Changing Us

by Brooklyn Taylor

  “He was your knight in shining armor. And he immediately wanted to be with you. It was so obvious that a stranger could have pegged it.”

  “And you tried to block it.” I loved to remind Shay of her attempt to keep Ford to herself. Well … really, he was never hers, but she had hoped he would be. The popular girl falling in love with the star running back. Match made in heaven. Instead, he ended up in love with the girl who was sent to Humble that was not only lost but lacked trust.

  “I swear you are going to bring that up when we are seventy years old.”

  “Probably.”

  *****

  Shay left an hour later, and I got busy in the kitchen preparing dinner with a smile on my face. I was lucky, wasn’t I? And she was right; I need to talk to Ford and put my mind at ease.

  Dinner was ready and waiting for Ford and me at exactly seven o’clock. He had a few teacher conferences after school today, which was inconvenient since I had just finished school.

  Seven thirty came and went, and I paced the floors, wondering what was taking him so long. I had called his phone five times and got his voicemail. I had texted him three times with no response.

  My phone rang, and the loudness of the ring in the otherwise silent house startled me. I seemed to always have something playing—an audio book, TV or radio—needing some type of sound to distract me from my thoughts. But not today.

  I answer on the third ring already a little shaken.

  “May I speak to Mrs. Kelly please?”

  “Speaking.”

  “This is Dr. Pelker. I’m calling because I have admitted your husband to Rockwall Hospital. He …”

  “What? What? Is he okay? What happened?” I hoped that the words I managed to get out made sense.

  “At the moment, he is stable, but asleep so I wanted to inform you of the update.”

  “Update? Wait, what? Update on what? When did he get there?”

  “He had an appointment today at one o’clock during his lunch hour and had a seizure in the office. I thought it would be best to admit him, observe him, and do a follow-up scan on his head to check the growth of the tumor.”

  I was speechless. The word “tumor” stuck me like a hot poker over and over.

  “I’m on my way.”

  “He is in room 282. Have the nurse page me when you arrive, and I will get by to talk to you. Hopefully, he will be awake so we can discuss his health.”

  “Of course.”

  “Mrs. Kelly, were you aware that he had consulted with an oncologist for radiation? It is our first attempt to shrink the tumor.”

  “No …” The words rolled off the doctor’s tongue as if I would’ve known the information. I couldn’t very well say I wasn’t aware of that or the fact that my husband had a seizure. How many had he had that I didn’t know about? Why would he keep such a life-threatening thing from me? That wasn’t helping me, that was hurting me. He was doing the same fucking thing that Thad did, and it pissed me off to no end. Why did the people I love have to leave me?

  “It’s really best that we attack this as aggressively as we can. He is far too young, but the head injuries have done a job on his brain. Seizures are a sign that …”

  “Thank you, Doctor, for your time, and I am heading that way. I should be there in ten minutes tops.”

  Hitting end on my phone and staring off into the distance made me feel that my intuition was right on. My husband had a brain tumor, and somehow, someway, we were going to get through this because there was no way in hell I was losing him. It wasn’t acceptable, and I was not going to let it happen. That is what I tried to convince myself as the tears fell down my face anyway.

  Chapter 6

  Ford

  I buzzed the nurse’s station, asking for my phone so I could call Elise and tell her where I was. I knew she was going to be worried and pissed once I told her what I knew and kept from her. I prayed she understood I had the best of intentions, but I knew I’d hurt her nevertheless.

  Although I would never tell her if I could, I knew it was time. Dr. Pelker had said I needed to start radiation, and I hadn’t moved as quickly as I probably should have. I had a feeling things weren’t going as we had hoped because my head had started to hurt more. I had met with Dr. Chen, and he was ready to start the radiation treatments, but I was delaying it out of fear. I was a grown man scared to face what could possibly not make me any better, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to know.

  A few minutes later, Elise came walking in, wearing a look of anger and disappointment. She walked right up to my bed and looked at me like she had seen a ghost, pale white.

  Her mannerisms showed she was mad, but her eyes showed she was scared. I could only imagine what mine looked like because the amount of fear I had was small compared to the reality that my life could be short. This wasn’t a novel, or a TV program, or on the news channel. It was me staring me right in the face.

  People always said what would you do if … well, this wasn’t something you could plan for.

  She leaned in and kissed me, and I watched as she closed her eyes, but I was not sure if out of disgust, frustration, habit, or fear.

  “I love you, Ford Kelly, but I am so fucking mad at you right now.”

  She said fuck, so she really was pissed. Although I would be lying if I didn’t say I didn’t love hearing it come out of her mouth.

  “I know you are.”

  “Why? How could you?” she asked as she took my hand and sat on the right side of my bed.

  “Elise, I was just trying to …”

  “Bullshit. You think I am weak, and I can’t handle it.”

  I pulled my hand back from hers, starting to feel my own anger.

  “I don’t want to put you through anything more than you have already been through. I fell in love with you to spend the rest of my life with you. I wanted to spend our years getting old, not letting you see … not me making it past thirty, God willing.” I had started tear up for the first time while talking about this out loud.

  “How long have you known?”

  I had dreaded this question, but I knew I couldn’t lie any longer. “Since the day after my last football game.”

  She looked down at the ground then back at me, taking my hand.

  “We will fight this and …”

  “That’s just the thing, baby. It won’t be we. It is me fighting it.”

  She stood, needing to put some distance between us, and walked away before turning back to me.

  “Not we?” Her voice was loud with frustration.

  “That’s not what I meant …”

  “It is we! I am a part of you. Don’t you get that? You are my husband. I love you more than words. You are the only man I have ever trusted and believed in other than my brother, and you tell me there is no we? Do you not think I will be by your side every day taking care of you? Love isn’t only for good times but the bad too … You should know that.”

  “I—” Before able to mutter a sentence, she interrupted.

  “This isn’t about just you. We are together through better and worse. Till death do us part.”

  “And for me … that …”

  “Don’t you dare utter those fucking words.”

  She walked back over to me, and I watched as she tried to hold it together. I had always thought my mother was a strong woman, but Elise … she was the definition. My guilt from not sharing this with her was starting to sharpen. Maybe I had it all wrong.

  “Hello, hello, folks.” I looked at the door and saw Dr. Pelker walking in. Elise turned to him to shake his hand.

  “I’m Elise Kelly. Nice to meet you.”

  “Hi, Dr. Pelker, Ford’s neurosurgeon. So let’s discuss what’s going on, Ford.”

  Elise walked around to the other side of the bed while the doctor stood in the space she had previously occupied.

  Dr. Pelker started explaining and going over things I had previously known, words that I have heard over and over again in my head.
r />   “Elise, as I said earlier, your husband has a tumor. We are unsure of the type because we weren’t able to get enough for pathology. It is in a part of his brain and growing in his brain tissue. We can’t immediately resect because we aren’t sure what part of it is healthy brain tissue and what isn’t. This in and of itself is too dangerous. So like I informed Ford, our first step is radiation. He has already had his consult with Dr. Chen, an oncologist, to get this started.”

  I looked over to see what her face was doing, and her beautiful lips were puckering up trying to fight tears. She didn’t look as angry anymore but rather upset, or possibly disappointed that I wouldn’t rely on her to help me. One in the same really at this point.

  “Obviously, this is a major undertaking in such a young man. The hope was that Ford would take his prescribed medicine, and the headaches would be relieved, and we could follow the tumor and monitor the seizures. We had hoped that the radiation would be started, and we could see if it would shrink any— then we will move on to the next steps which would be chemo, and finally surgery.”

  “Is it can—”

  “We do not know at this point. A tumor is never good. And obviously, we don’t want to see any growths around the brain. We are hoping to control the seizures, decrease the pressure on the brain, do the radiation, and go from there. With it being a tumor, whether it is cancer or not really doesn’t matter at this point because we will treat it the same, for now anyway.”

  Elise turned to me and held her eyes on me as she listened to Dr. Pelker’s words. No one in their right mind would think or believe that this was just a small obstacle we could overcome.

  “Ford, as we have discussed several times, we believe the cause of the issues you are having now are due to the numerous concussions you had growing up from playing football. More and more athletes are being diagnosed with this, and unfortunately, years ago, we didn’t know what we know today. Frankly, your parents or coaches should have pulled you after two concussions, and you shouldn’t have continued to play.”

  “I have had headaches and pains all over my body since roughly ninth grade when the guys hitting me were large as hell.” I added.

  The doctor gave me another look of disgust, and Elise looked at the doctor then Ford.

  “I would like you to stay overnight tonight just for observation, and then I will release you in the morning. Ford, it is imperative that you see me in the office before the end of the week for a follow-up. This is something that cannot be taken lightly. Also, I will be calling Dr. Chen to see if I can push up your appointments for radiation since your symptoms are worsening. Day by day is how we need to approach this for now …”

  “It will not be taken lightly, sir. I will be at all his future appointments, so we can do whatever we need to do to get my husband better.”

  “Ford and Elise, I want you to understand the seriousness of this condition, but I also want you to understand that it is not hopeless. It is possible we can treat this tumor with medicine. Many of my patients eventually have minimal headaches and come off their medications after the tumor shrinks or is removed. We just have to hope for the best, treat as aggressively as possible, stay persistent, and above all else, don’t take a single day for granted.”

  His last sentence caught my attention, and I looked at him, taking in his words.

  “I …” I started to answer him, and Ford took my hand. “We will live each day, Dr. Pelker.”

  “That isn’t just advice I give patients in the hospital with an unsure prognosis. I tell every patient that. I also have it on my office wall. We all should live by it.”

  “Absolutely, and I intend to.”

  “And I intend to make sure we do,” Elise responded.

  “Nice to meet you, Elise. I will drop by in the morning before discharge.”

  “Thank you,” I responded.

  As Dr. Pelker walked out, it dawned on me that before we went to the justice of the peace, Ford had asked me if I was sure I wanted to follow through with the wedding. He knew what was going on then and was thinking of me.

  I smiled at him as tears fill my eyes.

  Things would be okay. I would not accept anything else.

  Elise

  Ford was discharged from the hospital two weeks ago. He was working some but not nearly as much. I worked a short shift this afternoon, but it was more for me than for the coffee shop. I needed to get out of the apartment.

  We were newlyweds and should be celebrating our lives together, or better yet, we should be putting the things we planned into motion and moving back to Humble.

  Our lives should become easier, but right now, it was anything but.

  I hung my apron on the shelf in the small stock room and took a deep breath, praying for patience when I got home.

  “Bye, Nicole. I’ll see you next shift.”

  “See ya, Elise.”

  I walked to my Jeep in the small parking lot beside the building and saw a dozen roses sitting on the windshield.

  Lifting the roses, I brought them immediately to my nose to smell.

  The small card was positioned within the flowers,

  “I’m sorry for being a pain in your ass lately. Let me treat you to dinner at our favorite Mexican food restaurant. I’ll meet you there. I love you.

  Your husband.”

  With a smile as big as my mouth would allow, I head to meet Ford.

  *****

  Ford

  I sat in Pablo’s, waiting for Elise to arrive. I hoped that she liked the roses I had left on her Jeep for a start of my apology.

  I had already had a beer and was ready for another but debated on it since the medicine I was on would make me tired sooner rather than later.

  The day I met Elise for the first time crosses my mind, and I couldn’t help but smile. She had changed my life so abruptly with just her smile. I was hooked, and I knew nothing would get between us.

  I pulled up to the Riley farm with a smile on my face ready to get my day started. I got out of my truck and slipped on some work boots that my dad had insisted I wear. They looked brand new. I laughed, thinking he must have gone out and bought them or had them. He would never wear them since being out on a farm wasn’t his idea of a good time. He preferred a suit to jeans any day, which was lucky for my mother since she was the same way.

  I walked toward the barn to a voice that was humming, and admittedly, my curiosity got the better of me.

  In the barn, I found an unfamiliar girl attempting to milk a cow and struggling pathetically. The girl couldn’t carry a tune but not from lack of trying. She looked extremely out of her element trying to do her best but failing miserably.

  I stood back and observed her frustrations. I knew very little about how to run a farm, but she seemed to be downright confused.

  I leaned up against the barn door and listened to her trying to make heads or tails of what she was humming until it suddenly came to me.

  I joined in and began whistling along with her, and she jumped. She kicked over the bucket, and I watched the milk spill on the hay. “Dammit! For all that is holy!”

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you.” But not really. I laughed.

  She stood to brush herself off, along with wipe the remainder of the milk and hay that were on her clothes and face.

  She stomped over to me but stopped before getting too close. “What do you want?” she snapped at me. She put her hand on her hip.

  “Nothing!” I stuck my hand out to shake hers. “I’m Ford.”

  She looked down at my hand and smirked, leaving my hand hanging.

  “What can I help you with?” She demanded.

  “Well, since you are clearly not from around here, we like to introduce ourselves first. It’s polite.” I smiled at her.

  She rolled her eyes unimpressed.

  Terry came walking around the corner, huffing like he was already losing his breath.

  “Oh, Ford! I see you found Elise.” He looked at me and then bac
k at her. “What in all of Hades happened to you?” He laughed a beat then realized she wasn’t happy and cleared his throat.

  “So it’s Elise. Nice to meet you.”

  Terry sensed the tense air. It was thick enough to cut.

  “Anyway, Elise, this is a friend of mine. He is looking for some work, and I really need the help, as you know. I won’t be able to keep up what I am doing, and school will only give you so much time.”

  “Actually, I’m not looking for work. This is my dad’s idea of punishing me.” I winked, showing her how concerned I was.

  She seemed far less interested in me than I was in her.

  I spoke up, ignoring her agitation. “Where would you like me to start?”

  “I’ll show you around the grounds, and then we can figure out what you can help with. I know you are new to all this, but so is ...”

  She spoke up. “I’ll manage.”

  This girl was clearly a hothead, and stubborn, and most importantly, incredibly intriguing. And did I mention beautiful? I had never seen a girl look so attractive in boots and a baseball cap. And covered in milk

  She was another reason I would love my time here.

  I wanted to be on the top of my game tonight, to make it up to my wife for being an asshole and not letting her know what she had every right to know.

  I spotted her immediately as she’s taking her hair down while walking in. When she looked at me, meeting me eye to eye, I could tell she was pleased that I was waiting in our booth.

  I stood to greet her, bringing her in for a hug and a kiss. It wasn’t our normal peck from lately but rather a passionate kiss that shared some of my want for her. She needed to feel, and I had failed in showing it to her while wallowing in my pity.

  She slid into the booth, and I sat beside her. I waved the waitress over and ordered her a Mexican martini and us a queso before speaking or begging for forgiveness.

  I had my arm around her just like I always did when we sat in a booth. We always sat on the same side rather than across from each other and had ever since the first time we sat in a booth together. I wasn’t really sure how we had fallen into that pattern, but we had.