Soulmated

by Shaila Patel

  I turned to where she’d been standing. One of the yearbooks I’d told Mum to throw away was binding-side in. The rest had fallen, pushing over the bookend.

  Cursing, I ran out the door, tearing across Mrs. Robertson’s front garden. Lucky had stumbled up her porch steps before I’d caught her from behind, turning her around. She was choking back sobs.

  “Lucky, I can explain the whole mess. It’s not what you’re thinking.”

  She slapped away my hands and wouldn’t face me. I blocked her as she tried to push toward her front door. Her pain felt like the sting of salt water on an open wound.

  “I’m begging you, Lucks. Just hear me out.”

  She gave up trying to get past me and turned her back to me, crossing her arms around her waist and leaning against the wooden railing. I tried touching her shoulders, but she jerked away. Her hands turned to fists, and her pain turned into roiling waves of anger. But instead of sensing it as a water metaphor, I was feeling wind blowing around in my mind for the first time. The gusts whipped up the sand on my metaphorical beach, stinging my skin, attacking me as if in anger.

  Bloody hell. Is that Lucky?

  I stared aimlessly around her aging porch for some sort of inspiration, not knowing how to explain any of this. I blocked my mind to her, testing her yet again, but she didn’t react.

  “God, I should’ve known,” she said, gritting her teeth. “I’m so stupid.”

  “Jaysus, Lucky, don’t say that. This is my fault, not yours.”

  She let out a bitter laugh. “Isn’t it though? I believed what you said about your ex-girlfriend. I should’ve trusted my instincts. Mom was right.” She swiped at her cheeks, and it tore at something inside of me. I wanted to comfort her and moved closer, but she stepped away.

  “Lucks, please. Will you at least look at me?”

  “I guess I asked for it, huh? I should get a T-shirt that says, ‘Wanted: Guy who toys with girls who look like me—’”

  “Stop it! This isn’t what you’re thinking.”

  She spun around and threw her arms out. “What else could it be? Was I just another easy target?”

  I flinched at her inadvertent word choice and dipped my head down. Christ. What the hell could I tell her without revealing too much? With someone likely spying on us, I couldn’t risk the Elders finding out she knew what she shouldn’t. I’d not gamble with her sanity.

  “Let me expl—”

  “Are you some sicko obsessed with girls like us? Or were we replacements for some Indian girl you once loved? Huh? Am I some bet you and your cousins—?”

  “Jaysus, no! Will you open your ears to me? Sit. Please. I’m begging.” I grabbed her hands, but she snatched them away.

  I waved toward one of the chairs on her patio, praying she’d listen. She hesitated, but took the seat, her head bowed, her arms crossed around her waist again. I dragged over another chair, placing it directly in front of her, boxing her in.

  This can’t end before it’s barely begun.

  I inhaled deeply and pushed away the tidal waves of her emotions that were threatening to drown me. “Christ, Lucky. There’s so much I’m needing to tell you, but it’s something I can’t share. Not yet, anyhow. I’ll explain as much as I can though, yeah? That’s the God’s honest truth. I swear to you with all my heart.”

  “How stupid do you think I am?” She tried to stand, but I didn’t let her.

  “You don’t understand. I had to date them, but they never meant anything to me—”

  “That’s even worse!”

  I cursed out loud. “Luck—”

  “You don’t think that sounds a wee bit suspicious? Creepy even? Okay, so maybe you’re into Indian girls like some guys are into redheads, but then why lie about it, telling me they mean nothing to you? God, you must think I’m so naïve. Either you’re a liar, or you’re some sociopath—that’s your secret!”

  “I swear on Patty’s life I’m not lying, and I’m not some sociopath. If I could tell you everything, you’d realize why I had to date them. But that’s not the way of it with you. You’re different. I want to be with you. You’ve got to believe me.”

  Her eyes had snapped to mine at the mention of Patty’s name, and trickles of her trust dripped through my mind. It was too curious of a reaction to ignore, but I had no choice. Her fight died down with each shuddering breath, and the sandstorm in my mind settled. Damn. Lucky was doing that. She was controlling how I was interpreting her emotions. How was that even possible?

  Because she was my empath soul mate. The angel I was waiting for. She belonged with me, and I belonged with her.

  I ached, needing to reach out to her, but I couldn’t just yet.

  “Believe you?” She scrunched up her face in disgust. “How do I know you didn’t say those same things to them? How can I trust you? I can’t even trust my own judgment.”

  “I never said anything of the sort to them. Let me earn back your trust. I know you’ve no reason to believe a word I’m saying, but you’ve always been able to read me. You have since day one, so ask me anything. Call me out if I’m lying, yeah?”

  She leaned over and buried her face in her hands. Wisps of her hair touched my face with the breeze, and her wildflower scent overpowered me. How had I ever doubted she was The One? I reached up, paused, and slowly brushed the curtain of hair behind her shoulder. She stiffened, but didn’t move away. She only looked up. Her reddened eyes were still deep pools of hurt.

  Jaysus. How am I to reach through to her?

  “You say they meant nothing to you, but Sejal was in love with you. How do you date someone who means nothing to you? Four different someones? And we all look alike. What’s that about?”

  “Lucky, I’d never hurt anyone deliberately. You can sense that about me, can’t you?”

  She squeezed her eyes closed and shrugged. “Were they just conquests to you then? Some game to get them to sleep with you?”

  “For Christ’s sake. I’d never do that. I’ve never taken anyone to bed, Lucks,” I added softly. I was never happier I hadn’t taken Ciarán’s advice.

  “You dated her for a year, Liam. What kind of guy does that for no reason? Were you going to string me along too?”

  “We’d met at the start of school, but we were only seeing each other for about three months. I tried to feel more than friendship toward her—toward them all—but I couldn’t. Not like with you. You make me want more, Lucky. I did what I did because of a secret I have to keep, but not to be cruel.”

  She studied my face for a moment, her eyes narrowing. The tide of her anger and frustration gradually weakened, but then she clenched her jaw and shook her head like she was fighting what her developing empath senses were telling her. I had to give her more, or I’d lose her.

  “I–I had to find out if they were The One, but none of them were. That’s all I can say now.”

  Her eyes darted back and forth as if she was processing what I’d said. “‘Have faith. You will find The One.’ Your dad’s inscription. You’re testing me too, aren’t you? How do I know I won’t end up like them?”

  I grabbed the arms of her chair. “Because you are The One, Lucky.” Proof or no proof.

  “What does that even mean?”

  “I wish I could be telling you right now, but I can’t.”

  “Then when?”

  “I dunno, but soon. Until then, give me the chance to be proving to you how I feel. It’ll all make sense once you know more. I promise.”

  She turned her face away from me. Her waves of anger and frustration had all but disappeared, leaving behind eddies of her confusion, curiosity, and heartache. “Do any of them know this … this secret?”

  “You’re the only one I’ll be telling. You just found out before it was time, is all.” She’d been staring at Mrs. Robertson’s house, so I turned her chin toward me. She inhaled at the mild tingle that brushed our skin, but she didn’t flinch at my caress. “None
of them came close to what you mean to me. Now tell me I’m lying.”

  Her gaze roamed my face, and settled on my eyes as if she were trying to read my mind. I tested her with another block, but she didn’t respond. I wanted to smile at the way she bit her lip as she concentrated. All the years and all the shite with the other targets was fading from my memory.

  The search was over.

  “How long have you been doing this? Were there more than four?” she asked.

  Oh, feckin’ bloody hell. I sent up a quick prayer and cleared my throat. I couldn’t start lying to her now. “There were six in as many years. All Indian.”

  She scraped her chair back and stood, eyes wide. Her breaths came in short bursts. “Oh God, Liam. I–I can’t do this. I don’t want to be number seven. This is all too weird.”

  “No, mo mhuirnín, please. You’ll not be.”

  “I’m not your mu … mu woor-neen, whatever that is!” Her voice pierced the air. She covered her eyes with her palms and shook her head. Her emotions were overwhelming both of us.

  I pulled down her hands and cupped her face. The tingling shot through me, and it stunned both of us. She gasped and grabbed onto my wrists but didn’t pull my hands away. “It means you are my heart. My sweetheart,” I whispered, resting my forehead against hers. “I know six Indian girlfriends seems odd, but you’ve got to be trusting this’ll all make sense soon enough. It’s killing me not to be sharing this with you. You mean everything to me, Lucky. Everything.”

  I brushed my thumbs against her closed lashes, and the sweetest sense of déjà vu came over me. “Open your eyes, Lucks. Look at me and see the truth.”

  Trust your empath senses.

  She raised her eyes. “I won’t be someone else’s shadow, Liam. I can’t.”

  I smiled at the small bit of hope riding the waves of her confusion. It felt like the sun peeking through towering rain clouds.

  “How can you be a shadow when you bring light to every part of me? Everything about you is beautiful and vibrant—your mind, your heart, your passion for dancing. No one else has made me feel alive like you have, Lucky. You’re like poetry to me.”

  Her eyes relaxed, reflecting a world of both vulnerability and strength. I couldn’t resist the pull between us any longer. My lips met hers, and the spark felt like touching a nine-volt battery to my tongue. I didn’t know what the tingling meant, but I could never concentrate on the whys when I was touching her. She tasted as sweet as her scent, and even though I had no idea how we were meant to become soulmated, it couldn’t happen soon enough. When she wasn’t near me, it was like sailing the ocean without sails, cast adrift, only, I hadn’t known what the mast was for until she came along.

  She broke off the kiss and pulled away from me, holding her hands out in front of her when I moved closer. “No, don’t. Please. Your touch confuses me.”

  I shoved my hands in my pockets and stepped back. “I’m sorry. What do you need from me, Lucks? Anything.”

  “I don’t know. Time? Give me some time.”

  I nodded. “I’ll wait for as long as you need. I’m done searching.”

  “Searching? Ah. The secret.” A tinge of bitterness tainted her voice. She picked up the bag she’d dropped at the top of the stairs and fished out her keys.

  I stepped in front of her, blocking the way to her door. “Give us a chance. Will you not be having a little faith in me, Lucky?”

  “I don’t know what to believe, Liam. I don’t trust you, and yet … ”

  “Your, um … intuition says you can.”

  Lucky’s eyes locked onto mine. They were clouded with uncertainty again, but they were still so bloody beautiful. She nodded slightly. Her confusion came across like a boat buffeted by several opposing currents, unable to move forward.

  She opened the screen, unlocked the main door, and stepped over the threshold. With a glance over her shoulder, she cleared her throat. “‘So quick bright things come to confusion’,” she said, quoting A Midsummer Night’s Dream again.

  “But Lysander also said, ‘The course of true love never did run smooth.’ Some things truly are forever, Lucky.”

  “Yeah, but it could still be an illusion.”

  The door clicked shut behind her. A wave of sadness overwhelmed me from inside the house, matching the ache building in my chest. I put my hand on the screen door, wishing somehow I could manipulate her feelings, make her happy without corrupting the trust she needed to build in me.

  I’d never be breaking her trust in me again.

  That evening, I left to meet Drago Gagliardi and the Elder. There was not a chance in hell that I’d be letting them find out about Lucky now.

  CHAPTER 22

  Lucky

  I locked the door behind me, then slid to the cold, tile floor of the entryway, a small island in a sea of carpet. The rubber band had snapped back, and the pain stabbed at me this time. Air wouldn’t move into my lungs fast enough. With each breath, my heart screamed. I curled into a ball and pressed my fingers against my sternum.

  Why did I let myself believe he actually liked me? Could I really be that gullible to believe some secret would magically explain everything? But what if it did? My instincts had told me something wasn’t right, but I didn’t have the courage to listen.

  My eyes burned from crying. I can’t stay down here. I crawled off the floor and up two flights of stairs to my room. I dropped my bag onto the ground with a soft thud, and I crumpled into the fetal position to join it, sobbing.

  So much for the fairy tale romance.

  What secret could explain why he’d dated girls he wasn’t interested in? Who would do that unless they were just after sex? He’d said he was a virgin, but was that true? A nagging feeling told me he was being honest—about everything—but what if it was just wishful thinking?

  But, God, that kiss. My first. I traced my lips. They tingled at the memory.

  He’d said he was done searching for The One. The one what? The one who reminded him of his first love? The one he’d lose his virginity to? The one he’d fall in love with? What?

  Six Indian girls? The Indian guys in Cary didn’t even have that kind of reputation.

  If four of us looked alike, all six of us probably did. I wiped the tears rolling over the bridge of my nose and dug patterns into the carpet with my fingernail. I couldn’t contain my subconscious anymore.

  How do I forget when I don’t even believe,

  And get over this pain that’s making me grieve?

  Well, if I didn’t want to be a doctor, I could always write cheesy greeting cards.

  After Mom and I had been eating dinner in silence for fifteen minutes, her eyebrows pulled together. “Laxshmi? Why aren’t you eating?”

  “Sorry, Mummy. I’m not hungry. Probably hormones or something.” Actually, it’s because my love life sucks, I got my heart ripped out today, and I have a possible sociopath claiming I’m The One.

  “You look tired, beta. Don’t stay up too late, okay? Go to sleep early.”

  I tried to chew a few more bites of the rotli and sprouted mung beans, but gave up. I took my plate to the sink and began wiping down the counters and putting away the extra salad and mango pickle. It was a good enough distraction.

  She finished eating and came into the kitchen. “Ruhva de, deeku. Leave them. I’ll do the dishes. Go. You sleep.”

  “Don’t worry. You worked all day. I’ll do these and then go upstairs.”

  She rubbed my back and frowned. Her touch weakened my defenses, but I couldn’t crumble in front of her. I took a few deep breaths to regain my control.

  “Don’t work too hard on this drill dancing for Caitlyn and Bailey. You’ll be too tired to study, okay?”

  “Drill team, Mom. It’s not that. Don’t worry.”

  “Then?”

  “I said I was tired, that’s all.” She scowled, but I didn’t care. “How was work?”

  “Good. Mr. A
mbley is selling the travel agency.”

  What? I put down the pot I was rinsing. “Why? It’s been in his family for years. Will you still have a job?”

  She rotated her wrist, splaying her fingers and twisting her palm once, giving me the Indian version of a shrug. “Probably money. He said the new owner will leave everything the same, but Bhagwan jaane. God knows.”

  “Wow.”

  “I called your Harshna Mami today.” She handed me the dirty spoon rest from the stove. “That boy’s parents live right here in Durham.”

  “They’re doing an Indian engagement, right?” It meant Michael’s parents would host the ceremony, as was tradition, and we’d have a ton of family staying here with us. “But will Neelu Masi be able to come?”

  “Why wouldn’t she come? The ceremony is in November, and her due date is end of December.”

  “At the end of December, Mom.”

  She waved her hand dismissively.

  Even though Harshna Mami was only a sister-in-law, Mami was more like a real sister to Mom than Neelu Masi was. Mom was the older one, and they didn’t always get along because Masi was the free-spirited, romantic type who did what she wanted. She was addicted to romance novels, which Mom always thought was a silly waste of time. I loved hanging out with Neelu Masi though. Without any siblings of my own, it was always entertaining to listen to her argue with Mom.

  With all the festivities, I’d have to go Indian clothes shopping, for sure. It wouldn’t be too hard to find an emerald green sari or choli set Liam would like.

  Liam.

  I blinked back tears. Mom muttered something about her sister.

  “Sorry. What’s that about Masi?” I asked.

  She handed me a plastic sour cream container to wash out. “She probably made this happen, talking to Sujata about romance all the time.”

  “What? So Sujata fell in love. At least he loves her enough to marry her.” It was too hard to hold back. The tears spilled over, and I choked on a sob.

  “Laxshmi! What’s wrong?”