Call Me Hope
Page 14
She took a sip of lemonade. “Hope, I need to tell you something.”
Alert. Alert. People give those warning words just before saying something bad. I sat up straight. “What?”
Mom ran her fingers up and down the drippy sides of her glass. “I told you I’m taking this parenting class.”
I stared but Mom was focused on her drink.
“I’ve never done anything like this before. I always thought parenting was supposed to come easy, like riding a bike. You have a baby and, bingo, you automatically know what to do. Well, being a parent’s a lot harder than riding a bike, and I’ve fallen off a few times.”
She looked at me with sorry eyes. “Hope, I really missed you while you were gone. I know I’ve said things that have hurt your feelings, but I didn’t know how to stop. Sort of like people trying to quit smoking or drinking.” She took a deep breath. “Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, I think this is going to be really hard for me. Mrs. Nelson’s giving us lots of new stuff and I think it’ll take me a long time. You know,” she said, chuckling, “old dogs and new tricks.” Now she looked at me, sort of worried. “I’ll need your help.”
My help. She’ll need my help?
Then I had an idea. I pushed out my chair and stood up.
“Don’t go.” Now she really did look worried.
“Just a sec, I’ll be right back.” I zipped down the hall, opened my bedroom door, crawled across my bed and into my closet, reached under my pillow, and pulled out my point system notebook. I paused, then slowly, carefully, tore out my pages of numbers and symbols. I tucked them back under my pillow, pulled out the little bits of loose paper in the metal spiral, then hurried back to the kitchen.
Mom was still at the table and I set the notebook down in front of her.
“What’s this?” She picked it up. “Scratch paper?”
“No. It’s a special book. To help you get through this parenting thing.”
Now she looked confused.
“See,” I said, grabbing a pencil, “you give yourself points for doing a good job. Take the word stupid, for instance. You really don’t want to call me that. So if you catch yourself, even if you say the st part, it’s still not too late. Then you give yourself points, say two hundred, and maybe one hundred for not saying brat.”
I wrote down the date, the letters S and BR, and next to them 200 and 100.
Mom studied the page, flipped through the notebook, then closed it. “Good idea, Hope.”
“Thank you.” Was my heart going to break? “And you get one hundred points for telling me ‘good idea.’”
“But what do I do with all the points?”
“You get to choose. Something special.”
Mom’s face relaxed, like she was already thinking of her prize. She ran her fingers over the cover, outlining the yellow star. “What’s this for?”
As I gazed at the yellow star, I thought of Anne Frank and the starlit nights she watched from her secret hiding place. I thought of the Holocaust victims, branded with the yellow star because of their beliefs. I remembered the sparkling sky covering our campsite and last night’s wishing star. I looked my mother in her eyes and said, “So you’ll never forget.”
Hope Notes
When you’re too tired, confused, or frustrated to come up with a big plan, start with a small one.
When something’s bothering you, talk to someone you trust, like a teacher, coach, or friend.
Fix up a special place that’s all your own.
When everything goes wrong, find something to laugh about.
Remember the good times.
Join a team or club.
Keep trying. Don’t give up.
Rain or shine? You decide.
Find a way to express your feelings, like writing in a journal or making up poetry or painting.
Make friends with people who listen without interrupting.
Learn more about verbal abuse on the Internet or at the library or local bookstore.
Stand up to verbal abuse. Help organizations that promote good relationships such as the Hands & Words Are Not For Hurting Project (www.handsproject.org).
Look for a verbal abuse support group, or help start one.
“I feel statements” don’t usually work with verbal abusers. The abuser is often glad you feel sad. Ask your school counselor or another adult whose advice you trust to offer a different suggestion. One idea would be to take a stronger approach, saying something like: “I don’t want to be with you when you hurt my feelings.”
Call the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: I-800-4-A-Child (I -800-422-4453).
Give yourself gold stars, points, prizes, rewards, pats on the back. (We’re never too old for star charts.)
Believe in yourself.
Love yourself.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Call Me Hope
Thank you to my writing colleagues, Sharon Michaud and Kathy Beckwith, who painstakingly read countless revisions, offered wise suggestions, and passionately supported my dream for children to recognize verbal abuse and its devastating impact.
Deep appreciation to Patricia Evans, author of numerous books on verbal abuse, but especially for The Verbally Abusive Relation-ship, which opened my eyes and ears to the covert subtleties of this oppressive condition.
Thanks to Pat Stanislaski, former director of the National/International Center for Assault Prevention, who read an early draft for accuracy and offered the approval I needed to continue.
To the staff and students at Amity Elementary School, particularly fifth-grade teacher Jeff Geissler and counselor Marie Roth for graciously hosting numerous visits, answering endless questions, and reviewing the manuscript. Many thanks to others who took time to read and comment: Lauren Andreassen, Linda Ballard, Ginny Gardea, Melissa Hart, Susan Powell, and Bev Willius.
I am indebted to Carole Fewx, co-owner of Jackson’s Books in Salem, Oregon, who introduced me to sales representatives at the Pacific Northwest Booksellers Association Tradeshow, and to Randy Hickernell for sending my proposal to Little, Brown and Company Books for Young Readers.
Enormous gratitude to editor Alvina Ling, who saw potential in that proposal and subsequent manuscript, then gave me the opportunity to revise. She pronounced it a “worthy project,” presented it to the editorial staff, pitched it to the acquisitions committee, and offered me a contract. With a gentle touch, she guided me through the ensuing stages to this heartfelt creation.
Thanks to Alvina’s assistants, Rebekah McKay and Connie Hsu; to copyeditor, Kerry Johnson; editorial director, Andrea Spooner; designer, Alison Impey; publisher, Megan Tingley; and to the entire editorial department for supporting Alvina and our project.
A published book can’t go far if no one knows about it, so sincere thanks to the marketing department for spreading the word.
I am eternally grateful to Ann Kelly, founder and executive director of the Hands & Words Are Not For Hurting Project. Her incredible insight, compassion, and tireless work in the field of abuse and violence prevention will truly make this world a better place. Thank you for every piece of this program, but particularly for the pledge of hope and personal accountability that is changing and saving lives. Thank you for “The Power of One” and entrusting me with your message.
Thank you to the following research resources: Paul Kopperman, Oregon State University professor of history and chair of the OSU Holocaust Memorial Committee; Jerry Moe, national director of children’s programs at the Betty Ford Center for “Name it and Tame it”; Josh Isgur, program coordinator at the Washington State Holocaust Education Resource Center; and volunteers in the Juliette’s House Safe Kids Program.
I am especially grateful to a man of courage, sensitivity, and inspiration — Alter Wiener, Holocaust survivor.
Call Me Hope
READER’S GUIDE
Hope hates to be called “hopeless,” “loser,” “brat.” What are some names that hurt your feelings? Hope gets “one stinkin�
�� stomachache” when her mother says she’s “stupid.” Now does your body react when someone says something hurtful to you? When someone says something nice to you?
How do you think Hope’s Point System (p. 58) helps her? Do you think it works? Make up your own point system. When would you use it?
Why do you think Hope feels so safe and peaceful in her closet hideaway? Do you have a special place all your own? Explain why it’s so special. If you don’t have such a place, describe where and how you might create one. What would you put in it?
When Hope’s mother makes her feel bad, Hope turns to The Diary of Anne Frank and the film Life Is Beautiful. How do you think Hope’s home life compares to the long list of restrictions placed on the Jews? (p. 14) If she could travel back in time, what advice would she give to Anne Frank? Compare Hope’s situation with Joshua’s in the film Life Is Beautiful.
The frog story (p. 110) illustrates how we gradually become used to hurtful words and actions, but they are still extremely harmful. Give an example of the frog story, either in Call Me Hope or in our own day-to-day lives.
When Hope sees the purple boots, she knows immediately that she has to have them. Why do you think the purple boots are so important to Hope? Do you have something that’s very important to you? Why is it your favorite object?
Why is Hope’s mother verbally abusive to Hope but not to Tyler? If you have siblings, are you all held to the same rules? How does it make you feel when you’re treated differently by your family? If you don’t have a sibling, do you feel like you would be treated differently if you did have a brother or sister? In what ways do you think life would be different?
Hope receives comfort and strength from many people in her life, such as her friends at the store, Next to New. Who do you think gives her the most help? Why? Whom can you talk to at school, in your family, or community who listens and supports you?
Hope’s favorite photo is the one in which her mother is holding her as a baby and wearing a blue-and-white checkered sundress. Why do you think Hope takes this sundress? Do you have a favorite photo of a special occasion or of yourself? Explain why you chose it.
What would be your strategy to share the Hands & Words Are Not For Hurting Project® with others?
When Hope sorts through her clothes, she donates some to a charity. What possession haven’t you used in a year? Who would appreciate receiving it? If you had one hundred dollars to give to someone else or to a charity, who or what organization would you choose and why?
At the end of the book, Hope’s mother is trying to change. Do you think people can change? Become nicer? More caring?
What does the word “hope” mean to you? Read “Hope Notes” at the end of the book. Add your own ideas.
Gretchen Olson is the author of the young adult novel Joyride and is on the board of directors for the Hands&Words Are Not For Hurting Project. She received the University of Oregon’s Community Award for her work on the project. Gretchen lives with her husband on their blueberry farm in Oregon.
I needed a distraction. And a prize.
I deserved a prize for all the hours in this room.
A bully is ruining eleven-year-old Hope’s life, and she doesn’t know what to do. She can’t even go to her mother for help, because the bully is her mother. To get through the day, smart and creative Hope develops a point system to deal with her mom. A nasty glare is worth forty points. Sarcasm is worth thirty- five more points! How many points will Hope have to get before her mom stops?
Hope’s Point System
Feel Bad 20-150 Points
Sarcasm 35 Points
Glare 40 Points
Loser 50 Points
Stupid 200 Points
“This beautiful, inspiring story should be read by mothers and daughters together.” —Ann S. Kelly, founder/executive director of hands & Words Are Not For Hurting Project®
“A Compelling and rewarding read.” —School Library Journal
“Hope is a winsome character whose bravery and determinnation will resonable.” —Bookilst
“This book is great for young readers—a real page-turner!” —Patricia Evans, bestselling author of the verbally Abusive Relationship
* Official pledge of the International Hands&Words Are Not For Hurting Project”. Ann S. Kelly, Founder and Executive Director.