Go Long

by Joanna Blake

  In that moment, I had not cared about anything but the feeling of our two bodies pressed together. But now I felt stupid. Stupid and worried.

  There was only one thing to do.

  I went into my room and looked up the local women's clinic. There was one on campus but that felt too close to home. What if my dad saw me walking into it?

  No, the place downtown would be perfect. They could do a test or give me the morning after pill. I could take that a week later right? I better get checked for STD's too. Oh God, he could have anything!

  The way Kyle was in bed... he must have had dozens of girls. More!

  I groaned. Why did my first time have to be with such a player? He knew his way around the bedroom, that was obvious. I had a sudden feeling he had lost count of how many women he'd slept with.

  I forced myself to calm down. Maybe he was clean. He seemed like a proactive guy, for a caveman. It didn't matter now though anyway. What's done was done. There was no point in freaking out about it. I just had to make sure it didn't happen again. I was too ashamed to even tell Betsy. She would freak. If there's one thing she believed in, it was safe sex.

  And lots of it.

  I sat up for hours, working on my independent study. I forced myself to concentrate, but it wasn't easy. At last I crawled into bed around 2 and fell into a deep sleep.

  Chapter Eight

  Kyle

  I stretched subtly, leaning back in my seat. The chairs in my English Lit lecture hall were painfully small. I looked around at all the kids in the class with me. Lots of short girls and skinny guys. Even the fit students were kind of... scrawny looking.

  Actually, I was just bigger than the average student. A lot bigger. I caught a guy staring at me and stared back. He looked away nervously.

  Yeah, I was a shark in a room full of guppies.

  Either way, the seat was damn uncomfortable.

  I fiddled with my phone, more restless than usual. The professor's voice was grating on my nerves. I wasn't a huge fan of English Lit but I could usually pay attention.

  Not today.

  Hell, the past few weeks had seemed to inch by painfully. The only time I felt any sense of purpose of all was at practice. Because of her.

  I stared at my text messages, willing her to write back. Belinda had been ignoring my texts. They were commands really.

  Enough is enough Belinda

  Come to my room tonight Belinda

  I've had enough of this Belinda

  Take your clothes off and get in my bed Belinda

  I frowned. I had sent that last one just this morning. She was not responding to the direct approach. It was time I tried a new tactic. I was going to woo her.

  I pecked out a new text, certain that this one would do the trick.

  Let me take you out tonight B, I want to talk.

  Almost immediately I was rewarded by a soft ping. Heads swiveled and I turned my phone onto silent. But I was fucking psyched. Finally, she had written back.

  I told you not to call me.

  I grinned and pecked out a response. It wasn't the exact answer I wanted (Yes! Take me now!), but at least she was writing back. I could almost see her rolling her eyes as she read it.

  I didn't call you. I'm texting.

  Silence.

  My phone vibrated.

  What do you want Kyle?

  I didn't have to think about what to say. I didn't even hesitate. I just wrote back three little letters.

  You

  She didn't respond to that one. But I could feel her thinking. I had a strong suspicion she was biting her lip.

  She might not say yes to dinner tonight, but she would say yes soon. To everything. I had a long list of requests once I got back in her good graces.

  I would wine and dine her. Send flowers. Whatever it took. I'd even buy her some fancy underwear and let her model it for me.

  Oh yeah, wooing her was going to be fun.

  Belinda

  It had been almost three weeks now since I walked out of Kyle's dorm room. No matter what I did, he was not giving up. He was definitely not going away. He was texting me daily. And it was wearing me down. Especially since he'd even started to sound like a human being today.

  It scared me how tempted I'd been to do what he asked.

  Not just today either. I was tempted to everything he asked. Bend over Belinda. Take your clothes off Belinda. Ride me Belinda.

  I shivered, my skin breaking out in goosebumps. The little voice inside me piped up, whispering. Give in. It will feel so good. It will feel right.

  But that wasn't exactly true either. I wanted him, yes. But on my terms. A normal relationship.

  The only problem with that was, I wasn't allowed to have a relationship. There were rules in my house, and breaking them would unleash my father's wrath in a major way. Huge. Epic even. I tucked my phone into my bag and pulled on my jacket.

  I was damn tired of men bossing me around, that was for sure.

  I left my work-study at the Dean's office and headed for the front door. I stopped suddenly, clamping my hand over my mouth as my stomach rolled over. Then I ran.

  I barely made it to the bathroom before I was bent over, hurling up the remnants of my breakfast. It tasted sour, like cereal mixed with pickle juice. Ugh, that's so nasty. That thought earned an extra set of heaves. I puked until there was nothing left in my stomach.

  I sat back on my heels, wiping my mouth. I felt perfectly fine. Huh. That was weird. Just like that, it was over.

  Food poisoning didn't go away that fast, did it?

  I was splashing my face when it hit me. I'd never gotten my test. I'd stuck my head in the sand and hoped for the best.

  It wasn't food poisoning.

  Pregnant women threw up.

  No no no no.

  This could not be happening. It's not that I didn't want kids. I did. Two or three of them. But I wasn't even out of college yet. Not to mention the baby's father was a bit of a Neanderthal.

  Relax Belinda. It might be a false alarm. A bug going around.

  I stared into the mirror. My shirt looked tight over my breasts. I touched them gingerly and winced. They were sore. More than when I had my period. My lips were puffy. There was a softness in my eyes and around my nose.

  I had a very strong feeling that this was not a false alarm. I covered my face with my hands, unable to even look at myself in the mirror.

  I rarely cussed but this seemed like a good time to start.

  "Shit!"

  Chapter Nine

  Kyle

  I rode the bench, eager to get into the game. It was the first game of the season and I had everything to prove. My future on the team and beyond was all depending on this. I was full of pent up energy. Anger. Frustration. Oh yeah, and lust.

  Lots and lots of lust.

  The object of my lust was less than twenty feet away, sitting with her mom as they watched the game. She looked prim and proper with her jacket buttoned up to the neck. Her mother and her had a cute little blanket over their knees and a picnic basket.

  Apparently, they never missed a game.

  My eyes were drawn to her over and over throughout the first two quarters. She was studiously ignoring me. I could actually feel her not looking at me.

  I stood and stretched, hoping I was going in soon. We had a good team. But today, the other team was better. We were losing. And if we were losing, it was unlikely Coach would play me.

  Not until the point of no return.

  In the fourth quarter, I finally got my chance.

  Coach gave me the nod as I took the field. These were mostly first string guys so they barely knew me, but they took my play and ran with it.

  After ten minutes the look in their eyes had changed. They were eager for my plays. I was taking a little creative license, using tactics we used in the field to avoid getting shot. Or blown up.

  And it was working.

  We had made our way up the field steadily, despite the opposing te
ams intimidating defense. Now was our chance to score. But I wasn't going to do it. We were.

  I clapped and we took our spots.

  The whistle blew and I tossed the ball sideways. Then I ran backwards a few feet. The ball landed back in my hands.

  Then I threw it.

  Another player caught it and he tossed it sideways. The player who caught it last was the fastest on the team. He was the end game for the play. He took the ball and ran.

  And he scored.

  The next time we got the ball, we did it again.

  The crowd was going absolutely apeshit as we turned the game around, driving back the visiting team despite insurmountable odds. I was a Marine. We didn't give up. We couldn't. And the team was right there with me. By the end of the quarter we had done the unthinkable.

  We'd won.

  The crowd went apeshit, screaming and cheering. The team hoisted me up on their shoulders, carrying me around the field.

  I looked towards the stands, hoping to see my woman. I saw a glimpse of red hair and grinned.

  Speaking of insurmountable... yeah, I was not giving up on that either.

  Bellie and her mother had left already by the time the guys set me down again. As soon as I got into the locker room I texted her, hoping she would celebrate with me. She had to be impressed. I'd done the impossible. With my team, of course. It was a group effort. But still, it was one hell of a debut.

  Meet me.

  I showered and toweled off, smiling as my back was slapped repeatedly. As soon as I was dry I checked my phone, my mood deflating.

  Belinda had written back but it was a far cry from what I'd been hoping for (something along the lines of 'take me stud'). She said exactly one word. The only word I did not want to hear.

  No.

  Belinda

  He wouldn't stop staring at me. His eyes were two icy blue laser beams burning into me with their intensity. That's what I was thinking the entire game. Somebody was going to notice that Kyle kept looking over his shoulder like that.

  My dad was going to notice.

  I closed my eyes, praying that it was just a guilty conscious that was making me so nervous. And lord knows I had enough to feel guilty about. Now I had two secrets from everyone I loved.

  And one from Kyle.

  A big one. Really big. Huge.

  A baby.

  I'd gone to the clinic just a few days ago. I could still see the nurse. Hear her telling me it was far too late for the morning after pill. If I wanted to end the pregnancy, I'd have to end the pregnancy the hard way. A D&C or chemical abortion was the only route left to me.

  Neither sounded very good. I'd felt revulsion at the thought of doing something so drastic. So final.

  In fact, the idea filled me with horror. I had stood up, numbly accepting the pamphlet from the nurse, and left. It was strange to think about it in retrospect.

  I'd known, in that one instant, that I was keeping my baby. It wasn't even a choice. It was just there... the truth. I was keeping it no matter what anybody had to say about it. My mother would freak out. My father would go ballistic.

  And Kyle, well, he would be trapped for life from one not-so-innocent mistake.

  I lifted my chin. There was no way I was going to let that happen. Any of it.

  I was going to do the one thing left that I could.

  I'd leave. Just go somewhere else for the duration of the pregnancy. Somewhere new, where nobody knew me. Nobody would know I was the good girl who got knocked up. Nobody would know I was supposed to be ashamed. I'd just be a regular girl who just happened to be pregnant. End of story.

  When the time came, I would inform my parents that they were grandparents. Yes, I'd been stupid and swept away in the moment. A guy like Kyle could do that to you.

  But I was done making mistakes. From here on out, everything was going to be deliberate. I had another person to think about. My baby. And I loved it already. I had to think ahead, plan to put us in the best circumstances from here on out. Not under my parents' roof. Not trapped in a dead-end job. Not scraping by and going without. Not just surviving.

  We were going to be thriving.

  The first thing I needed to do, was apply for a transfer to one of our remote campuses. Or another school altogether. Maybe Washington State. Or a semester abroad.

  I almost smiled to myself. One semester was not enough time.

  Two semesters abroad.

  My hand wandered to my stomach and I closed my eyes.

  The size of a jellybean and I was already feeling protective. I had already bought prenatal vitamins and ginger tea. I might not be ready, but I was willing.

  I was going to do this.

  As soon as the game was over I told mom I wanted to go home and rest. I was tired and hungry. I'd watched Kyle play with a sense of awe. He was incredible. A true athlete. When football was played well it was almost like watching a ballet, only with big hunky guys. But as soon as the game was over, I was gone.

  I told myself I would never see him again.

  I told myself, this was goodbye.

  I just didn't expect it to hurt this much.

  Chapter Ten

  Kyle

  I stood at the bar, surrounded by people. The whole team was here. Well, first strings anyway. And me.

  Celebrating.

  Haha. Yeah, well I wasn't really in the mood. But I was more than happy to drink.

  I downed my bourbon and another drink magically appeared in front of me. We drank for free here, which was dangerous for some of the guys. I never lost control but tonight I really wanted to lose myself in oblivion.

  A pretty blond sidled up to me. She'd been making eyes at me all night. I guess she got tired of waiting for to me to react.

  "Hey. I'm Lindsay."

  I barely glanced at her. She was attractive, but she didn't hold a candle to Belinda. Plus, I didn't like the way she was spilling out of her tank top.

  Or her thick lipgloss. Or the heavy makeup on her eyes.

  Hell, I didn't like one Goddamn thing about her.

  I heaved a sigh.

  "I'm not in the mood."

  She gave me a hostile look and tossed her hair.

  "The mood for what?"

  "Whatever it is you are offering me."

  "Wow, you must think you are hot shit don't you?"

  "Not really. Like I said, I'm just not in the mood."

  She tucked something into my jacket pocket.

  "Fine. Just remember you have this. If you ever are in the mood."

  I ignored her and started talking to a player on my other side. I wasn't usually rude to girls, no matter how trashy they were. Hell, sometimes I liked trashy. Or I used to. Before Belinda clipped my wings.

  "You met Lindsay, eh?"

  I glanced at Ben, one of the wide receivers. He was the one who scored that first touchdown tonight. A bunch of them actually.

  "She gets around?"

  "Oh yeah. But only if you are winning."

  I grunted.

  "I'm not interested."

  "Got a girl, huh?"

  I nodded.

  "She's hot?"

  "She is a pain in the ass."

  He laughed and slapped my back.

  "Well from what I've heard, Lindsay is well worth it."

  "What, you never hit that?"

  "Hell no. I'm married. My wife isn't exactly the understanding type."

  Ben held up his left hand and wiggled it. It was funny, but my first thought wasn't surprise that a junior in college was married. It was envy.

  "How long have you been married?"

  "One year of marital fucking bliss. She's the love of my life dude. No mistake about that."

  I lifted my drink to toast him and we clinked glasses.

  "Congrats, man."

  I tipped my drink back and swallowed. I hadn't ever thought about getting married before. But right now, knowing that Belinda was waiting at home for me... that she was mine, for reals? Well, fuck.
r />   That sounded real fucking nice.

  Better than nice.

  It sounded like a Goddamn miracle.

  He slapped my back again. I almost choked on my drink. Ben was strong.

  "You're next dude."

  "Why do you say that?"

  "Trust me, I can just tell."

  I smiled grimly. I had to get the girl to actually go out with me before any of that. Go out with me and lay down with me.

  But maybe... if I played my cards right... if things didn't go to hell the way they usually did... I might just put a ring on it.

  I smiled and pushed away my drink, ordering a coffee. I had somewhere to be. And I needed to be sober for it.

  Belinda

  I bent over my computer, staring at the list of available transfers. This late in the semester, there weren't many. I was lucky there was anything open to be honest. I was going to have to apply to everything and just pray.

  There was a program in London that was full. The one in Sweden appeared to still be accepting applications. I chewed my lip. That might be too far. Then again, Sweden did sound nice.

  I gave up and spent an hour sending notes to the heads of all the remote locations. Washington was still the most appealing with it's environmental forestry program and remote setting. Although, being pregnant in the middle of a redwood forest might have its disadvantages.

  Never mind actually giving birth.

  I was trying not to think about that part just yet.

  I got up and made myself a cup of roobios tea. Supposedly it was good for the baby. And since I couldn't have any coffee or caffeinated tea, I had to find a substitute. Actually, the more I read, the more things I had to worry about.

  For example, I needed extra B vitamins because I was vegan.

  Then there was mercury in fish (which I didn't eat) and lead in the water and BPA in plastic bottles and containers, never mind watching out for food poisoning! Also off limits was heavy lifting now or getting too hot or letting my pulse get too fast.

  The list went on and on.