Want to Know a Secret? (Choc Lit)

by Moorcroft, Sue

  Pulling the dressing gown tightly closed as she belatedly remembered the nightdress beneath, once white but now ivory with age, she felt a flush of indignation. It was no sin not to have money! Gareth’s wages didn’t go far when he so often felt the need to help his brothers, family being family and blood being thicker than water. As their 1930s’ house had run into the major maintenance issues of a new roof and damp proofing over the years they’d had to extend and increase the mortgage periodically to cope. Money was always spoken for. Always.

  Bryony had been a delicate child, plagued by asthma, bronchitis and tonsillitis. Her sickliness had been the reason they’d never had another baby and the reason that Diane had never quite got around to formal employment, even as Bryony grew up and, to an extent, out of her childhood maladies. Diane had made what money she could from her sewing, tailoring blouses and embroidering skirts for other people, wondering whether she ought to embark upon a midlife reinvention, perhaps to emerge at the end as a post- office counter-clerk with a salary, sick pay and a pension. But it was so difficult without a second vehicle. Lack of transport was a serious omission in Purtenon St. Paul, threaded as it was like a bead on the long string of Fenland lanes. To get a job she needed a car. To get a car she needed a job. ‘It’s time I dressed,’ she said, suddenly.

  Tamzin moved immediately towards the door.

  James put a reassuring arm across his daughter’s shoulders. ‘We only came to bring the car. No doubt we’ll come across each other at the hospital. They’re being moved to the Ackerman about three this afternoon.’

  She nodded. ‘Yes. I had a phone call.’ Some admin person with a practised coo just to confirm for Mrs Jenner that the Ackerman Hospital were expecting Mr Jenner, and his room was ready and the ambulance arranged.

  ‘Call me if you need anything,’ said James, as he turned for the door.

  ‘Interesting, isn’t she?’ asked Tamzin, as they drove away in the Lexus.

  James flicked her a glance. He had never quite got used to the ghost that his daughter had become over the past couple of years, often silent, always sad. Words like ‘interesting’ from her were as rare as a heap of food on her plate. ‘If you like a woman with a tongue like a hedge cutter.’

  Tamzin giggled. ‘She has not! You’re just peed because she doesn’t follow your orders.’

  James let that one go. ‘So why’s she interesting?’

  ‘Because she’s been kept secret, I suppose.’ Tamzin screwed up her face. ‘Why would Uncle Gareth do that? Why would he live in such a teeny, ordinary house? Why didn’t Diane know about the cottage? Or the money? Why didn’t she know about any of us? Maybe it’s us that Uncle Gareth kept secret, not her?’ As if the prospect was too much for her she leaned her temple against the door and closed her eyes, signalling that she no longer wanted to talk.

  ‘Both,’ James answered, anyway. ‘And the underlying reasons behind that will probably prove interesting, too.’

  He lapsed into silence as the big vehicle eased along the lanes. Diane certainly was ‘interesting’. So resilient. Yet vulnerable, the way that she’d curved into his arms, her hair brushing his hand, her body quivering as she’d fought back her tears.

  The way that they’d spoken to one another, for ten seconds, as if they’d known each other forever.

  And although she’d cried, although she’d accepted his shoulder just for a few moments, he’d had the feeling that here, for once, was a woman who didn’t need his strength.

  She could be strong. Sensible. Competent. Motivated. He thought that Diane Jenner could be anything she wanted to be.

  ‘She was embarrassed!’ Tamzin’s eyes flew open to examine the idea. ‘We caught her in her nightie and she didn’t like it. That’s why she sounded stressy and obviously wanted us to go. It was probably you, Dad, because you’re a man.’

  James let his mind conjure up Diane’s robe doing less to cover her scantily clad breasts and more to gather them up nicely. That had been interesting, too. ‘Probably,’ he agreed mildly, quite happy to take the blame for Diane’s poor welcome.

  He didn’t distress his fragile daughter by airing his opinion that any awareness of James’s masculinity that Diane might have experienced had been minor – compared to her vulnerability. Because, last night, she’d been caught without her armour.

  After the Norths left, Diane showered and, to make up for being caught in ancient night clothes, changed into one of her favourite outfits, a white blouse criss-crossed irregularly by salmon-pink ribbon, and black jeans with a helix of the same salmon-pink chain stitch winding evenly up the left leg; clothes that made her feel less the ragged relation.

  She picked up the car keys and felt a chink in her gloom. She was going to drive the car.

  Although she’d passed her test at seventeen and, in fact, it had been through her snazzy British Racing Green Mini Cooper that she’d met Gareth just over twenty-five years ago, when he had stopped his scooter to help her change a flat, she now scarcely ever got into the driving seat. In fact, she’d driven this car precisely once.

  If Diane wanted to leave the village when Gareth was at work she strode up the lane and across the bridge to catch one of the buses that trundled three times a week a torturous route between the hedges and into Peterborough or, in almost exactly the other direction, Holbeach. If she went out in the evening it was always to deliver a garment in the village or to accompany Gareth to visit his family, when, traditional man that he was, Gareth would drive.

  Isolation was a feature of living in Purtenon St. Paul but Gareth had been intent on this rural idyll for them, as if living even on the edges of a town or city would automatically condemn his family to the grotty streets of his childhood. He wasn’t swayed by his brothers’ families surviving happily in modern housing on perfectly pleasant estates with schools, shops, cinemas and McDonalds within walking distance.

  But, like any idyll, the rural existence had its drawbacks – Diane was driven bonkers by the seclusion. Bryony used to escape by going home after school with friends in Holbeach, Gareth fetching her at the end of the evening. Diane had no such convenient friends. In fact, living Gareth’s idyll, working from home, not being mobile … it was difficult to make friends at all.

  It wasn’t even cheap to live in Purtenon St. Paul. The nearest supermarket was half-an-hour away by car and the village shop had everything from Christmas trees to carbolic – everything except bargains.

  But now, hospital visiting was expected of her. And the car was all hers.

  Carefully, she adjusted the seat, the headrest and all the mirrors – Gareth would grumble when he was able to drive again but that wasn’t going to be just yet. Her internal butterflies danced a little jig – it was amazing how tense she felt behind the wheel – and she turned the ignition key. The engine responded instantly, vrummm!

  ‘Driving’s not difficult,’ she blustered aloud, as she eased the silver Peugeot up to the turning point further up the lane. But, as she moseyed along cautiously between the verges and the fields she was glad there was no one around to see her jerky progress.

  Suppressing the adrenaline rushing around her system she flicked left to join the next lane, which took her to the main road, although there were only sheep to see. She flinched as she changed down to second to squeeze the car over the narrow bridge. Whoo-oops ...! But she made it without touching the sides, laughed in nervous delight and successfully negotiated the right at Main Road towards Crowland and Peterborough.

  Once on the open road she felt her spine relax as the car co-operated beautifully, moving left or right according to her direction, slowing when she pressed on the brake. After five miles of being overtaken in irritated little rushes by other vehicles she let her foot weigh down the accelerator and began to enjoy the liquid sensation of speed and the little bob the car gave over bumps.

  ‘This is OK,’ she told herself, slackening her death-like grip on the steering wheel. ‘Dead easy.’

  It all seemed so
on the long lanes, the steering so light but positive that she even began to sing along to the radio in breathy little bursts as she made her way over the lengthy straights, faster and faster.

  But she overcooked it when she arrived too quickly at a corner and the car wallowed unpleasantly, as if in imminent danger of plunging sideways into the unwelcoming depths of the roadside dyke. ‘Shi-hit!’ she cried softly, stamping on the brake and spinning the wheel frantically between suddenly sweaty hands.

  The car halted. She opened her eyes. She was still on the tarmac. Or three wheels were, which was acceptable. She wiped her forehead and, shakily, restarted the engine that had stalled because, all her limbs being taken up with steering and braking, changing gear had been a task too many. She drove on more cautiously.

  Set about with groomed lawns and coifed conifers the new Ackerman Hospital looked like a red-brick lantern, the upper storey smaller than the lower and crowned by a cupola of glassed-in offices. Diane stepped into the hushed building as if entering a church, surveying the navy, tan and deep raspberry pink carpet, the smiling staff, the plants twisted artfully up trellises. It didn’t look like a National Health hospital but it smelled no different.

  A groomed, dark-haired nurse showed her into Gareth’s hotel-like room, although she felt sure she would’ve been successful at locating it by its room number. He lay quietly in the white bed. ‘He’s slow, after his concussion,’ the nurse explained, kindly. ‘Just let him sleep when he wants to.’

  Diane found herself clutching the nurse’s arm. ‘But he’s lost all his teeth!’

  The nurse patted her hand. ‘They’re still there. Under all that swelling – aren’t they, Gareth? They’ll reappear, in time. Should I get somebody to bring you coffee, or tea?’

  For some time, Diane sat beside Gareth’s bed, drinking coffee, gazing at him as he dozed, waiting for him to rouse for more than a few seconds at a stretch. She’d expected that he’d be more alert. That there would be conversation.

  With nothing to occupy her she began to worry about the journey home. Whizzing through the lanes had been OK once she got used to it but the journey had become a bit fraught once she met the A47, sucked around roundabout after ever-busier roundabout and squirted out onto the hectic dual carriageway that was Paston Parkway. The hospital’s position between Paston Parkway and open Fenland meant that at least she didn’t have to brave thundering Soke Parkway into the bowels of the city, as she would have if Gareth had remained in the district hospital.

  But still, she glanced at her watch. Often.

  She sipped her coffee and studied Gareth’s bloated head and plastered arm, all that could be seen protruding from the sheet. His fingers, in their troughs, were purple sausages. They made her wince just to look at them.

  But his injuries didn’t give her amnesia about his unforgivable lies.

  She sighed. She wished she’d brought a magazine.

  She brooded on the hateful thing he’d done.

  She fidgeted.

  Rush hour was approaching. The thought was like cold custard in the pit of her stomach. Gareth was hardly aware that she was there ...

  She slipped from the room, anxious to put the city behind her before the dreaded five o’clock brought traffic like a rush of demons from the mouth of hell.

  After leaving Purtenon St Paul, James drove home to Webber’s Cross, Tamzin almost silent beside him.

  ‘I ought to go into the office,’ he said, experimentally. ‘I’m supposed to be in a Health and Safety meeting, this afternoon.’

  After a moment, she nodded. ‘OK.’

  He turned onto the A47. ‘But I could video conference it if you’d feel better with me at home.’

  ‘I’ll be OK. What about Mum?’

  ‘I won’t stay late. I’ll be home in time to take you to see her in the early evening.’

  ‘OK.’

  He wished he knew exactly what she was thinking; Tamzin, so fey next to Natalia and Alice. How could Valerie dismiss Tamzin’s problems?

  ‘Sure?’

  ‘Sure.’

  Still, he hovered in the hall, as she trod silently up the dogleg stairs and across the gallery landing, until he heard the sound of the television coming from her room. ‘Ring me if you need me,’ he shouted. He gathered up his briefcase and his keys. Either he had to spend some of his time in the office or give up his job. He couldn’t stay at home with Tamzin for the whole period that Valerie languished in hospital. It would be months.

  But he’d talk to his CEO, Charlie Hobbs, about working from home a couple of half days a week. Till now, he’d relied on Valerie being at home with Tamzin at least part of the time. When she wasn’t flying, lunching or shopping.

  His desk, when he reached it, was half-buried in paper. He frowned. Furness Durwent was meant to be a high–tech, paperless environment, but you just couldn’t cure some staff of the stickies habit. Several coloured envelopes scattered across the wooden veneer proved to be Get Well Soon cards for Valerie. ‘Pretty bloody quick,’ he muttered, flipping them into a pile and sliding them efficiently into his briefcase to take to the hospital, later. He raised his voice. ‘Lawrence!’

  Lawrence, who looked about fifteen but had a first in politics and business studies and was up for the next manager’s job that became available, was already halfway through the door. ‘Here,’ he said, with an air of mild reproach that James should think he’d need to be called.

  James grinned. ‘What do I need to know?’

  ‘Nothing urgent. You’ve got a shitload of email but everyone knows about the accident so I’ve been able to fend some people off. The Health and Safety meeting’s been put back until Tuesday.’

  James halted. ‘I told you I’d be here.’

  ‘But Charlie went to some working lunch and has stayed behind, schmoozing a potential new big client with a toy factory. They’re looking for a new supplier of printed circuit boards.’

  James grunted and sat down in his big leather chair. Damn. He could have worked from home. He dropped his BlackBerry on the desk – now that he looked, he could see a text from Lawrence in his inbox, probably telling him the meeting had been postponed – and joggled his mouse to bring his computer screen to life. ‘For their production systems or their toys?’

  ‘Automated toys. They do educational stuff.’

  ‘OK, thanks.’ He watched Lawrence return to his desk and become instantly immersed. His type of man. Saw what needed to be done and did it.

  James could divert his calls to Lawrence, now that the meeting was off. Should he go home? He checked out of his window. His corner office looked straight up the Frank Perkins Parkway and he could see that the traffic was sloooooow … Might as well be here working as sitting in a queue fulminating.

  The ‘street view’, as the offices at the front were designated, was meant not to carry the prestige of the rear ‘field view’, where fields could definitely be seen, over the roofs of some smaller units and a yard full of containers. Charlie had a field-view office but James preferred to see the traffic. It gave him a feeling of being connected to the real world. If he were due in a meeting with visitors, he could keep an eye out for their arrival. His life was made up of meetings. Production was the core of the company and if there was a meeting in the building, it seemed as if James, as production director, needed to be in it. Health and Safety. Training. Equipment maintenance, equipment purchase, budget, IT, HR, sales, planning and control of production, quality, timescale, costs …

  Did he ever do any real work, these days? He’d become a communication hub, meeting after meeting, email after email, assigning the managers to write his reports for him to edit into his own words.

  He knew he was good in meetings. He enjoyed keeping everything in his head, listening silently, absorbing the reports of others, computing their decisions. Rectifying them. Nobody minded James’s input because it was never political – there were no blades between shoulders. And he rarely offended, because he took care to make his
methods non-interfering. A note on someone’s pad, a text or email to their BlackBerry … the colleague would glance at it and move smoothly on to cover the point.

  If Charlie was chairing the meeting he’d say, ‘Let’s just wait until James has made sure our web’s neatly constructed. James? Can we move on?’ Charlie referred to James as Spiderman. If the meeting was going well he might even joke, ‘Did I get everything, Spidey?’

  At his last appraisal, Charlie had said, ‘For whatever reason, James, you were born with the ability to make things work. If I can get you to sign off on a project without frowning, I know we’re OK.’

  James loved his job. Loved the feeling of being in control. In charge. And, if he were honest with himself, important.

  Processes. Systems. Overviews. Anticipation and foresight –

  His BlackBerry buzzed. He glanced at the screen, then took the call. ‘Tamzin? OK?’

  ‘Should I ring the hospital to find out how Mum is, do you think?’

  He checked his watch. ‘We’ll be seeing her in a couple of hours.’

  ‘I just want to know if she’s OK. Didn’t they say we could ring the nurses’ station to ask? I know they don’t want us ringing her room until she’s begun to improve.’

  He considered. ‘If you really can’t wait a couple of hours, I suppose you can ring.’

  A pause. ‘Can you ring?’ Her voice was small. Then she brightened. ‘No, I’ll ask Ally to do it. She’s off work on study leave this afternoon because of her exam this evening. I’ll ring her.’ Before he could express an opinion, she’d ended the call.

  He sighed as he dropped the BlackBerry back on the desk, turning to his desktop pc and frowning at his crowded inbox. There were a lot of messages with Valerie in the subject line. Opening the first, from Amaguchi San, his opposite number in the Japanese office, he tapped out a rapid reply, Thanks for your kind concern. It’s early days but Valerie will recover from her broken bones etc. It’ll mean quite a time in hospital, though. James. Before sending the message he copied the text and zipped through the rest of the enquiries about Val by clicking reply and then pasting in the same message and clicking send.