“Come on, Ma, it’s not that serious. We were just playing around, dang,” I said and browsed through my laptop.
She walked over to my bed and snatched the laptop out of my hands and looked at me.
“How the fuck you could think that’s funny is just so fuckin’ crazy to me! You, first hand know the type of life that Antonia has been dealt. That little girl lost her mom when she was only six years old, and then had to move in with her aunt. You remember the times that girl came over here after getting the shit beat out of her and asking if she could stay over here for a few hours, and begging us not to say anything. That girl has been dealt some fucked up cards in life, and you’re supposed to be her damn friend and you’re sitting here with these other bitches laughing as if that shit is funny.
“Antonia came over here Saturday morning and when I reached to give her a hug, I watched as she jumped away when my hand touched a spot on her back. You know what the fuck that let me know? It let me know that she had probably just gotten her ass beat that day or maybe the day before, and yet you sitting up in here laughing like that shit is funny,” my mom fussed, making me feel like shit.
“I’m sorry, Ma. I really didn’t mean anything by it. Antonia and I are just growing apart. We have nothing in common anymore,” I told her.
“You stop being her friend and she’ll have nothing. No fuckin’ body to talk to. I’m very disappointed in you, Tacarra, because I didn’t raise you that way. I considered Antonia to be like another daughter to me, and my heart went out to her when she was six and lost her mother. You would think that would at least mean something to you,” my mom said, and then dropped the laptop on my bed before she walked out of the room.
She was so fuckin’ worried about Antonia when I was her damn daughter. Fuck she care about that little bitch for? I was her fuckin’ child, not her! She ought to be lucky that I wasn’t in a situation where I was getting my ass beat on a daily.
Chapter 7: Antonia
It was Wednesday afternoon and today was early release, so I had a few hours to spare before I went into work. I had been home for the past two hours and I had this house cleaned spotless because I knew that my aunt would be home today, and to not hear her annoying ass mouth, I made sure to clean the house for her. So, now I was in the kitchen, sitting at the table, trying to finish this English paper about love. I hated to start things at the last minute, which is why I decided to start working on it now, since it was due Friday. Also because I knew I was going to have to think way back for me to remember a time in my life where I experienced love.
I was an hour into the paper and when I heard the front door open. I looked over and I saw my family coming into the house. They were all wearing shirts that said, “I love Orlando” on them. My little cousin, PJ, ran over and gave me a hug. My two other little cousins came over as well, and then they ran on back to the room. Porsha came in next and then walked to the back, most likely going in her room. Next, I saw my aunt come in, followed by this man who I had never seen before and I assumed it was her boyfriend. He looked like he was about thirty years old. He was kind of handsome, but something was off about him. He carried the luggage and then set them down on the floor. When gave my aunt a hug, he looked at me and winked. I turned around and went back to doing my homework.
I heard the front door close, and I looked over and her little boyfriend had left. I watched as my aunt’s eyes scanned the apartment. She looked from me to the kitchen. Me to the hallway. Me to the den, and it was almost as if she was trying to prove a point or something. She carried the two suitcases in her room and then she came back. When I turned around, she was standing behind me holding that big ass belt, with the metal part dangling. It was hanging like that from when she had beaten my ass with it the last time.
“Who the fuck did your ass have in my damn house while we were away?” she asked me with a crazed look on her face. I dropped the pencil that I had in my hand and turned to look at her.
“I didn’t have anybody in here, Auntie, I promise,” I said, with fear dripping from my voice because I knew what was coming next.
“You are a damn lie! You cleaned this house up spotless. You ain’t never did that shit before, so I know you had a nigga somewhere in my damn house!” she barked.
“I cleaned the house up so good because I knew that you all were coming back today. I knew you wouldn’t want to come home to a dirty house,” I said, trying to plead my case but it didn’t look like she was buying it.
“I don’t believe you. Take off that shirt and them damn pants, and do it fast!” she said.
“Come on, Auntie, I didn’t have anybody in here! You can even go and ask the neighbors,” I said, and she swung the belt so hard, hitting me right in my face with the metal part of it. I touched my face and I noticed that my hands were drenched in blood.
“I’m not going to ask you again!” she barked.
While crying, I removed my shirt and took off my pants too. I still had bruises on my body from the last beating that I had taken from her. She walked over to me and struck me once with the belt, instantly making my body fall to the floor. After that blow was another one, which almost felt like it knocked the damn wind out of my body. My cries fell on deaf ears as she continued to whip me with the belt and it teared into my skin, leaving bruises along the way.
“You think I’m fuckin’ stupid! I know damn well that you had someone up in my damn house. Ain’t nobody gon’ just clean up the whole house just because! Do I look fuckin’ stupid to you?” she asked me, hitting me with the belt again. I was a small girl, so every time that belt came in contact with my skin, it felt as if she were killing my ass.
“No ma’am,” I said, crying.
“Now get your lying ass up out of my face before I beat your ass again!” she said.
I quickly stood up and grabbed my clothes with me. When I walked past Porsha’s room, she was standing there with the phone glued to her ear, cracking up.
“That’s what your fast ass get!” she said and then disappeared back into her room.
I couldn’t for the life of me understand why they would think that I had someone up in here while they were away. I was asked the question the other day, what does love mean to you, Antonia? Love means to me, going out of my way and doing things for people so that they won’t have to go and do it themselves. Love is when your family comes home after enjoying themselves on a trip to Orlando, that you didn’t get invited to, and you make sure that the house is spotless when they arrive. That same love is when they turn around and beat you like a slave. That’s what love means to me and I was experiencing it every damn day
I went into the bathroom and noticed that I had a big gash under my eye, where my aunt had struck me with the belt. Not only that, but I had bruises all on my legs and stomach. I turned around and I had a blackish, purplish bruise from the other morning when she had hit me with the belt. I tried my best to clean up the bruise under my eye, and when I was done, only thing that was left was a swollen eye and a few specs of dried up blood. I didn’t want to keep irritating it because the shit hurt so badly. I looked in the cabinet and I pulled out a bandage. I was just going to have to be Left Eye tonight at work. I wasn’t going to take a shower because it would burn the bruises, so I just went to my room and threw on my work clothes.
When I walked out of the room, my aunt was sitting down on the couch, smoking a cigarette and watching TV, like she hadn’t just beat my ass a few minutes ago.
“I’m going to work,” I said.
“If you tell them white people down at the job that I beat your ass, I promise it’s going to be worse the next time!” she threatened and I nodded my head.
I already knew the drill, so I didn’t see why she had to continue to recite it to me.
Chapter 8: Jahiem
I was in the city with a few of my niggas that I knew from around the way, gambling, talking shit, and just chilling. I had moved out of the hood when I became the owner of my tattoo shop but I
couldn’t seem to stay my ass away from it. I was a product of my environment, and I loved the shit that took place over here in the hood. Hell, half of my niggas still stayed over here, so I had no problem with making that drive.
“Let’s go, nigga. I’m trying to get that Rolex you got on,” my nigga, Red, said, referring to my watch.
Red’s ass made just as much money as I did, but he wasn’t making his money legally. He was out here living dirty, doing what he had to do, but I’ll admit that the nigga was indeed eating.
I had known this nigga since we were in fuckin’ grade school, and we had been close ever since. Hell, his old girl and mine were best friends too. We called him Red because he was an ole bright ass nigga and his ass was a fuckin’ dog, I mean worse than me. We could be somewhere in a club, just chilling and this nigga probably done fucked at least 70% of the bitches in attendance, while I probably fucked about only 40%. I wasn’t bragging on my dick or nothing like that, but it was the damn truth.
It was my turn to shoot the dice next when I saw Antonia coming down the stairs of her building. Something was off because number one she was walking with a damn limp, plus she had a bandage over her left eye. I completely lost my focus and just dropped the dice on the floor.
“I’ll get up with you niggas later. I need to handle something right quick,” I said.
They talked shit as I quickly jogged over to catch up with Antonia.
“What’s good, lil’ mama? Where you been hiding at?” I asked her. I hadn’t seen her since the night we had dinner together, and it wasn’t like she had a phone so I could contact her or something.
When she looked at me, I noticed that her eyes were bloodshot red. She smiled at me and I could tell that it was forced. I was trying to mind my business because I could tell that she didn’t want me all up in her personal life, but damn, it was hard to just turn a blind eye when she was silently crying out for help.
“I’m okay. I’m on my way to work though, and the bus is about to come in about another five minutes or so,” she said, trying to walk away, but I stopped her.
“Come on. You don’t have to take the bus today, I’ll take you,” I told her and she shook her head no.
Little did she know, this shit wasn’t up for debate. I grabbed her hand and pulled her along and we walked to my car. I unlocked my car door and went over and opened the door for her. I watched as she climbed in the seat like she was in pain or something, and when she sat down, she winced and I took her in. I didn’t know what she was going through, but damn, I just felt so damn bad for her. I closed her door and then went over and got in on my side. As I started the car and pulled out of the parking lot, I remembered her being scared the last time by how fast that I was driving, so I chose not to drive as fast this time.
“You good?” I asked her as she looked out the window.
All she did was nod her head, and that confirmed to me that she was everything but good. But I decided to leave the situation alone, at least for now.
I drove for the remainder of the ride in silence, with Kevin Gates’ new album playing softly. We got there in another twenty minutes and when we did, I parked the car in the food court, since she worked at Chick-Fil-A. I took the key out and she turned around and looked at me.
“You’re getting out?” she asked me with wide eyes.
I chuckled as I looked at her. “Hell yeah, I’m getting out. Come on before you be late,” I said and we both got out of the car.
She was still walking with a limp but I just ignored it. We made it into the mall and she turned to look at me. “Well, thank you for the ride,” she said.
“You’re welcome. Don’t be a stranger either,” I said and she walked off.
Since I was at the mall, I figured that I would stay and get me a few thing
Antonia
“Antonia, can you please come in the back to my office for a minute?” my manager asked me, coming and taking me off of the register.
I hadn’t even been on the register for a good ten minutes yet. It really wasn’t busy, plus there were three other cashiers up front, so I’m pretty sure that they wouldn’t need me. I quickly locked up my register and made my way to the back to see what my manager wanted. She was a middle aged white lady, and for the most part, she was an okay manager. I liked that she gave me a lot of hours and she helped to work around my school schedule.
“Close the door behind you!” she said.
I did, and took a seat in front of her desk.
“Everything alright, Ms. Clark?” I asked her nervously.
“What happened to your eye, Antonia?” she asked me while opening a folder.
“Umm, I fell today at P.E in school,” I said, having to think quickly.
“That’s funny to me because January 1st, 2014, you told me that you fell in P.E. March 4th, 2014, you told me that you fell outside, playing with your cousins. I have three more incidents on file of you claiming that you fell. Antonia, I have to ask, is everything all right at home? Not only do you have that bandage on your eye, but I also see the bruises on your arms. Is there something that I need to know?” she asked me.
If you tell them white people down at the job that I beat your ass, I promise it’s going to be worse the next time! My aunt’s voice echoed in my mind before I opened my mouth to speak.
“Ms. Clark, I’m not your typical teenaged girl. I like to get my hands dirty. When I’m in school, during P.E., I don’t just take a seat in the shade, I actually participate. I play football and basketball with the guys, and that’s why I come to work sometimes with these bruises on my body. I got this today because in the middle of playing football, I was elbowed in the eye,” I said, lying through clenched teeth. I knew damn well I wasn’t playing no damn football.
“Remove the bandage. Let me see the cut. I’m sorry, but we have customers here, Antonia, and I don’t want that to be the first thing they see once they look at you,” she said, sincerely.
I removed the bandage from my eye and I watched as she cringed in her seat at the look of my eye. It kind of made me feel some type of way, so I quickly put it back on.
“How about this? I’ll pay you for the rest of the week, Antonia, and you can go ahead and head home now. You’ll still get paid for your hours. I want to believe you with the whole falling in P.E. thing, but it’s just a risk that I wouldn’t want to take. You’re a minor, and what if a police officer comes in the line and asks you what happened to your eye or how you got those bruises on your arm? You can lie to me if you want, Antonia, but you can’t lie to the authorities,” she told me and I nodded my head.
“Go ahead and clock out. You’ll still get your hours,” she assured me.
I nodded my head and then walked out of her office. I went over to the time clock and punched out. Now, what the hell was I going to do for the next five hours? I walked out of the food court and down to the restroom. I suddenly had this urge to pee. When I finished handling my business in the bathroom, I walked out, and that’s when I saw Jahiem hugged up in front of the jewelry store with some chick. I knew for a fact that he didn’t see anything in me. Hell, no one ever did. He saw me look at him and I quickly turned my head. I used the doors that were on the right of me to exit the mall.
“Antonia! Wait up! Wait a minute! Damn,” I heard Jahiem say, running in my direction.
I turned around and noticed that this time he was alone. I just knew he had a girlfriend hiding somewhere, and he had just proved my point.
“What happened? Ain’t you supposed to be working tonight?” he asked, stepping closer to me.
I could smell the mint on his breath and his cologne was so intoxicating. I stepped back. When I did, my back went against the wall. He held both of his hands on the wall above my head and stared down at me. His stare was intimidating, making me shudder like a little ass girl. Like always, I dropped my eyes to the ground, and he used his hands and picked my head back up.
‘I’m here! Not down there,” he said and I looked
him in his eyes.
“She sent me home because of the bandage on my eye. She didn’t want to take that risk, and told me that I could come back Monday and that she would pay me for the rest of the week,” I told him and he nodded his head.
“You want to hang with me for a little bit? Or you want me to take you back home?” he asked me.
I knew I couldn’t go back home because my aunt wouldn’t believe me when I told her what happened. She would probably think that I was down at my job telling my manager about the ass whoopings that she passes out to me. Hell, she didn’t even believe me when I told her about earlier when I cleaned up the entire house for them.
“I’ll hang with you, but I need to be home by 11:30 because that’s the time that I usually make it home,” I told him.
“Alright, we out then,” he said and we walked over to his car.
Once we got inside, I had this feeling in me that was dying to know who it was that he was hugged up with when I had seen him a few minutes ago. The way the girl was wrapped up in his arms was almost like she was comfortable, like she was used to being that close up to him.
“Was that your girlfriend back there?” I asked him once he pulled out of the parking lot.
“Nah, just somebody that I fuck with from time to time. I ain’t really looking for a girlfriend right now,” he said, shattering any hopes that I had of us ever getting together.
I nodded my head and decided to leave the situation alone. This is why I didn’t like to ask questions because whenever I did, I felt like I was left with an answer that I didn’t like. I was beginning to think that maybe the only reason Jahiem was spending this time with me and looking out for me is because maybe he felt bad for me. Maybe he saw the bandage under my eye and caught a glimpse of a few of my bruises and felt like he had to be captain save a hoe. Little did he know, I wasn’t some charity case and I didn’t want him doing things for me just because he felt bad for me!
Little Miami Girl: Antonia and Jahiem's Love Story Page 5