Crave

by Violet Vaughn

  Blaine grins. “Tell you what. I’ll just eat what you can’t finish.”

  “Naw, I’m feeling generous today. Here.” I hold out a fork.

  He takes a bite and moans. “Oh yeah, this is heaven.”

  I put a frosting-heavy piece in my mouth and lick the fork as I pull it out of my mouth. “Uh-huh.” The sweet chocolate races right to my bloodstream. I lean back with my coffee cup in my hands. It’s an oversized mug, and warmth soon soothes my icy fingers.

  “Tell me about your job. Is it in engineering?”

  “Umm-hmm.” He swallows his coffee. “I work for a solar company. We set up systems for big buildings. My job is to lay out the design and manage the installation.”

  “So you get to be outside?”

  “I do. And a couple of the guys love to surf. We often catch a few waves before work.” He takes another bite of cake.

  “That’s awesome.” I sit forward for more chocolate.

  Blaine sets his fork down and reaches for his pack. “I have presents for you.” He unzips the big pocket and pulls out three packages.

  “How am I supposed to eat cake when there are presents?”

  “It’s all part of my plan to get half.” He sets the gifts on the table and reaches for his fork. “Open the big one first. It’s Clara’s.”

  The package is rectangular and flat. I think it’s a framed picture, and I’m anxious to see it. I tear the paper and reveal a photograph of Blaine, the kids, and me. We’re sitting on Benjamin’s floor with the train set up. I clutch it to my chest. “I love it.” Holding it out to Blaine, I ask, “Did you see this?”

  “I got the same one. I will treasure it always.” He leans forward. “Now Jenny’s.” He hands me what looks like a shoebox. His eyes shine with tears.

  I open the present and my hands wrap around a soft teddy bear just like hers. “Brownie?”

  “She said you must be lonely without me and—” His voice cracks and I hear a gulp. “When she misses Daddy, she hugs Brownie tight.” A tear rolls down his cheek.

  My eyes well up with tears too. I scoot to the edge of my chair and reach for his hands. He grabs on, and I can almost feel his pain radiate into my fingers.

  Releasing my hands, he wipes his eyes with the back of his sleeve. “Okay, this next one is important. I need to get it right.”

  He hands me a small velvet box that isn’t wrapped. It snaps open and I find a glass gem in a plastic silver ring. Blaine reaches over and removes it from the box.

  “Benjamin wants me to ask if he can marry you.” His warm hand takes mine, and he slips it on my finger. “I was supposed to get on my knee, but let’s just pretend that happened.”

  “Oh, Blaine, that is too cute.” I get out of my chair to hug him and he stands to meet me. His arms wrap around me tight. It’s a bittersweet moment as I think about how I had wanted this from him not so long ago. “Tell Benjamin I’ll wait. Thank you, these are such precious gifts.” I pull back to kiss him on the cheek and I notice Jess scowl toward us.

  An evil thought overcomes me, and I kiss him on the lips instead. I hold for a moment with the intention of making it look like more. Blaine pulls away and cocks his head at me in question.

  I give him a dismissive wave. “I’m sorry. Jess was glaring at us, and I couldn’t help it. I’m awful, I know.” I swipe a stray tear from my cheek.

  He shakes his head at me. “I don’t think I’ll ever get girls.”

  “You don’t have to.” I chuckle as I watch Jess leave the cafe.

  Chapter 59

  “Damn it!” My car won’t start. I turn the key in the ignition one more time. I know it’s pointless when I hear just a ticking noise. I must have left something on to drain the battery. I text Heather. “My car won’t start, I’m going to be late. Sorry!” I hope my neighbor is still home.

  ***

  I get to the Kids’ Castle just after the groups have all left. I find Heather talking to Blaine by the signs. Her laughter makes me smile as I approach them. “I finally made it. I’m so sorry.”

  “No worries. Jess was here to free ski, and I had her suit up for the morning.” Jess is with Jason? And I ruined her date with Blaine? Oh, boy.

  “Oh, good. So what should I do until lunch time?”

  Heather winks at me. “You should play hooky with me. Blaine and I are off to ski the bowl as long as my radio stays quiet.”

  “Sounds great to me.” I hear a hollow thump as I drop my skis and prepare to click in.

  Blaine leans over his poles. “Looks like we get to ski together after all.” I flash him a smile and remember how much fun we had last winter.

  “Let’s go.” Heather leads the way to the chair.

  After an amazing morning of powder, I walk into the chaos of lunch in the Kids’ Castle. The smell of pizza and French fries reminds my stomach I’m hungry. I grab a slice from the kitchen and find my group. “Hey, Jess, thank you for taking my place this morning. If you ever need me to cover for you, just ask.”

  “You’re welcome.” She stands and clears her plate.

  “Blaine’s in the locker room if you want to ski with him this afternoon. I told him I would send you over.”

  She squints her eyes and tilts her head like she doesn’t believe me. “Okay.” Huh. I wonder what that was about.

  Jason is at the other end of the table. He’s engaged in conversation with the boys. I call to him. “How was your morning?”

  He looks up with anger in his eyes. “Fine.” Wow, Jess must be a bitch to work with too. “Hey, guys, let’s do a boys’ afternoon. Finish up quickly and we can get going.” Geesh, it’s not like I planned to have a dead battery. Why is he running out on me?

  Before I have a chance to ask him what’s wrong, Jason gets up and walks away. I sit at the table and chat with the girls. Jason yells from across the room. “Guys, let’s go!” A flurry of helmets, mittens, and coats respond.

  I spend the afternoon giggling with little girls. The whole dynamic of our group has turned silly. It helps keep my mind off Jason until I bring them back. He isn’t at the sign to meet parents. Heather is with his boys instead. “Hey, where’s Jason?”

  “He wasn’t feeling good, so I told him to go. I’ll let you deal with this.” She gives me a quick wave as she walks off to tend to her usual duties.

  After the last child is gone, I collect my skis and hike back to the locker room. I wipe snow off the top of a ski and shake it onto the ground. If I didn’t know better, I would swear Jason is avoiding me. This is so strange. I clomp down the metal steps with trepidation.

  I place my skis in the rack and a firm hand grabs my arm. “What the hell, Casey?” It’s Megan, and her teeth are clenched with anger. She pulls me into the ladies room. “What the hell did you do?” Whoa.

  “What are you talking about?” My face flushes with shame. Why? I have no idea, but I must have done something awful.

  “I thought you were into Jason. Blaine shows up, and the next thing I know, you’re getting married. What the fuck, Casey? I can’t believe you’d hurt Jason like that.” Her hands move a mile a minute, and her eyes are wild.

  “What are you talking about? Blaine and I aren’t getting married.” Now my blood starts to boil. “Where did you hear that?”

  “Jason told me and Nick a little while ago. He said Blaine proposed to you in The Baked Bean yesterday.” She runs her hands through her hair. “So, it isn’t true?”

  Wait. Oh. Oh, shit. “No. Wow. Okay, I think I know what happened.” I start to pace. “Remember Tim’s kids, Jenny and Benjamin?” She nods. “Benjamin gave me a plastic ring for Christmas because he thinks he wants to marry me when he grows up.” I place my hands on the edge of the sink and look into the mirror at her. “Blaine put it on my finger, and I’ll bet Jess saw it happen.” I close my eyes and hang my head. “Crap, Megan. It ge
ts worse.”

  “What do you mean it gets worse?”

  I take a deep breath. “I kissed Blaine. It wasn’t anything more than a friend kiss. But I kind of lingered because I knew Jess was watching. My inner bitch wanted to see her squirm.”

  “Wow. Karma sucks big time right now.” She crosses her arms and shakes her head. “Don’t get me wrong. I would have done the same thing in your shoes. But you have a mess to clean up. You better find Jason.”

  “I know.” No wonder he was so pissed. I pull out my phone and pound out a text to him. “It’s not what you think. I can explain everything. Where are you?”

  And then I realize I’ve heard that before. I need to do better. I send another text. “Blaine and I are not engaged.”

  Chapter 60

  This is killing me. Jason won’t return my texts. I’m about to be stalker girl and go to his house. Either that or wear a hole in the carpet pacing. I shove my feet in my boots, grab my coat and keys, and jog to my car. The night sky is crystal clear with hundreds of stars. I can just make out the ominous mountain line of the Continental Divide. My engine whines as I speed down Gold Camp road.

  Slowing down, I can’t spot Jason’s truck. Where is he? I pull to a stop on the side of the road by the walkway. The emergency break screeches as I give it a yank. I can’t help it; I jog to the door and let myself in. “Anyone home?”

  Bill steps out of the kitchen. “Hey. Jason isn’t here.” A blond head leans out. Jess?

  I send lasers at her with my eyes. “I need to talk to you.” My feet pound the wood floor to the kitchen. “I know what you saw at the coffee shop probably looked like it, but Blaine and I aren’t engaged. He was giving me a toy ring from Tim’s son.” Oh hell, I should tell all. “And the kiss.” Crap, I can’t do it. “It was just a friendly one.”

  “It’s okay. I know. Blaine explained everything this afternoon. And I mean everything.” She shakes her head, and with a sneer adds, “I can’t believe you dated him so long before you knew.”

  Yeah, okay. I’m still glad I made her squirm with that kiss. “Good. Do either of you know where Jason is?”

  Jess’s mouth twitches with a smile she tries to contain. “Nope. But he was really pissed at you this morning.” She gives me a fake apologetic look. “Sorry.”

  Yeah, I’ll bet. My eyebrows lower and my eyes squint. I’ve never beat up a girl, but I’m tempted right now. Instead, I turn and stomp back to my car.

  When I get home I check my phone for the millionth time just in case I didn’t hear or feel a text come in. Damn it. I call one more time and leave another message. “Jason, please. I hate that you were hurt by a misunderstanding. Please, let me explain everything. I love you.”

  It’s late and I’ve got to stop. I lay my phone on the kitchen counter and flop down on the couch. I reach over to the coffee table and pick up the ring. The glass gem catches the living room light. I picture Benjamin and hear his little voice. “Casey, can I marry you?” Tears spill out. I cry myself to sleep.

  Chapter 61

  I park next to Jason’s truck. Chances are good he just got here if I got a space next to him. Waking up late on the couch ruined any shot at first chair today. But at least I’m at work on time. Still no reply to my texts or phone calls, my stomach is in knots. What’s going through his head?

  I throw my bag over my shoulder and hear the click of the lock turn on my car door. Jogging to the locker room, I have one thing on my mind: find Jason and explain. I glance at my empty aisle and move on to the ski rack. His skis are gone. I take a deep breath and let it out.

  Padding back to my locker, I form a new plan. Okay. I don’t want to do this in front of the kids. My locker door twangs with the impact of slamming against metal. I yank out my things and shove my bag inside.

  He knows what happened if he read his phone. As of this morning, his texts didn’t show up as read, but he could have seen the notification on his screen without opening them. I wiggle into my ski pants. I turn on my phone and check again. He’s read them. Whew.

  I hear the tearing sound of my fleece zipper as I pull it up. So why is he avoiding me? Guess I’m about to find out. A quick turn of my combination lock and I’m on my way.

  Jason is already standing at the sign talking to a little boy. “Hey. You read my texts?”

  “Yeah. It’s fine.” He continues to talk to the boy.

  That’s it? I know it’s inappropriate to talk about this in front of the child, but that’s all I get? An “It’s fine?” I’m a girl here. I need a little more. How about adding a “We’re good.” A wink? Maybe touch my arm? Smile? I huff. I’m dangerously close to stamping my foot too.

  Jason interrupts my internal hissy fit. “I’ll take the boys on their own again today.” Turning to the kids that have gathered by him, he adds, “We’ve got jumps and trees to ski, right?” He fist bumps each one of them.

  I shake my head, but put on a professional face. “Sure.” I turn to the girls. “We have bumps to ski today, right girls?” They smile at me and one sticks her tongue out at the boys. Got it. I guess today I’ll bounce through the moguls and wonder what the heck is going on.

  Fortunately bumps are my favorite thing. I have a competent group of girls, and we head to E chair. Cool wind wraps around me as the sun kisses my face. The snow is light and the moguls are huge. These girls are about to learn the joy of quick turns and shock-absorber legs. And I’ll make the best of this day until I can force Jason to talk to me.

  ***

  I make it down a little late with my group at the end of the day. They were so great in the moguls that we snuck in one last run. Almost all the parents are waiting when we get to the sign. “Your girls will be tired tonight. These little ladies skied bumps like nobody’s business. I’m so proud of them.”

  I wave to them all as the families ski off. I grin because it was a fantastic ski day. I lean on a ski pole to push the back of my binding and release my foot. I hear a click and remove it from the ski. My legs feel a bit like jelly as I shuffle toward the locker room. A yawn creeps up on me. My face prickles with the burn of too much sun. I can’t seem to wear enough sunscreen and probably have quite the goggle face.

  Megan skis down and stops just below me. She lifts her goggles onto her helmet. “Did you get everything sorted out with Jason?”

  I sigh. “I don’t know. I didn’t get to talk to him until we were meeting kids. All he said was, “It’s fine.” He didn’t even open my texts until this morning.”

  I stop and wait as she wipes the snow off her skis before putting them on her shoulder. “That’s it?”

  “Yup. I’m going to force him to talk to me now. I can’t take this.” Snow flies forward from my kick at the ground.

  “I bet he turned off his phone. Last night he went to the gym with Nick, and then they went out for burgers. I didn’t get much, but I think after the shock wore off Jason realized you wouldn’t marry Blaine.” She pulls open the door and the scent of sweat wafts toward us.

  “That’s good to know, thanks.” I drop my skis in the rack with a clunk and don’t see Jason’s. Huh, I thought he was back already. “He’s not here.” Tears fight to fall.

  Megan tilts her head to toward the ladies room. “C’mon.”

  As soon as the door shuts, Megan pulls me into a hug. “Go ahead, cry if you need to.”

  I hug her back and sniff. “No, I’m okay.” I pull away. “I didn’t get much sleep last night. This whole thing is so screwed up. I’m pretty sure he isn’t mad now, but something isn’t right. Why would he be avoiding me?” I check out my sunburn in the mirror.

  “Who knows? He’s a guy. He probably thinks it’s all sorted out because of some conversation you had in his head.” She chuckles.

  I give her a wry grin. “You may be right.” I hold the door open for us to go to our lockers.

  ***

>   Nippy winds blow my hair back as I walk out of the locker room. My legs ache with the familiar exhaustion of a hard ski day. I look toward my car and see Jason’s truck is still here. Perfect. He can’t escape me now.

  I throw my bag into my car and move to the back of his truck. My quads whine in complaint as I squat down and slide my fingers along the underneath of the bumper. The grit is rough, but I find the little magnetic metal key box. With force, I slide the rusty cover open and pull out his spare.

  I let myself into the cab and find the blanket tucked behind the passenger seat. Benjamin’s ring is in my coat pocket. I slide the light plastic onto my finger. The woodsy scent of Jason drifts over me as I snuggle in for the wait.

  A few rounds of a game on my phone pass the time until I notice him. Recognition spreads to his face. Nope, he’s not mad. I think he might even be amused.

  The door opens. “You found my spare key?” He slides in, slams the door and turns to lean against it. His arms are crossed.

  “I did.” I rush on before he can manage to avoid me. I hold my hand up to his face so he can see the ring. “Remember me telling you about Clara’s kids? This was a gift from Benjamin. Jess must have seen Blaine put it on my finger and jumped to the wrong conclusion.” I take a deep breath. “And I also made a friendly kiss look like a passionate one to make her mad.” I cringe at my pettiness. “I’m sorry.”

  He chuckles. “Only you could make such a mess.” And then his face turns sober. “I was pretty pissed at you when Jess told me. But once I calmed down, I thought long and hard about us. I figured maybe you said yes because he offered you children.”

  “I—” He holds up a hand for me to stop.

  “I know you think it doesn’t matter now. But it will matter someday. I can’t be with you knowing that will happen if I don’t want kids.” My stomach clenches and my throat gets thick.