Winning the Widow's Heart

by Sherri Shackelford

  Maybe Jack was right. Maybe people would forget about her past. He felt something for her, maybe not love, but certainly affection. He cared for Rachel. He wasn’t a man to enter into a bargain lightly. If he thought they could forge a future together, perhaps it was possible. In time, he might even grow to love her.

  She stepped forward and placed her purchases on the counter. The mercantile owner, Mr. Peters, leered at her from his perch on a three-legged stool. He wore a crisp, white apron knotted around his waist. His black hair was slicked back, the comb marks still visible. He’d refused to serve her after Will had won his horse in a poker game, but that was months ago.

  One of the cowboys approached the counter, his boots click-clacking across the wood floor.

  Mr. Peters pointedly turned his back on Elizabeth. “You need any help, sir?”

  The cowboy jerked his thumb in Elizabeth’s direction. “She was here first.”

  “I ain’t gonna take her blood money, anyway,” Mr. Peters sneered.

  Elizabeth winced from his withering stare.

  “The sheriff says your husband was a murderer and a cheat. Not that any of us around here are surprised. The sheriff says you’re going back to Texas to hang.”

  Heart thumping, Elizabeth backed away from the venom in his steady gaze. People rarely forgave, and they certainly never forgot. She was fooling herself to think she and Jack might share a future.

  The cowboy blocked her exit. “You wanna have some fun before you hang, little lady?”

  Mr. Peters spit on the floor at her feet. “Since they can’t get at your husband, they gonna take you.”

  The cowboy licked his fleshy lips. “I can get you outta town without that Ranger knowing. Just say the word.”

  “’Course, you’ll have to leave the brat behind,” Mr. Peters cackled.

  Elizabeth elbowed past them, their jeers cut off by the slamming door. She didn’t believe their lies, but she’d just received her answer.

  Jack was better off without her.

  * * *

  Jack paced outside the parlor door, his hat in his hands. He’d rehearsed the speech a hundred times over the past few hours. Maybe even a thousand. His solution was perfect. Inspired.

  He’d been in love with her from the moment he’d caught her crying because she hadn’t named Rachel yet. Even when all the evidence told him she was protecting a man who didn’t deserve her, his heart had known her innocence. He loved them both. She and Rachel were the puzzle pieces missing in his life.

  He rapped on the door, tipping forward when the heavy weight swung open beneath his fingers.

  Elizabeth perched on the edge of a spindly chair. Sunlight shafted through the windows, highlighting the golden amber in her hair. She turned slightly, just enough for the light to silhouette her profile. She wore a familiar white shirtwaist, its crisp cotton tucked into the wide band of a calico skirt. She kept her hands clenched in her lap.

  Jack cleared his throat. “I’ve wired the boys in Texas. The judge is willing to review the evidence.”

  She appeared more fragile, the circles beneath her eyes darker than when he’d seen her this afternoon.

  She smoothed her skirts over her knees. “I wanted to apologize for not revealing my suspicions about Will sooner. I keep looking back, and everything is so obvious. I don’t know why I didn’t see it before. I guess I was fooling myself. If I didn’t face the truth, I didn’t have to face the consequences. Except Bud Shaw might have hanged because I didn’t want people to know I was an outlaw’s widow. I’m not proud of myself. I should have done the right thing straight away.”

  He worked the brim of his hat. “You were busy holding your family together.”

  “I suppose.”

  A sense of foreboding hung over him. He’d never seen her like this, quiet, almost cowed. “No one blames you for what Will did. It was his sin, not yours.”

  “I’ve been praying, you know.” She pleated the blue calico draping her knee. “Praying for answers, praying for Rachel, praying for myself. I think that’s all I’ve done for the past few days, pray.”

  “Did you pray for us to be together?”

  “No.”

  The floor dropped out from beneath him. “You didn’t?”

  She faced him then, so breathtakingly beautiful he had difficulty concentrating.

  “I finally understand. When you love someone, you want what’s best for them. Even if what’s best isn’t you.” She met his gaze, her expression distant. “You knew that all along though, didn’t you?”

  “No. I don’t understand. I know you feel something for me.”

  “It took a lot of praying, but I know what I need to do. I always told myself that I was doing the right thing, that I was following God’s path, but I wasn’t. Not really. I was doing what felt right for me. I put Rachel and you, and even the McCoys, in danger because I was selfish. This time I’m going to do the right thing for everyone, not just me.”

  Her refusal to acknowledge his words pounded in his brain, a deafening pain that drowned out everything but his own shock and hurt.

  I love you.

  The words clogged in his throat. If he said them out loud, she still might reject him, and he couldn’t bear her scorn.

  She faced him then. “Remember that first night? The night Rachel was born? You made me a promise. Even then I knew there was something special about you. Something strong and honorable.”

  Jack swallowed around the emotion tightening his throat. He wasn’t brave. He was a coward who couldn’t admit his own feelings. “I’ll take care of you, Elizabeth. I’ll take care of you and Rachel. I’ll raise her as my own.”

  “I know you would.”

  She stood then, moving away from him. Moving away from the future he’d only just begun to plan. Moving away from a life he’d only just begun to yearn. She didn’t love him. His instincts had failed him. She’d rather be alone than be with him.

  He pictured his future without her. He’d go back to his job, back to the endless travel, back to never putting down roots. How could it hurt so much to lose something he’d never had?

  The desolate image jolted his courage. “I don’t care if you don’t love me. I have enough love for both of us. Marry me? We’ll build a future together. You and me and Rachel.”

  She didn’t even blink, didn’t react at all to his declaration or his question. If anything, she appeared to grow colder, more distance. “No. I can’t. Don’t you see? Will is always going to be between us.”

  “Don’t you feel anything for me?”

  Silence answered his question.

  Jack didn’t know how a body could feel so much pain and still be standing. All the sorrow in his heart burned into his brain. He smashed his hat upon his head. “You lied to me. Maybe not in your words, but in your actions. You made me think you felt something for me.”

  Elizabeth rested one hand on the mantel, her gaze averted. “I’m sorry.”

  He was mad, no furious, with her for tying him up in knots. For making him love her, then turning away. He didn’t want to talk to her anymore. He didn’t even want to look at her.

  He stomped toward the door then paused, his gaze riveted on the brass knob. “You are selfish, Elizabeth Cole. Selfish with your affection, selfish with your prayers and selfish with your love.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  “All aboard!” the conductor called.

  The train chugged forward with an ever-increasing click-clack, click-clack, click-clack over the rails. Elizabeth perched on a velvet-covered bench, Rachel snug in her lap. Helen and her husband, along with their own baby, sat across from her. Elizabeth stared out the window. The prairie stretched white all the way to the horizon.

  She hadn’t s
een Jack since last evening. She hadn’t even told him she was leaving. Not that he’d even care anymore. Her refusal had driven him away for good, leaving a gaping emptiness in her chest that would never be filled.

  The train was headed for Texas, and that was as good a place as anywhere to start over. The state was big enough that she’d never fear running into Jack, yet she knew she’d feel closer to him there.

  She’d left the deeds for the homestead with the town agent. Together she and Rachel would start a new life.

  “Look at the brass fittings over the windows!” Helen exclaimed. “And the velvet benches. This is so much better than my first trip across the plains. In a wagon.” She grimaced.

  Her husband, a balding man with a round stomach and kind gray eyes, smiled indulgently. “And faster, too.”

  “I wish Jack hadn’t cancelled our dinner last evening. I so wanted to catch up.”

  Her husband patted her hand. “He has his reasons.”

  Helen leaned forward and snagged Elizabeth’s attention. “The whole town of Paris, Texas, is crawling with Elders. Their cattle ranch must take up half the county. It’s a good thing they have so many sons running around to help care for the place. Those Elder boys are all so driven. And handsome.” Her husband rolled his eyes. “Why the Elder family built the church, the hotel and even the courthouse.”

  In a weak comparison, Elizabeth had forty dollars in her reticule. The same forty dollars she’d brought with her from New York. Her life savings.

  She wore the original dress she’d donned to cross the plains nearly two years ago. She’d stuffed the money Will had left, the ominous wad of bills, into Rachel’s crib and placed the whole thing in a sturdy wooden crate in the baggage cart. Jack had refused to take the money, saying all the stolen loot had been accounted for. His refusal hadn’t left her a lot of options on such short notice. She definitely didn’t want to face the sheriff, especially after he’d been gossiping all over town. Carrying the money around in her satchel wasn’t an option, either. The bills felt heavy and tainted. When she and Rachel found a new home, she’d find a suitable charity and donate the cash.

  The train lurched. Gasping, Elizabeth flung out her arm to save Rachel’s basket from sliding off the seat. The passengers grumbled. Heads popped up over seat backs. The train shuddered to a halt. A middle-aged woman in a dark burgundy gown lowered the window and peered outside. Her hat feathers fluttered in the cold breeze.

  “Say,” one of the passengers called, “what’s going on?”

  A uniformed conductor entered through the rear pocket door. “There’s been a slight delay,” the man called.

  He held up his hands to still the cacophony of protests erupting from the passengers. “There’s a dead animal on the tracks. We haven’t built up enough speed to push it aside with the cattle guard. If I can get eight or ten sturdy, strong men, we’ll drag it off and be on our way in no time.”

  Helen Smith’s husband rose to his feet. He dropped a kiss on his wife’s forehead before sidling down the aisle, his body angled to traverse the narrow path. Elizabeth smiled at the obvious affection between the Smiths. Helen’s husband obviously didn’t hold his wife’s past, her capture by the Apaches, against her.

  Prodded by jabs in the ribs from their wives, grumbling husbands shuffled into the cold. The railcar soon drained of able- and not-so-able-bodied men, leaving only women and children. Elizabeth glanced at Rachel.

  With nervous chatter filling the car, the delay gave her unwelcome time to think. She was selfish. Just not the way Jack thought. She wanted more than anything to accept his proposal, but she could never face his family. Jack’s sister-in-law was dead because of Will. Every time the Elders looked at her they’d be reminded of how Doreen died.

  She’d convinced herself that leaving was the right thing to do. Why, then, did her decision feel so wrong? She pressed her check against Rachel’s. Elizabeth’s tear slid down her daughter’s cheek.

  She could go back and face Jack, confess her love and her fears. Her heart wrenched. Loving Jack wasn’t the easy choice, but was it the right choice? Is this how her own mother had felt when she’d been forced to send Elizabeth to an orphanage? This soul-deep pain? All these years Elizabeth had wallowed in her own misery, never considering her mother’s anguish.

  Jack was smart enough to know his own mind. He wasn’t a man who made rash, impulsive decisions. If only Elizabeth could say the same. She’d followed a man because of an infatuation. Not even two years later she was running away from love. She was forcing her child into a life of secrets and lies and running rather than face the consequences of her late husband’s actions.

  What was she teaching her daughter? That it was okay to run when life became difficult?

  Elizabeth shot upright. She didn’t know what she was going to do once she saw Jack, but she was going back. They were only a short distance from the rail station. How long did she have before the tracks were cleared? No matter what happened, she wasn’t leaving without Jack’s gift. He’d carved the wood with loving hands, and she wasn’t going to leave behind his treasured present.

  Elizabeth grasped the seat back. She scooted into the aisle and stood beside Mrs. Smith’s seat.

  “I need to get my crate from the baggage cart,” Elizabeth said. “Will you watch Rachel for a moment?”

  Mrs. Smith bounced Mary in her arms, her expression one of earnest concern. “Of course. What a delightful child. I know you’re newly widowed, but there’s no finer man than Jack Elder. If you don’t mind my saying so.”

  “He’s the finest man I’ve ever met.”

  Her resolute decision faltered. He deserved someone better than Elizabeth. He deserved to find love with someone who wouldn’t jeopardize the career he treasured. Someone without a past. Someone he could proudly introduce to his family.

  The train lurched. Elizabeth clutched the seat back for balance.

  As if sensing the tension in Elizabeth, Helen covered her hand. “I don’t know what happened between the two of you. It’s none of my business. But I think you should know something about Jack. He never stopped searching for me. Even when everyone said it was hopeless. For three months he searched. When he found me, it took another three months to negotiate my release. But Jack never stopped trying, even when everyone told him to stop. Even when my uncle told him a child captured by Indians wasn’t worth saving, Jack never gave up. There aren’t many men who hold honor above their own needs.”

  That was the whole problem. “He deserves someone just as honorable as he is.”

  “He deserves someone to love him. That’s all any of us wants or needs.”

  “That’s what I’m counting on,” Elizabeth’s voice sounded unconvincing, even to her own ears.

  “Jack told me something once.” Helen squeezed her hand. “He told me, it’s not the things that happen to us that define who we are, it’s what you do about it.”

  Elizabeth realized one thing for certain. Even if they didn’t have a future together, Jack deserved to know how much she loved him.

  “Thank you,” Elizabeth choked out. “I’ll be right back. I have to make things right.”

  Her vision blurred by tears, she stumbled down the aisle and slid open the pocket door.

  Glancing up, she blinked at the sky.

  “I forgive you, Mother,” she whispered. “You did what you thought was best, even though it must have torn you apart. Just like I feel now. I’m sorry I was so bitter. I needed to be a mother to understand the sacrifices we make for our children.”

  Clutching the chilly rail for balance, she placed her right foot on the second metal stair.

  Jack was a good man.

  Her left foot sank into the snow piled near the rails.

  Knowing everything about her past, he’d still decla
red his love. He knew her secrets, the whole unvarnished truth, and he had offered to love and protect her. He’d offered to care for her child as his own. No, he’d begged her to let him care for Rachel.

  He loved the infant and he wasn’t ashamed to show his affection. The gruff Texas Ranger and her tiny daughter shared a bond forged the moment she was born. He loved Elizabeth. He’d said so, and Jack never lied.

  Her right foot sank to her ankle in snow.

  She had been scared of loving someone again, scared of picking the wrong man again. Frightened of ending up alone again. Terrified of losing her only love.

  Wind whipped at her skirts.

  Elizabeth pivoted to face the train. A fresh coat of brilliant red paint glimmered in the sun. Jack was right. She had been selfish with her love. Selfish because she was scared. And she wasn’t going to be scared anymore.

  Her decision made, she set off for the baggage cart.

  An enormous hand clamped over her mouth. Rancid breath puffed against her cheek.

  “I’ve finally found Will’s little fancy piece,” a gravelly voice spoke in her ear. “You’ll show me where the money is, now won’t you, love?”

  * * *

  Jack watched as men filed off the stalled train. Like a great metal snake, the cars stretched into the distance with the depot still visible. He knelt before the enormous steer splayed across the tracks. Lifting the animal’s ear, he noted a bullet hole. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. Something was wrong. Surging to his feet, he strode back through the crowd, jostling his way toward the passenger car, only to find himself blocked by the steady parade of bodies. He shoved them aside.

  “Easy there, fellow,” one of the men grumbled.

  Jack slammed into the railcar, searching frantically for Elizabeth.

  She was gone.

  He bolted down the aisle.

  “Jack,” Helen called.

  He whirled. “I have to find Rachel and Mrs. Cole.”

  “Don’t worry. Rachel is right here.”