The Resurrection of Aubrey Miller

by L. B. Simmons

  I nod because I know this pain. We all do. And in this moment we become forever bonded by it.

  Quinn steps back into his embrace, as I rise. I walk over to where they stand and wrap my arms around the both of them. We hold onto one another closely, silently reflecting on our own sordid pasts. Each of us lost in our own darkness, trying to find our way to a lighter place.

  We stay like that for a long while, until sniffles subside and breathing returns to normal.

  Kaeleb eventually clears his throat. “Well, I guess sharing time is over?”

  Quinn and I give each other a small smile before releasing our hold, breaking our circle. As we step away, I dry my face while Kaeleb and Quinn do the same.

  Once we’re composed, I look over at Kaeleb who’s slinging his jacket over his shoulder, obviously very done with sharing time. “Kaeleb?”

  “Hmmm?” he hums.

  “Um, you might want to talk to Palmer. You know, before your dick falls off.” Quinn snorts from behind me and I can’t help but grin.

  He returns my smile and adds a wink. “Sunshine, I always protect the Hulk. No need to worry about that.” Shaking my head, I watch him as he strides to our door. Just as his fingers touch the knob, he turns and with solemn eyes offers, “You’d be the exception, you know. With you, it would be real, not an escape.”

  I continue to eye him, struck silent by his words as he pivots back around and leaves the room, quietly shutting the door behind him.

  Slowly, I turn back to Quinn, who is wearing a huge grin of her own.

  “See?” She giggles. “You two are totally getting married!”

  Sigh.

  My poor, dear friend.

  Quinn bounces away, skipping happily as she heads into the bathroom. Once the door shuts behind her, I make my way over to the bed and sit on the very edge. As I wait for Linda, a new excitement building in my body.

  Maybe it’s the fact that I’m about to finally see her after months of not realizing how much I’ve missed her.

  Maybe it’s the moment I just shared with my two best friends, a moment that I know has officially solidified our three-way bond into a lifelong promise.

  Or maybe, just maybe, it’s the fact the Kaeleb’s parting words have ignited something in me that I never knew existed. Or wanted.

  Regardless, I know that my life has forever been altered, and for the first time in ten years, I’ve finally found my way onto a new path.

  One that isn’t completely saturated with darkness and fear, but dimly lit with newfound courage and optimism.

  And as I cautiously take that first step, a splinter of hope ignites in my heart.

  The rest of my freshman year happened so quickly, it’s hard to gather everything of importance into one list. But, that being said, there were many moments that happen that will forever stay etched in my mind. So many firsts that should be noted:

  The first time I laughed so hard I nearly peed my pants. There’s just something about trying to remain quiet in the library that fuels the need for an outlandish fit of laughter when you catch a random case of the giggles. Kaeleb and Quinn were absolutely no help.

  The first time I got drunk, unabashedly, in the company of my friends.

  The first time I attempted The Robot, which unsurprisingly accompanied the above listed first.

  The first time I gave in and ate my first burger in months. Best. Burger. Ever. Definitely wasn’t the last.

  The first time that Kaeleb lasted a whole week without a lady friend. And then a month. And then the rest of freshman year. I’m pretty sure he had a raging case of blue balls.

  The first time that Quinn allowed herself the simple freedom of eating a piece of chocolate cake at an impromptu celebration for Kaeleb’s nineteenth birthday. We cheered her on in the privacy of the corner booth of a local restaurant.

  The first (and only) time that I took the Leap of Faith in Palmer’s trust class. Plunging to my possible death from three stories in the air once was enough for me, thank you very much. Kaeleb, however, did it twice.

  The first time I ever achieved the Dean’s List, and with a solid 3.9 GPA.

  The first time I skated, actually skated, at the infamous death trap known as Skate Place. I fell a lot, of course, but Kaeleb was there to help. No chins were busted this time around in case you’re wondering.

  The first time that I allowed Kaeleb to hold my hand for longer than a second. But he kind of had to. Again, please see above listed first.

  But most importantly, there were a string of firsts that served to remind me of how far I came my freshman year. Remembering my first day at Titan, there’s an insurmountable amount of pride that I found the strength within myself to finally…giggle with my peers, walk arm-in-arm with my best friend and hand-in-hand with the possible love of my life, and to just allow a contented smile to cross my face.

  “Hmmm…” Quinn hums.

  “Errrr…” Kaeleb sputters.

  I, however, have no such riveting commentary to offer as we all congregate in my bathroom with all of our heads angled in the same direction, staring at my reflection in the mirror. Kaeleb and Quinn sit opposite each other on the countertop with me right in between them on a bar stool.

  It’s almost October, and classes started about a month ago, right after Quinn and I got settled into our very first apartment. Linda wasn’t too keen on the idea in the beginning, but after spending the summer together, I was able to eventually sell her on the fact that I was ready. Ready to be off campus and living with my best friend, with no RA or curfews, or rules for that matter. I could understand her hesitation, but I also knew she could see how much I had changed over the course of my freshman year.

  The summer with her was, well, the absolute best summer of my life. We laughed until we cried, we visited every single amusement park within a three-hundred mile radius, we watched sappy movies and sighed as girls often do, and we went camping in the rugged outdoors. I even squealed like a girl when she presented me with my very own car, and the look on her face was one of such pride and pure joy when she handed over the keys—it’s a moment I never want to forget.

  Actually, the whole summer was full of them. I never knew how much I adored her until I was finally brave enough to accept her into my heart. And honestly, I’m proud of that fact. I’m proud of myself. I don’t think I could love any person any more than I do her.

  Well, except the two goofballs still staring at me in the mirror.

  “It’s not that bad, guys,” I sulk, setting my hair dryer on the counter.

  “It’s unfortunate is what it is,” Kaeleb deadpans while Quinn stifles a giggle.

  “It’s definitely not brown now,” she adds, hopping to the floor.

  I decided today to take a step away from my brown dye job and try something different. While I’m not ready to see myself as a blonde quite yet, I wanted something out of my norm, something less gloomy, so red with my go-to electric blue streaks is what I tried. When the color didn’t take the first time, I bleached it and tried it again with a more intense hue. The result? Cinnamon colored hair with blue streaks.

  Well, it could be worse.

  Maybe.

  “I’m thinking I should call you Rainbow Brite instead of Sunshine until this situation…” Kaeleb circles his hand around my head, “sorts itself out.”

  “Shut up, Ass. Besides, Rainbow Brite had blonde hair.” I rise from my chair.

  “As do you,” he replies, a cocky grin on his face.

  Rolling my eyes, I shove his shoulder, almost knocking him off the counter. He just chuckles and repositions himself closer to the mirror.

  “You know what would make it better?” Quinn asks, fingering through my hair, fluffing it and fanning it across my shoulders. “I mean, you don’t have to, but it would tie in with the blue if you,” she shoots a timid glance to Kaeleb before looking back to my reflection, “took out your contacts.”

  I caved last year and told her my natural hair and eye color,
and there isn’t a day that goes by that she doesn’t mention one of them.

  Threading a section of hair in between my fingers, I flip it up for examination and inhale deeply, finding myself surprised that I’m actually considering this option. The black box sitting on my counter catches my eye, and I glance back at my face in the mirror.

  One month ago, I removed every one of my piercings. Every single one. No more barbells, no more skull studs in my dimples, no more loops lining the shell of my ear, and no more ring dangling from the septum in my nose. A small hole still remains where it once speared through the skin, but the others seem to be healing nicely and are barely noticeable. My long hair and bangs tend to cover a lot of them anyway.

  But removing the contacts? Well, the thought fills me with a sharp apprehension. Eyes, they say, are the window to the soul, and regardless of the progress I’ve made over the last year, there’s still a part of me that fears that my soul is nothing more than a black shadow lurking inside my being, ready to strike down and devour those who mean the most to me.

  In my own warped and twisted mind, I fear that their removal will only serve to open the doorway, releasing death and allowing it to run rampant, once again giving it free reign over my life while endangering the lives of others.

  “Death just is, Aubrey. In Raven, you seek to control something which is not meant, or able, to be controlled. And in doing so, you are harnessing your own life. Forbidding yourself the full experience of it.”

  Palmer’s words race through my mind and I’m instantly reminded of the silent vow I made to myself at the end of last year.

  I will not let the fear of death rule my life any longer.

  Glancing up as I deliberate, my eyes find Quinn in the mirror, nibbling her bottom lip and bouncing nervously off the floor, before sliding over to Kaeleb, still sitting on the counter as he looks back at me. His knee is propped up, his arm draped across it casually, but his eyes are watching me intensely. Our stares lock as he dips his head in my direction, scrutinizing me. His face is so full of projected determination that it’s a couple of seconds before I can finally tear my gaze away from his, and focus on my reflection once again.

  I pause to take a deep breath and exhale it forcefully. My hand trembles as I lift it from the counter, and bring it to my right eye. Using my thumb and forefinger, I pinch the surface of the contact and slowly extract it. After blinking a couple of times, I open both of my eyes and stare. Quinn covers her mouth behind me and Kaeleb grins like it’s Christmas.

  One blue eye, one brown.

  One down, one to go.

  Still shaking, I raise my hand once again and perform the same ritual with the left eye. Once the contact is removed, I set it on the counter beside the other one and take a step back. The chair moves along with me and Quinn steps around it, taking her place by my side.

  “They’re beautiful, Aubrey. Just like a clear blue sky.” The side of my mouth curves upward as I meekly accept her compliment. “And they go much better with the hair.” She giggles.

  Placing her hands on my shoulders, she turns my body to face her. Her eyes rake over my appearance in its entirety before she nods her head. “It suits you. Raven suited Raven, but this suits you, the person you are becoming.”

  And then she blows me away by pulling me into her tiny body as she embraces me. “I’m so proud of you!” She jostles me back and forth with her monstrous hug before finally releasing me from her hold. Stepping back, her eyes drift to mine once again before she looks over my shoulder. Her smile broadens and she clears her throat. “I, um…I’m gonna go call Josh and see if we’re still on for tonight.”

  Before I can say anything, she disappears from the bathroom, shutting the door behind her and leaving me alone with Kaeleb. Once she’s gone, an electric charge spreads throughout the air as his presence warms the back of my neck. My heart pounds, my hands get clammy, and my throat dries as I stand with my back to him, deathly afraid to turn around.

  What if he sees only darkness when he looks into my eyes?

  What if he sees what I fear most?

  “Turn around, Sunshine. Let me see you.” My heart anxiously ricochets around in my chest. Panic sets in and my legs suddenly feel as though they weigh one-hundred pounds each. I start to shake my head, to tell him I can’t do it, when the tips of his fingers graze the base of my neck as he slides my hair onto the opposite shoulder.

  Leaning forward, he breathes into my ear, “Bree. Please.”

  Having his body so close to mine causes me to tremble, shaking loose the iron shackles weighing down my feet. Hesitantly, I turn until I face him as he takes a step backward, thankfully giving me room to breathe.

  Not that I’m breathing.

  In fact, as our eyes catch, the moment is so intense there are no breaths between us. His expression is almost pained as his hazel orbs root into mine, searching them desperately for the girl he once knew. Tears well up on my lower lashes and my throat tightens painfully as he continues in his pursuit, knowing that my ultimate fear has come true. What he’s looking for no longer exists.

  Just as I’m about to break contact, he lifts his hand to cup my face gently as his lips lift into a full smile. His features soften as he strokes a falling tear from my cheek with the pad of his thumb, releasing a light exhale before he speaks. “There you are.”

  He lowers his chin, his face just centimeters from mine. Heated breaths hit my mouth as he whispers, “Now that I’ve found you, I’m going to do something I’ve wanted to do since I was eight.” He quickly closes the distance between us, brushing his warm lips gently across mine, and the pure tenderness of the kiss sends my heart soaring. There is no gloom, no fear, no anguish…just the joy-filled fluttering of my heart, taking flight inside of me as it rises out of the darkness and into the light. Strength and vitality flood my being as his lips continue to deliver the breath of life into my very soul.

  Just as I meld into him, his hand lowers from my face and joins the other one underneath my thighs and I’m suddenly whisked onto the countertop. Once I land, he breaks the kiss with a smile, but keeps his forehead tipped against mine. He moves between my legs, and slides his hands up my arms, curling his fingers around the nape of my neck, stroking his thumbs just beneath the line of my jaw.

  “And I’ve wanted to do this since I was eight…teen…”

  Tightening his hold, his tongue darts over his lips as he brings them to mine, deepening the kiss. As my lips part, his tongue slides past them ever so gently. My head tilts on its own accord, but my body goes completely limp as I sink into his hold, allowing his strength to keep me upright.

  I know that I have no idea what I’m doing. I’ve never been kissed like this before. Sad, I know, but when you spend a lifetime fending off any type of personal connection, this is what you end up being: a nineteen year old, never been kissed virgin with deep-rooted issues.

  But, luckily, Kaeleb seems to have mastered the art of the perfect kiss, so I just let him take control.

  With our mouths fused, his tongue caresses mine so softly it seems like the most natural thing in the world. It’s not forced, it’s not hurried, it’s not aggressive, it’s just…perfect. His fresh scent invades my senses and I take every bit of it in, allowing the comfort of its familiarity to bind me to him in this unchartered moment. A sigh passes through my lips, the emotion bubbling within me forcing its escape. Kaeleb chuckles under his breath and pulls back, ending the kiss with a light peck on the lips as he removes his thumbs from my cheeks.

  Timidly, I reach up and run my fingertips over my mouth, the remnants of his warmth fading as my eyes slowly drift to his. I can’t imagine what my face looks like, but I have a feeling it’s an impressive mixture of absolute bliss and utter bewilderment.

  Kaeleb’s expression is steadfast, and the corner of his mouth jerks up as he leans the palms of his hands against the edge of the countertop. “And so the wooing begins.”

  A familiar giggle from just outside the door cau
ses me to jump, and Kaeleb to press himself off the counter. Giving me a wink, he turns and grabs the knob, whipping it open to expose the wide-eyed guilty offender. Quinn remains planted as Kaeleb leans in and kisses her on the top of the head before heading to the front door.

  “Call ya later, Rainbow Brite!” he shouts before the door shuts behind him.

  Quinn’s green eyes are still huge, but she manages to cover her smile when I shake my head and tighten my gaze at her eager face. I know she wants to say it. She’s probably foaming at the mouth behind that hand of hers.

  But there will be no mention of any marriage today.

  There will only be me, in this moment, as I shut myself in the bathroom alone and relive my very first kiss.

  A kiss that will forever alter my life and revive my soul.

  The wooing (if that’s what you want to call it) began later that same night via text:

  K: 1651 Vinebrook. You can leave Starlight at home. I’m picking you up at 7:00.

  Me: Um, you know the name of Rainbow Brite’s horse? Really? :/

  K: I possess an ungodly amount of random knowledge. Be impressed. ;)

  Me: I’m not impressed. I’m concerned.

  K: As you should be.

  Me: Where are you taking me btw?

  K: Not telling you. You’re going to have to leave Rainbow Land and the sprites for a bit though. Be sure to leave them food and water.

  Me: You realize I can just Google the address, right?

  Me: And really? :/

  K: You seem to know a lot about Ms. Brite yourself.

  Me: Shut up.

  K: ;) See ya at 7.

  Our first date…well, it was typical. Kaeleb asked that I wear anything but my usual attire, so I happily answered the door in my Docs, and my olive-green pair of baggy cargo pants, along with my favorite black Minipop concert hoodie. He just grinned and shook his head, looking as hot as ever with his sexy, lopsided grin, spiked hair, and navy-thermal-Henley-over-white -T-shirt combo. The tops of his dark jeans covered his blindingly bright red Nike’s, which I made sure to make fun of the entire evening.