All of Me
Page 28
“Officer, you’re welcome. But…” He tried pulling back from Nathan. “You’re going to cause me some respiratory damage if you don’t loosen that bear hug a little.”
“Oh, sorry.” Nathan released the doctor and stepped back.
The doctor pulled off his gown and tossed it into a bin. “Is Stella’s clan here?”
Nathan couldn’t take his eyes off Stella…or the baby monitor. But he managed to answer, “Yes, they’re out in the triage area.”
“I’ll go speak with them. You can stay in here with Stella for a few more minutes before they move her upstairs,” he said.
Nathan stood there, staring at Stella. He wanted to go over to her, but she looked so…fragile. And foreign. A breathing tube was taped to her face, another tube was coming out of her chest, and her eyes were taped shut. He’d never her so still, quiet, or vulnerable.
“You can go stand by her,” the blonde nurse said. She grabbed Nathan’s uniform sleeve and tugged him over to Stella’s bedside. “Don’t touch her anywhere below the neck, because we don’t want to disturb any of the equipment, but you can touch her face. Or her hand.”
“When will she wake up?” Nathan asked hoarsely. He kept the baby monitor’s activity in the corner of his vision at all times.
“They’ll keep her sedated for a while. To give her body a chance to rest.” The nurse tucked an errant curl back into Stella’s hair net. “I imagine she’ll be up tomorrow some time.”
Nathan opened his mouth to ask how the baby was getting nutrition with Stella under, but he never got the words out. Because the Ciaramitaro Cyclone was coming.
He heard them a few seconds before he saw them; their voices a manic, joyful blitz as they busted into the OR.
“The doctor just said she’s okay?” Gigi said, pushing past Nathan to get to Stella’s side.
“The baby’s fine?” Fi asked, pushing past Nathan and Gigi.
“He said she’s sedated?” Nina tried shoving past everyone, but eventually gave up and walked around to Stella’s other side.
“Dear God, let the man answer!” Kat said with an exasperated sigh. She turned to Nathan. “The doctor was too tired to do much more than give us a brief update. What did he tell you?”
Nathan relayed the info he’d been given. “I’m surprised they let you back here,” he said.
“I dared them to try and stop us!” Gigi bent over Stella, whispering and laying a necklace of some sort over her neck.
“Gigi almost ran the guard down. And Nina actually threatened to arrest someone if they didn’t let us back here,” Fi said, grinning. She pulled Stella’s hand out from under the sheet and held it.
“You tried to sneak in!” Gigi said, leaning down to give Stella a kiss on the forehead.
“You guys are smothering her, for God’s sake,” Kat said. She used her cane to get her sister’s to make some room at Stella’s bedside. But then, despite her chastisement about smothering, Kat pressed her cheek to Stella’s forehead.
With all sisters crowded around Stella, Nathan felt like an outsider. And like he didn’t deserve to be there after everything he’d put Stella through for the past four months. He turned to walk out with plans of coming back in a little while after her sisters cleared out.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Gigi called out.
Nathan turned. “I thought I’d give you guys some privacy.”
“Get over here.” Gigi gestured to the spot next to Stella’s head.
“I’ll come back later. You guys take some time with her.” He left the room.
A moment later, Kat came out into the hallway. “You hanging in there?” she asked, her eyes as dark and deep as Stella’s as she studied him.
“Yeah.”
But then Nathan fell apart. Out of nowhere, all of the tension, relief, shame, anger, and gratitude slammed into him. And poured out of him.
Kat took pity on him and pulled him into a one-armed hug. She was a foot shorter than he was and relying on her cane, but Kat did an admirable job of holding them both up as Nathan’s huge frame shuddered against her slight one.
“We aren’t mad at you, you know,” Kat said softly. “We know you had…personal stuff…to work through. And that we all get through things in our time. The important thing is that you’re here now.”
“Shouldn’t this be the other way around? The police officer comforting the family member?” Danny asked, his voice coming from over Nathan’s shoulder.
Nathan straightened up and turned to face Danny.
“He is a family member,” Kat replied in a clipped tone as she patted Nathan’s arm a few times.
Nathan was humbled by her misguided defense. Danny had only been kidding, but Kat’s sense of humor was as MIA as Nathan’s and she’d jumped to defend him against what she’d perceived as a slight. It made Nathan feel…nice. And undeserving.
“Yeah, I know. I was just joking,” Danny said, eyeing Kat warily. He was used to most women acting like sycophants; laughing at everything he said and tripping over each other to lick his police boots. From the subtle tone in his voice, he wasn’t too happy Kat hadn’t gotten the memo. He cleared his throat, put his hands on hips, and met Nathan’s eyes. “How’s Stella, D? The doctor said she’s gonna pull through just fine?”
Nathan nodded. “Looks like it. And the baby is fine too.”
Thank God.
“I’m going to go make sure Gigi isn’t rearranging Stella’s tubes because she thinks she can do it better than the doctor,” Kat said with one last pat to Nathan’s arm. “See you in there.” She walked back into the OR, waving off Nathan’s attempt to hold the door.
“Jesus, what’s her problem?” Danny looked in Kat’s direction.
“Her sister and niece just almost died from a gun shot wound,” Nathan said without any malice whatsoever. He actually felt his lips pull up into a tiny smile because watching Danny wonder where his groove had gone was damn entertaining. “And she doesn’t speak boot-licking, nonsense, or bullshit, so you might have trouble conversing with her. Just some advice for the future.”
Danny barked out a loud laugh. “Oh, you asshole. No wonder you two get along so well. No sense of humor and as dry as the Sahara, both of you.”
Nathan folded his arms over his chest and turned to look into the OR.
Danny rested his arm around Nathan’s shoulders. At Nathan’s brow, Danny shrugged. “If she gets to hug you, so do I, partner.” He dropped his voice to a whisper. “Thank God they’re okay, Nathan. Jesus Christ…” Danny shook his head, eyeing the OR scene. “For a while there, I was sure we’d lost her.”
Nathan choked on his reply.
“You and me both, Mac. You and me both.”
Chapter Thirty-One
Stella tried opening her eyes, but her lids were too heavy to lift.
What the hell…
She tried again and only managed to get them open a crack.
Stella’s whole body felt like dead weight. It wasn’t quite a hangover feeling…more like a massive flu. Stiff and heavy and so exhausted she couldn’t do much more than work on her eyelid action.
“Stella? Are you awake?” Nathan’s voice sounded thick and hoarse. And very close. Someone squeezed her hand. “Stella, baby? Can you hear me?”
When Stella parted her lips to answer, she was surprised to find them slick. She darted her tongue out and tasted bubble gum.
What the…
She cleared her parched throat. “Why in the hell do my lips taste like bubble gum?” Stella was shocked at the hoarseness of her voice. And how much it hurt to speak.
Nathan exhaled a deep laugh. “Your sisters have been slathering your lips with a various assortment of lip balms,” he answered, rubbing the back of her hand.
“Why?” When Stella tried to sit up, she couldn’t. She was just too stiff and too tired. And her chest wall hurt like hell.
She hadn’t even managed to get her eyelids open yet. “And why can’t I move?”
“Don’t try and move, Stella.” When she turned her head slightly to meet his eyes, she found them welled with tears and red-rimmed. “God, I am so happy you are awake.”
“Why are you crying?” Stella tried sitting up again. “And why do you keep pushing me back down?” she said, exhaling a frustrated sigh when Nathan gently pressed her back into the mattress.
“Do you remember what happened? In the ER?”
Stella’s awakening dawned as she realized she was in the hospital. She recognized the ugly floral border, gross beige walls, and white board that said, “Your Nurse’s Name Is: Carol G.”
“Why…” Stella yanked on Nathan’s hand, suddenly terrified. “Oh, my God, Nathan! Is it the baby?” She tried to feel around her abdomen, but her hands were slow to respond to her brain’s commands.
“The baby is fine, Stella. She’s fine.” Nathan pointed to a fetal monitor next to Stella’s bed. “See? They left that up for me because…well, I was worried. So they kept the baby hooked up.” He gestured toward the even, perfectly lovely blips on the screen.” “See? She’s fine. Tough like her mother,” he said with a slight smile.
“Then what?” Stella wracked her brain to think why she would be in the hospital when it hit her. All at once.
She turned to look at Nathan. “The homeless guy. The paranoid schizophrenic…” Stella’s memories flooded her brain: the guy pulling away from her grip, grabbing a gun out of his boot, and firing wild shots. The searing pain of a bullet hitting her somewhere. The sheer terror of knowing the baby was in danger.
“He shot me,” she said and Nathan nodded. “Where?”
“Your right lung. I can’t remember the specifics, but air and blood was getting into your lung and they had to fix a nicked artery.”
Stella’s eyes widened. “The bullet hit an artery?” When Nathan nodded again, she shook her head slightly. “I can’t believe I survived.”
“The surgeon said if you had been anywhere else other than the hospital, you probably wouldn’t have made it.” Nathan’s voice was heavy and deep and full of a mix of awful, painful, sad emotions as he met her eyes. “I almost lost you, Stella. Both of you. I don’t know what I would have done…”
“Oh, honey…” Stella squeezed Nathan’s hand back, which was about all she could do at the moment. “You should have known me better than that.” She cracked a small smile. “I’d never let you off that easy. I’m gonna be torturing you for a long time to come. The baby too. Don’t worry about that.”
Nathan cracked the tiniest of smiles. “A smart ass to the bitter end,” he said with such affection Stella tried laughing.
She looked down at the chest tube and was happy to see the fluid draining was clear and not too heavy. Her smile faded when saw Nathan’s expression. He looked terrified. Like she and the baby might still die right before his eyes.
“Nathan…” She pulled on his hand until he leaned in closer. “You don’t have to worry anymore. We’re fine. The danger has passed. They’ll keep me on antibiotics for infection and everything will be just fine.”
“It’s never going to be fine, Stella! Because I’ll never be able to protect you. Or the baby. Not really. I’ll try and do the best I can, but I can’t keep you locked up in a bubble at home. There’s always going to be danger and…” Nathan blew out a hard breath and grabbed at his neck. “I don’t know how to do this, Stella. How to…I don’t…” He scoffed. “…love someone, I guess. I don’t think I can do it. I can’t stand having so much to lose. I’ve never had anything to lose before. I don’t think I can do it. I don’t know how.”
“You’re already doing it, caro,” Stella whispered. “And don’t think I don’t know how you feel. I’ve been worried sick about you every minute of every shift since we met. Being in a relationship with police officer in east Cleveland is not my idea of a quiet, serene life. But I love you and I’d rather be with you and worried to death than be without you.”
Her eyes welled. “And being with you is the safest thing for me and the baby, Nathan. You’ve taken care of us for three months and you’ll continue doing it forever.” When Nathan scoffed, she leveled a hard gaze on him. “You did.” She cracked a tiny smile. “Yeah, you could have spent more time with me than in the bushes, but you were there. And you took care of us all along. And now you’re back with us…where you belong.” Stella searched his eyes, smile fading. “Right?” she whispered. “You’re back with us? For good?”
“I’m never leaving your side again,” Nathan declared so fervently Stella shivered.
“Thank God.”
Nathan held her gaze tightly. “Stella, I am so sorry. For everything. And I meant what I said…that - if you’ll have me – I never want to be apart again. But I’m still a fucking mess. Always was and probably always will be. And, God…I am so afraid you’ll wise up and walk out on me. And then I don’t know what I’ll do. I can’t live without you, Stella. Now that I have you, I can’t ever go back. I never want to live another hour like that again. It almost killed me.”
“That will never happen. Ever. I love you. I’m in love with you. I need you. I want you. I admire you. You are the role model I want for my daughter and the only man I will ever want for the rest of my life. You have your issues and I have mine, but we’ll get through them together. Because we love each other and that’s stronger than anything else. I want you – all of you. Scars, shitty childhood, PTSD, anal retentiveness – all of it. And I always will.”
Nathan was quiet for a few seconds. “I made a list. Of…headshrinkers. Therapists.” He shrugged at her raised brows. “I wanted to figure some stuff out. For you. And the baby.”
More tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes. “You darling, sweet, beautiful man.” Stella lifted his hand to her lips and kissed it. “I am so proud of you. Thank you.”
“I don’t think it will work, but I’ll try.” Nathan wiped away her tears. He leaned in and kissed her lips. “I love you, Stella.” He kissed her again. “And thank you for loving me. All of me.”
When Stella tried to deepen their next kiss, Nathan laughed, deep and sweetly, against her lips. “You little devil. You almost died yesterday, you’ve got a chest tube, and you’re so beat up you can hardly move. And you still wanna get into it, don’t you?”
“Just a little. It has been three months,” she said with a pout. Stella scrunched up her face as she tried sitting up again. She relaxed back into the mattress, defeated. “But I guess it’ll have to wait. Because I can’t seem to move and I know Sergeant Stickler isn’t going for any hospital bed make out session.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
5 Months Later…
“Push, Stella!” Gigi said, holding onto Stella’s right leg.
Nathan was supposed to be holding onto to Stella’s left leg, but the most he could manage was a hand barely hanging onto her knee while he hyperventilated into a paper bag the nurse had handed him.
Because he’d already passed out twice and was pretty damn close to doing it again.
Nathan lowered the bag and tried to concentrate on helping his wife bring their baby girl into the world. But then he caught sight of what he could only assume was Gia’s head emerging from Stella’s body and he dropped backwards into the chair. Again.
Fiorella laughed from behind the camera she had trained on Stella for the big moment. “Haven’t you delivered a bunch of babies in the backs of cars and on the sides of roads, Nathan?”
If he’d had the strength, Nathan would have delivered Fi a scathing look that would have shut her right up, but he didn’t have it in him at the moment. All he could manage was a halfway decent dirty look sent in her general direction.
“Leave him alone, Fi,” Kat said with a pat to Nath
an’s head as she pushed back Stella’s sweaty hair off her forehead with the other hand. “He’s doing fine.”
“Better than Nina,” Fi called out, laughing.
Nina had been forced out of the room. She had been a bossy, frenzied ball of nervous energy; pacing around and barking orders and criticizing the way the staff was handling her niece’s delivery. Carla had finally dragged her out, saying it they had to do the very important job of getting the car seat installed (even though Nathan had done that four months ago).
Pops, Danny, Marco, the boys, Gabby, Sam, Stellan, and Christopher were all in the hospital waiting room. Nathan imagined there was a lot of pacing going on. Gigi’s boys had been advised to bring their iPad for Pops so he could download a few episodes of Jake and the Fat Man to keep him busy.
“It’s burning!” Stella said and Nathan jumping to his feet.
Well, it didn’t take the doctor to know why. Gia’s head was poking out.
“Oh, my God,” Nathan breathed out, suddenly spell bound at the sight of his daughter emerging.
“Don’t pass out now, Dad!” Stella’s OB, Dr. Kent, said to Nathan with a laugh. She did something hideous with her hands and Gia’s head that Nathan knew no amount of time or medication would wipe from his memory. “This is the good part!”
Dr. Kent maneuvered Gia’s head and told Stella to push as hard as she could. She looked up at Nathan with a shit-eating grin. “Watch this…” To Stella she said, “Push, Stella, honey! Push!”
Stella grabbed her knees and bore down; pushing so hard Nathan was worried she would hurt herself. Or send Gia catapulting across the room.
Nathan watched, transfixed, as Gia’s face – the face he’d been waiting 9 months to see in person – popped out. Then her shoulders. And then the rest of her slid out into Dr. Kent’s waiting hands.
“Oh, my God, Stell! She’s beautiful! Amazing!” Fi called out, crying and laughing simultaneously. “She’s the sweetest thing!”
“Good job, honey,” Gigi said, crying, her arm wrapped around Stella’s shoulders.