Roberta Leigh - My Hearts a Dancer

by Roberta Leigh

  'If Lydia nags long enough,' she said carefully, 'I'm sure she'll get what she wants.'

  'With Gregory?' Mrs. Ransome smiled. 'You know how obstinate he is. Mind you, he's wonderful with Lydia. He's never been much of a person for parties, but they seem to be out every night.' Mrs. Ransome leaned forward and lightly touched Melanie's hand. 'But what about you?'

  'Me?' Melanie asked, startled.

  ‘Yes. What about your future? You surely don't want to end up like Verenskaya, do you?'

  'She's very happy.'

  ‘Without a home and children?’

  The Company's her home and her children.'

  ‘But that wouldn't satisfy you,' Mrs. Ransome said firmly. ‘You should be married, Melanie, and have a home and children of your own.'

  ‘Dancing is all I need.' Unable to face Mrs. Ransome's direct gaze, Melanie jumped up and walked over to the window. 'I love the trees in autumn,' she said. 'The colours are so beautiful.'

  ‘You won't always be able to go on with your dancing,' Mrs. Ransome continued, blithely ignoring Melanie's determined effort to change the conversation, 'and then what will happen to you?’

  That's looking too far ahead,' Melanie said, and glanced surreptitiously at her watch, wondering how soon she could leave; much more of this conversation and she would start to scream.

  'Come back and sit next to me,' Mrs. Ransome said suddenly. 'I want to talk to you and it's tiring if I have to shout.'

  'I don't want to talk about my future any more,' Melanie said, keeping her voice light with an effort. 'Just because - just because Gregory's getting married there's no reason for you to try and marry me off too.'

  'I wouldn't dream of doing any such thing. Old women who give orders are never appreciated and you might stop coming here if you felt I was trying to do that!'

  'I'd never stop coming to see you,' Melanie said quickly.

  The older woman acknowledged the remark with a contented sigh, but Melanie felt a vague sense of unease as she looked at her, wondering whether it was imagination that made her think Mrs. Ransome looked frailer than usual.

  'Are you keeping all right?’ she asked with sudden concern. 'You look tired.'

  'I've been overdoing it this week. Gregory's been abroad and I've taken advantage of his absence. When he's here he always checks up to make sure what time I go to bed at night.'

  'Then I'll have to do the checking in future.'

  You needn't bother now,' Mrs. Ransome smiled. 'My running around is over for the time being. Everything's arranged.'

  She gave a smile of satisfaction. 'I'm giving a party for Gregory and Lydia,' she explained, 'and I wanted to get it all settled without Gregory knowing.'

  'He won't like that.'

  Mrs. Ransome chuckled. 'I'm having it a fortnight on Saturday and I hope you'll be able to come.'

  'I'm dancing that night,' Melanie replied, thankful that she had a genuine excuse for refusing the invitation.

  'You can come straight on from the theatre. We won't be beginning until nine o'clock anyway. I'm putting up a marquee in the garden and I've arranged for an orchestra and…' She waved her hands. 'It's going to be like old times - the last time I gave a party like that was for Timothy's twenty-first birthday.'

  'Are you sure you should be doing it - I mean without telling Gregory? I'm sure the excitement will be bad for you.'

  'Excitement is only relative, Melanie, and I want to give him this party.'

  She looked so happy that Melanie did not feel she had the right to criticize, besides, doing so would prolong this conversation and she could not bear it. She pushed back her chair and stood up.

  'Going so soon?' Mrs. Ransome asked.

  'I'm on stage in an hour and a half and I always like to have a rest before the performance.' She leaned forward to kiss her mother-in-law's cheek and as she did so noticed a tension in the frail body. 'Are you sure you're all right?' she asked anxiously.

  'Perfectly. I'm just a bit on edge. I want to ask you a favour and yet I don't feel I should.'

  'You can ask me for anything. Surely you know I'll help you if I can.'

  'That's the trouble. I don't want you to think I'm taking advantage of you.'

  Melanie smiled, 'Ask me and I'll let you know.'

  Mrs. Ransome did not reply at once. She looked down at her hands, fidgeted with a tassel on the cushion beside her and then picked at the lace on the handkerchief lying in her lap. 'It's about the party. I'd like you and Anton to dance for me.'

  'Dance for you?' The request took Melanie by surprise. 'Do a ballet here?'

  'Just an excerpt. Something simple.' The sad blue eyes were eager. 'You've never met any of my friends, Melanie, and I've never had the chance of showing you off. The party would be such a wonderful occasion for me to do so.'

  ‘Why on earth should you show me off?' Melanie said quickly.

  'Because you were Timothy's wife. Please, Melanie, say you'll do it for me.'

  The thought of dancing at a party given for Gregory and Lydia was intolerable, yet to refuse her mother-in-law was equally impossible. Desperately she searched round for an excuse that would allow her to say no with grace. But nothing came to mind and she knew she was trapped.

  'Please, Melanie,' Mrs. Ransome said again. Won't you and Anton dance as a favour to me?'

  Accepting the inevitable, Melanie let out her breath on a sigh. 'Of course we will.'

  'I'm so glad. I'll tell the caterers to put up a stage.'

  ‘Put up a stage?' Anton echoed the words later that night when Melanie told him the news. You don't mean you actually agreed to dance?’

  'She would have been terribly hurt If I'd refused.'

  How about your own feelings for a change? Or do you expect me to believe you'll enjoy dancing for Gregory and Lydia?’

  'I'm doing it for Mrs. Ransome.’

  'I appreciate that,' he said dryly.

  'Then you'll dance with me?’

  You don't think I'll let you go to the party alone, do you?' He caught her hand and squeezed it. You're a sucker for punishment, Melanie.' He dropped her hand, and when he spoke again his voice was so casual that it rang false. 'Have you ever seen Gregory since you—'

  'No,' she interrupted. ‘Never.'

  'So the party will be the first time?'

  'Yes.'

  He made no comment and neither did she, though she was well aware that for the rest of the evening he watched her with unusual keenness.

  As the night of the party drew nearer, Melanie's nervousness at the prospect of seeing Gregory increased to such magnitude that she doubted whether - when the time actually came - she would be able to dance at all. If only she had not allowed sentiment to sway her into making Mrs. Ransome such a ridiculous promise! A promise she had given and to which she was bound. Indeed, even if she wanted to draw back, Anton would not let her, for he regarded their dancing at the party as though it were a gauntlet personally flung in her face by Gregory.

  So it was that, inwardly trembling but outwardly composed, she arrived at the house in Belgravia on the last Saturday in September. Lights blazed from every window and the gentle strains of music filtered out into the square. The main reception rooms were filled with people and the entire garden had been closed by canvas to provide a marquee of enormous size and splendour. Seeing it her resolution faltered, and only the pressure of Anton's hand on her arm forced her through the crowd of people to where Mrs. Ransome was standing with Gregory and Lydia.

  What a striking couple they made, she thought involuntarily, both so tall and assured, so obviously from the same background and social position. How could she ever have believed that she might have had a future with him? That he would have been prepared to share the splendours of his life with a girl who - because of the demands of her work - could at best only have been a part-time wife. It was ironical that she should be dancing at this party tonight, for by exhibiting herself professionally she was showing him how right he had been to say they came
from different worlds, and proving once and for all how great was the gulf between them.

  But then there was no more time for thought, for Gregory was smiling at her coolly and Lydia's hand, thin and sharp, was clutching at her with false warmth. Greetings were exchanged and she must have uttered the right congratulations, though she was unaware of what she said, and then Anton was propelling her away into the blissful anonymity of strangers who did not give them more than a passing glance.

  'A glass of champagne for you,' he murmured, and produced it as if by magic.

  Gladly she took it from him and drank it at a gulp.

  'Steady on,' he cautioned. ‘We're dancing, remember.'

  'I'm trying to forget.'

  'Think of it as cathartic medicine!'

  'I'm afraid it's difficult to swallow,' she said bitterly. 'I must be like one of Pavlov's dogs! I think the sight of Gregory will always affect me.' Abruptly she turned away and stared at the satin-draped walls of the marquee, but it was Lydia who filled her mind's eye, her beautiful figure enhanced by deep green velvet, her magnificent titian hair elaborately sculptured around an emerald and diamond parure that matched the emerald and diamond ring that blazed so conspicuously on the third finger of her left hand.

  A little before midnight Mrs. Ransome took Melanie and Anton upstairs to change, showing Anton into a guest room but taking Melanie into her own bedroom. Intrigued, the woman watched as Melanie unpacked a small suitcase and shook out her costume, leaving it on the bed while she began to alter the style of her hair.

  'I didn't realize you'd have to go to quite such bother,' Mrs. Ransome apologized.

  'It's no bother. Changing into costume is pretty automatic for me.'

  'But having to redo your hair and your make-up ..

  'I'm a professional,' Melanie said with masochistic delight. 'Please don't worry about it.' With relief she looked up as Anton came in, resplendent in tights and glittering jacket.

  'You do look splendid,' Mrs. Ransome observed. ‘Who are you meant to be?'

  'Romeo.' He glanced at Melanie. ‘How long will you be?’

  'A few minutes.'

  'I'll take you downstairs,' Mrs. Ransome volunteered, 'then you can see if the stage and fighting are all right.'

  Anton followed his hostess out of the room and, glad to be alone, Melanie took off her evening dress, did her warming-up exercises and put on her costume. The soft white skirts fell gracefully around her, the simplicity of the design making her seem thinner and younger. Carefully she fixed a pearl net cap on to her dark hair and then bent to adjust her ballet shoes. Behind her the door opened and, thinking it was Mrs. Ransome again, she did not look up. 'I'm nearly ready. How do I look?'

  'Absurdly pre-Raphaelite.' The deep familiar voice made her straighten abruptly and the colour drained from her face as she saw Gregory leaning against the door.

  'What do you want?'

  'I came to fetch a pill for my aunt. Unfortunately she didn't tell me you were changing here.' He walked over to the dressing-table, picked up a bottle of capsules, extracted one and slipped it into his pocket. Then, still standing where he was, he looked at her. 'I didn't know until tonight that you were dancing here. My aunt had wanted it to be a surprise for me.'

  'I hope it was a pleasant one.'

  'On the contrary.' His voice deepened. 'She should never have asked you. She wouldn't have done so, of course, if she had known about us… I'm very sorry, Melanie.'

  There's no reason to be,' she answered, marvelling that she could keep her voice controlled. ‘It's my job to entertain. Besides, it proves how right you were.'

  He looked at her as though puzzled by her remark, and the knowledge that he seemed to have forgotten the reason he had given her for terminating their own engagement filled her with such fury that she longed to lash out at him, to hurt him as much as he had hurt her.

  ‘Yes,' she repeated. ‘How right you were in saying our marriage would have flopped. I could never have been happy in your world, it's pretentious and false.'

  ‘Your world is false too,' he said, and pointed to her costume.

  'At least we know we're pretending!'

  He acknowledged the retort by a slight lift of one eyebrow. ‘What are you dancing?’

  'An excerpt from Romeo and Juliet.'

  The star-crossed lovers! Very romantic! I hope it's not an omen for my own future.’

  If I'd thought of that,’ she said, 'Anton and I would have done something from The Rake's Progress!'

  Gregory's mouth tightened. 'You're unusually sharp, Melanie.'

  I've had need to be lately.' She turned her back on him and fumbled in her handbag. Behind her she heard him move to the door and she swung round and called his name, at the same time holding out her hand: in it was the baroque gold bracelet he had given her. 'This is yours,' she said.

  A spasm - almost of pain - passed across his face, but it was gone so quickly that she was not sure whether she had imagined it.

  'I bought it for you,' he replied.

  'You don't think I still want to keep it, do you? For heaven's sake, take it.'

  Silently he did as she bid. 'You still hate me, don't you,

  Melanie?’

  'One can't hate what doesn't exist, and as far as I'm concerned you don't.'

  He looked as though he were going to reply, but then, thinking better of it, he swung on his heel and left the room.

  She sank on to a chair and buried her face in her hands. This unexpected meeting alone with Gregory had unnerved her completely, showing her more clearly than ever how difficult it was going to be for her to forget him. Even the hope that her love for him might have lessened had been denied by the pounding of her heart at the sight of him and by the intolerable longing she had felt to throw herself into his arms and beg him to take her on any terms he liked. Was this the sort of thing that love could do? she wondered. Destroy your pride, shatter your morals, make you willing to be a mistress if you could not be a wife?

  There was a sound in front of her and she lifted her head quickly, hope dying as she saw it was Anton.

  One look at her face and he was kneeling at her side. 'Get a hold on yourself, Melanie. You look like death.'

  'I can't dance,' she gasped. 'You'll have to go down and tell them.'

  'Never I You've got to dance. If you don't you'll be playing right into Gregory's hands.'

  'He doesn't care whether I dance here tonight or not.'

  'Of course he cares! The biggest blow you can ever give him is to show him you're a success.'

  Unconvinced, she shook her head. ‘Whatever I am doesn't matter to him.'

  ‘Well, it does to Lydia. She'd crow like hell if I went downstairs and said you Were too ill to dance.' He caught her roughly by the shoulders. 'Do you think she doesn't know you're in love with Gregory? She's cunning and astute and she was watching you tonight like a snake, waiting for you to give yourself away.'

  'She can't know,' Melanie burst out. 'Gregory would never have told her.'

  'I'm not saying he did,' Anton conceded, ‘but there are some things that don't need telling. You've got to come down and dance, Melanie. If you don't, you'll give yourself away completely.'

  The truth of Anton's words brought Melanie to her feet and once more pride came to her rescue. In silence she powdered away the tear marks, smoothed her skirts and preceded him down the stairs to the marquee. The dance floor in the centre had been completely cleared and elevated slightly so that everyone present could have a full view of it. It was almost an exact replica of a theatre in the round and she knew that to dance here would not only call for more skill but would also show off her ability to its greatest advantage. With head high she climbed the two steps and took up her position with Anton. For a brief instant her eyes moved across the people in front of her and she saw Lydia and Gregory close together. For a second her composure failed, then the music started and the long arduous years of her training reasserted itself as it always miraculously di
d; the tired, disheartened little ballet dancer vanished and in her place stood the eager, vibrant young Juliet, satiated with her night of love with Romeo, yet pleading with him to remain. As always, Anton was a superb partner and tonight he excelled himself, as though he too knew that he was on test. It was as if neither of them were playing a part and that they really were star-crossed lovers taking what passion they could, while they could, as though realizing it was not to last.

  As the final strains of the music died away the eloquent quiet of the audience was broken by tumultuous applause, and people surged forward to sweep them off the stage in triumph. So eager was everyone to offer their congratulations that they did not have a chance to go upstairs and change out of their costumes and, still in the simple white nightgown which she had worn for her portrayal of Juliet, Melanie found herself being escorted from one admiring group to another. She would not have been human had she not enjoyed the sensation she had caused, particularly as it had momentarily relegated Lydia to the sidelines.

  ‘You've never danced better,' Anton said during a sudden lull when he was standing by her side. 'Once you're seen in my full-length ballet you'll be an international star.'

  Excited though she already was, the excitement caused by his statement made her feel dizzy. 'You don't mean I'm going to dance it with you?'

  'All the choreography's been done with you in mind,' he said quietly.

  'Tanya won't let me do it.'

  'She can't stop you. She's a wonderful dancer, I admit, but she can't compare with you.'

  'Perhaps there's something to be said for unhappiness, after all,' she said with sudden wryness.

  'If it's helped to make you dance the way you did tonight, then don't regret it, Melanie. If you go on this way your name will be among the great stars of ballet.'

  Elated by his words, she felt an outflowing of gratitude towards him which showed in her eyes and the curve of her body as she bent close to him. 'There's so much I owe you. If you hadn't helped me I'd still be in the corps de ballet.'

  'Isn't that a slight exaggeration?' a mocking voice said, and Melanie turned to see that Gregory had come up to stand beside her. 'I'd have thought your success came from your own efforts more than from anyone else's.'