Ma, He Sold Me for a Few Cigarettes

by Martha Long

  Teresa held on te the sheet an said, ‘Go on, tell us! I’m dying to hear.’

  ‘Well,’ Philomena said. ‘He asked me the usual things, like, you know, do you come here often, and I said the usual, only when there’s a dance on. And then he asked me what I was doin, an I told him I was a nurse here. So then I asked him wha he was doin, and he said he was in the uniform. And I nodded my head, cos I knew he meant he was a guard. And I asked him where he was stationed, and he said, Head Office. So I knew he meant the Phoenix Park, and he must be guarding President de Valera or something important like that. Then we went for a refreshment, and he bought me a lemonade, you know how hot it gets!’

  ‘I do. Go on! Go on!’ Teresa said, all eyes an mouth.

  ‘So anyways,’ Philomena went on. ‘We danced some more, and I was beginning to think he was great altogether, and he told me he was from Roscommon. And when the band played the national anthem and he asked me if I wanted a lift, I said yes. And I rushed off to get my coat. I told the girls I was getting a lift home in a motor car with a fine thing who was a detective from the Aras an Uachtaran. And I would tell them everything when I saw them on Monday. Then I hurried out to meet your man outside the ballroom, and he was waiting. He had on a lovely Crombie coat, and he says to me, “Are ye right, so?”

  ‘“I am,” I says. “Where’s the motor car?” And he says, “What motor car? I have me bicycle! Where did you get tha idea from?” And I looked down, and it was then I saw the bicycle clips clamped around his ankles, and I said, “I thought you were a detective?” “No! Where are ye getting yer ideas from? I’m a postman, in the GPO!”’

  Teresa screamed laughin, an Philomena said, ‘I told him I had to go to the toilet, and I rushed back inside to find my friends.’

  ‘Oh, Philly! You’re a scream!’ Teresa said, an they both fell on the bed laughin themselves sick. I didn’t understand wha they were talkin about, but I laughed anyway an jumped on te the bed. An they gave me a great spin inta the air wit the sheet.

  I wandered inta the big ward, an an old woman waved over at me. ‘Are ye OK?’ I asked her.

  Another woman shouted from her bed, ‘Ida, will ye see if Granny wants somethin!’

  I clattered over te see wha the granny was callin me fer, an Ida got outa her bed an dragged herself over in her slippers. ‘Lyin in tha bed’d kill ye!’ Ida said te the ward.

  Granny took me arm an pointed te her locker, mumblin somethin. I kept sayin, ‘Wha? Wha? I don’t know wha ye’re sayin!’ an Granny shook herself in annoyance.

  Then Ida came an pushed me outa the way. ‘What is it, Granny? Do ye want the nurse? Here, put yer teeth in,’ an she took a tumbler from the top of the locker an took out the teeth an put them in Granny’s mouth. ‘Now, tha’s better! What ails ye, Granny?’

  Granny shouted, ‘I want the bloody bedpan, me bladder is burstin here fer the last hour.’ An she grabbed me, ‘Here, run, child, an tell the nurse te bring it quick.’ I clattered off quick, makin an awful noise on the floorboards, an I woke up some of the patients who were dozin.

  ‘Jaysus Christ Almighty, tha young one will be the death a me in them bloody shoes.’

  ‘The heart went crossways in me, too,’ another aul one agreed, but I was gone, smackin me way down the passage as hard as I could, enjoyin the lovely big noise, lookin fer the nurse.

  The sister put her head outa the office an looked down her nose at me from the top of her glasses. ‘Walk, child! What on earth are you makin such a racket for?’

  ‘Sister! Sister! Granny is pissin the bed. Hurry, quick, bring the bedpan.’

  ‘All right! Calm down, it won’t be the end of the world if she does. Now, back to your ward quietly, and climb into your bed.’

  I looked at her, wonderin about the bedpan. ‘Go on!’ she said, an she turned me aroun an tapped me arse. ‘Into bed now! You’ll catch cold.’

  ‘All right, Sister!’ an I dragged meself back te the ward. Ah, tha’s a pity she caught me. Now I’ll have te stay in me bed.

  I must have dozed off, cos I shot up in the bed when I heard the tea trolley. The two women pushed the trolley over te me an gave me a big plate an whipped off the cover. Me mouth was waterin when I clapped eyes on the sausages an fried egg. ‘How many slices of bread do ye want, chicken?’

  ‘Eh, gimme six,’ I said, an Sadie laughed.

  ‘There won’t be any left fer anybody else! Here’s three. I’ll bring ye back more if there’s any left. OK, me little fairy? Ah, ye’re lovely. I’ll bring you home wit me one of these days. Did yer mammy come up te see ye yet?’

  ‘No, Sadie, not yet.’

  ‘Ah, she will. She’s missin ye! She has a load of other childre te keep her hands full. Don’t worry, we’ll mind ye! Now, I’d better get movin. I’ll be drawn an quartered if this grub gets any colder.’

  I was lickin the empty plate before Sadie was halfway up the ward. An stuffin the last of the lovely thick sliced bread wit good butter down me belly. An lookin over at Kathleen, te see if she had anythin left on her plate she didn’t want! She was takin her time eatin it, so I said, ‘Do ye want yer sausage, Kathleen?’

  ‘Yeah!’ she said.

  ‘Are ye able te eat all tha bread?’ I asked her.

  ‘What bread? I only got two! The size of you, an she always gives ye more. She wouldn’t give it te me!’

  I said nothin. I had another look at me plate te see if it was really clean, an then I sat back te wait fer Sadie. I heard her comin, an she was laughin back at the people in the ward an shoutin, ‘Yeah, but it would have te be a dark night!’ Then she came hurryin over te me an took me plate, an gave me another one after takin off the cover. ‘Here, me little lamb chop! Get tha down ye. One of the missuses didn’t want theirs. Their loss is your gain.’

  I took one look at the sausages an fried egg, an it was already down me neck when Sadie loaded me plate wit more bread an gave me another sup of hot tea. ‘By God! I wish me childre would eat like tha. I’m always wastin food, an it’s a terrible sin. I hate waste, I do. There’s so much waste in the world!’ Sadie took the plate back before I had a chance te lick it. ‘Do ye know wha you’ll do when ye’re a big girl?’ Sadie said te me.

  ‘No, Sadie! Wha?’ I asked.

  ‘Well, ye should apply te tha new Queen in England an tell her ye want te be her food taster, in case anyone is tryin te poison her! Then you’ll have a grand an important job an be eatin lovely food all the time. Wouldn’t tha be lovely?’

  ‘Yeah, Sadie! I’ll do tha, tha’s a great idea.’

  I asked Kathleen if the Queen might like a child food taster, cos it wouldn’t be long now till I was eight. An Kathleen threw back her head an laughed at me. ‘There’s no such thing. They’d arrest ye before ye even got near the Queen! Sadie was only havin ye on!’

  I looked at her an said, ‘Sadie knows more than you! You don’t know anythin. I’m not botherin about ye any more,’ an I walked off in te the next ward.

  I went over te Granny te see if she wanted the bedpan or anythin else. ‘Open tha locker an take out the big bag. Now, take out the other one, it has fruit an stuff in it.’ I gave the bags te Granny, an she patted the side of her bed an said, ‘Sit up here beside me an we’ll do a bit of knittin. An here, help yerself. They’re bringin me up this stuff, an I can’t eat half of it.’

  I stuck me nose in the bag an pulled out oranges an apples, an a bag of bull’s eyes. ‘Here! Gimme tha orange, an I’ll peel it fer ye.’

  ‘Ah, no, Granny! I’m not eatin tha. I don’t want te look like tha Kathleen one an have me skin all yella!’

  Granny looked at me an then laughed, ‘Not at all, child. Ye have te eat fruit, or ye’ll get scurvy.’ An she peeled the orange an gave it te me in pieces. I sat on the bed an sucked me orange, an made Granny suck some, too. It was lovely an juicy.

  ‘I enjoyed tha,’ Granny said, handin me the towel te wipe me hands. Then I sucked a bull’s eye an handed one te Granny. ‘No, I’m all right,’ she
said, an took out her knittin. ‘Here! Roll this inta a ball,’ an she handed me the end of her knittin, which was all tangled up. I found the end of it an held on, goin in an outa the tangles.

  ‘What are ye knittin, Granny?’

  ‘I’m knittin a jumper fer me granddaughter. It’s an Arran, an the wool is very thick, so it takes a bit longer. But it should be ready by Christmas.’

  ‘How old is she, Granny?’

  ‘Eh, let me see. I do lose track, tryin te keep up wit the lot of them. Do ye know, by God, she must be nearly eighteen now! It was no time ago when she was little like you. Ah, yes, time flies, daughter! Don’t hurry it, it will come te ye soon enough. Here, have another bull’s eye!’ Then the sister marched inta the ward. ‘Quick!’ Granny said. ‘Don’t let her see ye up on the bed, or we’ll all be sent te the salt mines!’

  Sister started rushin aroun, fixin the beds an tuckin people’s arms under the bedclothes. An everyone went quiet. Granny pushed the bag of bull’s eyes inta me hands an whispered, ‘Quick, don’t let her catch ye. Get back te yer bed!’

  I took me shoes in me hand an rushed past Sister, liftin me legs high in the air so she wouldn’t see me. She was too busy anyway, givin out te an aul one fer bein very untidy an throwin her stuff aroun the bed. When I got back te me bed, I leapt in, takin me sweets wit me, an I asked Kathleen if she wanted a bull’s eye! She looked over an thought about it. I was hopin she’d say yes, but she didn’t. ‘No! I won’t bother,’ she said, so I couldn’t tell her she wasn’t gettin one. Instead, I opened the bag an put one in me mouth, an sucked away, makin big sucky noises, an drove her mad!

  Sunday was visitin day, an the wards was crowded wit people. Ye couldn’t see in the wards wit the amount of smoke. Everyone had a cigarette. The nurses locked the tilets so tha the visitors couldn’t use them. I was out on the passage wit me legs crossed, dyin te go te the tilet. I was draggin meself up an down lookin fer a nurse, but I couldn’t find one. Me eyes was waterin, an I didn’t know wha te do. I kept lookin up an down the passage, an I couldn’t move any more. The pooley was streamin down me legs. I was cryin me eyes out, an me legs was twisted tryin te hold it. Me shoes was soppin wet, an there was a big pool aroun me feet. When the nurse finally came down the passage, swingin her big bell an tellin the visitors their time was up, she came up te me an took the big bunch of keys from her belt an opened the tilet. I swung me way in, feelin very ashamed of meself. When I did finally sit on the tilet, I thought I’d never want te get up again. I gave meself a huge big sigh an emptied me shoes down the tilet. The smell of meself reminded me of me bed at home, an I got a jerk in me chest from the fright.

  The sores from me head was nearly gone, an me hair was beginnin te grow back. I didn’t have lice any more, an me skin was lovely an soft. But me legs was still purply lookin, an I still had the zig-zag marks across me legs from where Jackser used te hit me wit the buckle of his leather belt. I don’t think about him any more, an I don’t even miss me ma, cos I got used te not seein her since I came inta the hospital. I was jumpin up an down on me bed, havin a great time, bouncin on the mattress, an Kathleen said suddenly, ‘Look, there’s gypsies lookin in at ye, an they’re laughin!’

  ‘How can they see in here?’ I asked her.

  ‘Cos we’re on the ground floor.’

  ‘Where are they?’ I said. ‘I can’t see them!’ I didn’t believe her, cos I couldn’t see anyone. So I sat back down, an I was wonderin about this when a few minutes later me ma appeared in the door.

  ‘How are ye, Martha?’ she said. ‘Ye look lovely.’ An she was laughin.

  I got a shock, an I didn’t know wha te think. So I just stared at her. ‘Ma, did ye see any gypsies outside lookin in the winda at me?’

  ‘No, but we saw ye, an he was laughin at ye jumpin on the mattress. He said if the nurse catches ye, she’ll kill ye!’ An then she got a good look at me head an said it was nearly cured, an I’d be able te come home soon. I didn’t like the sound of tha, an I just looked at her.

  ‘When will tha be, Ma?’ I asked her.

  ‘Soon! It shouldn’t be too long now. I’ll have te get ye somethin te wear. I’ll get ye a lovely coat an frock, an a nice pair of shoes. Where’s yer old shoes?’ me ma asked.

  ‘The nurse threw them out. I have nice woolly socks instead, lookit!’ I said, shovin me feet inta her face te make sure she got a good look at them.

  ‘Right!’ she said, chewin her lip. ‘I’d better go. He’s outside, waitin wit the pram. He told me not te be long.’ Then she waved at me an stopped te look, an went off like she didn’t really want te go.

  When she was gone, I got all excited an said te Kathleen, ‘Tha was me mammy! She came te see me! Did ya know tha, Kathleen? Did ya! Wasn’t it great?’ Kathleen was very quiet, an I sat back te think about me mammy. She was here! I couldn’t believe it. An she was happy, cos I was nearly cured. An I’m lookin grand.

  Kathleen got loads a sweets an lemonade an fruit an even a new pair of slippers from her visitors last Sunday. She was sittin on the bed sortin them out. An I couldn’t believe all the stuff she had. I was hopin she’d give me somethin, but she didn’t. She had a big bar a Cadbury’s chocolate an a small thruppeny one. I asked her fer a bit, an she said no! But she did peel an orange, an I got a bit of tha. But I’m not mad about oranges. I wouldn’t class them as sweets. I really wanted a bit of her chocolate. So when she went out te the bathroom te do herself up, I leapt outa me bed an decided te hide her sweets. But when I saw the chocolate, I couldn’t help meself. I put all her sweets back where I found them an took off wit the big bar of chocolate.

  I rushed in te Granny. I thought I’d be safer there. ‘I’m not busy, Granny! Can I stay wit you?’ I said.

  ‘Course ye can, beauty. Come on, sit up here,’ an Granny patted the side of her bed fer me te jump up. ‘Wha’s tha ye have?’ Granny said, lookin at me chocolate.

  ‘Do ye want a bit?’ An I broke off a little bit an gave it te Granny. I sat there watchin Granny’s mouth suckin on the chocolate, an I did the same. Suckin slowly, not bitin, te make it last. ‘Tha’s lovely! Where’d ye get tha?’ Granny asked.

  ‘Eh, Kathleen!’

  ‘God, isn’t she very good! She must really like ye!’

  I had two bits left when I heard Kathleen roarin me name. I got such a shock I stuffed them in me mouth an threw meself offa the bed an hid under it. I shut me eyes tight an chewed like mad, not enjoyin the chocolate any more. I could hear Kathleen givin out, an when I opened me eyes, I was lookin at her new pink fluffy slippers. Then she ducked down an pulled me by the leg from under Granny’s bed. ‘Give it te me! Where is it? Where’s me chocolate? What else did ye take?’

  ‘Hold on, what ails ye? Don’t be frightenin the child!’ Granny said te Kathleen.

  ‘She robbed me chocoate! I didn’t even barely get a chance te look at it, never mind eat it!’ Kathleen roared.

  Then the nurse came inta the ward an said, ‘What’s happening?’

  An Granny said, ‘Ah, it’s only Kathleen gettin excited about nothin. Go on wit the nurse, Kathleen, ye need a bit of rest.

  ‘Come over te me, you,’ an she put out her arms an I sat meself up beside her, an she buried me head in her chest an stroked me head an said, ‘Tha was a very bold thing ye did. Deprivin poor Kathleen of her chocolate. But ye’re a good girl, an ye didn’t mean her no harm, did ye?’

  ‘No, Granny!’ I said, lookin up inta her face. An I started te cry, cos I was sorry I had robbed poor Kathleen’s chocolate.

  Granny took the corner of her washcloth an made me blow me nose. An she wiped me eyes, an then she said, ‘Right! Let’s cheer ourselves up! Get me tha bag in the locker,’ an I jumped down an gave it te her. She took out a bag of mixed luxury biscuits, an I got a pink an white fluffy one wit jam in the middle, an a lovely Kimberley one. An Granny put two aside fer her cup of tea at eleven.

  This mornin, the nurse told me not te leave me bed, cos me mammy was comin te take me hom
e. I’m waitin now, all day. An she’s still not here. I’m dyin te see me new clothes. I wonder wha the coat will be like, an me new frock an shoes! I’m afraid te think of anythin else, an I’m feelin a bit sick at the thought of goin home. I keep feelin me head, an I have a few sores still. But me head feels lovely an clean, an me hair is startin te grow back. The porter said I look like a little hedgehog, but I’ll have lovely hair when it grows back. I was just beginnin te think I might be able te stay when me ma suddenly appeared in the door.

  ‘Come on! Hurry up,’ she said. ‘I’m late,’ an she whipped me nightie off. ‘Here, put this on!’ an she put a summer frock over me head. It was lighter than me nightdress. Then she put a pair of sandals on me feet, an I stood up. ‘Here, put yer arm out,’ an she put a rubber raincoat on me. It was all cold an damp, an I was cold in it.

  ‘I don’t like this coat, Ma. Where’s me new coat?’

  ‘Tha’s all I could get!’ me ma said, an she was in very bad humour. ‘I’ve no knickers or vest fer ye. An I couldn’t get ye a hat or a pair of socks, but ye can wear me head scarf. It will keep yer head warm.’

  I walked out the door wit me ma, an I didn’t say goodbye te anyone. I knew now I didn’t belong here any more, an no one would have anythin te say te me, cos I wasn’t one of them. I take a size nine in a shoe, me ma says, an these sandals were a size one. So they were too big fer me. An they kept slippin off me feet. By the time we got outa the hospital grounds an walked down James’s Street an onta Thomas Street, I was shiverin wit the cold. It was tea time, an everyone was rushin home from work te get outa the dark rainin night. The shops had their Christmas decorations up, an the windas were blinkin on an off wit the fairy lights. I couldn’t keep up wit me ma’s rushin. An she was tryin te pull me along by the hand. ‘No, Ma! The sandals are cuttin me feet. I can’t walk in these.’ We both looked down at me feet. The sandals was miles too big fer me, an me feet was already raw an wet. ‘Can we not take the bus!’ I asked her.