The Merchant's Love

by Antonia Aquilante

  Faelen nodded and proceeded to tell him what had happened, or at least some of it. Maxen knew quite well he wasn’t getting every detail of the story, and he tried to resign himself to that. For all he knew, Faelen didn’t have more information anyway. By the time Faelen reached the end of the story, Maxen was too stunned to speak.

  “What made the last couple of days worse was that Bastien was kidnapped because of what he knew.”

  “What?” Maxen shook his head. “Is he all right? Was he found?”

  “Yes. I’m not allowed to say how, but the important thing is that he’s home safe.” Faelen sighed. “I don’t know Bastien well—neither Alexander nor I do. We’re a bit younger, and we’ve been away for a long time. But Philip was so worried. He hid it… I suppose he has to hold everything in. Amory is probably the only one he lets in. It’s really wonderful that they have that bond. I remember Philip from before, when he didn’t have anyone to lean on. Or, anyone he thought he could lean on…”

  Faelen seemed to shake himself out of his tangent. “Cathal, Etan too—they all were so worried. And everyone put as much on hold as possible and did all they could to get Bastien back. Even if it only meant supporting everyone else. Sorry, I’m rambling.”

  “It’s all right.” Maxen wanted to reach out, but he wasn’t sure it would be welcome.

  “It was scary, what happened to Bastien, and the waiting was horrible. But having everyone there, just being good to each other and doing all we could, it made me feel very lucky in my family.”

  Maxen had another of those slightly odd moments when he was reminded the royal family were real people. They’d always been almost figures out of a tale, not part of his world in a solid way. But Faelen was one of them, and he spoke of them as treasured family. Sometimes, it took Maxen a moment to reconcile it.

  “It sounds as if you are.”

  Faelen smiled, brilliant and sweet, as he turned to look at Maxen. “The relief was all a bit much after everything else, and I needed to get away for a little while. I was on my way here before I thought about it. Then I wondered if I’d be intruding…”

  “I told you you’re not. You’re welcome any time. I always want to see you.”

  Faelen laughed a bit. “I’m sure you’ll get tired of me sometime.”

  He couldn’t make it the joke Faelen had prompted. “I can’t imagine that.”

  Faelen held a breath for a moment and then let it out. He glanced away. When he spoke, his voice had a teasing lilt to it. “Well, distract me, then.”

  Maxen let the moment pass and cast about for something that might do the trick. “Oh! Did you hear the story going around that someone saw a dragon flying outside the city last night? They must have been seeing things—or drunk. I mean, dragons aren’t real.”

  He trailed off when he saw the look on Faelen’s face. Faelen bit his lip. “Um…”

  “Faelen, are dragons real? Was there a dragon outside Jumelle late last night?” he asked carefully and slowly.

  “Um…” Faelen chewed on his lip for a moment more. “This you really can’t tell anyone. Philip and Amory—all of us—are hoping that most people didn’t see anything and won’t believe something so outrageous.”

  “I certainly didn’t believe it. But you’re telling me it’s true.”

  “There was a dragon flying last night. I can’t say anything else.”

  “More things that aren’t yours to tell?” Maxen asked before he gave in to impatience.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s all right.” He had no right to royal secrets or secrets about dragons or knowledge of how the two might intersect, despite his desire to know. “As much as I like to know everything, I know I can’t.”

  Faelen laughed, brighter. “You and Alexander. He’s too curious for his own good too.”

  Maxen wasn’t certain about being compared to Faelen’s twin… “All right, let me see if I can think of something else to distract you.”

  “You really don’t have to. I was just teasing.” Faelen smiled. “I interrupted your evening. Wine and a book. And…are those cookies?”

  Maxen choked back a laugh. He snagged the plate off the table and offered it to Faelen. “Have a cookie. And you didn’t do anything except improve my evening. I like your company.”

  Faelen’s cheeks pinked. “Still.”

  “So let’s spend an evening in each other’s company with our books.” It might be a mad idea or utterly silly, but it was the best he had. Besides, Faelen fit so well in the picture of his perfect evening.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Let’s read for a while. We can discuss the book too if you like. And eat cookies.”

  “That sounds…wonderful, actually.” Faelen handed Maxen back his copy, keeping his own, and kicked off his shoes.

  Somewhat surprised that Faelen hadn’t said—in a polite, kind way—that he had no interest in the idea whatsoever, Maxen slowly resettled himself in the corner of the couch. He couldn’t stretch out again with Faelen next to him, and there was no way he was asking Faelen to move. “Do you want a blanket?”

  “Do you have another?”

  “I can get one.”

  Faelen shook his head before Maxen could move. “We can share.” Faelen moved closer to Maxen until they were pressed together side by side and laid his head on Maxen’s shoulder. “Is this all right?”

  Maxen let out a long breath at Faelen’s hesitant words and forced himself to relax. “It’s fine.”

  Perfect. It was perfect.

  He spread the blanket over both of them and opened his book. Faelen gestured for another cookie, making Maxen laugh, and once Maxen had moved the plate within reach, opened his own book as well.

  A few days later, Faelen was feeling steadier. The kidnapping—and the truth about the deaths of his aunt and uncle and Bastien’s parents—had shaken him. The idea that four people in their family had been murdered five years ago and another had been in danger because of it had left him with a sense of fear and betrayal like he’d never known before. He’d thought he understood the potential for betrayal and danger at court, but he hadn’t realized it could be so deadly. Faelen had been so disturbed he’d barely acknowledged the wonder that there were dragons in the world.

  Alexander had been shaken too—he’d known something was going on, and told Faelen so multiple times since just after Etan’s wedding, but neither of them expected what had happened. Philip had to be taking everything much harder, but if Faelen knew anything, it was that Amory, steadfast at his side, would help him through it.

  Faelen had run to Maxen when he’d been upset.

  In the past, he’d always gone to Alexander. His twin was the one who could always comfort him, make him feel less alone. But Faelen’s first thought had been of Maxen, how Maxen’s presence could soothe and distract him. And it had. Everything about the cozy scene he’d walked into, and the way Maxen had invited him to share it, had smoothed over the ragged edges, letting him breathe a little easier.

  He wasn’t sure why he’d been so bold in cuddling up against Maxen, but he’d wanted the closeness, and he’d only wanted it with him. That desire to be close to Maxen had been creeping up on him—it had to have been because suddenly it was just there, urging him to lean into Maxen, to touch, when before he’d been happy simply in his company.

  A few times during the evening, he’d been hit with the sudden urge to kiss Maxen.

  He could see it, so clearly in his mind, and warmth flashed through him at just the thought. Faelen had never felt that way about anyone before. He’d been kissed, but he hadn’t much cared about the experience, and he hadn’t initiated those encounters. For so long, he’d fought the idea that there was something wrong with him because he never wanted anyone that way, and he’d come to believe there wasn’t—it was just him. Now he found himself wanting Maxen that way, and he had no idea what to do with it. He’d been too stunned that night to find out if Maxen would even want to kiss him.

/>   He thought maybe Maxen would.

  But even if Faelen hadn’t been shocked into paralysis, he wasn’t sure he was ready. He needed to live with the knowledge for a little while, to let it sink in and become real. Perhaps it was good that he hadn’t done more than exchange notes with Maxen over the last few days, but they were going to see each other that night, and he still wasn’t sure what, if anything, he would do.

  “Is everything all right, Faelen?” Amory asked from behind him.

  Faelen jumped and turned. Amory was walking toward him in the corridor. “Yes, fine. I didn’t hear you coming.”

  “I don’t think you were quite all here.” Amory linked his arm with Faelen’s, starting them both walking again. “You look troubled. Are you sure you’re all right?”

  Faelen didn’t like that he was walking around the palace with his face so easily read, even if it was in the wing where only the family apartments were. He forced on a mask of calm. “Yes,” he said finally. “Just thinking.”

  Amory nodded slowly. “Anything you want to talk about? Or need to talk about? Though you obviously don’t have to do that with me.”

  “Maybe?”

  Another nod, but all Amory said was, “I’m here. I know you always have Alexander to talk to, but if you need someone else.”

  He didn’t like the idea of talking to Alexander about this, which dismayed him more than a little. He and Alexander talked about everything. Alexander also worried about Faelen because he hadn’t shown much of an interest—any interest at all, though he’d pretended a time or two before he lost patience—in anyone and didn’t always handle people taking an interest in him well. And maybe because Faelen was just naturally quieter than Alexander. Sometimes Faelen chafed under his concern.

  “You know I’ve become friends with Maxen,” he said.

  “Yes. It seems like the two of you are getting close.”

  “I think I want to kiss him.” He said it in a rush of quiet words. A wave of hot and cold flooded through him, leaving him a little sick. He took a slow, deep breath, trying to calm down. It was ridiculous to be worried about admitting something so innocent, and to Amory, not even to Maxen.

  Amory’s lips curved slightly. “Does Maxen want to kiss you?”

  Faelen pushed his hair behind his ear with a jerky movement. “I don’t know. I’m not good at noticing those things. Well, I am when they’re too intense or pushy or obvious, but that just makes me run in the other direction.”

  “You and Alexander do get a lot of attention.”

  “Oh? I haven’t really noticed.”

  “I didn’t think you had. Alexander does, and sometimes he likes it. That’s easy to see, and there’s nothing wrong with it. But you’re different from him, and there’s nothing wrong with that either.” Amory’s quiet words held no judgment or censure, which calmed Faelen.

  “I’ve never wanted to kiss anyone, never felt a pull like this.”

  “You’ve never been attracted to anyone the way you are to Maxen?”

  Faelen nodded. “I’m not sure what to do with it, to be honest.”

  “Well, I suppose either you act on it or you don’t.”

  He sent Amory a wry look. “I’d gotten that far on my own.”

  Amory laughed. “You aren’t always quiet, that much I’ve learned. Listen, if you’d like to see what could happen between you and Maxen, then your first step is to talk to him and see if he feels the same. If so, kiss him.”

  “You make that sound so simple.”

  “It is, and it isn’t. I haven’t been in your shoes, Faelen, but if you want something more, you have to talk to him. You can’t just hope he’ll figure it out someday. If you don’t want anything more, then you ignore the attraction until it goes away.”

  Faelen didn’t like the idea of it going away. And not only because he’d never felt this way before. Maxen was rather wonderful in a lot of ways. The thought of kissing him was wonderful too, even if it did unleash a swarm of butterflies in his stomach that made him queasy.

  “I don’t think,” he said, each word coming slowly and carefully, “I want to ignore it.”

  “Then you need to say something to Maxen. If it’s any comfort, I doubt he’ll turn you down. Even at the wedding, he looked at you as if you were the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.”

  Faelen didn’t know how to respond. Maxen had been looking at him at the wedding, but did he really feel that way—still feel that way? He hadn’t said anything, and Faelen couldn’t help but wonder.

  He looked up when Amory opened a door. “Where are we? Oh, your suite?”

  Amory laughed and squeezed his arm a bit. “You weren’t paying attention. I’m sorry. I’ve probably taken you out of your way.”

  “It’s all right. I don’t have to be anywhere yet. And it’s been good to talk.”

  “Any time. You know that, right?” Amory looked at him, his gaze serious. “I’m very happy you’re here with us, Faelen.”

  “Me too. And thank you.”

  Amory smiled. “No thanks necessary. Now, I need to look in on Julien. He’s playing with Alain—Captain Loriot’s son. Have you met him?”

  “I didn’t know Captain Loriot had a son.”

  “Yes, he’s a few years older than Julien, but we found out a few months ago that he wanted to meet us and Julien, and when we put them together, they were instantly friends.” Amory’s smile was fond. “It’s adorable.”

  “That’s sweet.”

  “Captain Loriot was going to take Alain home in a little while, but he’s been delayed. I don’t mind keeping him longer. I just need to make sure Alain is all right and not overtired or anything. He’s been here most of the afternoon, and they’ve probably both missed naps.” Amory shook his head, amused, indulgent, and a bit exasperated. “I could ask Savarin to come get Alain.”

  “Savarin?” Suddenly a few things fell into place. “Are he and Captain Loriot…?”

  Amory laughed a bit. “They are, and doing their best to keep it quiet as long as possible. I can send a messenger to their house and see if he’s home. I don’t want to send Alain off with just anyone, and I’d like to respect their wishes to remain discreet.”

  “I could take him home for you. I’m going into the city to see Maxen anyway.”

  Amory tilted his head and looked at him.

  “I don’t know if you’re trying to figure out if I’m going to talk to Maxen tonight or if I’m serious about taking Alain home on the way.”

  Amory seemed to fight a smile. “A bit of both.”

  “I’m absolutely serious about the second, and I’m seriously considering the first.”

  “All right, then. Let’s look in on the boys.”

  Amory led the way into the nursery. Julien’s nursemaid stood and curtsied when they walked in, but Amory waved her back into her seat. Julien and a boy who must have been Alain were in the center of the large room surrounded by little animal figures. Evidence of their afternoon of play was everywhere, including a very impressive edifice of colorful blocks near the window. Alain, a brown-haired child who looked quite a bit like Loriot, was galloping a toy horse across the rug between him and Julien, making Julien, who clutched one of his toy cats, laugh his infectious giggle.

  Faelen wouldn’t have thought a five-year-old child would have that much patience with a two-year-old, but it was so nice to see. Julien didn’t have any children his age to play with, and Amory and Philip had to be pleased he’d found a friend in Alain.

  Julien saw them then and gave a happy cry of welcome. Alain stood up to bow, smiling shyly. Amory told him kindly he could sit and then got down on the floor with the boys, asking what they were playing. Faelen smiled as he took a chair nearby. Amory was so good with Julien, and with Alain too. Faelen wondered if he would be as good if he ever became a father. He liked the idea of it, someday.

  “Alain, your father has to work a while longer, but Lord Faelen has offered to take you home,” Amory said after a few m
inutes of listening to the boys—mostly Julien—talk excitedly about their games.

  “Lord Faelen?” Alain asked in a piping voice and looked up at him with bright green eyes. Amory had been right—Faelen could see fatigue in those eyes, and Julien had crawled into his father’s lap.

  “Pleased to meet you, Master Alain.”

  “And you, Lord Faelen.” Loriot—or perhaps Loriot and Savarin—had raised a polite child, one who wasn’t overly intimidated by his surroundings. Yes, he’d likely make a good friend for a toddler prince.

  “Would it be all right if I took you home?” Faelen asked. Amory could insist, but if Alain agreed from the beginning, it would make for a more pleasant experience. “I’m sure Amory will let us borrow one of the royal carriages.”

  Alain’s eyes widened. “One of the royal carriages? Can I see the horses too?”

  Faelen glanced at the little toy in Alain’s hand.

  Amory did the same. “I’m sure you can meet the horses before you set out.”

  A little while later, Faelen walked Alain out of the palace and to the courtyard in front of the stable. Alain held Faelen’s hand with one hand and the bag containing his toy horses in the other. There had been a bit of a scramble for the nursemaid to find one of them, but the little horse had been located under a chair, and all was well.

  Outside, there was a raw bite to the air, but Alain only noticed the matched gray horses hitched to the carriage waiting for them. He bounced, and Faelen tried to bite back a smile. The child was just so sweet. Faelen walked him over and boosted him up so the driver could introduce Alain to the horses.

  Faelen had been a little impatient to be on their way—then on his way to Maxen—but seeing Alain’s excitement melted it away. Alain’s joy in this simple thing was too pure for Faelen rush him through it.

  Finally, he did coax Alain into the carriage, where the child talked rapidly and excitedly about the horses as the carriage got moving, rumbling through the palace grounds and out into the city. Then, midsentence, he yawned, cuddled into Faelen’s side, and fell asleep. Faelen muffled a laugh in his hand and settled back for the short ride.