Crave

by Violet Vaughn

  I smile at him. “That sounds fun.” Of course I know neither of us means what we’re saying. He needs the freedom to be who he is without the constant reminder of what he thought he should be. I shake my head. “No. I need to stay here and have my Colorado winter. I’m going to miss you so much.” I glance at the dusting of snow on the mountains as we continue to walk to my car.

  He breaks our silence. “I told Nick yesterday.”

  “You did?” I’m surprised. “How did that go?”

  “He was awesome. He gave me a big hug and said nothing had changed for him.”

  “I think you’ll be surprised at the number of people that don’t see being gay as such a horrible thing. I’m glad it went well.” That will make things easier with Nick and Megan now. And, maybe a bit odd. Yeah, I can see why he doesn’t want to come out here. We’ve reached my car, and a quick shiver runs through me. “When are you leaving?” Sadness returns.

  “Next week. This isn’t good-bye today. I’ll make sure I see you before I go.” He drops my pack from his shoulder.

  I unlock my car door and when I pull, it groans open. “Want me to make you dinner next week? I have Clara’s jambalaya recipe.” I smile at him.

  He smiles too, and the backpack thuds onto my passenger seat as he tosses it in the car. “That sounds great. Maybe we can play train too.”

  Driving home I’m a mess. First finding out Jason and Cassie are a thing, then Clara not coming back, and Blaine leaving. I can’t decide what to process first. Tomorrow might be a long run day.

  Chapter 43

  “Hey! Did you hear about the party?” I’m running on Gold Camp Road, which is a long dirt road not well-travelled. Jason drives next to me at the speed I’m running so he can talk to me. He’s aware how much I hate to stop mid-run, and it’s kind of cute.

  “Nope. Nobody invites me to things these days.” That’s not true, but I feel kind of lonely today. Blaine left last week. I slow my pace a bit and my heart rate settles enough so I can talk comfortably.

  “Well, I am. There’s a party for instructors, and it’s at my house. You probably know where it is. At the end of this road? I moved into Kaleb’s house.” Oh, boy. Kaleb lives in a house that contains seven ski instructors, usually male. It has a reputation of being a party house. It does depend on who lives there each year, but I’m pretty sure Jason will have a wild one.

  I look over through the passenger window at him. “Are you crazy? Didn’t anyone tell you it’s the party house?”

  He starts to laugh. “Don’t think I can handle it?”

  I snort. “You can handle it. Can your girlfriend?” Cassie’s boot tapping echoes in my mind.

  “Cassie isn’t my girlfriend.”

  I just about stop, but don’t. “So why is she here?” He’s single? Wait, why do I care?

  “I’m irresistible. We’ve been over this.” I look over at his big grin.

  “Oh, you’re something.” Way to avoid the question. I already know the answer. She’s not a good skier, so it was to win him back.

  “You and surfer dude sure looked chummy when I saw you at the coffee shop. I thought you broke up.” He’s enjoying this. He knows exactly what I did that day.

  I smile. “He’s moved back to California. You have nothing to worry about.”

  “Who says I’m worried? I know your kryptonite.” Boy does he ever. I don’t have to look over to know he has an evil grin on his face.

  “When?”

  “Saturday. Kaleb will be glad you’re coming. I think he has plans for you.” He snickers.

  I shake my head and chuckle. “Are we done here? I’ve got a road to run.” Great, I can imagine what Kaleb said. I wonder if he knows about Jason and me? This could be interesting. I notice Jason has stopped, but I don’t.

  He starts to drive again, and when he’s next to me he says, “By the way? The ass? It’s looking good.”

  As he drives off, I throw my water bottle at him. Dust covers the bottle as it bounces a few times. He beeps his horn and guns it. That man drives me crazy. I’ve missed him.

  I retrieve my water bottle a few steps later and wipe it on my shirt. A familiar beat-up Subaru slows down. It’s Kaleb. “Hey, Casey!”

  I give him a wave and keep running. He drives up ahead of me and pulls over. Crap. I don’t want to stop. He’s getting out of his car? I shake my head. When I get to him I say, “Hope you plan to run with me, I hate to stop.” He starts to jog. I know he’s in decent shape from biking all summer, but considering he has on hiking boots, I wonder how long he can keep up.

  “So. I’m having a party Saturday. For all the instructors. You should come and meet them.” He’s already out of breath. Of course, I did pick up the pace.

  “Sure, sounds fun. What time?” His face is flushed, and his flannel shirt flaps in the wind. I’m cruel, but this is so amusing. I’m tempted to draw out the conversation longer.

  “You can come.” He breathes heavier now. “Anytime you want. Most people. Will come around four.”

  I’m enjoying myself way too much. “Can I bring anything?”

  He looks like he’s in pain. “Nope. Just you.”

  I have to cut this short. If he hurts himself, then I will have to stop. “Great, I’ll be there.” I break into a sprint.

  Chapter 44

  “Please tell me you’re bored.” I text Megan. I’ve been out of work for three weeks and am going stir-crazy.

  “Totally”

  “Silverthorne?” I need new jeans. Might as well work what I’ve got at that instructor party. Silverthorne is the town near us where we can shop. It’s not exactly a fashion mecca, but it works.

  “Yes!”

  “I’ll come get you in 30.”

  As I pull into the driveway of Nick and Megan’s apartment building, she’s already running down the stairs. She opens the door and slides in. “I’m so glad you texted! I’ve watched way too many zombie shows and might start eating brains.” She chuckles while buckling her seat belt.

  “I know what you mean. Clara’s house has never been cleaner.”

  “All right. Let’s get this out of the way.” She pauses, and I know what she’s about to say. “Nick and I know about Blaine. Are you okay?”

  “Actually, I am. Now that I know, it explains so much. I still can’t fathom how he lived with such a big secret for so long.”

  “It blew me away when Nick told me. I know he’ll be fine, but I can’t imagine what went through your mind when you found out.”

  I stop at a red light and look over at her. “Mostly, that I should have listened to my gut. I suspected it for a while. We never, how do I say this? Completed the act.”

  She looks shocked. “Holy shit. I never would have guessed that. You guys sure spent a lot of time touching each other.”

  “I know.” The light has turned green, and I start to drive. Silverthorne is a straight shot once you get on the highway.

  To lighten the mood she says, “Wow, the next guy that gets you is in for treat. You must be ready to explode.” She giggles. Then she says, “Nick and I won’t be telling anyone, just so you know.”

  “Thanks. I feel like that’s Blaine’s secret to share, and selfishly, I’m not sure I would want to think people were talking about us. Even if he is gone now.”

  “Are you excited for the party? Oh! I just realized. Jason will be there.” She looks at me with a gleam in her eye as she reaches over and adjusts the heat.

  “Why, yes, he will. That’s why I need new jeans.” I flash her a smile.

  “Kaleb will too. He is so hot for you it’s not funny.” She snorts.

  “Yeah, I’m afraid he thinks I’m a sex fiend. I’m kind of nervous to be around him. If he only knew.” We both laugh.

  Chapter 45

  Rocking my new skinny jeans, I look through my closet f
or just the right top. I settle for a simple white tee and a cropped jacket. Along with my new ankle boots, it all works. I’m not sure why, but I’m nervous. Megan will be there to hang with, and I know quite a few instructors through Blaine. Maybe it’s new beginnings. A new job, a whole new group of people to see each day, and I’ll be working with Jason. My stomach flutters at the thought.

  Feeling bad about making Kaleb run, I made a double batch of chocolate chip cookies to bring as an apology. Besides, it doesn’t seem right to just show up empty-handed, and I certainly had the time to make them. Using the box from my new boots, I line it with tinfoil and place the cookies inside. After a quick makeup check in the bathroom mirror, I’m ready.

  I’ve been to the house once before with Blaine and remember it as something similar to a frat house. There had been a faint smell of stale beer and rotten garbage. I didn’t make it past the great room the front door opened into, but I imagined a sink full of dishes and a bathroom that would have made me want to squat over the toilet and try not to touch anything. I was expecting the guys had cleaned for this, but I put baby wipes in my glove box just in case.

  Parking starts on the side of the road well before the house—it’s past five. Voices carry over the music, and a wave of relief sooths my nerves. I’m comfortable I won’t make too much of an entrance. I grab the box of cookies, stick my phone and keys in my pocket, and make my way toward the house.

  A two-story log home typical of Colorado mountain communities, the yard is a bit scrappy-looking, but the house isn’t. It has a big porch with rustic rocking chairs and a porch swing. Imagining the guys in them makes me smile. My boots clomp on the wooden steps. The front door is majestic. Sized for a giant, it’s wider and taller than most. There’s a big wrought-iron doorknocker I’m tempted to use. I let myself in and enter the great room. My eyes are drawn up two stories where random skis and snowboards are hanging like mobiles. An antler chandelier glows. Lodge-like in atmosphere, everything is wood. An oversized fireplace is set in the wall to my left. A few people are inside, but most are on a huge deck out back.

  I begin to scan for Kaleb. His voice travels from the kitchen, which is in the back and off to the right. I notice a faint scent of pine and lemon. They cleaned. I don’t recognize anyone yet, and butterflies flutter in my stomach. Kaleb sees me the moment I walk into the kitchen. He and Chris are arranging hamburgers and hot dogs on a platter. “Casey!”

  Holding out the box, I approach. When Blaine and I were together, I had no trouble giving him a hug or a quick kiss on the cheek. But knowing what I do now, I think it’s best to keep a safe distance. “These are a lame attempt at an apology. I’m sorry I made you run with me the other day. I’m a bit of a control freak about my running and hate to stop. Next time, just drive slow next to me. It’s easier.” I flash him a big smile.

  He takes the overfilled box of cookies from me and grabs one. Biting in, his eyes light up. Good, he likes them. With a full mouth he says, “It was no big deal. These are great.” I’m forgiven. “The keg is on the deck. Grab a cup and write your name on it.”

  “Thanks.” I take a blue Solo cup and write “Casey” on it with a black Sharpie. The moment I step onto the back deck, I thank myself for wearing a cute jacket. It looks like this is where the party will stay. Tiki torches are set up, and Christmas lights are already decorating the deck. Nice, I love the holidays and will be happy to see these sparkling in the dark. I spy Megan and make my way over.

  She stands with two women. “Casey. Come meet Liza and Heather.” She points to each as she says their name. “Have you decided on kids or adults yet?”

  “Hi.” The two women give me a “Hi” back. “No, I know I would love kids, but it seems teaching adults would make me a better skier. What do you think?”

  Megan turns to them, “Casey is an amazing skier already. She just needs the instructor polish.” Turning back she says, “I think you should teach adults. You’re right. It will improve your skiing.”

  Heather is a true blond with blue eyes. She’s older than we are, I would guess in her thirties. “I have to agree.” I’m surprised to hear her Australian accent. “There are plenty of great skiers teaching kids, but you have to focus on making all the trainings. It’s not like you never get to teach kids, either. You’ll get pulled over when things get crazy.”

  Liza pulls her long brown hair back as if she were going to make a ponytail and then flips it over a shoulder and onto her chest. “Definitely do adults. Then you can work with us.” She pauses. “Are you the one that dated Blaine?”

  “I am.” I blush a little and am not sure why.

  Liza smiles at me. “We heard all about you. It was a big deal when surfer boy got a girlfriend. Especially one that could ski. A lot of hearts were broken that day. I hear he, Nick, and Megan were making sure you would get to hang at the mid station teaching the upper-level lessons with them. I’m bummed he won’t be here this year.” She doesn’t ask why, and it makes me like her instantly.

  “Yeah, I miss him too.” I’d spent many hours thinking about how fun our winter together would be.

  Sadness clouds Heather’s eyes. “I’m going to miss Tim. Those two together were fun.”

  Tears well up all around. They were probably part of the search party. Megan changes the subject. “Who needs a beer? Casey, let’s go fill yours.” We pass burgers sizzling on the grill. “Have you seen Jason yet?”

  I snort. “Megan, you’re dying for me to have a boyfriend again, aren’t you?”

  “You forget I saw you two dancing. Something tells me your relationship was steam-my.” She has a sly look on her face. Then she chuckles. “Besides, you need a little nookie before you explode.”

  I swat her arm. “Stop.” I giggle.

  Nick has joined us. He and I exchange a quick kiss. “So what’s this about exploding?”

  Heat flushes my face. Megan says, “Oh, I’m just arranging her booty call, that’s all.” I’m dying here.

  “Should I go get Kaleb?” Nick’s eyes dance. Now I’m sure my face is the shade of a tomato.

  “Can we please talk about something else?”

  Nick can’t let it drop. He leans in closer. “It’s not just Kaleb. A couple of other guys have asked me about you. You’re one of the new girls and, believe me, they’ve noticed.”

  I know they’re both trying to let me know I’m attractive, and I’m grateful. “Do you two know how much I love you?”

  “We love you too.” Nick makes a show of searching the crowd. “You need to meet Ian. Where is he?”

  Megan starts to laugh, and I ask, “Do I want to know?”

  “A couple of years ago Ian was caught in the bathroom with his girlfriend. Let’s just say we’re all sure of his sexual preferences.” Megan adds, “Really, he’s an awesome guy, too. He would be a great boyfriend.”

  “How about I just meet people and discover their boyfriend potential later? Would that be okay? Because if you two keep it up, I won’t be able to look any guy here in the eye.” I smile to make sure they know I’m not upset.

  Nick puts his arm around my shoulders. “I’ll stop. But if you need any help? Just say the word.”

  I lean into him. “You’ll be the first one I ask.”

  Nick releases me and gives Megan a quick kiss. “I’ll let you two do the girl thing.”

  Watching Nick walk away I notice Jess. She is dressed in skinny jeans and a cropped chunky sweater. Her salon-blond hair is in a high ponytail and flips about with her animated talking. She has on cute boots and looks great. “Look at Jess’s boots. I’m having a jelly moment.”

  “Love them.” Megan squints. “I’ll knock her down; you take the boots and run.”

  I snicker. “I like how you think.” I hear a familiar voice. Jason. He’s with a group of guys. He got a haircut, but his hair is still long enough so he has that sexy swoop thing goin
g on. He looks quite yummy from where I stand. I avert my eyes back to Megan.

  She takes my arm. “C’mon. Let’s mingle. There are so many people you need to meet.”

  Megan spends the night introducing me to what seems like one hundred people. Everyone is welcoming. I find out there are two locker rooms, and the one I’m in on Peak 8 with Megan and Nick is the smaller of them. With seventy-five instructors, it’s an intimate group. I wonder what locker room Jason’s in.

  Megan has gone off to the bathroom, and I stand alone. Daylight has faded and the Christmas lights twinkle. Cold, I have wrapped my arms around myself and contemplate going to my car for a fleece. I catch Jason’s eye. From across the deck he nods toward the door, indicating I should meet him there. I flash back to so many times in our past when a simple nod like that meant he was ready to leave. I get that familiar spark in my belly. Touching fleece and cotton arms, I push my way through a few people and make my way to the door.

  “You’re cold. Come with me and we’ll get you a fleece.” Jason leads the way inside. “Want to see my room?” He has a slightly suggestive tone in his voice.

  My body says, Hell yeah! “Sure.” He walks down the hall and I follow. We pass the bathroom and two bedrooms on either side. Climbing the wooden stairs, our feet step in time. When we get to the top, there’s a hall with four doors. At the end is a ladder made of boards nailed to the wall. It leads up to the eaves over the kitchen.

  “This is kind of a hard ladder to climb. You go first.”

  I’m tempted to make a wise comment about how he just wants to see my butt. Instead, I’m remember the last time I went up a ladder before him. The spark has now progressed to a smolder. My boots are awkward and my arms ache as I climb. I scramble into the loft and notice the windows first. It’s not a big space, but there are two skylights and one wall window facing the mountain range. Pine and his musky wood scent permeate the air. My body welcomes it with open arms. In the corner is a rolling rack with hanging clothes and built-in cubbies with more. His bed is a mattress on the floor. “This is a great room.”