The beer appeared quickly and the men poured it down their throats like water. Watching them drink reminded me of my mother for moment. I imagined her in a place like this, surrounded by men, drinking herself silly, letting them touch her, do things to her. But I pushed away the bad memories. People drank all the time and had fun. Not everyone ended up like my mother. I intended to enjoy myself too. With a soda.
In the end I had two Sprites and Dustin had mineral water, claiming he didn’t like to have a drop of alcohol in him when he was driving.
The guys asked me about my background. I hoped they were not the type to read tabloids. Although Jude had done his best to keep our life private, it still leaked sometimes, but only the glamorous part of it—not the parts that counted.
I didn’t tell them much, just that I grew up in Serendipity and attended the same school as Dustin. Dustin told them a bit about how we had dated. Mitch’s eyes finally lit up and he seemed to come alive with interest.
“You two make a bloody good-looking couple,” Sam slurred.
“Well, thank you.” Dustin looked at me. He didn’t elaborate that we were just friends now. And that I was actually married, even though I had no ring on my finger. Just the pale mark it had left behind.
“You really do,” Mitch said. He pulled out his phone and focused his attention on it for the next thirty minutes, looking up only when Linda and Anton’s teenage daughter, Rosemarie, appeared at the table with more beers.
After another half an hour, Dustin suggested we get some food. I accepted happily. The conversation at the table was no longer making sense as it was being drowned in alcohol, and my stomach was starting to groan louder.
Since it was too loud at Krug, we decided to go eat somewhere else.
“How do you do it?” I asked Dustin as we strolled comfortably side by side past a closed bridal store and a gambling joint, music and the clink of machines spilling out of the door. It was darker outside now and the small streets were starting to empty.
“Do what?” Dustin had his hands inside his jeans pockets. Was it to keep them from touching me?
“You make more money than anyone I know and yet you live a normal life.”
“Normal life is more fun.” He moved out of the way to let a toddler run by, chased by his exasperated mother. “Money doesn’t have to be the evil some people think it is. It doesn’t have to change you unless you let it.”
“So what do you do with all of it?” It was clear what Jude did with his money. It had been hard to miss.
“I do spend it on nice things. I have houses and the jet, and other toys, but I don’t let riches define me. I use the rest of my money to do good.”
“Like?” I just couldn’t stop. He fascinated me. I wanted to know everything about the man he had become.
“I recently built a second school in Nigeria. And I have an adopted daughter in South Africa, an orphan. I send money to give her the best shot at a life.”
I looked at him with renewed awe. “You do? What’s her name?”
“Malika.” He halted in front of a small restaurant with a meat and spice aroma wafting out of it. “Should we eat here?”
“Sure, why not?” I didn’t care where we had dinner. I just wanted to sit with Dustin, to talk to him.
We got a small, round table in the back and gave our orders.
“I love this town. I come here when I need a break from the big world. People here treat me like a resident. They don’t care what I own.”
“Do they know who you really are? About your firm?”
“Many do. They just don’t bring it up in conversation. They like me. I like them. They give me my privacy, and I help many of them out financially.”
“No wonder they look at you with so much respect.” I folded my arms in front of me. “You’re a wonderful person. I knew that from the moment I met you. There was just something about you.”
Dustin leaned forward and whispered, “And yet you didn’t stay with me.”
“You know why.” I leaned back in my chair. “My life was complicated.”
“I loved you. I wouldn’t have given a shit. I’d have been there for you. You didn’t have to do it alone.”
“I wish I’d believed that at the time. Too late now. I wish I could undo all of it.”
“We would probably have been married by now,” he said with a tiny smile. “You were the girl for me. But you wouldn’t take my calls or return my letters.”
“I was hurting.” I paused. “And I was doing things…”
“It’s okay.” He took my hands. “Let’s forget all that. Let’s fix what can be fixed.”
What could be fixed? My heart, my life, my sanity? “Okay.”
The food arrived then, and we shared the large plate of potato chips with sausages and salad. It wasn’t pork chops, but it was delicious.
We moved on from talking about us—or the lack of us. Instead we talked about the small town, Dustin’s brothers, and his mother, who was still waiting for him to tie the knot with someone. And we talked about life in high school.
We returned to his truck, hand in hand. He escorted me to the passenger side and I thought he would open the door for me, but instead he spun me around and kissed me. His kiss was familiar and strange at the same time, sweet and sour, the past and the present. It knocked me off my feet, turned my knees to mush. I kissed him back and then I came to my senses, even as my lips still ached for his.
“You know…” I started but he placed a finger on my lips and moved it down my chin. He moved it away and pressed his forehead to mine.
“I know your life is still complicated. I just wish we didn’t let complicated stand in the way.” He sighed and closed his eyes, and I did the same. “I know you’re married. But to the wrong man. I wish you were married to me. Maybe…”
“Shhh.” I swallowed the sob inside my throat. A heartbeat passed between us and then I spoke. “Don’t say it.” The words were cracked around the edges. They shattered between us as soon as they exited my mouth.
I was in no position to make relationship decisions or promises right now. Not when I wasn’t sure who I would be a few days, weeks, or months from now. Once Jude was done with me, would there even be anything left?
We drove back to the ranch in silence and said our goodnights. Alone in my room, I pulled out one of the bags I’d brought home from the shops this morning and took out a small box. I disappeared with it into the bathroom, my heart inside my throat.
Chapter Seventeen
A rock dropped into the pit of my stomach. I slumped against the door and slid to the floor, tightening my fingers around the pregnancy test stick.
Two days ago, I missed my period. I never, ever missed my period. But I hadn’t worried, thinking it was my body reacting to the stress. When I was with Jude, I’d been on the pill. When I left suddenly, I didn’t have time to get them from where I had hidden them, but I also hadn’t planned on having sex in the near future. I wasn’t even sure why I bought the pregnancy test. I guess I just wanted to rule out all possibilities.
Confusion whirled through my mind. How could this have happened? Yes, Jude raped me repeatedly, but I’d also religiously taken my pill, never forgetting it once.
A chilling thought hit me and I clapped my hand against my mouth, gagging. Jude had something to do with it. That was the only explanation. What if he had somehow found the pills and replaced them with something else? He had been determined to get me pregnant and he would have done anything to make sure it happened. Well, he had succeeded.
Saliva pooled into my mouth and I crawled over to the toilet, vomiting until I felt completely empty. I dabbed my mouth with a wad of toilet paper and then wept into it.
A baby. What would I do with a baby while on the run? Even worse, Jude’s baby. A monster’s baby, growing inside me.
Jude had done it again, just like he always did. He’d succeeded, even from a distance, at controlling the course of my life. No matter how far or how
fast I ran from him, we’d forever be linked by a life—an innocent life. My life as I knew it was well and truly over. How could I run now? How could I go to the cops? It was no longer just about me.
After sitting in the bathroom for over an hour, I went to bed, feeling like a zombie. I woke up before dawn and knocked on Dustin’s door.
Dustin’s eyes widened with worry when he saw my face. When I told him, he stumbled back with shock. He pulled me into his room and lowered me onto his bed. It was a lot smaller than mine.
He remained on his feet, pacing the room, running his hand through his hair occasionally. “Didn’t you…?”
“I did. He wanted a baby; I didn’t. I was on the pill behind his back. I…” I drifted off, feeling myself burn up inside. I hated Jude. I hated him with everything in me. “I think he messed with my pills. How stupid was I to think he wouldn’t find them?”
“You think he switched them?” Dustin’s voice was steely and he lowered himself next to me, studying my face.
“And he did a damn good job.” I hadn’t noticed anything different. He had really gone the extra mile to fool me.
Dustin ran his hand roughly through his hair. “The bastard. He deserves to pay for everything he’s done. Did he really think you would forget everything he had done to you and stay just because he got you pregnant?”
I wiped my cheeks and inhaled sharply. “As far as he was concerned, I wasn’t going anywhere.” If he ever found out about my pregnancy he would move heaven and earth to find me. Then what? He’d hold me and the baby hostage? Bile rose up in my throat again, but I swallowed it down. “I feel defeated, Dustin. I don’t know what to do now.”
“Haley.” Dustin took me by the shoulders and turned me to face him. “You can’t let this throw you off.”
I gave a choked laugh. “I really don’t know where to find the strength. I need so much more now. I’m no longer just making decisions for myself.”
As much as I ached to rip my womb right out of me, the baby—even if it was the result of one of many painful moments with Jude, a product of rape—was not responsible for this whole mess.
I hadn’t slept a wink last night mulling over whether I should keep it, whether I wanted to have a child in my life that would remind me of Jude forever. I didn’t want the baby, but I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I got an abortion. I had to do the right thing. This time I couldn’t walk away from my responsibility. “I’m keeping the baby.”
Dustin’s hands fell off my shoulders and he took a breath in. “Are you sure about this?” His eyes were serious, but not judging.
“It’s not the baby’s fault.” I shook my head sadly, my head pounding. “I can’t punish it for my own stupidity.”
“You still want to change your identity and run? It will be more complicated. You do understand that, don’t you? You’ll be a single mother on the run.” He paused and swiped at his forehead. “You understand the impact your decision will have, right? I’m not telling you what to do, but…”
“Then don’t. You think you’re not, but you are. I’m tired of people telling me what’s right for me. First Jude, and now you.” I jerked to my feet and stomped to the door, but before I stepped out, I turned back to Dustin, shame washing over me. I went back to him.
I felt heavy, weighed down with decisions I had to make fast. “I shouldn’t have said that. That wasn’t fair. You’re trying to help and I’m being a bitch.”
“I’m not Jude,” Dustin said softly. “You have to realize that.”
I sank back down on the bed and cradled my head in my hands. “I know. I’m so sorry.” I looked up again, into his eyes this time. They were clear, kind. Not deep and threatening like Jude’s had been. “You’re not Jude.”
For a moment, I’d heard Dustin speaking in Jude’s voice, controlling me, making decisions for me. But I had to work harder at reminding myself that not every man was like Jude. I’d just lost so much control over the years. So much of myself.
“I care, Haley.” He gripped my hands. “I still care. And not in a controlling way.”
I sighed and leaned my head against his shoulder. “Thank you.”
We stayed like that for a long time, my head on Dustin’s shoulder, his hand holding mine. I swallowed hard as I thought of the baby growing inside me. The baby of a heartless murderer. I prayed that evil wasn’t in the genes. My heart ached.
I wasn’t ready to be a mom, especially since I was still recovering from the worst torment of my life. If I could have wished the pregnancy away, I would. Being a single mom on the run was never part of my plans. And neither was giving birth in prison. I had to protect myself, and I had a responsibility to protect this baby. Wanted or not, planned or not, it was a part of me.
“As soon as your friend is back, I have to continue with my plans. It’s more urgent now.”
Dustin stood up and approached the window. He lifted the curtain and looked out for a while. Then he turned around, an unreadable expression on his face. “I can’t let you walk straight into danger. Jude is a very intelligent man. We both know that. He will eventually find you. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing I put you in harm’s way.”
“You?” I retorted, blood rushing to my head so fast I felt dizzy, my blood boiling. “This is my decision, Dustin. My responsibility, and my mistake, if it ends up being one.”
“I’m terrified for you. How long will you run from him?”
“As long as it takes. I’ll run for as long as it will take me to be safe. I don’t care if I stay on the run for the rest of my life. I can’t go to prison. I can’t have my baby behind bars.” I wet my lips.
Dustin came to kneel down in front of me. He covered both my hands with one of his large masculine ones and used the other to cup my chin. “I will not let that happen, Haley. I will do whatever it takes so you don’t end up in prison, do you hear me?”
My shoulders shook with grief. I didn’t respond.
“Haley,” he said slowly. “I care about you more than you can ever imagine. This is a life or death situation. I will not let you do this. I will not let you out of my sight. Do you understand me?”
The urge to yell at him again, to tell him to stop telling me what to do, was strong. He wasn’t Jude. But it was hard to agree to put my life in another man’s hands. “This is dangerous for you too, Dustin. The longer I’m here with you, the more dangerous it is for you.”
“I don’t care how dangerous it gets. I will not let you stand there alone. I’ll die protecting you if I have to. I still love you, Haley. And love will not let me watch you put yourself in the line of fire.”
“Don’t say that. You can’t love me.” I was a walking time bomb for Dustin. No matter how much I still felt for him, the timing was completely wrong. If Jude ever found out about us, he’d kill us both.
He trailed my temple with a finger. “It’s not something I can control. I’m going to protect you. Whether you want it or not. Please just stay here for a while. Maybe he won’t find you. Cole will gather incriminating evidence against him and you can take it to the cops. You have the power to end this.”
Stay here for a while. Déjà vu all over again. Those words suffocated me just hearing them. Jude had wanted me to stay too, so he could protect me. Where had it gotten me? I closed my eyes.
“Look at me,” Dustin said and I opened my eyes. “I will protect you and the baby until I can make sure you’re safe. After that, I promise to let you go, if you want to. I will not hold you prisoner here. I’m not Jude.” He released my hands. “I also won’t force you to go to the cops. But please, please hide here for a while.”
My chin dropped to my chest. I didn’t have the strength left to run. The life growing inside my belly had sucked it right out of me.
Chapter Eighteen
Jude
“What are you doing here? I told you to leave the country.” Jude’s eyes burned with annoyance. Why the fuck couldn’t he just back off?
“You know I can’t leave.” Nolan pushed past Jude and into the cheap motel room. He looked around for a moment, his brow furrowed. “So this is where you’re staying.” He didn’t look pleased. “Do you want to tell me why you’re hiding out like this? You’re not even staying in one place long enough for me to find you.”
“I don’t appreciate you meddling in my business. I thought I made it clear the last time. Sit.” Jude waved a hand toward a chair next to a shabby sofa. Nolan did as he was told. “So, why the hell aren’t you gone? I helped you get a new identity, gave you enough money. What’s keeping you here?”
If there was someone Jude could count on, it was Nolan. Ever since they were kids, Jude had done a damn good job at getting his brother to do to whatever he wanted. He had bribed him, blackmailed him, or simply bullied him into doing his dirty work.
Since then he’d been at his beck and call. It wasn’t as if Jude didn’t love his brother. He had taken great care of him financially, spending hundreds of thousands of dollars to give him the lifestyle he enjoyed, the kind of lifestyle a mere chauffeur would never be able to afford. He had even gone so far as to offer Nolan a place in his company, but his brother had refused, saying he hated working in an office. He wanted to drive Jude instead, and be his bodyguard when necessary. So what the fuck was wrong with him these days?
“It’s you keeping me here,” Nolan said firmly. “I know what you’re up to. I came here to tell you that you’re playing a dangerous game.”
Jude let out a laugh, then sat as well. He had to admit he was taken aback by his brother’s claim. “What is it you know, exactly?”
“I know you killed those prostitutes. I was on my way out of the country when I saw a photo of your fifth victim. She looked a lot like Haley. When I saw the others, I put two and two together. If this is your perfect plan for getting Haley to return to you, you’re way more messed up than I thought. What’s wrong with you?”
When Jude had killed his first wife out of rage, it was Nolan who had cleaned up the mess, after making Jude promise he would never kill another soul. What Nolan didn’t know was that he had killed their mother years before, and that murder had awakened a hunger in him. Jude almost felt like snickering. His brother had no idea of the things he did behind his back.
Dangerous Intentions (His Agenda 2) Page 6