The Man I Want to Be (Under Covers)

by Christina Elle

  “I feel so horrible,” she said, sitting next to him.

  “You should.”

  Tyke was propped up in bed, hugging his right arm against his tattered, blood-and-dirt-stained T-shirt. His shoulder ached from breaking his fall; he was pretty certain one of the smaller branches impaled his spleen, not his kidney; and he might have pulled his groin muscle.

  She laid the items in her arms out on the bed like she was about to perform surgery. Which was a crock, because he wouldn’t let her within five feet of a scalpel, even if his life depended on it. Not the way she’d twisted and contorted his shoulder back into place. No way. Halfway through she’d nearly dislocated it in the opposite direction from where he’d started.

  “I can’t believe I completely spazzed like that,” she said. “I mean, I heard the door close, and I guess I lost it. I was so scared he was going to find us in his house. You were so calm. Weren’t you scared, too?”

  Of course he was. First, because he didn’t know how Clint would’ve reacted if he’d found them in his house. Guarding himself was one thing, but he’d had Kenna to think about, too. Plus, he didn’t want to explain to the cops why they’d been there. Even as law enforcement, Tyke didn’t get a free pass for breaking and entering without a warrant. Of course, he would’ve taken whatever punishment was necessary—hell, he would endure the worst of the worst for her—but he wouldn’t want Kenna to face the same consequences.

  She was looking at him expectantly, waiting for an answer, so he said softly, “I’m always scared when I’m with you.”

  Scared of how he felt. Scared for the future they could’ve shared. Scared of her reaction once he told her the truth.

  Kenna had been reaching for one of the splayed items, but his comment made her freeze. Her gaze flicked up to his.

  He tried to shrug, but then he winced slightly when his shoulder ached.

  She swallowed and looked away, but not before he caught the slight flush in her cheeks. “Stop moving. You’ll hurt yourself more.”

  He chuckled. “I don’t think it’s possible to hurt any more than I do right now.”

  Opening one of the warm cloths, she began wiping the dirt and grime from his face. Which was nothing compared to his injuries, but he’d take the TLC nonetheless. It’s the least she could do after almost murdering him.

  “We should probably take your shirt off,” she said. “I can’t see how badly you’re hurt underneath.”

  Ignoring the dull pain in his shoulder as he moved his arm, he sat up so she could pull his shirt over his head. Once off, he relaxed against the headboard, bringing his arm across again.

  She stiffened, her arm outstretched in the air. He flipped a glance up, noticing her staring at his bare chest. Her eyes sparkled as she perused from one pec to the other and then down his stomach.

  He was fit and bulky. Much more than when they’d been together. He’d hit the gym hard after their breakup. He’d taken out a lot of aggression on the weight bench. What used to be a tall, broad, lean body was now a tall, broad, very muscular physique. Tyke had packed on more than forty extra pounds of muscle. He was a big boy. Big and strong.

  And judging from her expression, she liked the beefier version a lot.

  He cleared his throat, which made her jump. He smiled. No matter how bad he hurt, he’d always be ready for that.

  “Right.” She dabbed the wet cloth across his chest like it was made of glass. So he took his free hand—the one not currently attached to his previously dislocated shoulder—and he flattened it over hers, smashing her palm against his heated skin. Likely on reflex, her fingers clamped down on his skin. So he flexed his pec muscle, making her gasp.

  That was all it took.

  No more waiting.

  “You know,” he said. “My stomach is really hurting, too.”

  “Hmm?” She dragged her gaze away from where her hand was implanted on him.

  “My stomach.” He started to drag her hand toward his abs. “It hurts. Do you mind?”

  Kenna hesitated, like she wasn’t sure it was the best idea to get a closer inspection.

  “You did push me off a roof,” he reminded her.

  She groaned and a look of guilt covered her face. “To be clear, I didn’t push you. You were in the way when I came out of the window.”

  “Flew. You flew out the window.”

  A slight frown. “I feel bad enough. You don’t have to rub it in.”

  “Take a look at my stomach, and we’ll call it even.” He tried to pop his bottom lip out like he’d seen Calder do a million times to Cass. Tyke must’ve done it well enough because Kenna sighed.

  “Let me see.”

  She gently poked and prodded him. Her touch was heavenly. Just what he needed to get his mind off his injuries.

  “Better?” she asked, placing another warm cloth across his stomach.

  “Mmm, yeah,” he said. “Much better. What about this side?” It wouldn’t be long until she caught on to his game. In a few seconds, it would be obvious how her touch affected certain parts of him.

  One corner of her mouth kicked up. “You’re just sore all over, aren’t you?”

  There we go.

  He stuck his bottom lip out farther and nodded.

  She leaned over and placed a quick kiss on his oblique. Too quick.

  When she looked back at him with bright-blue eyes and a mischievous grin, he did his best at giving her a convincing wince. Didn’t take much effort since his entire body was sore. “Everything hurts. Maybe it would help if you explored a little more.”

  “Aww, poor guy. You think that would help?”

  “I think so. Yeah. You might find a few other spots I don’t know about yet.”

  She made a thoughtful sound deep in her throat and swept a hooded look down his body. “That’s true. There’s no telling the damage that might be hidden under here.” Her finger dragged up one of his thighs, and it curled under the hem of his shorts.

  A charge of something hot and powerful hit him low in his stomach. “Yeah,” he said, voice rough. “Better be thorough. Just in case.”

  Kenna turned to face him fully, resting her knees under her on the mattress. She reached for the button on his bottoms. Making quick work of it, she slid his zipper down, slowly easing him out of them. The movement caused a slice of pain in his shoulder, but he bit his tongue so he wouldn’t yelp.

  “What have we here?” Her gaze fixed on his erection, tenting his boxer briefs. “That looks painful.”

  “More than you know. Might need to do something about that.”

  “I might.” She placed an open palm against him, and she rubbed in a circular motion, applying enough pressure to drive him crazy.

  His head tipped back, and he let out a long exhale. “Fuck, Kenna.”

  “Not yet,” she said. “Soon, though.”

  He peered at her, taking in her hot-as-hell confident expression. The one she’d shot him when she got herself off in their bathroom. God almighty. His heart might give out from all those sultry looks of hers. At the moment, it was beating like a caged animal fighting to get free.

  She tugged on his waistband, pulling the elastic down enough for him to spring free. Closing a warm fist around him, she watched his reaction as she guided her hand up and down.

  “Does this hurt?” she asked softly.

  All he could do was shake his head. He was in a trance, trapped in her beautiful gaze and what she was doing to his state of mind.

  Wrecking it. She was completely wrecking every single shred of him.

  Bending, she lowered her lips to where her hand held him so deliciously tight. She licked the tip, and he thought he was going to come right there.

  Another devilish glimpse up at him with those glowing azure eyes of hers, then she latched that hot mouth onto his cock and started sucking him with an intensity he’d never felt before. It was heaven and hell, rapture and torture all in one. He used his free hand to pull the tie out of her hair, watching th
at cascade of red fan across him. Just liked he’d fantasized.

  He slid a hand along her scalp and fisted a handful of hair, earning him the control he craved.

  Kenna made a sound of approval, which vibrated against him. His eyes rolled back in his head, his pulse nearing heart attack levels. She kept up her torment, pushing him right to the brink of exultation. Either she sensed he was getting close, or she just wanted to frustrate the fuck out of him, but she pulled off and licked her lips.

  “You’re not done, and you know it,” he growled.

  Her smile broadened to pure wickedness.

  Fuck. She wasn’t going to do it. He’d be stuck here with a steel rod in his briefs while she laughed her ass off at him.

  Before he died of the worst case of blue balls ever known to man, she stood.

  “You know you don’t get off without me.” She pushed her shorts over her ass and down her tanned legs, stepping out of them. Then she lifted her tank top over her head and threw it across the room. Exquisitely slow, she reached behind and unlatched her bra, chucking it in the same general direction. Her black-lace panties were next. She hooked a thumb under each string at her hip and paused. “No expectations, right? It’s just for this week?”

  “Yeah,” he said. “That’s it. Just this week.”

  Anything so she’d keep going.

  Her eyes darkened to a blue that reminded him of the deepest ocean, and she eased the small bit of fabric down her smooth skin.

  Standing before him was the most beautiful creature he’d ever laid eyes on. Hell, ever would lay eyes on. From this day forward.

  She was immaculate. Curvy the way a woman should be. Full, plump tits. Round hips. Clean and smooth between her legs. His mouth watered, and if his shoulder were 100 percent, he would’ve had her beneath him already. He was tempted to do it anyway and deal with the pain later.

  He was so hard it was painful. He needed release, and he needed it right now.

  “Condoms?” she asked.

  He shook his head.

  “None?”

  “Wasn’t planning on sleeping around on this trip,” Tyke said. “You?”

  Her gaze dropped on an innocent, coquettish smile. Like she enjoyed knowing he hadn’t come on the trip expecting to get laid. “Same.”

  The second she said it he felt it. The immediate and intense rush of anticipation for what was about to happen.

  “I’m clean,” he said.

  “Me, too. And I’m on the pill.”

  “Get over here then,” he demanded.

  Kenna crawled onto the bed and threw a leg over his lap, seating herself onto his thighs. He immediately went to her breasts. Lifting slightly, she helped line one up with his mouth. With his good hand, he gripped it and mimicked the way she’d licked and sucked on him moments ago.

  Her back arched and head went back as she moaned. “Yes.”

  “Next.” He tilted his head to return the favor to her other side, relishing in the quick pants she made each time he kicked up the intensity.

  Her hips started to rock against him, so he adjusted himself enough to settle in where she needed. He must have hit something because she dug her nails into the back of his neck for leverage.

  She slowed her pace, releasing and pulling back enough to grasp his cock. Holding it where she wanted it, she raised her hips and then lowered herself, sheathing him all the way to the hilt.

  Her eyes glazed over, and he was pretty sure he saw stars. Neither one of them moved. Just took in the moment of what it felt like to be joined together after so long apart.

  “Oh my God, Bryan,” she breathed.

  This was gonna be a very short encounter.

  She kicked her hips up once, and, yep, he definitely saw stars. And probably some yet to be discovered solar systems. She did it again, and the corner of his eyes went black. Her fingers were back to leaving scoring pain in his neck. He braced his good arm around her waist like a steel band and started to move with her.

  Each push of her hips got harder and more intense. And he gave it right back.

  “You remember the way I like it,” she said in an approving tone. “You always knew how rough I needed it.”

  “Always.”

  She thrust faster. More frenzied. Her tits bounced in his face as she bobbed up and down, chasing what she needed. He’d never get enough of watching her so open with her body.

  “Bryan, I’m so turned on right now,” she said in a strained voice. “No one else makes me this crazy. Just you.”

  “You, too,” he said. “You’re incredible.”

  His body was driving into her at a pace that was going to blow his mind.

  She tightened around him, and her whole body locked up. “Right there,” she groaned. “Don’t stop.”

  “Not a chance.” He gave her what she needed, keeping the pace that started his own climb. “Come on, baby,” he said. “Come with me.”

  She let out a loud moan-grunt combo that pushed him over the edge. He grunted his own release, soaking in the sensation of riding out his finish inside her. It was the most incredible feeling of his entire life. She collapsed forward, hugging him with her head on his shoulder.

  They stayed like that a few moments before she lifted her head with a grin. “Wow.”

  “Yeah. Wow.”

  “Damn, I missed that. My fingers just aren’t the same.”

  His chest rumbled on a deep laugh. “I wouldn’t think so.”

  “Seriously,” she said. “I freaking needed that. You have no idea how hard it is to find someone who’ll just put out without all the bullshit. I don’t want to talk. I don’t want played out, generic lines whispered into my ear. I just want a stiff hit where it counts.”

  At the mention of her searching for sex from other men, jealousy grew fast and violent, taking away any blaze of satisfaction he might’ve felt. It swept over him like wildfire. He shifted his body, suddenly wanting out of her. Immediately.

  She sat up straighter and looked at him confused. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing,” he said, readjusting to pull out.

  She lifted herself, and he slid out, the feeling both exquisite and excruciating.

  Tyke didn’t have a right to be pissed, he knew that. He’d made it so she was free to seek out any man she wanted.

  Didn’t mean it didn’t hurt like a bitch to hear about it, though.

  She must’ve seen something in his expression, because embarrassment swept over her features. Getting off the bed at a speed that suggested she was ready to bolt, she bent for her clothes. While she pulled her shorts up and donned her shirt, he flipped his waistband up to cover himself.

  “So, how are things back in Chesterville?” he said, trying to fill the awkward void. Which was the dumbest fucking topic to do it with. Reminiscing about the good ol’ days wasn’t exactly going to make it easier for her to forgive and forget.

  She had just finished buttoning her bottoms, and her head snapped up. “You actually want to hear about it?”

  “Yeah, why wouldn’t I?” He’d thought about the small town they’d grown up in a lot over the years. If certain landmarks were still there. Certain neighbors were still around.

  She shrugged, climbing back on the bed. “Just figured after you left, you wouldn’t care to hear about anything going on there.” She threw a leg over him like she had when she was naked, but this time she continued her journey onto his other side, dropping onto the bed with a small bounce.

  “I still care about the people there, even if I don’t see them anymore.”

  She was silent a moment, then, “Do you mean that?”

  “Of course. Why do you sound so surprised?” He lightly checked his shoulder into hers. “I do have a heart, you know.”

  A small chuckle.

  “What?” he said, looking at her.

  “I wouldn’t go that far.”

  “Gee, thanks.”

  She rolled her head onto his shoulder and threaded her fingers in
his. “A lot of people miss you back home, you know.”

  The touch was so natural that he had to remind himself they weren’t twenty years old anymore. This wasn’t a blast from the past. She wasn’t his.

  But goddamn did it feel good to pretend she was.

  “I’m a camp counselor down there,” she said.

  “Yeah?” It didn’t surprise him. She loved kids. All ages. And she was good with them.

  “Yeah, it’s a lot of fun. My boss, Bobbie Hoops, remember him?”

  “Ha. How could I forget?” Tyke said. “That bastard was always up my ass, trying to steal my starting spot on the football field.”

  Laughing, she said, “Yep. Him. He’s actually head coach for the varsity football team, and he recommended me for camp director. Should be official by the time I get back.”

  “No shit?”

  She smiled wide and bright.

  “Good for you,” he said, pride swelling in his chest. “I’m happy for you.”

  “Thanks.” She sighed. “It’ll be a bit more work, but it’s worth it.”

  “What else?” he said. “What else is going on down there?”

  Her eyes took on a far-off expression like she was trying to think back. “Remember old man Herman?”

  “Of course I remember him,” Tyke said. “He still around?” At her nod, he said, “Christ, he must be at least a hundred and ten by now.”

  “Close. Ninety-six.”

  “He hated me.”

  “Because you used to steal fish out of his pond.”

  “I didn’t steal them,” he said. “I just didn’t ask before launching my boat. But come on, Herman had the best trout in the state. And the biggest. I’ll never forget the ten-pounder I caught that you threw back.”

  She looked affronted. “That’s not what happened. I remember you getting so excited when I pulled it up to the boat that you yanked the rod from my hand, which pulled the lead too tight and ripped the hook out of its mouth.” One corner of her lips lifted into a smile. “The look on your face when that fish broke loose… I thought you were going to dive in after it.”

  “Because it was huge!” He could still remember that moment like yesterday. He’d just bought his boat after saving all winter working at the Save-A-Lot and plowing streets. He’d wanted to take Kenna out on it and show it off. He’d snuck down to Herman’s ramp and guided his beautiful piece of aluminum into the water, and when they coasted across the pond on that hot July day, life couldn’t get any better. He had his boat. His girl. And a promise of a perfect future.