Familiar Ground

by Michelle Lynn

  “Okay,” I say quietly, not wrapping my fingers around his. Can we get to the hotel, please?

  “Damn it!” He hits the steering wheel, and I jump in my seat from the sudden outburst.

  Adam starts mumbling to himself, and I’m unable catch what he’s saying. Once we pull up to the hotel, I scramble out of the car and go around to get Dani who has fallen asleep. Adam’s already at my side before I can get my hand around the handle. He grabs me by my waist and forces me to look at him as he stares down at me. Desire heats through his honey-colored eyes, but anger lingers just below. I swear his hands were made to hold my hips. His touch burns my skin as his eyes bore into mine while silence resonates between us. He starts inching down, coming closer with every breath, and I gulp with the anticipation of his lips on mine. Just as I lick my lips and prepare myself for what I’ve wanted for so long, he pushes me away, and his eyes find the cement ground.

  “I have to go.” He opens the car door and unbuckles Dani, placing her in my arms. Before I can even reach the hotel doors, the car squeals away.

  Dani stirs awake in my grip once I unlock and secure us in our room.

  “Swim,” she says the moment I place her on the bed.

  “We will, Dani. Let’s just order some dinner first, okay?” Her eyes case the room, looking for the man who just left us in a parking lot.

  “Uncle Adam? Where’s Uncle Adam?” she panics.

  “He just went out for a while. He’ll be back soon.” I hope.

  “He didn’t say good-bye He never said good-bye,” she rants over and over with tears bursting from her eyes.

  “It’s okay, Dani.” I rush over to the bed and pull her into my arms, rocking her back and forth. “You were sleeping. He’ll be here before you know it.”

  She sobs into my chest while I continue to reassure her. After fifteen minutes, she calms slightly and believes me that her uncle will return soon. I pray I didn’t just lie to her and he really does come back to us. We order room service, but Dani barely eats her grilled cheese sandwich. We both remain quiet, concentrating on the little pig learning to ride a bike on the television. When we finish, we change into our bathing suits and head down to the hotel’s indoor pool.

  Following the smell of chlorine, we finally locate the large rectangular pool encased in a greenhouse type shelter. It’s a typical hotel pool, four feet all around with a hot tub in the corner. Plastic lounge chairs that leave those lines on your skin after sitting in them for two minutes are placed around frosted glass tables. Another family with older kids is swimming in one corner, so I place our towels on the table closest to the other end and slip off my flip-flops. Dani’s already by the staircase, waiting for me with her swim shoes on her feet. The pink cover up I bought her two days ago is in a heap on the wet cement ground.

  Laughing, I sit down on the cold concrete and take off her shoes, throwing them toward our chairs. She waits for me while I submerge myself into the cool water, trying to get used to the temperature. Seeing her growing impatient, I finally take the plunge bringing goose bumps all over my body. I’m not up for more than a minute before Dani jumps into the water. I grab her, and she shivers in my arms. My feet start moving against the scratchy bottom floor, and I hold her under her arms, letting her legs fan out into the water. The smile on her face is enough to make me want to build a pool in my non-existent backyard. She kicks and splashes around the pool, laughing hysterically the whole time. I throw her up in the air, and she screams in delight. For a brief time, we both forget about why we we’re here and where Adam has disappeared to or if he’s coming back. It’s just me and my niece, having fun together. As much as I wish Adam was with us because the thought that he’s half way home to Chicago scares me, I’m enjoying having her all to myself.

  Dani loves the water and doesn’t want to leave, so I promise her we’ll come back again tomorrow night, and she eventually agrees to get out of the pool. We walk back to the hotel room. I sigh a breath of relief that Adam’s suitcase is still in the corner and his toiletries are on the bathroom sink. I give Dani a bath, read her a book, and she falls asleep before I can say the end.

  I’m exhausted, but need to get this chlorine out of my hair. Stepping in the shower, I leave the bathroom door open just in case Dani might wake up. The memory of how scared she was when she realized Adam wasn’t here triggers my feelings for him. We could scar her if we try a relationship and it doesn’t work out. On the other hand, if it does work, she might just get some much needed stability in her life. Maybe I’m overthinking this thing with Adam. Shaking my head, I attempt to let it go, hoping he returns at some point tonight. Stepping out of the shower, I reach for a flimsy hotel towel to wrap around my wet body when I hear the hotel door open click open.

  Taking a sip of my drink, I go over the last few hours in my head. How I sped out of the parking lot, banging my fist on the steering wheel. What the hell was I doing? Messing up all the headway you’ve made with Leah so far, that’s what. She was looking at you like a rock star yesterday, and now she looks at you like a loser who can’t handle his shit. Isn’t this the exact reason we can’t be together, anyways? Our lives are too intertwined with so much bullshit it would never work between us.

  God, I wanted to kiss her before I lost it and left her like a jackass. Those emerald eyes staring back at me almost begging me to taste them, but like the idiot I am, I fled. Driving around for hours before ending up at some bar in this small town.

  When I pulled up, I almost turned away. It looked like a bar for locals only. Might as well been a sign ‘new guys aren’t welcomed’. I needed a drink, though, so I braved my way inside.

  It’s dark with no more than a dozen tables spread around the room and a small bar along one wall. The clientele are all locals, but they didn’t give me sly smiles or glares. Surprisingly, I was greeted with curiosity instead.

  The bartender is an older man, who I assume is the owner, since pictures of him with others adorn the wood paneling. I order a vodka tonic with a lime, and he gladly obliges with nothing, but what I owe. Handing over my money, I leave the change on the bar. Just as I bring the glass to my lips, a small brunette takes the bar stool next to me.

  She’s probably a few years older than me, but attractive nonetheless. Her long brown hair glistens under the dim lights, and her deep brown eyes sparkle even with how dark the lighting is in the bar.

  “Hey there, where are you from?” She inches closer, placing the palm of her hand on my arm.

  “Chicago.” I smile, the last thing I want is to make any enemies here. God knows who this girl knows in this place.

  “Long way from home, aren’t you?” she asks, crossing her legs in the little skirt as she sits on the barstool facing me.

  I nod, not really wanting to engage in this conversation, but I don’t want to seem rude either.

  “Business or pleasure?” she asks.

  “I don’t know, maybe a little of both,” I answer.

  “I could help you with the pleasure part.” She coyly smiles, rubbing her finger back and forth across my forearm.

  I study her finger weaving back and forth. “That’s okay, but thank you for the offer.”

  “Oh, come one. I’ll make all those worries fade away.”

  “How do you know I have worries?”

  “All the hot guys that come in here from out of town usually come from The Meadows, and there are plenty of worries from up there, ‘eh?”

  “Well, I’m not from there.” I finish my drink and get up to go to the bathroom.

  “Where are you going? We were just getting to know each other,” she says, turning in her barstool to follow me.

  “Leaving, it was nice talking with you,” I respond, making a beeline for the men’s room.

  What the hell am I doing here? I should be back with Leah and Dani, not at some bar being picked up by some girl. A hot girl, but still Leah is the one I want. Well, I guess, Leah has seen my funny side, my caring side, my supportive side
, my asshole side, and now she’ll see my groveling side.

  By the time I arrive back at the hotel, it’s after ten, and I assume Dani is already asleep. I slowly put the key card in the slot and wait for the green light to appear. Opening the door as quietly as possible, I notice the room is dark except for the bathroom light shining into the small hallway. Hearing a gasp, I glance left to find an image I’m sure will be embedded in my head until my final days. A shocked Leah is staring back to me from the bathroom with the smallest towel wrapped around her gorgeous body.

  I don’t think before I walk into the bathroom, grabbing her by her waist and planting my lips on hers. Oh God, they’re soft and hesitant at first, but I beg her to let me in by tracing my tongue against her bottom lip. She opens, allowing me access to slowly taste her fresh minty breathe. Our tongues mingle together in a soft slow motion dance.

  “God, Leah,” I murmur against her lips. Slowly pulling my head back to look into her eyes that are a mix of desire and trepidation. “I’m sorry, I should have asked,” I apologize for taking her without any permission.

  She grabs my shirt with both hands and yanks me closer, meeting my lips with force and urgency. Reaching around, I put my hands on her ass and lift as she wraps her legs around my waist. I prop her up on the bathroom counter and rain kisses across her jaw, neck, and earlobe. Her hands start moving up my shirt, and she tugs for me to lift it up. I release from her for the brief moment to dispose of it.

  Just as I’m about to complete my descent back to her lips, we hear Dani moaning in her sleep. We both stop to listen, and I’m hoping like hell she falls back asleep.

  “Auntie Leah?” Her voice panicked and scared.

  Leah looks at me, and we share an amused expression as to say another time. I’m relieved not to find any guilt or regret filling her eyes.

  “I got this,” I tell her while squeezing her sides. After a quick peck on her begging lips, I leave to reassure Dani.

  By the time I reach the bed, Dani’s tossing and turning in uncontrollable motions. I’ve heard about her nightmares from Leah, but haven’t witnessed one until now. She’s in total distress, and it slays me to see her like this. I shake her, trying to wake her up, but she won’t open her eyes.

  “Dani, wake up, sweetheart. You’re okay, it’s Uncle Adam,” I say in a low voice.

  “Uncle Adam?” Her eyelids flicker up and down as she wakes up, and, finally, she lets me hold her.

  I start rocking her back and forth in my arms. “Yes, it’s me, sweetheart. Everything’s fine, it was just a dream,” I assure her.

  “I thought you left,” she says, and my heart breaks. How could I be so stupid to leave her? Hasn’t she had enough people leave her already?

  “Never, sweetheart, I’ll never leave you,” I honestly tell her. Never again, no matter what.

  Adam leaves the bathroom, and I remain on the sink for a few minutes, trying to catch my breath from what just happened. What is wrong with me? I was about to let him take me right here on this bathroom counter. If Dani wouldn’t have awoken, who knows what would have happened. It only confirms that I can’t control myself when he’s around. It’s like a string attaches us, and it keeps getting wound tighter and tighter. Tonight, it finally completed, drawing us together and unleashed a hurricane of craving in its aftermath.

  Thank goodness I brought my clothes in the bathroom with me. After I get dressed, I stay in the bathroom a little longer, not knowing what waits on the other side of that door. What does Adam expect now? Did we just cross the line we’ve diligently been careful not to step over? Telling my brain to concentrate on one thing at a time, I focus that there’s a man out there, currently shushing my niece back to sleep, that I can’t keep my hands off of.

  My body tingles, recalling how he kisses like I had imagined all those nights. He was soft and slow at first, waiting for me to welcome him. When I did, he switched it to more demanding, and his hands tighten on around my hips. God, I want to kiss him again. No, no you don’t. Yes, yes you do. Shit!

  After playing tug of war with myself, I decide I can’t stay in the bathroom all night. I pick up Adam’s shirt off the floor and venture out to the room. Adam puts his finger to his lips, telling me to be quiet. I hold up his shirt, and he motions to place it on the bed. Perfect, if my back and forth feelings aren’t bad enough, now I have to stare at him shirtless, holding Dani against him. She’s fallen back to sleep, but has a tight grip around his neck, like she’s afraid to let him go.

  I crawl onto the other side of the bed. “Do you want me to take her, so you can get ready for bed?” I ask.

  “No, I’m fine where I am.” He kicks off his shoes, cozying up to Dani, scooting down the bed.

  We sit in silence for a few minutes, the room dark, except for the little light coming from the bathroom. We lay on our sides with Dani between us, and I can’t help but notice some tattoos on the side of his abdomen. Damn it, everything about Adam keeps getting more alluring.

  “Leah?” he whispers.

  “Uh huh,” I say, knocked out of my trance. When I find his face, his eyes peer at me with gentleness.

  “I’m sorry. I should have never left.” He shakes his head back and forth.

  “I get it, Adam. You were right, I don’t know what you’re going through.”

  “No, Leah—I was just pissed, mostly at Cassi. It’s hard to be so mad at someone that you can’t talk to. I mean the things she did, high or not, what kind of mother leaves her child?” He brushes his hand across Dani’s hair. His love for her so intense, almost as though she’s his daughter.

  “I get it, I don’t understand a lot of choices Shane made during the years either.”

  “How far can we blame the drugs, huh?”

  “I’m not sure. I wish I had more advice to give.”

  “I know, it sucks, but then I look at Dani and all that anger dissipates. I stop being so mad.” He stops and his hand rubs her back. “She’s just so—perfect, you know?”

  I quietly giggle and smile up at him. “I know. Kind of makes it all worth it. I’m grateful for her.” My fingers weave through her hair as I watch her back rise and fall in the gentle pattern of her breathing.

  “Agreed.”

  Adam and I stay awake for a few more hours, exchanging stories of our dreaded life as siblings of addicts. Many stories are similar, bearing the trademark agony and hatred. We talk about Cassi and Shane’s former selves, before they discovered drugs. The despair in Adam’s eyes when he realizes he’ll never see that old Cassi again, brings tears to my eyes. I know this because it’s something I always hung onto with Shane. I’d wished for the pre-drug Shane back in my life so many times, they were too numerous to count. Although, I’m cautiously optimistic that this time my wish might be granted, my guard will fully relax.

  As much as I hate to admit it, a part of me envies Adam. He’ll never have to deal with his sister coming to him in need of money for drugs, the conflict of being torn between helping and deserting someone you love so much. He won’t be disappointed when she doesn’t show up at a family holiday, or when he finds out a suicide ploy was just to get more money. There will be no more highs and lows in his life due to his sister’s addiction. He won’t have to keep a guard up, waiting for her to screw up again. His life will be absent of his sister, but also all the other turmoil that went with her drug addicted life. His family won’t be consumed with her being missing and wondering where she is in that moment. Is she on the street? Is she hungry? Could her dead body be decomposing in some crack house? All the questions that will always fill my mind after Shane gets out of rehab. It’s been peaceful knowing he’s at The Meadows, that way, I can relax for the first time in four years.

  The light streams in through the polyester drapes the next morning, waking me up. I feel arms and legs around me, and my neck so stiff I can barely turn to the side. Moving to get up, I quickly find out whose limbs are all over me. Dani’s arms are splayed across my stomach, and Adams legs a
re entangled with mine. I gently raise Dani’s arms off me and slide from under Adam’s legs, pausing briefly before getting off the bed until I hear Adam’s soft snore before continuing to get up. Digging in my purse, I retrieve my cell phone, no text messages or missed phone calls.

  “Good morning,” Adam kisses my neck and shoulder.

  I turn around to find a sleeping Dani.

  “Relax. She’s still sleeping,” he whispers in my ear while continuing to suck my earlobe. He starts moving closer to my lips, but I put my finger to his.

  “Let me brush,” I say, backing away.

  “I could give a shit.” He captures my mouth and sneaks his tongue between my lips exploring my mouth. My knees go limp, and I sway into his arms even more.

  “Adam… Dani?” I murmur while our lips take a break.

  “Is it that bad if she sees us kiss?” he murmurs back.

  “I don’t want to confuse her. We need to talk and figure this out before she sees it.” My hands start massaging the back of his head. My actions contradicting what I’m saying.

  “Leah.”

  “Uh huh.”

  “Just enjoy it.” With that he backs me into the bathroom while his lips trace my chin and neck.

  When he gets me into the bathroom, he positions me on top of the counter, where we left off last night, and I wrap my legs around his waist.

  “I dreamt of you in this position. Of course, you were in your towel in the dream.” He smirks.

  “God, Adam,” I moan into his mouth while his hands start roaming up my t-shirt.

  “You have no idea how bad I want you,” he says while his hands cup my breasts “Perfect,” he mumbles while squeezing them both.

  I reach around and grab his ass with both my hands, pushing him towards me, allowing me to feel how ready he is for me. Our kisses turn more intense and demanding as he lifts my shirt and takes my nipple into his mouth.

  “Ohhhh,” is all I can manage. His eyes peek up at me through his dark eyelashes, and his lips curl up, clearly enjoying the noises he elicits out of me. I clutch his head, holding him in place, and he groans into my breast.