Bound to Break: Men of Honor, Book 6

by SE Jakes

  Rex pushed him down to the carpet gently, turning him to his side in the process. Wiping him down with a discarded T-shirt and grabbing a blanket from the couch to cover them. Like he knew Sawyer’s eyes wouldn’t stay open for another second.

  And they wouldn’t. He drifted, his body relaxed for the first time since before they’d started planning for the mission…until the screams woke him up.

  “Rex, come on…wake up.”

  Rex thrashed. Knew he was suspended between the dream and reality, followed the thread of Sawyer’s voice to pull him out.

  He wasn’t sure how long it took, but when he came to, Sawyer was already rubbing him down with a cool cloth, handing him water, talking to him in soothing tones.

  It had been the worst nightmare he’d had in years.

  He pushed Sawyer away and grabbed for the couch. With what seemed like too much of a major effort for such a simple task, he yanked himself from the floor and sat on the edge of the cushion, unable to look at the younger SEAL. Finally, he mumbled, “Sorry.”

  “What’s going on?” Sawyer asked. His voice held a slight demand that raised Rex’s hackles, but only for a moment. Because of course Sawyer would know something was wrong, considering Rex hadn’t been able to finish fucking him after the phone call he’d received. And Rex had been so goddamned turned around, he hadn’t known what the hell to do with himself, so he’d distracted Sawyer until he’d fallen asleep.

  And he should’ve known better than to follow Sawyer into dreamland.

  “Rex, man, come on. What’s going on?” Sawyer repeated, and Rex thought back to the message from Nate.

  “I wasn’t going to call you yet, but I have to, man. I think I found Josh. Alive. Holy fuck, Rex—Josh is alive.”

  Nate’s phone had cut off at the end. The country code put Nate in South Africa, and it had taken everything Rex had not to jump on a plane and go find him, especially when Rex hadn’t been able to get through to Nate’s phone at all last night, not even to text him.

  It can’t be true.

  But Nate knew Josh well. He wasn’t the kind of guy to see ghosts or jump to conclusions. All these years…

  He’d spent ten minutes trying to call or text Nate, another five listening to the message on a continuous loop before he’d headed back out to Sawyer.

  Sawyer, who was worried as hell.

  “I’m okay, Sawyer.”

  “I don’t believe you.”

  And there was that too. Sawyer knew him intimately, more so these recent months when they’d spent as much time together as they possibly could.

  Rex stared down at his phone, which he’d left on the coffee table, with the ringer set to blast. He hadn’t heard from Nate again, planned to call him in the morning, to track him down and find out what the fuck was really happening.

  He looked into Sawyer’s eyes and knew he had to come clean. But instead of telling him, Rex grabbed his phone and played the message from Nate on speakerphone, his eyes never leaving Sawyer’s face.

  Sawyer paled. Stared at Rex. His mouth opened and closed and he sat on the floor in front of Rex. Rex saw his hands tremble a little before he fisted them.

  “Josh. As in…Josh? Your Josh?” Sawyer asked finally.

  Your Josh. Jesus. “Yeah, that Josh.”

  “The capture…I thought…”

  “So did we. I don’t understand…” He didn’t know what else to say except, “It doesn’t change anything between us.”

  That seemed to snap Sawyer back to caretaker mode, erasing all the signs of distress that had marred his expression only moments earlier.

  “It changes everything, Rex. Ah, fuck.” Sawyer was next to him on the couch then, gathering Rex in his arms, and Rex put his head against his shoulder, grateful to have the comfort. Grateful that Sawyer allowed him to finally be stunned, the way he should be. A thousand questions were running on a constant treadmill through his mind, because this couldn’t be happening. Shouldn’t be.

  “Maybe Nate was drunk and thought it was Josh. Maybe it’s a case of wishful thinking,” he heard himself mutter, was talking more to himself than Sawyer, trying to convince himself this couldn’t be happening.

  And not because he didn’t want Josh to be safe and sound and alive, for Chrissakes. Because that meant they’d left him behind four years ago.

  That chilled Rex to the bone. He started to shake, and Sawyer wound a blanket around him, held him tighter. “No matter what happens, it’ll be okay, Rex. But you should go and bring him home. I’m sure he needs you.”

  Rex lifted his head and stared at his lover of several months. Sawyer was one hundred percent serious. Whatever issues he might have with the entire situation, and Rex was sure there would be many for both of them, none of them were clouding the man’s judgment.

  “Rex, do you want me to call Clint? I’m sure he’s got a connection to get you there ASAP.”

  “I think…if this is true, I’ve got to keep it official.”

  Official as in, the Navy still owned Josh’s ass. And if Josh was UA…or worse…

  Rex rubbed his head as it began to ache. “I’m going to have to go in officially and bring Josh back to the brig.”

  Sawyer let out a breath. Of course he’d have known that the Navy would do that, but knowing it and watching it happen were two different things.

  “Why don’t you try Nate again?” he suggested.

  Rex nodded and Sawyer handed him the phone. It had gotten buried under pillows and the like during his nightmare and now he looked and saw he’d missed some texts, first from Uncle and then one from Nate again.

  Confirmed. It’s Josh. He might have amnesia. He doesn’t remember us, Uncle’s read.

  Cell towers were down in our area. Didn’t want to use another line. The CIA’s been tracking us. Me, specifically, Nate had typed. Navy and CIA will meet us here.

  Rex swallowed hard. “Looks like I’m going to be leaving in the morning. Uncle’s already on his way. The Navy and the CIA are expecting us. I can’t believe this, Sawyer. It’s a miracle. Since it’s not a mistake, it’s got to be a miracle.”

  Sawyer smiled, and it was genuine. “I’m glad, Rex. You deserve a miracle.”

  So simple. Rex wished it could all be this way, and knew that it might never be again.

  Tomorrow morning, Rex would start the first leg of his journey to bring his SEAL teammate home. His bags were packed and waiting by the door.

  Sawyer wouldn’t be able to drive him to base. Too much scrutiny for that. He hadn’t even wanted to stay the night at Rex’s house, but the man had insisted.

  It had been an uneasy evening. Neither man was particularly hungry, but they still each shoveled food into their mouths for lack of anything to really say to each other. As much as Rex tried to reassure him—and Sawyer tried to reassure him that he didn’t need reassurance—it wasn’t working.

  Finally, they’d simply gotten into bed, where Sawyer watched a movie and Rex fell asleep. Sawyer had been surprised at that but figured it was a good thing.

  Since Rex had admitted to him that he’d been having nightmares about his time being held prisoner in South America, Sawyer had witnessed many of them firsthand. They were quiet, not what he’d expected at all. When they’d first gotten together, though, Rex would actually wait for Sawyer to fall asleep before he’d get out of bed and go to sleep on the couch. Sawyer would wake alone, stumble into the next room and sleep on top of Rex, just to prove his point. But once Sawyer had started sleeping over more, when they weren’t on a mission, Rex wasn’t as worried about Sawyer witnessing the nightmares, and they’d been getting better. Rex slept through the night more often than not.

  Rex’s nightmare earlier that evening had, understandably, been the worst Sawyer had seen. And while Rex typically didn’t have more than one nightmare in a single night, this wasn’t an ordinary night. Sawyer’s mind was still racing with the news, and he’d managed to fall into a light, fitful sleep where he had dreams about Josh Kent.
None of them made sense, but in his dreams, Sawyer was running.

  Whether it was toward someone or away from something, he didn’t know. Maybe he was looking for Rex, but the fog was too thick and he could barely breathe.

  He was trying to pull himself out of the dream but couldn’t. Not until the growling he heard grew louder. The growl woke him from a not-so-sound sleep, made him sit up with a hard jerk, ready to wrestle a fucking wolf…

  Rex’s arm slammed up. If Sawyer hadn’t moved fast, his nose would’ve been broken. He braced for Rex to come after him, but the man seemed to be fighting as though he could only be contained in that small space.

  Rex clawed at the bedding, fought an invisible enemy. Every time Rex jerked, Sawyer saw the thick scars that ran across Rex’s back.

  They also striped the back of the man’s thighs.

  “Josh, come on, you gotta wake up.”

  Sawyer flinched at Rex’s words, the raw anxiety wrapped up in them. He should’ve expected this after the news they’d gotten today.

  Now, Sawyer didn’t know what the hell to do.

  “Rex, you’re safe. You need to wake up.”

  Rex stared at him without really seeing him at all. “Josh…”

  Sawyer looked nothing like Josh. Polar opposites, actually. But right now, the only person Rex could see was his former lover.

  “Yeah, Rex…it’s Josh. Come on and wake up.” He kept his voice level, not too loud or threatening.

  “Josh, we’ve got to get the hell out of here.”

  “Rex, yeah, okay…we’re good. You’re okay.”

  Rex extended a hand. “Come on.”

  Sawyer’s throat tightened. He grabbed Rex’s hand, let the man pull him down to the mattress and hold him. “Thank God you’re safe.”

  Sawyer didn’t trust his voice, just nodded as he stared straight ahead over Rex’s shoulder. Rex held on to him for dear life and finally drifted back to sleep.

  Sawyer didn’t get any more shut-eye that night.

  Chapter Five

  Rex woke the next morning wrapped around Sawyer, which was good. But that wasn’t enough to shake the huge feeling of unease that gnawed in his gut.

  And it didn’t have everything to do with the fact that he was headed to South Africa to see Josh. Especially because the more awake he got, the more the feeling intensified, as though there was a memory he should have, but didn’t.

  He looked around the room now and realized something was awry. Everything from the top of his nightstand was on the floor. The sheets were half off the bed, the comforter too…

  “Did I miss wild sex last night?” he asked Sawyer, who glanced over his shoulder.

  A fleeting expression on the man’s face made him grow cold. “Yeah.”

  “What is it?”

  Sawyer didn’t answer, but he did shift so he was out of Rex’s arms and sitting up against the headboard.

  “Did I have a nightmare?” Rex persisted.

  “Yes.”

  “A bad one?”

  “Pretty bad.”

  He stroked a hand over Sawyer’s hair. “I’m sorry.”

  “Nothing to apologize for.”

  “I feel like there’s something. Did I hit you?”

  “You tried. I’ve always been faster than you.”

  “In your dreams,” Rex said and Sawyer’s start of a smile disappeared. “Come on, you have to tell me.”

  “You were trying to get out…you called me Josh. Asked me to get into bed with you. Said you were happy I was alive.”

  Rex swore.

  “I get it. I figured something would happen.”

  “I didn’t mean…Sawyer, it’s not…”

  “Rex you can’t control your dreams. Saying you’re happy Josh’s alive isn’t anything to feel bad about.”

  “You sound so logical, but I know you’re hurt.”

  “Let it go. I’m sure, after you see him… I’m sure after you see him, you’ll be fine. You won’t need to dream about him. You’ll have him.”

  Rex was staring at him like he could read his mind. “I’ll drop it for now.”

  “Good. You’ve got a long couple of days ahead of you. Concentrate on that. Bring Josh home.”

  “Just because he dreams about the guy doesn’t mean he’s still in love with him,” Jace told Sawyer as he spotted his bench presses at the weight bench later that afternoon in the gym Clint had set up in their house.

  Jace was Sawyer’s best friend, and he and Clint had been living together for the past six months or so, ever since they’d realized that, despite their jobs, they would find a way to make being together work.

  Part of that had been Clint leaving the CIA and going to work for his old CIA partner, who ran a cross between a PI business and a contracting service. Clint got to pick and choose his jobs, which meant he and Jace were able to spend more time together on Jace’s off-time.

  Lately, their team hadn’t had much of that at all. It had been back-to-back missions, which was a big part of the reason Sawyer and Rex had been out of sorts to begin with. Add this in and…

  “You would’ve crushed your fucking neck if I wasn’t here,” Jace informed him.

  Sawyer snapped to and realized how close he’d come to pressing the weight back against his Adam’s apple, because he’d completely stopped paying attention. “Shit.”

  Jace pulled the bar up and set it down safely. He stared down at Sawyer. “You’ve got to snap the hell out of this.”

  “Yeah? Like you did?”

  “My situation was completely different. And I did have someone come back from the dead,” Jace reminded him.

  “Yeah, but I have my boyfriend’s ex coming back. And they were still together when he disappeared, remember? And Rex had some really bad nightmares.”

  “Come on, the capture fucked him up, but if Josh comes back…”

  “Then what, Jace?”

  “Ah, fuck, Sawyer. I don’t know what the hell’s going to happen. But I do know that Rex loves you.”

  “I believe that too.”

  “Then hang on to it.”

  “I’m trying but fuck, it’s still all new. And now…”

  And now the guy Rex loves is back.

  “You told me he said they weren’t perfect,” Jace pointed out, because it was obvious what—and who—Sawyer was referring to.

  “Who is?”

  Jace grunted a reply through his push-ups. “Dude, it’s been four years.”

  “You would’ve loved Clint still after four years, right?”

  That stopped Jace cold. He looked like he wanted to give Sawyer a different answer than, “Right,” but Jace wouldn’t lie to him. It’s why they were as close as they were. That, and the fact that they’d survived a near-death experience together.

  Shit like that tended to bond guys.

  “Four years is a long time, Sawyer, and shit, Clint and I, we were just in the beginning of things when he left. I don’t know what would’ve happened if he’d walked in after that long. Hell, I wanted to kill him for staying away from me and it hadn’t been nearly that long.”

  “Yeah, yours was all love at first sight. Rex had a four-year relationship before being away from Josh for four years. And fuck it all, I don’t want to be a whiny bitch about it. I get it—all of it. It’s just that Rex is the worst, trying to pretend things are normal for us, and they’re so far from it.”

  “Normal’s boring,” Jace said with a shrug, and Sawyer just stared at him. “What? Dude, I’m not Oprah.”

  From the other room, they heard Clint howl with laughter.

  “I’m glad you’re getting enjoyment from my pain, you asshole,” Sawyer yelled, then turned to Jace. “You watch Oprah?”

  “She doesn’t have the daily talk show anymore.”

  “And the fact that you know that proves my point.”

  Sawyer continued through his workout, he and Jace focusing on the tasks at hand, which included mentally running through the following day’
s maneuvers. This planning was where he excelled. He could provide a sniper’s plan at a moment’s notice, but he could also strategize long-range plans too. And, as Jace pointed out to him yesterday, others were starting to notice.

  Yeah, Sawyer had always committed himself to his job, but since hooking up with Rex, he’d thrown himself into it even further. No one was going to ever accuse him of getting preferential treatment because of whom he slept with.

  Not that anyone beyond Jace knew who he was sleeping with. But hell, when Sawyer committed to something, it was with his entire heart and soul. And there weren’t too many things—or people in his life—he could say that about.

  And one of them was currently helping him deal with his shit. Or he had been, until he sat on a bench and stared into space for ten minutes.

  Finally, Sawyer put his free weights down and asked, “Who’s on your couch today, Oprah?”

  “Not funny. And she didn’t always use a couch.” Jace propped his chin on his hand. “I’m just thinking about Josh. I mean, fuck, if that was one of us…I just can’t get it out of my head.”

  “I know. It’s like, what would it take to turn someone. We’re so trained but you can’t really train for shit like that. Like what happened to us,” Sawyer said.

  “Couldn’t have predicted what we’d do. Couldn’t have predicted I wouldn’t have killed you and used your body as a floatation device,” Jace told him.

  “Dude, you’re so lucky your secret’s already out or I’d be sharing it for you right now.”

  “Right back at you, brother.”

  Since both of their secrets revolved around the men they were currently with, it was all good. Six months ago, Sawyer didn’t have Rex. Now, he did. If Josh coming back was going to change that, well, then Rex had never really been his to begin with.

  Which is pretty much what you’ve been worrying about.

  “You almost killed yourself again. Think we’re done for the day,” Jace said.

  “Yeah, you’re right.”

  “Done working. Not done drinking,” Jace added, and yes, that was what best friends were for.