Crave

by Violet Vaughn

  He takes a sip of the first glass again and holds it over his tongue before swallowing. “It’s a fine palate that can determine these things. I’ve developed it over time.”

  “Right. So why is it when we were together you ordered a Moosehead every time?”

  He winks at me. “That, my dear, is because Canadian beers go with everything.”

  I shake my head and laugh. The waitress comes over, and he orders his choice. He leans forward and touches her arm as he asks what burger on the menu is best. A twinge of jealousy niggles at me. Jason has a girlfriend?

  “So tell me about this girl.” Bubbles form as I twirl the straw in my soda.

  “Her name is Cassie. She works at a horse farm. Teaching lessons, taking care of the horses, stuff like that.”

  Cassie? She’d better not look like me, too. I twirl a strand of hair around my finger. “Does she ski?”

  “Yes,” he says, almost as a question.

  “Yes?” I’m amused.

  “She skis. It’s just she’s not that good.” He leans his elbows on the table.

  “Oh, that’s hard. I hope she’s not one of those girls who don’t get the powder-day rule.”

  He gives me a guilty look.

  I lean forward. “No! You haven’t told her? She hasn’t seen your bumper sticker that says, “There are no friends on powder days?”

  “I…” He sits up and raises open palms in the air. “Well, we haven’t had a powder day since we started dating.”

  I snort. “So what you’re saying is so far you’ve dodged that bullet.” I take a sip of my soda.

  He gives me a sheepish grin. “Yup.”

  I chuckle. “What’s going to happen when you move here next winter?”

  “Winter? I’m coming in June.” His stool creaks as he sits back.

  “Okay. What happens when you come here in June?” June? Like in just a couple of months, June?

  “I don’t know. Maybe she’ll come with me.” He crosses his arms as if he dares me to object.

  “Cool.” No, not cool.

  Our burgers arrive. Red explodes as he squirts huge amounts of ketchup then mustard and mayonnaise on the bun. He smashes down the roll onto the meat.

  I scowl. “You know that’ll come dripping out with the first bite?”

  “Yes, and then you’re going to dip your fries in it.” He looks at me with a sly smile.

  “Will not.” Will I?

  “Will too.” He opens his mouth and takes a huge bite. The condiment mixture oozes out and lands on his plate with a splat. His cheeks are puffed out like a squirrel. I pick up a fry and see my hand move toward his plate. I hesitate midair. I can’t fight the urge. I want to drag my fry through it. I smear the muddy-colored mixture.

  Jason’s mouth is so full he can’t speak. His eyebrows rise at me. “Okay, okay, I do. Have you tried this? It’s soooo good.” I stick the fry in my mouth and close my eyes while I savor the salty flavor on my tongue. I let out a tiny moan.

  When I open my eyes again, he stares at me. He gulps down his mouthful of food. I know that look. My breasts tingle in response. I bite my lower lip, and the heat of a flush rises into my face. My stool rocks as I shift my weight. He looks at my chest, and I’m sure he sees my nipples are hard. He shifts too.

  He says, “Jesus, don’t do that.”

  Exactly. Don’t do that, Jason. What is wrong with me? Get a grip, Casey. Get a freaking grip.

  I comb my fingers through my hair. Putting both hands on the table, I press down and take a deep breath. Hands cover mine, and I look into his hungry eyes. They glisten. Damn it, now I tear up too.

  I sniff. “Where’s a T-shirt when you need it?” And force a smile.

  His mouth turns up a bit and he slides his hands away.

  I clear my throat. “So do you have a job this summer?”

  He lifts his burger. “Matt hired me to do construction with him.”

  “That’s great. I need to find something. My cleaning gig is getting old. What about a place to live?” I fiddle with my straw.

  “That might be tougher, but I’m going to spend tomorrow finding one.” He takes a sip of his beer.

  “I know someone you should talk to. I’ll give you his number. You can tell him Casey from Vermont sent you. I’m sure he’ll remember me. The lady that owns the boarding house I live in is the receptionist.”

  “Will you stay there?” He sticks a fry in his mouth.

  “Probably. It keeps me out of trouble.” Well, sort of. “If Cassie comes and is stuck, she can always live at the boarding house. I’m happy to put a good word in for her.” Seriously? Did that just come out of my mouth?

  He cocks his head at me with uncertainty. “Thanks. I’ll tell her.”

  I pick up my burger. Why do I do this to myself? I put it back down. I’ve lost my appetite.

  Chapter 17

  “You should have told him, Casey. He feels betrayed.” Clara doesn��t sing today. She drops the bucket full of supplies with a thud.

  Betrayed? I know how that feels. I suck. “Clara, I didn’t know Jason was here. Matt told me, and I went and found him.”

  “Matt?”

  Sigh. This is going from bad to worse. “Jason came out here on vacation and applied to teach next year.” I grab my yellow gloves and shove a hand in one.

  “You can’t be serious. You, Jason, and Blaine could all be in the same locker room?” She shakes out a garbage bag with a snap.

  Welcome to my current nightmare. “I know. Blaine wouldn’t take my calls or answer my texts last night. Do you think he knows Jason is teaching here next year?”

  “Yes. Tim knows everything Matt does. Blaine went out with Tim to drown his sorrows last night. Blaine doesn’t drink much now that you’re in his life, so I imagine he feels awful today.” She takes the dust rag and polish out of the bucket.

  Poor Blaine. My first instinct is to nurture him. Hangovers. This is a pain with which I am intimately familiar.

  I slide my phone out of my pocket and text him with the ungloved hand. “Can I bring you anything when I get out of work? I know a few good hangover cures. <3.” Yeah, the heart is pathetic. I’m groveling here and I know it.

  “He told me you two had an amazing night last weekend and he’s falling for you. Now he wonders if he’s about to be hurt.” She starts to walk off and then stops. She turns back to me. “Is it true you were mad that he kissed you in front of Jason?”

  Shit. “It was more than just Jason. It felt so awkward in front of all those little boys.” I’m lying. And from the look on Clara’s face, she knows it.

  “Blaine is a great guy, and you’d better figure out what you want. He doesn’t deserve this.” She walks off.

  Amazing? Falling for me? Was he referring to the thing we did? Oh, sweet Jesus, I don’t even know what to do here. Great. I’ve offered to go cure his hangover. Damn it. I can’t even talk to Clara about this. She’s Blaine’s friend first. Plus I would never share something that personal about him with people he knows. That’s just mean. I send Gretchen a text. “Skied with Jason yesterday. Ran into Blaine. He’s pissed and feels betrayed. Now what?”

  I hear the buzz of her reply. “You did betray him”

  “What? I didn’t know Jason was here. I would have told Blaine if I knew he was coming.”

  “No. I meant the other night.”

  My stomach sinks. She’s right. When I fantasized about Jason while kissing Blaine, I did betray him. Crap.

  My phone vibrates again. It’s Blaine. “Yes, please.”

  ***

  After work I stop by Burger King and get Blaine hangover food. The heavy, fried odor floods my senses. I bang on the metal door and steel myself for our conversation.

  It opens and his eyes land on the bag. “You brought me fried food and a milksh
ake?” Dressed in sweats and a ratty-looking T-shirt, he looks awful. He returns to the couch and lies down.

  “Trust me. This has gotten me through many a bad hangover.” I see the bathroom garbage can and a towel on the floor. Oh man, last night must have been bad.

  I sit on the edge of the sofa where I can feed him. “First a fry.” I put one in his mouth. “Chew.”

  With each bite I see the doubt begin to dissolve.

  “Good, now take a sip of this.” Holding the cup up to his mouth, I put the straw between his lips.

  The brown, thick liquid slides through the straw, and he licks the salt off his mouth. “That tastes good.”

  “Exactly. You need the salt, and the sugar mimics alcohol.” He grimaces at that word. “Sorry. Keep eating.”

  As he eats, I think about how adorable he is. This wonderful man plays with children and they love him. He rubs my stinky feet after a long ski day and treats me like a princess. He’s what I’ve wanted for so long. Practically perfect and I don’t deserve him. Yes, the other night was weird. We just need to figure out what works for us. We’ll get there.

  “Come closer.” He reaches up for my head and pulls me down. The tender kiss leaves me tasting a sultry combination. I think he isn’t mad any longer. “You’re my angel of mercy.”

  “I’m so sorry about yesterday. I would have told you if I’d known that Jason was coming. You kissing me in front of him like that—it was so awkward. It was as if you had to prove something to those boys. I know I took it the wrong way.”

  “It’s fine. I overreacted too. What can I say? I’m jealous. From your stories, I know how much you like him. Knowing you used to be with him hurts. I don’t like to think about you with anyone but me.” He stops. My heart melts. “Casey, I love you.” He traps my hand between his.

  Oh boy. I’m speechless. I’m not there yet. What’s the right thing to say here?

  He releases my hand. “You don’t have to say it back. I know this is fast. I just—I had to tell you.”

  Thank you for the out. I push the hair back from his face. He’s such a beautiful man. I wonder if he has any idea as I trace my finger down the outline of his face and a day-old shave pricks my fingers. When I touch his lips, there’s love in his eyes. He sucks my finger into his mouth. Whoa. Where did that come from? A seed of desire blossoms in my belly.

  “Lay beside me?”

  I lay down next to him and he turns me away. His body radiates warmth behind me. He wraps his arm around my waist and buries his head in my hair. Hot breath tickles my ear as he murmurs, “I want to hold you like this forever.”

  I’m exhausted. The last few days have taken their toll. I let myself relax in his arms, close my eyes, and drift off into a peaceful sleep.

  Soft snoring awakens me. I sit up and look down at his slack jaw. There’s a little bit of drool in the corner. My body misses the comfort of his. I’ve never slept over, and I can imagine the little things I would learn about him if I did. Wait. I glance at the clock. Crap! It’s after one in the morning. I’ve missed curfew by a mile. Oh, man. While Mrs. Matheson doesn’t mind if we sleep elsewhere, she isn’t going to let me in. I guess I’m sleeping here. I look down at Blaine. No, I can’t wake him up.

  My jeans constrain me and I don’t want to sleep in them. The soft carpet muffles my footsteps as I walk into his bedroom. It’s my first time in here. I detect a faint hint of his musk. I see a chest of drawers and an open-design closet. The drawers grate softly as I pull each one open until I find T-shirts. I lift my shirt over my head and remove my bra. Goose bumps prickle my skin in the cool night air. I pull on the soft cotton of a well-worn shirt, and let it embrace me. Wiggling out of my jeans, I wonder where I should sleep. The bed sure looks inviting and has a lot more room than what is available for two people on a couch. Smooth sheets envelope me in his essence when I slide into Blaine’s bed. I take a deep breath and drink in the scent. He loves me. The thought warms my heart and I fall asleep.

  ***

  Blaine’s voice awakens me. “Casey.”

  Fingers comb the hair out of my face, and I open my eyes. Peering down at me is a clean-shaven Blaine. Icy-blue eyes shine, telling me he’s much better. His hair is damp and neatly combed. I smell a fresh version of his spicy male scent and remember where I am.

  “Hi. I missed curfew and, well, the couch is kind of small for two people.”

  “I like you in my bed.” He pulls the covers down to my waist. The weight of his finger draws a line down the middle of my chest toward my belly. My nipples strain against the shirt. His voice is sultry. “You look good in my shirt.”

  What is this? Is he being seductive? It’s working. He leans down to whisper in my ear, “Next time, you won’t be alone.” He nips at my earlobe with his teeth and stands up. Shivers go down my spine. Oh my.

  “I have to leave for work. Help yourself to anything you need. There’s fresh coffee and I put a key on the counter next to it. Lock up when you go. Keep the key.” He walks out and calls to me, “Love you!”

  Wow. He’s laying claim to me in a big way. Love? Seductive moves? Key? I should be happy. Over the moon. So why do I feel the onset of panic?

  Chapter 18

  I feel the vibration of a text in my back pocket. It’s Jason.

  “At Denver airport. Found a place, thanks. Remind me to tell you what Mr. Jones said about you, lol. See you in June.”

  Good. I have a serious relationship to work on, and Jason is a distraction I don’t need.

  Red and blue boxes stare me right in the face, and I can’t find the one I’m looking for. The canned music in the background annoys me. Where is the rainbow cake mix? I stamp my foot.

  “Are you having a princess moment, or what?” Tim stops pushing a grocery cart. “What’s up?”

  “Oh, hi. I’m looking for a cake mix so Jenny, Benjamin, and I can make Blaine birthday cupcakes while you and Clara are on your little excursion. I want the rainbow mix and can’t seem to find it.”

  “This one, right here?” He hands me the cake mix.

  “Yes! They changed the box on me.” I give him a sheepish grin.

  “The nerve,” he teases. “I’m glad you and Blaine worked things out. You’re good for him, Casey. I haven’t seen him this happy in a long time.”

  “Thanks. He makes me happy, too. Want to find the rainbow frosting for me?” I give him a sugary smile and bat my eyelashes.

  He snorts. “Sure thing, princess.”

  “Clara is excited about your trip. Happy anniversary. I think it’s so cool you got married on top of a mountain. And, even cooler, you’re going to camp out on it to celebrate.”

  “Thanks. You and Blaine can steal the idea. We wouldn’t mind.”

  What? Whoa, let’s slow this bus down. “Um.” I blush and don’t know what to say. I turn and grab a package of candles. “Gotta run. Thanks for the help. See you!” I scurry away. Marriage? What has Blaine been telling him?

  I check out through the express line. A wedding on top of a mountain would be beautiful and very romantic. I daydream about my dress as I walk to my car.

  A golden sun and blue-sky day, the snow in the parking lot is slushy under my feet. I hear the plop of wet snow clumps fall off the roof of the strip mall. The sunbaked asphalt will have it melted by noon.

  As I lift up the hatchback of my car, I hear a rumble. Looking toward the mountains, I see an avalanche. Common this time of year, it’s an amazing thing to watch. Snow tumbles down in a wave that rolls and takes everything in its path along for the ride. People die in avalanches. Not a lot, but we lose at least one every year in Colorado. Usually it’s someone who didn’t take the right precautions. Right now all I see is the beauty.

  Next stop, party store. I know it’s silly, but I look forward to a kid-style birthday party for Blaine. Most people our age go out to some bar, but Blaine
would rather spend it with his two favorite kids. I’m happy to oblige.

  Looking at all the decorations, I’m overwhelmed. Blue. Blue is his favorite color. And trains, definitely trains. A smile creeps on my face as I recall the night we met. I find party hats, cups, napkins, and a tacky banner. I decide what balloons we need. The hiss of helium catches my attention. An older man fills red balloons. I should bring the kids to get them. They’ll love watching the clerk.

  I try to sort out a birthday present. Blaine is not a things guy. I know doing something special together would make him happy. I shift the Saab into reverse and back out of the parking space. But what? With a firm grip, I push into first gear. I hear water splash as I drive through a puddle onto the main road. Romantic dinner? No. Too much pressure for what happens afterward. Besides, that would be what I want for a gift. I giggle to myself. I know. I should take him winter camping. He’ll be surprised and will love every minute. I’m sure Clara and Tim will lend us what we need. I do my best thinking in this car.

  Chapter 19

  A fabulous day of spring skiing cut short, I don’t mind. I have a party to attend. I look at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I dare say I have a slight tan. I push at the skin on my nose to see if it goes white from sunburn. Nope, tan. Even wearing the heaviest protective sunscreen I can find, I manage to get sun. The altitude makes the rays here much stronger than at lower elevations. I look like a Breck local with my goggle face. How does one do makeup to accent? I snort at myself and grab my backpack.

  The drive to Tim and Clara’s is quick, but beautiful today. While the roads are slushy from the spring thaw, the mountains are still pearly white teeth cutting into the crisp, blue sky. I pull into the driveway and notice the heavy front door is open, leaving only the clear glass storm door closed with sunlight streaming in. Loaded up with bags, I hit the doorbell using my elbow. I see Blaine sitting on the floor in an odd position. Each foot is placed down on a magazine. His hands rest either side of him, on kid chairs. Benjamin works intently on one foot while Jenny works on a hand. Oh my, he’s getting his nails done. Jenny jumps up at the sound of the bell and lets me in.