Retreat Again (The Retreat Series Book 2)

by Christina Benjamin

  “Olivia.” Alex whispered her name and she felt her body come alive, her core heating and yearning for his touch. “I know things are complicated. And I know we’ve only known each other a few days.” He lightly caressed her face, kissing her temple so gently she thought she’d imagined it. “But, when I thought something had happened to you . . . it put things in perspective for me.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I couldn’t imagine not having you in my life.”

  “Alex . . .”

  “I’m in love with you, Olivia.”

  The words stole her breath. “Alex, you don’t even know me.”

  “I know everything I need to. You make me feel things I’ve never felt. You challenge me. You inspire me. You make me want to be a better person.”

  Tears were spilling from Olivia’s eyes. Alex, the man of her dreams, was saying everything she’d ever dared to wish for. But he didn’t know the real her. He was in love with the girl she’d let him see. Not the damaged shell of a woman who was just learning how to stand on her own two feet again.

  How could she ask him to love that version of her, when she was barely figuring out how to herself?

  “Alex, I haven’t even told you everything yet.”

  “I don’t care. Nothing can change the way I feel about you, Liv.”

  “But my life is a mess, Alex.”

  “I know that, but I want to be a part of it.”

  “I’m not sure if you know what that means.”

  “Then tell me. If it makes you feel better, tell me everything, Olivia. Your darkest fears, your most private secrets, your hopes and dreams . . . everything. But I promise you, it won’t change how I feel about you.”

  Olivia averted her eyes. She wanted so badly to tell him she loved him too, because she did. But she loved him so much that she feared she might ruin him by dragging him into her painful past that she was still struggling with.

  “Look at me, Liv.”

  She did.

  “I know you’re scared to let me in. And until I met you I was the same way. But losing people is what brought us together. And we’ve got to stop holding onto that pain or it’s going to drown us. We have a choice, Liv. We can let go. And it doesn’t mean we’re forgetting or accepting what happened. It just means we’re choosing ourselves. We’re choosing to live. Because we’re the only ones who can.” Alex paused to cup Olivia’s face gently between his hands. “I love you, Olivia. And all I want to know, the reason I flew here, is to ask you if you think you could ever love me, too?”

  Olivia stared into Alex’s vulnerable green eyes, her heart in her throat, and she fell. She let go of everything that had been holding her back—the guilt, the pain, the regret. She let it all go and let herself fall in love with the man sitting next to her. The one holding her shaking hands in his warm steady ones, asking her to love him. She already did, she just never dreamed he’d love her back.

  There was so much Olivia wanted to say. Her heart was swelling and she thought she might burst with joy, but she couldn’t find the words. She’d never been good with words, but there were other ways in which she and Alex had no trouble communicating. Olivia ran a trembling hand up Alex’s muscled arm. She inched closer to him as her fingers slipped up his neck into his thick brown hair. His eyes closed as he leaned into her touch. Olivia brushed her lips against his and in an instant his restraint broke.

  Alex was everywhere and she couldn’t get enough of him. He pushed her back onto the bed and they tore at each other’s clothes like they were suffocating. They were naked in seconds, but Olivia still couldn’t press herself close enough to Alex. Her hands slid greedily over his abdomen, his muscles like rigid cords under her touch. She dragged a deep groan from him as her fingers found what they were looking for. He didn’t waste any time with teasing. Alex lifted her hips and plunged his throbbing length inside her, deep and hard.

  Olivia threw her head back in ecstasy, swearing as each thrust from Alex began to echo through her body. The world narrowed as Alex’s strokes increased. He plunged in and out panting her name as they wrung every ounce of pleasure from each other.

  Olivia and Alex talked and made love all day. She finally told him everything and to her astonishment, he only seemed to love her more, telling her how strong and brave she was to have survived so much. Olivia knew there was still so much to figure out. But as the sun set, and she drifted to sleep in Alex’s arms watching the city lights wink to life, something he said floated back to her.

  “We don’t have to have it all figured out right now. All that matters is that we figure it out together.”

  Together.

  Olivia didn’t think she’d ever loved a word so much.

  Olivia awoke warm and stiff limbed, bathed in the late morning light that filtered in between buildings. She was still wrapped in Alex’s embrace and sighed at the strange comfort it brought her. An unexpected sensation settled over Olivia as she lay in Alex’s arms listening to the sounds of the city she loved. She felt like she was home. This was where she belonged. Right here, in this city, in this man’s arms. And in that instant she knew what she wanted. She saw her future so clearly it was as if it were a destination. A smile tugged at her face as she snuggled closer to Alex and woke him by trailing kisses down his chest.

  A low growl rumbled through him and suddenly his strong arms were around Olivia’s waist, flipping her onto her back.

  “Morning,” Alex said, his voice drowsy and sexy as hell.

  He started his own trail of kisses down Olivia’s breast, slowly circling her nipples as he moved further down her stomach. Her hips bucked as his tongue slid inside her. She moaned her approval and fisted the sheets to keep herself tied to reality. But in seconds, Alex had her racing toward the edge of oblivion. And soon after, she lay limp in his arms, wishing for nothing more than to never leave his apartment.

  Chapter 44

  Alex

  Alex was at his easel working on a painting when Olivia finally got out of bed. They’d spent most of the morning indulging in each other and when Olivia’s stomach gave a loud rumble, Alex demanded she release him—at least long enough to run to the bakery on the corner for bagels and coffee.

  Olivia had been fast asleep when he returned. She looked so peaceful he couldn’t bring himself to wake her. Instead he sipped his coffee and started painting.

  Alex pulled his ear buds out when Olivia padded over wearing nothing but his Ramones t-shirts. It was ginormous on her, but somehow, the sexiest thing he’d ever seen.

  “Good morning, angel,” he crooned as she came up behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist.

  “Morning,” she murmured.

  Alex turned around in her arms and kissed her.

  Olivia sighed. “Ooo, you smell like coffee.”

  Alex handed her his mug from the windowsill and she took a greedy slurp and practically hummed in delight. “There’s more in the kitchen,” he said. “Bagels too.”

  “Great!”

  Olivia trotted to the kitchen counter and poured herself a coffee while toasting the bagels. She returned with a plate full of piping hot bagels slathered in cream cheese. They sat on the windowsill, their backs warmed by the glass, as they enjoyed their breakfast.

  “What are you working on?” Olivia asked, gesturing to the canvas.

  “Bon Iver,” he said, passing her his ear buds.

  She listened and smiled. “It’s beautiful.”

  “Thanks. I’ve fallen a bit behind. I should’ve had it done last week,” he said studying the canvas. When he looked back at Olivia, he noticed a sullen expression had settled over her face like a shadow.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked setting down his coffee.

  “Your art . . . it’s everything, Alex. I don’t ever want to get in the way. I’d feel awful if I jeopardized your career.”

  “Come here,” Alex said, pulling Olivia onto his lap. “Listen to me, because this is very important, okay?”

&
nbsp; Olivia nodded.

  “I don’t need art to be happy, Olivia. I only need you.”

  Her eyes began to water, but a huge smile lit her face as she kissed him.

  “I’ve been thinking about something,” she said.

  “Oh yeah?” he grinned. “Tell me everything!”

  “Well, you know how I have to go back to LA in a few days to finish the semester?”

  “Ugh, don’t remind me,” Alex whined burying his face in her neck beginning to tickle her as she tried to squirm away.

  “It’s only for ten weeks,” she said between giggles.

  “Aren’t you going to miss me?” he teased.

  “Yes! So much so that I’ve decided I’m going to move back to New York when I graduate.”

  Alex stopped moving. “Are you serious?” He tried to hide the swelling hope from his voice but it was useless. He was sure he looked like a kid on Christmas morning.

  “Yes.”

  Alex didn’t know what to say. A million happy expressions raced through his head but for some reason the first thing he said was, “Where are you going to live?”

  Olivia looked caught off guard. “I don’t know. I haven’t really thought that far. Probably with my cousin, Bex, I guess.”

  “Oh,” Alex said, crestfallen.

  “Why?”

  “Well, I was hoping you’d want to live here, with me?”

  Chapter 45

  Olivia

  Olivia was on her feet. “Are you asking me to move in with you?” she asked cautiously.

  Alex stood. He was shifting nervously. “Do you want to move in with me?” he asked with an uncertainty that made Olivia feel as though she’d just backed him into a corner.

  “Only if you want me to,” she said quietly.

  A huge grin flashed across Alex’s face. It was the kind that showed his rare dimples and made her knees feel mushy.

  Christ! Could she even handle living with him?

  The thought made her shiver with excitement—24/7 access to Alex and his sexiness.

  How would she ever get anything done?

  They’d be too busy tearing clothes off each other to ever leave the loft. The idea flustered her in the best way possible.

  While she’d been daydreaming about Alex’s flawless body on top of hers he’d disappeared. Olivia turned around to find him digging through a kitchen drawer.

  “What are you doing?” she called.

  “Hold on. It’s in here somewhere . . . ah ha!” he exclaimed. “Close your eyes.”

  “Why?”

  “Come on, Liv. Play along!”

  Alex sounded like an excited child and his enthusiasm was infectious. “Okay.” Olivia sighed, covering her eyes.

  “No peeking,” Alex called.

  Olivia jumped when she felt him take her hand. “Open your eyes.”

  When she did, Alex was down on one knee holding a key out to her.

  “Olivia Crain, will you make me the happiest man in SoHo and do me the honor of moving into this lonely loft with me?”

  She giggled. “You’re serious?”

  The joking smile faded from Alex’s face. “I’m more than serious. I’m madly in love with you, Liv. I want to share this apartment with you, I want to share my life with you, I want everything with you.”

  Olivia was trembling with happiness. She searched her heart for excuses, but for once, all she felt was ready.

  “I want that too,” she whispered.

  Alex began to slip the key ring onto her finger. “Are you sure?” he asked halfway.

  “Yes!” Olivia cried, thrusting her finger through the shiny silver hoop.

  Alex scooped her into his arms and swung her around the room until she was dizzy with laughter. They collapsed onto his bed and made love until blissful exhaustion dragged them under.

  The shrill ringing of Olivia’s cell phone woke her a few hours later. She cleared her throat and tried not to sound like she’d spent the day having the best sex of her life. “Hello.”

  Bex’s voice boomed through the phone. “Hey! Where are you?”

  “I’m with Alex.”

  “Still!”

  “Yes. Why? Is everything all right?”

  “Yeah, I think so. But Grand has called a mandatory family dinner tonight at Dad’s.”

  “Really?” Olivia’s heart dropped. “Did something happen to Gran?”

  “No. I was with her this morning and she seemed great. Meaner than ever actually. She kicked me out and told me to stop hanging around bothering her.”

  Olivia laughed. “Well, she certainly sounds like herself.”

  “Yeah. So anyway, meet at my parents’ place, 7:00. Oh and Grand said to bring Alex.”

  “Really?” Olivia was shocked. Family meetings were rare and never extended to non-family members.

  “Hey, I’m just the messenger.”

  “Okay.”

  “See ya, Cuz.”

  “Bye,” Olivia said disconnecting the call.

  “Who was that?” Alex asked from the bed.

  “My cousin.”

  “Everything all right?”

  “Yes, but we’ve apparently been invited to dinner.”

  “Sweet!” Alex said. “I’m starving. You’ve been running me ragged,” he teased tugging her back into bed. “What’s wrong,” he asked noting her tense expression.

  “It’s just strange. Bex said my grandfather wants you at family dinner. He’s super protective when it comes to letting strangers in.”

  “Well I’m hardly a stranger,” Alex joked. “We live together now.”

  “I know, but my cousin Brooks wasn’t allowed to bring her boyfriend, Keller, who she dated for five years, until they were engaged.”

  “Well it’s a good thing we’re engaged then.”

  Olivia felt her eyes bulge. “Alex, this isn’t a real engagement,” she said picking up the key ring and waggling it at him.

  He sat up and pulled her close to him. “Were the words we spoke to each other real? Was our commitment to share a life together real?”

  “Yes!” Olivia exclaimed. “Of course. I didn’t mean to diminish it at all. Alex, what you said to me . . . I’ve never dreamed anyone could make me feel so loved. And this would be all I’d ever need,” she said slipping the key ring onto her finger. “But my grandfather is old-fashioned.”

  Alex kissed her forehead. “It’s okay to be nervous, Liv. But honestly I don’t think anyone in your family will have an objection to your happiness, no matter what form it comes in.”

  Olivia sighed, knowing Alex was right and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Okay, well are you ready to go meet my family?” she asked.

  “I think we should probably put some clothes on,” he joked.

  “Come on, smart ass.”

  After showering, dressing in yesterday’s clothes and trying to tame her hair without any products, Olivia was feeling more than a little stressed about dinner. But when she came out of the bathroom and saw Alex waiting for her in a dress shirt, blazer and jeans, all her worries vanished.

  How could she be unsure of anything when she had Alex by her side?

  Olivia tugged on her borrowed boots and held out her hand to him. “Ready?”

  Alex studied her, putting his hand on his chin and feigning scrutiny. “Something’s missing,” he said.

  “Yeah, clean underwear and hair products,” she joked.

  “No, that’s not it.”

  “Alex! Come on, I don’t want to be late.”

  “Ah ha!” he said, pulling a paintbrush from his back pocket. “Give me your hand,” he commanded.

  Olivia rolled her eyes and let Alex take her left hand. She watched him dip the brush into a coffee mug he’d stashed nearby. Her eyes grew in astonishment as he traced a thin band of paint around her ring finger—blue paint. But not just any blue—robin’s egg blue.

  Their blue.

  When Alex completed the circle he blew on it and kissed her knuckles, grin
ning at her. “Now you have a proper ring. Or at least the best I could do on short notice.”

  Tears welled in Olivia’s eyes. “It’s perfect,” she whispered. “You’re perfect.”

  Alex kissed away her tears and took her hand. “Come on, angel. Let’s go meet your family.”

  Chapter 46

  Alex

  Dinner at Olivia’s uncle’s house was wonderful. It seemed the family dinner had been called to celebrate a joyous occasion—Cassidy was out of the hospital. Olivia nearly collapsed when they walked into the dining room and she saw her grandmother lounging at the head of the table.

  “Surprise!” Cassidy called holding up a glass of gin.

  The whole family was there—aunts, uncles, cousins, parents, grandparents. Alex had never experienced a dinner like that before. Growing up, his family dinners had consisted of stale cheese puffs or cold TV dinners while his dad got drunk or his mom got high.

  But dinner with the Crains’ was something else entirely. The food was endless and conversation never stopped. Questions and teasing and laughter reverberated through Jacob and Margot’s penthouse dining room, making Alex’s head spin. But he found he loved every minute of boisterous chaos—their voices creating a colorful waltz that only he could see. But what he loved most of all, was being there with Olivia.

  Her face was bright and full of laughter. She was comfortable around her family—more at ease than he’d seen her—not second-guessing her words or actions. Alex was seeing a new side of Olivia, and he loved it. He especially loved how she kept reaching for his hand under the table and giving him apologetic grins when her cousins started grilling him.

  “How about we let Alex enjoy his meal?” Margot reprimanded, shooting her daughters a motherly warning glance.