hours with him,” Jason whines like a five year old, giving me those dreary eyes and reminding me of my promise.

  “Do you want to stay for a while, Adam?” I put my finger up in front of Jason’s face, trying to quiet his toddler whining down a notch.

  He looks at Jason and then back my way. “I don’t think so. Would you mind meeting my parents tomorrow, though? Maybe we could go to the park, or you could come by my parents’ house?” Adam’s apprehension in asking me is crystal clear.

  “Um…” I begin to think. Shane had told me he had concerns of about the grandparents trying to get custody, but it’s important for Dani to have a relationship with them as well. Jason starts thumbing through his phone again, disregarding us completely. “Sure,” I agree.

  “Great, I can just pick you both up tomorrow.” Then he turns to a disinterested Jason, raising his eyebrows, and then turns back to me. “Noon, okay?”

  “That’s great.” I walk over to Dani, who’s still strapped in Adam’s car. “You ready?” I ask, and she nods her head.

  “Bye, Dani, it was great meeting you.” Adam bends down to Dani’s level.

  “Bye,” she softly says before stepping into him and wrapping her arms around his neck. He pulls her in just as tight and closes his eyes. When she pushes back from him, he stands up and his glossy eyes look over at me.

  I smile, knowing myself what a wonderful feeling it is to have that little girl show love. His shoulders slump and a huge smile encases his mouth. “That just made my day,” he says.

  “It was really nice meeting you, Adam. Thank you for the pizza.” I give my pleasantries and put my hand out to shake.

  “You’re welcome. I’ll be here at noon tomorrow.” He shakes my hand and then walks over to Jason, who has missed the whole touching moment that just unfolded in front of him. “Nice meeting you.” He extends his hand, and Jason looks up confused as to what’s going on.

  “Oh, yeah, man, nice meeting you.” He shakes Adam’s hand before going back to his phone.

  I catch Adam’s eyebrows raises up, and he walks around to the side of his car. With a quick wave, he’s in his car and driving away.

  “Okay, let’s go inside,” I say, grabbing Dani’s hand.

  Jason follows a few steps back. When we get inside, Jason goes right to the couch, and Dani sits on the opposite end of the couch. I peer at them from the kitchen and attempt to figure how to get these two to connect in some way.

  Dani asks me for her crayons and coloring book, so I pull some out. I suggest for us to play a game or maybe go out, but Jason isn’t interested.

  “I thought it could just be us. Why couldn’t he have taken her?” Jason mentions again.

  “Because she doesn’t know him.”

  “She doesn’t know you either,” he says, and I’m becoming very exasperated by this whole replay conversation we continually have like a scratched CD.

  “She knows me more. I’m meeting his parents tomorrow. Do you want to come?” I open the fridge and try to think of what I’ll make for dinner. Not that I can really cook.

  “No. I got that thing at Navy Pier for the frat.”

  “Oh shoot. I forgot. Too bad, Dani would have had fun there. We could have taken her on the Ferris wheel and miniature golf. Maybe even taken her on one of the boats.” I take out a can of Diet Coke and pour it into a cup.

  “Leah, who would you say she is? Remember, no one even knows about your brother much less your niece.” He leans against the counter with his arms crossed.

  “Oh yeah.” It had been my idea to keep my family a secret. I hate the looks of either judgment or sorrow that the knowledge leaves people with. I’d rather just leave it out of the equation entirely. Now with Dani, that puts me in a bad position, as if I’ve been lying to everyone all this time.

  “It’s fine. Butter up those parents and get them to take her for a night or, hell, the rest of the time.” He comes up and wraps his arms around my waist.

  “JASON!” I hit him across the shoulder and wiggle out of his embrace. “You need to lay off this.”

  “I’m sorry, baby. I just miss you so damn much.” He approaches me again, nuzzling his face into my neck.

  “Jason, it’s one month. He’ll be back before you know it.”

  “A month isn’t soon enough.” He grips me tighter. “All the guys are going to Rumors again. Do you mind if I go?”

  “Yes!” I push back from him again.

  “Why?”

  “I thought we could spend some time with Dani. Maybe take her out to dinner or the park. Go buy a game and play with her. I really need to buy her some clothes.” I watch her holding the crayon in her hand right above the paper as her eyes fixate on the television. She needs more than a television in her life; she needs fun and happiness.

  “Boring,” he says, rolling his eyes.

  “Fine, go.” I tell him.

  “Are you going to be mad?” He waits while already inching toward the door.

  “Yes, but I’d rather not have you here if you don’t want to be.”

  “You know that’s not it.” He starts debating, but I don’t want to hear a lie. He goes to get his shoes and coat on before turning toward me. “I’ll call you tomorrow. Work on those grandparents.” He winks and gives me a chaste kiss.

  “Are you at least going to say goodbye to her,” I huff, my shoulders slumping.

  “Oh yeah.” He turns toward Dani. “See you, kid.” He waves, and he’s out the door before Dani can even turn around.

  I flip the locks and lean against the door. Staring over at Dani, I realize there just might not be room in my life for both of them. “So, Dani, do you want to go to the store? We’ll get some dinner and bake some cookies?”

  She jumps up, dropping her crayons onto the table in her excitement. “Yes.” She excitedly runs over and starts trying to put her shoes on. For a brief moment she’s a normal little girl, but all too soon it seems she realizes it and withdraws back into herself. She turns around and goes back to the crayons and coloring book. Her head is tucked down as she puts the crayon in the box before stacking everything neatly. Only then does she peak up at me.

  I’m unsure of how to make her understand that it’s okay to be excited without making her feel even more self-conscious. So, I go for the good ole’ standby—humor. “Wow, we’re gonna have to teach you to be a little messier, or you’re gonna make me look bad.” I laugh and smile to make sure she knows I’m joking. “How about we get the stuff to make cookies from scratch? Then we can be really messy?”

  Finally, I see Dani’s smile start to return as she nods her head enthusiastically.

  After we’re ready, Dan
i and I walk down to the grocery store. Me and her…aunt and niece bonding.

  I ring the doorbell and hear sets of footsteps making their way to the door. What I’m not prepared to see when it flies open is a wet haired Leah with a Dani still wearing pajamas next to her.

  “Hey,” I say, with my hands in my pockets.

  “Hi! Sorry, we’re running late. When are we meeting your parents?” she asks, leaving the door open and walking down the hall.

  Wearily stepping in, I shut the door behind me. “Not until one, we have time,” I call out to her down the hall. “Hey, Dani.” I walk over to her sitting on the breakfast stool.

  “Hi,” she says, and I notice a plate of cookies on the counter.

  “Chocolate chip cookies?” I ask and a big smile comes across her face.

  “I made them with Aunt Leah,” she reveals, picking one up and handing it to me.

  I take a bite, and she’s peering over to me, eagerly awaiting my feedback. Crunching the hard cookie in my mouth, I give my best yummy mumble, and she seems very pleased with herself.

  Hearing Leah’s bare feet against the hardwood floors has me swallowing the cookie fast. Once she appears, she places clothes on the counter. “Oh, sorry,” she glances at the cookie and then cringes at me, “I knew I wasn’t a cook, but turns out I’m not much of a baker either.” She shrugs her shoulders.

  “They’re good,” I lie, and she playfully pushes my shoulder.

  “Thank you, but I know they suck.”

  “No, they don’t,” Dani adds.

  Leah bites her lip and then rushes over to Dani. “They’re only good because of my helper. Tell Uncle Adam what you did.” She kisses her on the cheek. “Would you mind getting her dressed, so I can do my hair, and we can get out of here,” she says to me, standing so close I can practically smell the mint from her toothpaste.

  “Of course.” I pick up Dani’s clothes. “Let’s go, little girl. Do you think you can get ready before Aunt Leah?” I jokingly run to the couch, and Dani hops off the breakfast stool after me.

  “Game on, you two,” Leah says, running down the hall.

  After I watch Leah’s ass in those tight jeans disappear into what I assume is her bedroom, I hurriedly get Dani changed. Her own excitement from this race has me going extra fast. “Where’s your hair stuff?” I whisper, like we’re incognito.

  “Bathroom,” she softly says and points down the hall. Dani slowly creeps as she leads me on our mission to get to the bathroom. You can tell she’s trying to be as quiet as possible by tiptoeing and every few steps glancing back to me

  Opening drawers with deliberate precision to be as quiet as possible, I come across a brush and some ponytail holders.

  I wink and point for her to lead the way back to the living room. Hearing the blow dryer, I know we have this in the bag. Dani giggles when we reach the couch and nicely sits down for me to brush her hair. This is a first, I don’t think I’ve ever brushed someone else’s hair. Eventually, I get the mop of curls into a semi decent ponytail, and Dani turns around. “High five,” I say, placing my hand up in the air. She smacks it with her own, and we hear Leah’s steps coming out of her room. “Hurry up. Sit on the couch and act casual.” Dani copies my motion, even resting her cheek in her hand on the arm of the couch. It’s so damn funny, I struggle to stifle my laughter.

  Leah’s shoes give her distance away, and I’m biting my lip just to keep from laughing. “All right, you two. I guess you beat me,” she admits, bending down and tickling Dani.

  Dani squeals and laughs, but Leah doesn’t relent. Once I turn to face them, my heart beats a little faster at the sight of Leah and how gorgeous she looks. Her curls are perfect spirals, the blonde strands glistening in the sunlight streaming through the window. Her tight jeans define her curves, making my hands beg my brain to let them grab her. Her sweater fits snuggly across her breasts, and, God, I want to know what’s under it. Would they fill or overflow my hands? Either way, I know I’d enjoy them.

  “Who on earth did this girls hair?” Leah asks, raising her perfectly arched eyebrow at me. “I think I may have to call foul on the win.” She laughs, positioning Dani on her lap.

  “Hey, I think it’s pretty good,” I counter.

  “For a guy it is. But, there’s no way I’m taking her to your parents with more bumps then the Chicago freeways.” She laughs at her own joke, making me chuckle.

  “We still beat you. Dani can’t be blamed for my incompetence.” I stand up and stuff my hands in my pockets before I do something stupid like touch her.

  “Yeah, you got me there.” She finishes Dani’s hair after only a minute, and it’s put into a nice braid. They both stand up and make their way over to the door.

  I let them lead the way outside, appreciating my view of Leah walking ahead of me. “Hey, maybe we can exchange lessons one day. I make a mouthwatering chocolate chip cookie.” I stand on the landing with Dani next to me.

  “I just won’t be one of the aunts that cook. I guess I’m destined to keep bakeries in business.” She locks the door and grins my way. “Ready?”

  “Yeah,” I mumble, and, with each of us holding Dani’s hands, we walk down the steps to my car.

  I’d promised my mom we’d come for lunch today to keep her from showing up on Leah’s doorstep. Her patience is running thin with the delay to see Dani. My parents, well mostly my mom, doesn’t realize we’re strangers to Dani, even though she’s her granddaughter. None of us even knew she existed until Shane called us the week after Cassi’s funeral. I’m hoping today will be a fresh start for all of us.

  I pull up in front of my parents’ house, my home until five years ago. My mom has garbage bags over her flowers and plants, since we’re due for our first frost of the year. She’s crazy when it concerns her flowers. Cassi and I used to joke that she nurtured them more than us. She would swat our arms and tell us to hush, but quickly contradicted her actions by explaining how the flowers didn’t sass her. Another good time, before addiction came into our lives.

  They live in a classic Chicago neighborhood. A dark brown house with a brick porch identical to the one three houses down just in a different color. On one side of the porch a swing gently sways back and forth while chairs and a table occupy the other. My mom has pumpkins on the steps leading up the house with some garland around the doorframe. Our house is always decorated for the holidays, whether it’s Memorial Day or Christmas. I’ve always felt lucky to have parents who love me unconditionally and give me a place I know I can always come home to even after I’ve made the worst decisions.

  Leah opens her door before I can get there, so I open Dani’s door and unstrap her. She’s been quiet most of the ride, but happily jumps down and looks up at my parents’ house. “Pumpkins,” she says, walking over to the stairs.

  Leah rushes after her, as though she might be snatched up. My mom and dad open the screen door and both the girls freeze in their positions. Steadily walking over to them, I jog up a couple steps, almost as if I’m the mediator between them. My mom’s staring intently at Dani, while my dad’s eyes are darting between the two.

  “Leah,” I say, and her head snaps over my way. “This is my mom and dad,” I motion my hand toward them, and she makes her way up the stairs to shake their hands.

  “It’s nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. McAllister,” she says, and I notice her hand wobbles as she holds it out toward my dad.

  “It’s Steve and Jan,” my dad informs her while smiling. My mom gives her a quick smile and hello before Dani steals her attention again.

  Just as I’m about to introduce Dani, Leah walks down and clasps her hand with Dani’s. Sitting down on the concrete step, she talks to Dani. “Dani, remember last night, when we talked about meeting your grandparents?” The little girl nods her head. “These are your mommy’s parents, your grandma and grandpa.” She points to my parents, and I see my mom’s eyes already welling up. “Can you tell them hi?”

  Dani raises her arm. “Hi,�
�� she says, and my mom’s trickle of tears soon become a downpour.

  “Hi, Dani.” She sits down with Leah and Dani on the top step. My dad walks over to me, clasping his hand on my shoulder, perfectly content at allowing my mom to have her moment first with their granddaughter.

  Dani’s eyes dart around the decorations, and we all sit there in a very uncomfortable silence. Leah stays by her side, and my mom follows her vision. “Do you like the decorations?” my mom asks, and Dani nods.

  “I love your pumpkins,” She puts her hand on the orange gourd.

  “Would you like to help me carve one? Like this one.” My mom shows her one my dad must have done. Memories of the pumpkin carving competitions flash in my head. Let’s just say there’s a reason I went to school for engineering. An architect for a Dad made competition fierce, though.

  “Yes.” Dani’s eye get really big, and mom stands up and holds out her hand. Leah practically bolts up, and I fear she’s going to jump between them, but when Dani takes my mom’s hand, she reluctantly stays back. I watch them begin to disappear through the screen door with Leah at their heels.

  “Oh, we’ll be right back. We can do the pumpkin out here,” my mom says, cutting Leah off and pointing to the table with chairs around it. Leah’s head jerks to me, her eyes wide. She had seemed so casual I didn’t think I had to worry, but now that my mom’s taken Dani out of her sight, she looks she could hyperventilate any minute.

  My dad must sense it because he quickly says, “I’ll grab some newspaper from the recycling bin,” and scurries down the steps to the side of the house.

  I walk over to Leah and grab her fidgeting hands. “It will be okay. They’ll be right back,” I tell her.

  “I know, it’s just,” she looks over to me and takes a deep breath, “Shane is worried and maybe this is all a mistake.” She shakes her head.

  “Why is Shane worried? Did he ask you not to bring her?” I ask questions because if he wants to keep her away from us, I’m pretty sure we’re all going to end up in court.