Little Miami Girl: Antonia and Jahiem's Love Story

by Diamond Johnson

  All I wanted was friendship from Tacarra. I wasn’t asking for anything else from her, so I didn’t understand why she was making things so hard. She had yet to tell me that she didn’t want to be friends with me anymore, that’s why I continued to talk with her whenever I saw her. When I finished eating my lunch, I stood up and threw my tray in the garbage can. I don’t know who said something when I got up, but all four of them started laughing at whatever comment had been made. I looked at them laughing and turned and walked out of the cafeteria.

  I found a table outside to sit at under the tents and I sat by myself, just taking in my surroundings. Looking around, I noticed the football players sat together, the cheerleaders, and all of the other cliques sat amongst each other and enjoyed their time together and lunch. I was suffering from isolation at home, and sadly, now I was suffering from it at school as well. I sat alone for the remainder of the lunch time. When the bell rang, I got up and went to my fourth period class.

  Before I knew it, it was 2:20 and school was out. It was a Friday, and since I didn’t have to go into work tonight, it left me with nothing to do. Most high school seniors looked forward to having something fun planned for the weekend, but sadly, I didn’t have anything on my agenda since I wouldn’t be working tonight. I made my way out of the building and I could see Tacarra and her friends all in the student parking lot, sitting on top of their cars, talking and laughing with each other. I looked at them for a few seconds and then kept it moving.

  “Hey, Antonia. Wait up a second,” I heard someone say.

  I turned around and it was Lewis from my English class. “What’s up?” I asked him.

  “I just wanted to say, excellent speech today. You made me look at the word in a whole different concept. Just as much as you say you love someone, that quick you can end up hating them,” he said and I nodded my head in agreeance.

  “Thank you, I appreciate it,” I told him with a smile, and then I walked away.

  There was no need in waiting for the bus today, so I just walked on home. I had told my aunt yesterday that I had got into it with another cashier and that they had told me to take the rest of the week off. Surprisingly, she believed me. I couldn’t tell her the real reason because she would probably have made me quit my job because in her words, she didn’t want those white folks all in our business.

  I made it home, and when I walked into the apartment, the house was a mess. I shook my head as I watched my aunt lay on the couch knocked out, and I went on back to my room that I shared with my cousins. When I walked in, they were all laid up in one bed together watching TV. I shook my head because all of their hair looked a damn mess. I knew that I really was in no position to judge them, but I at least would brush my hair into a neat ponytail every morning.

  “Who wants to get their hair braided first?” I asked them as I set my book bag on my bed.

  “Me!” all three of them said in unison.

  My two little girl cousins, Ciara and Allison, were twins and they were four years old. Both of them had long, thick hair, and right now, it was standing up on the top of their heads. I went into the bathroom and got some hair grease and a few combs. I started on Ciara’s hair first because she sat down first on the floor. I gave her some pretty braids, going to the side and added some beads to the end of them. When I finished, I did her sister’s the exact same way. Next, I did PJ’s hair, doing four big jumbo braids that went to the middle of his back.

  Once everybody’s hair was done, I bathed all three of them and they went back into the room to watch TV, while I stayed in the bathroom to clean up the mess that was made.

  I could feel a presence behind me and I knew that it was nobody but my aunt. “I don’t need you to be doing my damn kids hair for me. I’m their mama, that’s my damn job, for me to do!” she said nastily to me.

  How the fuck could she say that it was her job when she hadn’t done their hair since they had left to go to Orlando? All three of them went to Orlando with braids and when they came back, their braids were out and she hadn’t touched their hair since. It killed her whenever I would do anything around the house.

  “Yes ma’am,” I said and continued to clean up the bathroom.

  She walked away from the door and I finished doing what I was doing. When I finished cleaning the bathroom, I turned the light off and went back into the room. My little cousins were in the bed taking a nap, so I got in my bed and watched TV for a while until I dozed off too.

  11:51 P.M.

  I had just woken up from my nap, which I shouldn’t have done because now I wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep tonight. I was starving, so I got out of bed quietly, making sure that I didn’t wake up my little cousins in the process. When I got in the hallway, I could hear voices coming from the living room. I looked over and it was my aunt and her boyfriend, sitting on the couch together watching TV. I watched as he took his attention from her and looked at me with lust in his eyes. He winked at me like he had done the first time and then licked his lips.

  I paid his stare no attention as I went into the kitchen and I noticed that there were two boxes of Domino’s pizza on the counter. I smiled because I was starving, but that smile was quickly wiped off my face when I went and opened the boxes and they both were empty. My aunt was watching me, and she burst out laughing from the expression on my face. I looked around in the cabinets and there was literally nothing in there for me to eat.

  I walked out of the kitchen and decided that I would try my luck. I knocked on Porsha’s door, and a few seconds later, she came to the door with the phone glued to her ear.

  “Bitch, are you lost? Why are you knocking on my damn door?” she nastily asked me. I never knocked on Porsha’s door for anything, but I was desperate, so I had to do what I had to do.

  “Hey, do you have like five dollars so I could go to McDonald’s and get me something to eat. It’s no more pizza left,” I told her.

  “Bitch, I wouldn’t give your lil ugly ass a dollar if it would have saved your damn life. Get the fuck from in front of my door before I have my mama beat your ass,” she said and then closed the door in my face.

  I walked away from the door and went on back to my room. Sadly, this wasn’t the first time that all of the dinner had finished and I had to go without. I looked over at my cousin’s plates that they had left on the dresser and it wasn’t any bread crust or anything for me to eat after them. I closed the door to to the room and got in the bed, lying down on my back. A part of me was kind of mad at myself for sleeping so late because maybe if I had stayed up, I would have been able to at least get one slice of pizza. Then another part of me was mad that I didn’t work today because if I had, I would have at least been able to come home with a doggy basket of some sort that our manager would let us take home every night after we had clocked out.

  It had to be at least two in the morning and I still hadn’t fallen asleep. I couldn’t help but notice the shadow of someone’s feet that kept walking past the door. I honestly had no idea who the hell it was, and the shit was beginning to freak me out. They would walk past the door and then they would just stand there. I didn’t know whether my aunt’s boyfriend was there or not, and I was scared.

  My biggest fear came true when the bedroom door opened and he walked in, closing the door behind him. He lustfully stared at my young body as I lay there with a racing heart. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to know what he came in there for, which is why tears immediately began to spill from my eyes.

  “Sssh, I’m not going to hurt you, beautiful,” he said, locking the bedroom door.

  I scooted my body up to the bedpost and pulled the covers up, hiding my body from him. I looked over at my little cousins who were sleeping so peacefully. He followed my gaze and then he looked back at me.

  “I promise, if you scream, I will go over there and suffocate all three of their little asses. Who the fuck you think your aunt is going to believe? She hates your ass, so of course it’s going to be my word against y
ours,” he told me as she made his way to my bed.

  I shook my head no as tears steadily fell from my eyes. “Please don’t do this,” I whispered to him, but my cries fell on deaf ears as he removed his pants and his boxers. He climbed onto the bed with me and pulled me down by my ankles. I was putting up a fight until he grabbed me by my neck and gave me a menacing look.

  “Do you fuckin’ think I’m playing with you? I will kill those little bastards in a heartbeat,” he said in a whisper.

  He let go of my neck and pushed me down, so that I was lying completely on my back. I watched as he removed my cotton pajama bottoms and then my underwear. My body shook each time he touched me, and I was scared for my life. He roughly spread my legs apart and then he reached down in his pants and pulled something out. I watched as he placed a condom on his penis, and once it was on, he spit on his fingers and rubbed against my most sacred place.

  I was being violated and there was nothing that I could do to stop this from happening. Once he finished rubbing me, he placed one hand over my mouth and roughly slid his big penis inside me. My virginity was something that I would never be able to give up willingly for the first time because right here, at this moment, it was being taken away from me.

  The pain that my body was experiencing right now was worse than any beating that I had ever had before. It felt like his dick was ripping into me and slowly killing me at the same time. While he pumped inside of me with a look of enjoyment on his sweaty face, I lay on my back with a face drenched in tears, silently praying to God, asking him why would he allow things like this to continue to happen to me. I read my bible daily. I knew that you weren’t supposed to ever question God, but how could he claim to love me, and then turn around and put people in my life who are constantly treating me this way?

  I noticed his pumps had gotten weaker, and then a few seconds later, he let out this grunt and sank his heavy body on top of mine. I felt a gush of fluids fall out of me and then the warm feeling traveled down my legs. He kissed me on my lips and then rose up from the bed.

  “I promise, if you ever tell anyone about this, I will kill your ass,” he told me and I nodded my head.

  He left the room like nothing ever happened, and closed the door behind him.

  “Our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen.” I recited my prayer like I always did and cried myself to sleep.

  I knew for a fact that after this night, my life would never be the same. I never wanted to be that girl who had to grow up and tell stories about how I had got raped when I was in high school. I didn’t mind telling stories of the abuse that I had been experiencing because I was learning how to cope with that. But when do you ever come to grips with the fact that your body had been taken advantage of and there was nothing that you could do to stop it? Even if I were to tell my aunt about tonight, I knew for a fact that she wouldn’t believe me because she never believed anything that I ever said. If her boyfriend said anything right tonight, it was the fact that my aunt would choose his word over mine.

  Sad part about it is, I was her flesh and blood. He was just somebody that she was screwing for the time being.

  Chapter 11: Tacarra

  Two Months Later

  It was Thursday morning and I was excited because tomorrow was senior skip day and all the seniors had plans to go and chill at South Beach. I couldn’t wait to wear my bathing suit that I had bought over the weekend from Victoria Secret. Right now, I was standing in my mirror, getting ready for school when my mom barged into my room.

  “Are you inviting Antonia to go with you tomorrow to the beach?” my mom asked me.

  My mom was okay with me participating in the whole senior skip day because she was once a teenager before, and she told me stories about how she used to participate in those type of things at school.

  “Umm, no, I didn’t ask her,” I told my mom honestly.

  Funny thing is, Antonia hadn’t been the same for the past two months. She was normally like this itch in my ass that I couldn’t get to go away. She would always just pop up on me at school, but lately every time I saw her, she would be by herself. I mean, she didn’t even come sit with me at the table for lunch or anything anymore, not like I wanted her to. Shit, who knows? Maybe her dumb ass had finally gotten the hint that I didn’t want to be bothered with her ass anymore.

  “Well, you should. She’s a senior as well, and I’m quite sure that she would want to participate in whatever you all have planned for tomorrow,” my mom said.

  I sucked my teeth and blew out a breath of frustration. “Oh my God, Mama! She is so annoying. Besides, we’re going to be eating and stuff, and she never has any money. So, she’s going to be looking for me to pay for my stuff plus hers,” I whined.

  I couldn’t understand why my mom was so damn fixated on me hanging with this girl. If she liked her that damn much, then hell she should be her damn friend!

  I watched as my mom dug into her purse and pulled out her wallet. She then pulled out a fifty-dollar bill and handed it over to me.

  “Isn’t her birthday on Saturday? Give this to her and tell her it’s from me! So, now she will have money and you don’t have to worry about her asking you for shit, Tacarra. You go on out to that school and you invite Antonia to the beach as well! That’s going to be your ass if you don’t!” my mom said and then left the room.

  I stuffed the money into my pocket, grabbed my purse and my binder, and I was out the door, heading to school. I hated my first period class because it was math, but luckily, I made it through the class as well as my next three classes. Right when I was about to talk into the cafeteria, I saw Antonia coming from out of the science building. I turned around so that I could go and meet up with her.

  “Hey,” I said, as soon as I had caught up with her.

  “Hey, Tacarra,” she said with a smile on her face.

  I reached in my uniform pants pocket and handed her the money that my mom had given me this morning.

  “Here, that’s from my mom. She told me to give it to you and to tell you happy birthday,” I told her.

  “Tell her I said thank you. Keep the money, it’s fine,” she told me, pushing my hand away, not trying to accept the money.

  “Just take it! You know you need it,” I said, shoving it into her hand.

  She took the money from me and put it in her pants pocket this time.

  “Well, umm, I don’t know if you know, but tomorrow is senior skip day, and all of the seniors are going out to South Beach tomorrow. I was wondering if you wanted to come?” I asked her and it pained me to do so.

  “Wow. I ain’t ever been to the beach before. Yeah, I wouldn’t mind going,” she said happily.

  See why I didn’t like to hang with this bitch? She was too damn lame. Who the hell has never been to the beach before?

  “Okay, well just meet me at my house tomorrow at eight,” I told her.

  She wrapped her arms around me in a hug, thanking me. I didn’t hug her back, and when she was finished, I gave her a fake smile and went and joined my friends in the cafeteria, leaving Antonia behind.

  The next day

  It was 8:15 in the morning and I was standing the mirror, making sure that my makeup was up to par. I was in a black and white two-piece bathing suit, with a black sarong over my bottom. I had my long bundles in some beach curls, and I was wearing a pair of black gladiator sandals on my feet. As I was putting on my lip-gloss, there was a knock at the door and I’m pretty sure that it was Antonia.

  I sucked my teeth and went to answer the door for her. I opened the door and she had on her school uniform, with those dirty ass converse that she had been wearing since last year.

  “Antonia, we’re going to the beach! Why are you in your uniform?” I asked her, shaking my head. />
  “Don’t worry, don’t worry! I have change of clothes in my bag. I had to make things look as normal as possible so my aunt wouldn’t get suspicious,” she said, throwing her hands up, defending herself.

  I opened the door for her to come in, and she made her way into the house. I closed the door and went back into my bedroom with her following me. We got in the room and she set that big ass book bag on the floor and then dug in her bag to pull out this outfit that she was so damn hyped about. I stood there and watched as she pulled out a pair of jean capris, with a lime green tank top and some silver sandals. Oh my God, poor child! If only we were the same size, I would have helped her ass out. Too bad her ass had the body of a damn ten-year-old, while I looked like a grown woman.

  She went into the bathroom to change, while I packed my purse with all of the necessities that I was going to need. Antonia came out of the bathroom, and this time, she had taken her hair out of the ponytail and had her curls loose. It’s a shame because she was such a pretty girl, she just didn’t know how to keep up with herself. I watched as she put her school uniform in her backpack and then pulled out the money that I had given her yesterday and placed it in her pockets.

  “Okay, I’m ready. You look pretty by the way,” she told me and I nodded my head.

  I couldn’t even say the same about her because she was killing me with this outfit she had on. After making sure to lock up the house, we were outside. Antonia put her backpack in the backseat and then she got in the passenger side. After we were both inside, I pulled off. I was in a group message with Patrice, Kelsey, and Meccah and they were asking me where I was because they were already at the beach. I let them know that I was on my way as I jumped on 95.