Myself (Selfish Series, #2)

by Shantel Tessier

  “I’m not letting someone I don’t know drive you home.”

  I tilt my head to the side as I look into his brown eyes. They’re so pretty. They’re not dark brown, but a light color brown. They remind me of a chocolate candy bar that has melted. I could stare at them forever. “How am I gonna get home?” I somehow manage to ask.

  “I’ll drive you.”

  I have never been more thankful to Conner for leaving me somewhere; which happens often. I step into him and wrap my arms around his waist. I inhale sharply, and his scent makes me feel more lightheaded than I already am. He pats my back awkwardly. I wish he would hold me.

  “Come on, princess.” He takes my hand and drags me to the front door, but I stay back behind him as far as my arm will allow, just so I can watch the way his blue jeans hang on his narrow hips. They hug his thighs tightly, and I lick my lips, wishing I could watch them fall to the floor, my floor.

  “Where are we going?” I ask once we get into his car.

  “I’m taking you home.”

  I frown and lean my head back against the black leather headrest as I continue to stare at him in awe. The way his chiseled jaw lights up from the oncoming headlights makes my thighs clench. His left hand hangs freely over the steering wheel while his right shifts his car into gear. I wish they were on me ...

  “What’s wrong?” he asks.

  “I thought we could go to your house.” Please take me to your place.

  His head snaps so he can look at me in the eyes, and I can’t help but rub my hands on my thighs and imagine the touch was his. “What?” he asks.

  I undo my seat belt and scoot closer to him. He looks away from me and back at the road. Then he looks back at me. “Becca ...” He shifts in his seat, and my eyes fall to his lap. And then my hand follows. “What are you doing? Put your seat belt back on.”

  “I don’t remember you saying that when you kissed me at my birthday party,” I say, ignoring him as I move my hand higher, and my lips part when I feel the tip of his dick. He’s hard. For me. God, I want him so badly; I’m already ready to scream out his name.

  Then he pushes my hand away. “Becca ... we can’t.”

  I fall back into my seat and sigh in embarrassment. “No one wants me.”

  I pull myself out of that memory and look to see Ashlyn staring at me wide-eyed. Did I just tell her all that word for word?

  I shake my head at myself. No, I didn’t. I hadn’t said any of it. But I can feel the wetness in my panties just remembering what he allowed me to do to him in the back seat of his car. It was pity sex. And at the time, I didn’t care. I would have given anything to have him just once, and it was worth it.

  “It just happened,” I say although I’m not sure it just happened. I knew what I was doing. “In the back seat of his car.”

  “What?” she asks, laughing. “You had car sex?” She slaps my arm. “You’re such a naughty girl.”

  I look away from her in embarrassment. Ashlyn and I don’t talk about my sex life. “Wait ...” she says, starting to put the dates together.

  “I cheated on Conner with Jaycent,” I whisper, clarifying what she is already figuring out.

  “Becca ...”

  “I cried after we did it.” Not for the reasons she’s thinking. I was regretful but not ‘cause of Conner. Jaycent had a life, a future, and I didn’t wanna take that away from him. “Conner never found out, but I tried to make it up to him.” I lie again. If she knew that Conner had known, then she would understand why he was the way he was to me. It’s better off that she doesn’t know he knew. She’s better off just thinking he’s an ass, not that he was making me pay for what I did with Jaycent.

  She takes my hands. “Becca, you’re my best friend. And I want you to listen very carefully.”

  I nod slowly not sure what she is about to say. I hate that she may judge me. That she will see me as a different person. “You do not owe Conner shit!” she snaps, surprising me. “That guy treated you like shit! I do not condone cheating, but what you did to Conner wasn’t cheating.” She gives me a soft smile. “So then what happened?”

  “After we were done, he told me that he wanted to be with me. That he knew it could work.” I shake my head. “It wouldn’t have worked. I was eighteen and about to leave for college. He was twenty-five and my brother’s best friend. It was never going to work.”

  “And now?” she asks.

  I smile. “And now, I feel like we have a chance.”

  She smiles back and jumps up on the counter beside me, taking the jar of pickles from me. “I think you do too.”

  “But Ryder ...”

  “Honestly, Becca”—she takes a bite of her pickle—“he has no clue what’s going on,” she says, chewing.

  My cell ringing has me jumping down off the countertop. I look and see it’s Jaycent and start to walk to my room. “Hello?”

  “Hey, babe. Still wanna see me tonight?”

  I smile. “Why? Have you changed your mind already?”

  “Absolutely not!” he answers, and my smile grows.

  “Then yes. I will be seeing you tonight.”

  “Good. Meet me at my house in an hour. If you beat me there, there’s a hide-a-key under the white rock on the front porch,” he informs me.

  “I remember where it is,” I tell him.

  “Perfect.” I can hear the smile in his voice. “I have a surprise for you.”

  I bite my lower lip and smile. “Do I need a bag ...?” I ask nervously but needing to know.

  “Might as well pack a suitcase. Because that overnight bag you brought over last time doesn’t fit much in it. Even though I prefer you naked more than anything else.”

  JAYCENT

  I pull up to my house and hit the garage door opener. It’s dark outside. Later than I meant to get off. But I had a meeting run late and then I got stuck in the usual Manhattan traffic.

  The outside lights make the house glow. It’s a white stucco home with black shutters and black trim with two black garage doors to accommodate my four-car garage. I bought it for my twenty-first birthday. I was still away attending college when I bought it, but I wanted to have a house to come home to when I graduated. Once I finished my bachelors in architecture, I moved in and never thought twice about my decision.

  I pull my car into the garage and close the door behind me before walking into my house. Entering the laundry room, I can already hear the TV on in the living room. I walk in to find Becca sitting on my couch, her legs tucked under her butt with her hands in her lap. I smile as I watch her. This is what I want to come home to every day. Her in our house, wearing my t-shirts and a smile on her face. This is my dream. I hope it’s hers too.

  “Hey,” I say.

  Her head spins around, and her face lights up as she sees me. “Hey, baby.” She stands from the couch, and my eyes trail down her exposed legs that her white sundress shows off.

  I meet her halfway not wanting to wait for her to reach me. I wrap my arms around her and lift her off the ground. “Do we have plans tonight?” she asks.

  I nod. “We do.” I place her back on her feet. I have dinner reservations at her favorite restaurant. But it’s a surprise. “But ...” I take her hand and head toward my bedroom. “Afterward.”

  “How long do we have?” she asks, already getting out of her sundress. She kicks her heels off and crawls onto the bed; her panties are still on, but she wasn’t wearing a bra. I smile at that.

  I start undoing the buttons on my dress shirt. Then I’m reaching for my slacks along with my boxers. “About an hour,” I answer, crawling onto the bed after her, now naked.

  “That’s not very long,” she says, placing her hands on my chest. I love the way her eyes rake over me.

  “It’s all I need,” I tell her as my lips find hers. She moans into my mouth as I grind my hips into hers. I reach a hand between our bodies and pull her panties to the side. I slide a finger between her wet lips, and it makes me moan when I feel how wet
she is for me already.

  She opens her mouth wider for me, and my tongue finds hers as I slide my finger into her. Her nails dig into my shoulders as my finger slowly works in and out of her before I add another one to her slick pussy.

  I pull my lips away from hers, and she gasps as I smile down at her. “I love how fucking wet you are,” I tell her.

  She looks up at me, her beautiful green eyes already heavy, and I’ve only started with her. Becca is like no other woman I’ve ever met. No one has ever made me feel so much raw need. I’ve never been on fire, but I imagine touching her is the same. They say that the pain gets worse after the fire has been put out. That the air hitting the fresh burn is unbelievably painful and that’s what I feel for her. It’s like self-torture. You know one time isn’t going to be enough, but neither is a hundred. I want to feel that burn with her. I want to feed the need that is all-consuming and overwhelming.

  I slide my fingers out of her, and she takes a deep breath as I sit up between her legs. I grip her lace underwear and pull them down her legs slowly just to watch the look on her face turn from pleasure to need. She knows what I want, and she wants it just as badly.

  I toss her panties to the floor, and she tries to close her legs. I place my hand on her knees and spread them wide for me. “Jaycent ...” she whispers as if she’s nervous.

  “Shh,” I tell her as I run my hands down her thighs. My eyes drop to her pussy as my hands reach it, and I run my thumb over her wet lips, and her legs start to shake. I smile down at her, and she makes no move to stop me when I lower myself between her legs.

  I lie flat on the bed, my arms under her thighs, clutching her hips to keep her in place because I know she’s going to be bucking while I fuck her pussy with my tongue. I’ve never done this to her, but I’ve imagined it a thousand times. How she would taste. How she would sound. And now, I finally get the chance to have her. To devour her.

  Her hands find my hair, and she arches her back. I lick my lips then I lick her wet pussy. She tries to pull away at the first lick as if it is too much, and I smile. “I haven’t even started, baby.” I look up at her back arching and her perfect tits bouncing as she breathes heavily. Her nipples are so hard; I wish I could taste them as well. Her head is tilted back, and her eyes are closed as her lips part. She doesn’t say anything, but I don’t expect her to.

  I lower my head again, and this time, after I lick her once, I lick her again. And again. My mouth devours her pussy like my cock did the other night. I suck and lick until her cries grow louder and her movements more forceful. I fuck her until she’s a shaking, beautiful mess.

  I sit up and watch her cover her face with her hands as if she’s embarrassed. I lick what’s left of her off my lips, enjoying her sweet taste, and already wanna do it again. But instead, I grab her hips and flip her over onto her stomach. She lets out a yelp in surprise then I pull her hips into the air. Her wet pussy once again on display for me. And I smile before slapping her ass.

  She moans, digging her head into the pillow. God, she makes me want to go animalistic on her. I just wanna be like a caveman and pound my own chest as I stand on top of a mountain. It’s insane and incredible what she makes me feel. What she makes me want.

  “Please,” she begs when I just kneel behind her, looking down at her perfectly round ass and pink pussy.

  “You want more?” I ask as I slide my fingers between her wet lips, and she trembles.

  “I need more.” She pants.

  “What do you need, baby?” I ask wanting to hear her say it. I want her to need me just as much as I need her.

  “I need you to fuck me,” she says, pressing her ass back into my hard cock, and I can still see her body shake from her orgasm. And I can’t wait to give her more.

  Taking the base of my cock in my right hand, I use my left to press her back down to the bed as I rise onto my knees and press into her. My teeth clench as my cock slowly fills her tight pussy, and she lets out a gasp from my size.

  Once all the way in, I place both hands on her hips and start to move; long but fast strokes. Our bodies slapping and heavy breathing fill my room, and my balls tighten like I’m some teenage boy about to come after two seconds of sex. I slow my pace, and it helps, but she rocks her hips as if she prefers it fast, so I grind my teeth and do as she wants, trying my best to hold out as long as I can.

  Surprisingly, I lasted another thirty minutes. She, however, came two more times. That alone was enough to keep me from coming. I want so badly to show her that I can be better than Conner in all ways. I’ve never asked about their sex, and just the thought of him fucking her drives me wild, but I don’t imagine he made her tremble the way I do. But that can go back to where I’m a caveman standing on a mountain and shit.

  As I am buttoning my slacks, Becca’s phone rings. I watch her from across my bedroom as she stares down at it, her teeth sinking nervously into her bottom lip. She lets it go to voicemail. I’m about to ask who it was when it rings again.

  I walk over to her and look down at it. It’s a number I don’t know, but somehow, I do. It’s Conner. I know how she cowers to him, and this is most definitely him. My jaw clenches. “When did you talk to him last?” I ask.

  She looks up at me. “I haven’t talked to him. He messaged me last night while we were in bed after Ashlyn threw her drink on him, but I didn’t respond.”

  It rings again, and she hits answer. I’m about to snatch the phone from her hands when she puts it on speakerphone for me to hear what he has to say.

  “Hello?” she answers timidly and then clears her throat.

  “I need to come up,” are his first words. “I’m down in the lobby at Q’s.” He’s at her apartment building?

  “I’m not—”

  “Goddammit, Becca,” he snaps, interrupting her. I snatch the phone out of her hands, about to tell him I’m gonna beat his ass again, but she snatches it back. “I need to come upstairs. I left a few things back in Seattle, and I need to get them.”

  She holds up her finger to tell me to be quiet, and I clench my teeth. “Give your phone to someone at the front desk,” she says softly.

  “Hello, Ms. O’Kane,” a woman says cheerfully. “I have a Mr. Conner Links here requesting to come up.”

  “Go ahead and let him up,” she tells her and then hangs up. She stares down at her phone and sighs heavily. “I need to call Ashlyn and let her know he is coming up.”

  I turn and walk off to my bathroom, needing to throw some cold water on my face. I turn on the sink and hear her talking to Ashlyn. She sounds so timid. Unsure. I hate that he has the power to do that to her. That after all their time together, with one phone call, he still holds that power. So much for hitting my chest and feeling like a god. No matter what I do, Conner has the power to come and beat me.

  She says her goodbye to Ashlyn and then walks in and leans up against the doorway. I yank the blue towel from the rack and wipe the water off my face. “Are you mad at me now?” she asks softly.

  “Doesn’t matter what I think,” I say and walk toward the doorway. She moves in time to allow me space to walk back into the bedroom.

  “Jaycent.” She follows me. “I don’t wanna do this.”

  “Then maybe you shouldn’t have answered his fucking call,” I spit out.

  I pick my shirt up off the floor and place it back on as well and then sit on the side of the bed to put on my shoes. She comes to stand in front of me. “Why are you mad at me?” she asks. “I’m not seeing him. I’m not even talking to him.”

  “You just answered his phone call.”

  She growls and places her hands on her hips. “He needed something ...”

  “He’s fucking playing you,” I shout standing from the bed. I know I shouldn’t be this mad over Conner. I have the girl. But when it comes to that man, I’m jealous. She picked him over me, and that’s always going to sting.

  She steps to me. “What is this really about?”

  “It’s about you
and him. I’m not hiding that,” I answer flatly.

  Her green eyes narrow on me. “You think I’m hiding something?”

  “I don’t know what to think,” I say, walking around her. She grabs my upper arm, and I decide to stop; she couldn’t hold me back even if she wanted to. So I turn to face her.

  “You think I’m cheating on you with him?” she demands.

  I shrug carelessly. “It’s not too much of a stretch. You did cheat on him with me.”

  She gasps at my words. “I’m not!” she shouts. “I would never do that to you. To us.”

  My brows pull together. “I just find it funny how after he leaves you, you come crawling back to me.” I can’t help the words as they come out. Everything I’ve been thinking comes out like a running faucet. I’m going to drown myself in them.

  “That’s not what happened,” she says softly.

  “Then what did happen?” I ask, raising my arms out to my side. “Because all of a sudden I’m all you’ve ever wanted.”

  “I’ve always wanted you,” she shouts angrily. “But you weren’t available. You pushed me away like I was some little child.”

  “That’s because you were,” I shout back.

  She huffs, crossing her arms over her chest. “I wasn’t too young to fuck!”

  I run a hand through my hair and let out a long breath, trying to calm my anger. “Yeah, well, that’s a mistake we both made.”

  “And last night? I guess that was a mistake as well?”

  “You tell me.”

  She uncrosses her arms, and they fall to her side. “I thought you would be different.” My brows lift in surprise knowing where she’s going with that statement. “That you would be more mature and treat me better.”

  “Treat you better?” I ask, trying not to laugh at her statement. “I haven’t cheated on you. In fact, I was the one who asked you to stay.” I step to her. “I was the one who begged you to stay here, to be with me, and you walked away with that fucker,” I shout.

  Her nostrils flare, and her bottom lip quivers. She bites on it and looks away from me. “Why did you choose him?” I can’t help but ask. “Why after what we did in my car that night. After that kiss we shared at your birthday party? After what I read in your diary, why did you pick him over me?” I shouldn’t mention the diary. She was only eleven then, but it all added up to that moment the morning after we had sex for the first time in my car when she told me goodbye.