“Okay Shaun, three, two, one… GO!”
Shaun climbed the stairs to the stage, took in the sight of the audience before her and The White Keys performing to her right. With a deep breath she placed her hands on her hips and stepped out.
As she took her first few struts she summoned up the courage to look to her right and caught eyes with Noodle annihilating the bass guitar while tossing his long thick mane every which way. A radiant smile lit up his face, and he nodded to Shaun in greeting. Shaun immediately smiled as well, unable to help herself and threw up two rock signs just for him. She immediately put her hands back on her hips when she realized that rock signs were probably the last thing she was expected to do during her short walk on this girly ass runway. Blowing kisses, hair flips and even peace signs, okay. Rock signs? Not so much. Even so, seeing the pleased look her acknowledgement elicited from Noodle made it all worth it. Even Yoshi, who she felt had never warmed to her, gave her a quick nod of the head from where he pounded away on the drums. As she passed them completely she also saw Jon, the guitarist, who she’d never properly known. The look in his eyes as she passed him showed that he was just as aware of her as she was of him.
Shaun continued past the band and held her breath at the sight of Adam at the end of the runway, playfully following after the other models as he sang. A wave of unreasonable jealousy hit her. She had to remind herself that he was not hers. Not anymore. She also had to prepare herself for the very real possibility that Adam might ignore her completely and that she would deserve it.
The end of the runway was near and, as Adam turned to follow Adriana Lima back up to the top of the stage, he caught eyes with Shaun as she passed, freezing right where he stood.
Shaun breezed by him, continued to the end of the runway, posed, and turned back.
Adam had already made his way back to the top of the stage with the band and Shaun breathed a sigh of relief. That hadn’t been so bad. They hadn’t exactly been lovey-dovey or even overly friendly but they hadn’t been like two bitter exes, either. She was sure that the audience was watching both of them closely since they hadn’t been seen together all month. She was grateful that Adam hadn’t chosen this performance to give her the official ‘fuck you’ sendoff that she was sure she deserved.
She couldn’t help but look at him as she grew closer to the top of the runway and the backstage area. Against all her better judgment, she looked into his eyes, and smiled.
Even as several other models passed Adam, he couldn’t tear his eyes from Shaun. He hadn’t been able to take his eyes off of her since the moment he’d seen her on that runway. As Shaun made her way closer to him his body followed her as she moved, screaming for him to do everything his mind was telling him not to. As if to further betray him, his hand came up and covered his wildly beating heart, his eyes still on hers as the last strings of the song wafted through the speakers.
Shaun craned her neck to take one last look at him and summoned all her courage, smiled softly and mouthed, “Hi.”
Adam hesitated for a moment before finally mouthing, “Hi,” as well, but she had already disappeared backstage.
--
The fashion show was a great success and the after party was even crazier. The penthouse suite at the W Hotel Los Angeles was wall to wall with the industry’s most important and elite people. Shaun allowed Maxim to guide her in, her hold on his arm tightening ever so slightly as she realized that she was about to be brushing elbows with people that she’d been watching on a 32 inch TV since she was about twelve years old. In the last month she’d been to her fair share of parties but nothing quite like this. The biggest names in music, modeling and even movies all seemed to be in attendance that night. While she clearly did not belong, she still itched to become involved.
Getting to know Max backstage during the show and the limo ride over had proven him to be a very funny guy who was surprisingly easy to talk to. Shaun hadn’t been aware that men of his stature could have so much personality. He was naturally flanked with people the moment they stepped into the suite and, once again, Shaun was surprised at the amount of attention she got as well.
With all of the hugs, kisses, and congratulations that came at her from every angle she had to hold her head just a bit higher. Max gave her a knowing smile as she was praised by people she never dreamed she’d even meet.
“Let’s sit.” Maxim placed his hand on the small of Shaun’s back and let her to a large table in the middle of the suite that was already scattered with various beautifully dressed people.
Shaun took in the drinks strewn all across the table, wondering what kind of drink she was going to grab from the many servers walking around with trays full of beer, wine, champagne and cocktails. As she took her seat next to Max on the couch her eyes widened in shock when, amongst the many drinks, handbags, and cigarette boxes scattered across the table there was also smatterings of a white powdery substance, flawlessly separated into razor sharp lines, side by side. Yet another thing that Shaun was familiar with only because she’d seen it in movies.
“Is that cocaine--” She turned to Maxim and did everything she could to hide her shock when she was met with a rolled up hundred dollar bill. When had he had time to roll that in the two seconds they’d been sitting down? Or had someone handed it to him? Shaun stared at the bill silently.
“Do the honors beautiful,” Max said, giving her another one of his signature smiles.
Shaun looked around her. Did no one else find it absolutely insane that the President of the company was offering her a line of cocaine?! No one was even looking at them. Clearly this was the norm, and she was officially the innocent, sheltered idiot that she’d always insisted she wasn’t.
This time being a sheltered idiot didn’t seem so bad.
--
Across the room Adam was pretending to listen to the girl who’d invited herself to the band’s unofficial table in the corner of the penthouse suite. The party was in full swing. It was wall to wall people but Adam had naturally zeroed in on Shaun the moment she stepped into the room. At first he’d found himself smiling as she was instantly surrounded by admirers, sure that she was coming apart at the seams inside even though she didn’t show it for even a second. She’d kept her cool all the way up until Maxim had sat her down and offered her a hit of cocaine. Then the old Shaun, the one that had been hidden away behind all of the clothes, hair, and makeup seemed to jump right out of her and in full force.
“Hey.” The stunning brunette who been droning on and on nudged him. “Did you hear what I said?”
Adam hadn’t heard. He felt his heart leap into his throat and he almost crossed the room to intervene and possibly punch Maxim clear in the face. Just as he was about to set his glass of seltzer on the bar and, against all of his better judgment, make his way over, he saw Shaun hold her hand up and gracefully decline. When Max insisted, holding out the rolled up bill just under her nose, Shaun visibly recoiled, leaning deep into the couch behind her and waving her hand a little more wildly, with a little more force. Finally, Max gave up the fight with a shrug and finished off the last line himself. Shaun watched him with what looked to be a mix of horror and curiosity.
Adam had been in this business long enough to know that it wouldn’t take long for that curiosity to become too much. Almost everyone in this business eventually gave in to the lure of the high, and some never came back.
Adam watched as she excused herself and made her way out to the balcony, delicately cradling a glass of red wine as she stepped out into the cold night air.
He hesitated, thought the better of it, then stopped fighting himself… Everything inside of him… And made his way across the room.
--
Shaun turned when she heard the door to the balcony open, and her eyes went wide at the sight of Adam stepping out. He had ditched the skinny jeans for a pair of skinny slacks, a white button down and an even skinnier black tie.
He took her breath away. “Adam.” She alm
ost dropped her wine glass in her nervous stupor.
Adam lingered in front of the closed sliding door and took her in. The red lace mini dress with black corset detailing hugged every last curve of her body and left nothing to the imagination. Every so often she’d move and the garter that she hadn’t bothered to take off would peek out from under her dress. The black strap sat perfectly against the back of her milky brown thighs and sent Adam’s senses into pure overdrive.
As his eyes travelled her body, he couldn’t take how unlike her all of this was. She didn’t seem the tiniest bit uncomfortable in the kind of dress that would have made her blush a month ago. The wine glass in her hand was damn near empty, and he was sure it wasn’t the first or last she planned to drink.
“How long do you plan on keeping up this farce?” he asked.
She still had the same innocent, slightly unsure energy that he had come to adore in her, but it was clear that she had learned to control it. It didn’t radiate off of her the way it once had. It now only showed its face in small, barely discernable waves, but it was still there.
Shaun was taken aback at his directness. It was the first sentence he’d uttered to her since the moment he’d told her that he never wanted to see her again. It wasn’t the sentence that she’d imagined during the many nights Adam showed up in her dreams. It was laced with anger and malice. Perhaps Shaun deserved that from him. She gripped the glass in her hand a little tighter before turning and looking back out at the city lights.
“It might have been a farce at first but now it’s all I have left to keep me afloat. Those college loans aren’t going to pay themselves and it’s a lot harder to apply for jobs if there’s no electricity to keep my laptop going. Turns out it’s really easy to make a lot of money as long as you’re willing to take most of your clothes off and strut around like you own the place. Why the hell didn’t they teach us that at UCLA? God only knows…” Shaun held up her wine glass. “Here’s to Victoria’s Secret. Thanks for the garter and thanks for the memories.”
The sound of her voice pulled him in as if she had a noose around his neck and, before he knew it, he was leaning on the railing next to her. He kept his distance but still faced her full on. “This isn’t you.”
“No maybe it isn’t. But it’s all I’ve got.”
She looked off into the distance and he took that moment to let his eyes travel her face. She was heavily made up, hair falling like a straight black waterfall across her face and down to her ass. That dress hugged every inch of a perfect body. She was thinner. Even the way she carried herself was different. She was different, but strangely, still exactly the same. The overwhelming need to shelter her from the darkness he knew hid beneath the surface of the business she was sinking further and further into was still raging around in his belly, stronger than ever. The resentment was still there, too. He could feel it teetering right on the edge of his tongue just looking at her. He shouldn’t care about her, at all. The thought of her crashing and burning should have brought him solace and delight, but it didn’t. It scared him.
Shaun took another sip of her wine, and then motioned to him. “You’re not drinking?”
“I stopped.”
“Stopped what?”
“I stopped drinking, Shaun.”
“Why?”
“Because when I drink I do stupid things.” His eyes fell to her lips. “I say stupid things.”
Shaun raised her eyebrows while turning away. “Well, looks like you and I have swapped places,” she said, before she finished off the glass.
Adam watched her swallow without as much as a wince. I was somewhat disturbing to see. Two months ago she would have gagged the moment any alcohol touched her throat. Now she could drink with the best of them. While it was disturbing, he’d be lying if he said it didn’t turn him on just a little.
“Yeah looks like we have.” His gaze traveled her body, watching as an almost indiscernible shiver rolled across her long limbs. “Cold?” He smirked.
Shaun wondered why he was even talking to her. Didn’t you say you never wanted to see me again? She was enjoying his company far too much, however, to ask such a stupid question. Even if his anger was permeating off of him she still preferred having him near her in anger than not having him near her at all. So she bit her tongue.
“I’m okay.” Shaun tried to fight the next shiver to no avail. It was freezing. “I was a little shocked to watch someone do a line of coke right in front of me back there. I just needed a breather.” She chuckled.
“Hm.” Adam didn’t respond and quietly joined her in appreciating the beautiful view before them.
“You don’t have to worry about me,” she said.
“I’m not. It really doesn’t matter to me.”
“Okay, well…” Shaun was struck by his words but did her best to keep a strong face. “Well good.” She had to roll her eyes at herself. Was that the best she had?
“I just thought I’d let you know what a snake you’re in bed with. Doing a line in your presence is just the beginning. I know Maxim, I’ve known him for a long time. I wouldn’t wish him on anyone, not even my worst enemy.”
“So I’m your worst enemy now?”
“To say you’re my enemy would imply that you mean anything to me at all.”
Shaun winced. “Touché. And just for the record, I’m not in bed with Max.”
“I didn’t ask.”
“Right. Because that would imply I mean something to you.”
Adam looked off and shrugged.
“And that would be crazy,” she whispered.
His eyes narrowed. “Yeah, it would.”
Her eyes searched his before finally filling with tears. She looked away before making an even bigger fool of herself. “Fine.”
Adam stepped away. “Have a nice night,” he said absently, before turning away from her and heading back into the party.
Shaun leaned against the railing of the balcony, unable to watch him go.
Sixteen
An hour into the party Adam was ready to go, but his bandmates were having the time of their lives, in no hurry to leave, and they were his ride. Adam knew good and well that if he really wanted to go he could easily hop in a cab and be gone, but he couldn’t make himself leave.
The scene out on the balcony had been haunting him since the moment he stepped back into the party. He had yet to see Shaun come back in from outside and it was freezing out there. He’d been extremely harsh with her, firing the kind of shots that he wouldn’t even fire at his bandmates, but he hadn’t been able to help himself. Shaun had hurt him deeply and when he looked at her and felt both rage and adoration all at once he quickly became angry at himself and her. Never in his life had a human being taken such a chokehold on Adam’s emotions the way this woman had. Her mere presence took control of his body and made him do or say things that he never would.
After a few more minutes of dealing with the drunks he was surrounded with, he’d finally had enough and made his way back to the balcony to find Shaun. Even if it was the last conversation they ever had with each other, he didn’t want it to end like that.
When he made it to the doors of the balcony he stopped cold when he saw a couple making out, but no sight of Shaun. He turned back to the raging party and gave it a quick once over. She was nowhere to be found. His heart began to pound a little more wildly.
“Where the hell is she?” He looked across the room where the bathroom was, saw people coming in and out, but no Shaun. Growing desperate, he pulled his phone out and dialed her number. Straight to voicemail. Either her phone was off or it was dead.
As Adam continued scanning the party his eyes landed on Maxim standing at the bar speaking quietly to the bartender, sans-Shaun. Unaware he was being watched, Maxim slipped the bartender a wad of money that was a little more than your everyday tip. The two men shared a look before the bartender went on his way. Adam knew what this little exchange meant. It wasn’t about drinks, it was about drugs. Beau
tiful, unsuspecting women flanked to that bar in droves. The smart ones took their drink and went, never letting it leave their sight. The naïve ones would turn away from their drink on more than one occasion; maybe even forget about its existence entirely until the ‘friendly’ bartender reminded them that it was there. By then it would be too late. The damage would be done.
Adam hadn’t seen Shaun come back in but was sure that she’d eventually found her way to that very bar for a refill of the red wine that she’d smashed during their heated discussion. Now that she was nowhere to be seen he was fiercely regretting how he’d treated her out there. At that point he was sure that he’d do anything to take it back.
Without another thought Adam crossed the room and followed Maxim into the long hallway that led to the only bedroom in the suite.
“Hey,” Adam shouted, coming up behind Maxim just as he opened the door to the room.
“Yo Adam!” Maxim was caught off guard when Adam swept right passed him and looked into the bedroom. It was empty. “Where’s the fire?” Maxim asked when he and Adam came eye to eye.
Adam had lost any and all patience. “Where’s Shaun?”
Maxim smirked a knowing smirk and licked his lips slowly while holding his hands up in dramatic surrender. “I have no idea, Officer.”
Adam looked off with a tight smile and took a step closer. “I’m gonna ask you one more time, Max. Where’s Shaun?”
“Look, I said I don’t know where she is, all right? Can I get some space please?”
Adam could feel his blood going into a boil. He was now desperate just to see her face or even hear her voice. Just to know she was okay. “Didn’t she come here with you tonight?”
Maxim laughed as if the two of them were old friends sharing a joke. “Look man, she’s a grown ass woman--is she not? I’m not her keeper.”
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