The Decameron of Giovanni Boccaccio

by Giovanni Boccaccio

  THE EIGHTH STORY

  [Day the Ninth]

  BIONDELLO CHEATETH CIACCO OF A DINNER, WHEREOF THE OTHER CRAFTILY AVENGETH HIMSELF, PROCURING HIM TO BE SHAMEFULLY BEATEN

  The merry company with one accord avouched that which Talano had seenin sleep to have been no dream, but a vision, so punctually, withoutthere failing aught thereof, had it come to pass. But, all beingsilent the queen charged Lauretta follow on, who said, "Like as those,most discreet ladies, who have to-day foregone me in speech, have beenwell nigh all moved to discourse by something already said, even sothe stern vengeance wreaked by the scholar, of whom Pampinea told usyesterday, moveth me to tell of a piece of revenge, which, withoutbeing so barbarous as the former, was nevertheless grievous unto himwho brooked it.

  I must tell you, then, that there was once in Florence a man whom allcalled Ciacco,[435] as great a glutton as ever lived. His meanssufficing him not to support the expense that his gluttony requiredand he being, for the rest, a very well-mannered man and full ofgoodly and pleasant sayings, he addressed himself to be, notaltogether a buffoon, but a spunger[436] and to company with thosewho were rich and delighted to eat of good things; and with these hewent often to dine and sup, albeit he was not always bidden. There waslikewise at Florence, in those days, a man called Biondello, a littledapper fellow of his person, very quaint of his dress and sprucer thana fly, with his coif on his head and his yellow periwig still drest toa nicety, without a hair awry, who plied the same trade as Ciacco.Going one morning in Lent whereas they sell the fish and cheapeningtwo very fine lampreys for Messer Vieri de' Cerchj, he was seen byCiacco, who accosted him and said, 'What meaneth this?' WheretoBiondello made answer, 'Yestereve there were sent unto Messer CorsoDonati three lampreys, much finer than these, and a sturgeon; to whichsufficing him not for a dinner he is minded to give certain gentlemen,he would have me buy these other two. Wilt thou not come thither,thou?' Quoth Ciacco, 'Thou knowest well that I shall be there.'

  [Footnote 435: _i.e._ hog.]

  [Footnote 436: Lit. a backbiter (_morditore_).]

  Accordingly, whenas it seemed to him time, he betook himself to MesserCorso's house, where he found him with sundry neighbours of his, notyet gone to dinner, and being asked of him what he went doing,answered, 'Sir, I am come to dine with you and your company.' QuothMesser Corso, 'Thou art welcome; and as it is time, let us to table.'Thereupon they seated themselves at table and had, to begin with,chickpease and pickled tunny, and after a dish of fried fish from theArno, and no more, Ciacco, perceiving the cheat that Biondello had putupon him, was inwardly no little angered thereat and resolved to payhim for it; nor had many days passed ere he again encountered theother, who had by this time made many folk merry with the trick he hadplayed him. Biondello, seeing him, saluted him and asked him,laughing, how he had found Messer Corso's lampreys; to which Ciaccoanswered, 'That shalt thou know much better than I, ere eight days bepast.'

  Then, without wasting time over the matter, he took leave of Biondelloand agreeing for a price with a shrewd huckster, carried him near tothe Cavicciuoli Gallery and showing him a gentleman there, calledMesser Filippo Argenti, a big burly rawboned fellow and the mostdespiteful, choleric and humoursome man alive, gave him a great glassflagon and said to him, 'Go to yonder gentleman with this flask inhand and say to him, "Sir Biondello sendeth me to you and prayeth yoube pleased to rubify him this flask with your good red wine, for thathe would fain make merry somedele with his minions." But take goodcare he lay not his hands on thee; else will he give thee an illmorrow and thou wilt have marred my plans.' 'Have I aught else tosay,' asked the huckster; and Ciacco answered, 'No; do but go and saythis and after come back to me here with the flask and I will paythee.' The huckster accordingly set off and did his errand to MesserFilippo, who, hearing the message and being lightly ruffled, concludedthat Biondello, whom he knew, had a mind to make mock of him, andwaxing all red in the face, said, 'What "rubify me" and what "minions"be these? God land thee and him an ill year!' Then, starting to hisfeet, he put out his hand to lay hold of the huckster; but the latter,who was on his guard, promptly took to his heels and returning byanother way to Ciacco, who had seen all that had passed, told him whatMesser Filippo had said to him. Ciacco, well pleased, paid him andrested not till he found Biondello, to whom quoth he, 'Hast thou beenlate at the Cavicciuoli Gallery?' 'Nay,' answered the other. 'Why dostthou ask me?' 'Because,' replied Ciacco, 'I must tell thee that MesserFilippo enquireth for thee; I know not what he would have.' 'Good,'rejoined Biondello; 'I am going that way and will speak with him.'Accordingly, he made off, and Ciacco followed him, to see how thething should pass.

  Meanwhile Messer Filippo, having failed to come at the huckster, abodesore disordered and was inwardly all a-fume with rage, being unable tomake anything in the world of the huckster's words, if not thatBiondello, at whosesoever instance, was minded to make mock of him. Ashe fretted himself thus, up came Biondello, whom no sooner did he espythan he made for him and dealt him a sore buffet in the face. 'Alack,sir,' cried Biondello, 'what is this?' Whereupon Messer Filippo,clutching him by the hair and tearing his coif, cast his bonnet to theground and said, laying on to him amain the while, 'Knave that thouart, thou shalt soon see what it is! What is this thou sendest to sayto me with thy "rubify me" and thy "minions"? Deemest thou me a child,to be flouted on this wise?' So saying, he battered his whole facewith his fists, which were like very iron, nor left him a hair on hishead unruffled; then, rolling him in the mire, he tore all the clothesoff his back; and to this he applied himself with such a will thatBiondello could not avail to say a word to him nor ask why he servedhim thus. He had heard him indeed speak of 'rubify me' and 'minions,'but knew not what this meant.

  At last, Messer Filippo having beaten him soundly, the bystanders,whereof many had by this time gathered about them, dragged him, withthe utmost difficulty, out of the other's clutches, all bruised andbattered as he was, and told him why the gentleman had done this,blaming him for that which he had sent to say to him and telling himthat he should by that time have known Messer Filippo better and thathe was not a man to jest withal. Biondello, all in tears protested hisinnocence, declaring that he had never sent to Messer Filippo forwine, and as soon as he was somewhat recovered, he returned home, sickand sorry, divining that this must have been Ciacco's doing. When,after many days, the bruises being gone, he began to go abroad again,it chanced that Ciacco encountered him and asked him, laughing,'Harkye, Biondello, how deemest thou of Messer Filippo's wine?' 'Evenas thou of Messer Corso's lampreys,' replied the other; and Ciaccosaid, 'The thing resteth with thee henceforth. Whenever thou goestabout to give me to eat as thou didst, I will give thee in return todrink after t'other day's fashion.' Biondello, knowing full well thatit was easier to wish Ciacco ill than to put it in practise, besoughtGod of his peace[437] and thenceforth was careful to affront him nomore."

  [Footnote 437: _i.e._ conjured him by God to make peace with him.]