BOMAW 10-12

by Mercedes Keyes

  "Sorry. Even though, it's pretty close a comparison."

  "One difference Shawn, Victor is alive, Armundo is dead. Another difference, Crystal loves Victor, and I was forced to accept that I would be married to Armundo because I couldn't get rid of him."

  "So you never loved him?"

  "I can't explain it Shawn, there was this thing between us in where he took over my life and - I married him, because I was pregnant with Crystal-..."

  "The way she was with Isaac by Victor."

  "Shawn..."

  "My point is this, I don't feel that she loves him, anymore than you did Armundo. She may think she loves him, but that's because she was a vulnerable little girl, getting attention for all the wrong reasons - left on her own to make her own decisions. Sylvia, he does not love her, the way a man is supposed to love the women he's chosen to be with for the rest of his life. She deserves to be loved by a man who can only see her, want her, under all circumstances, separated or not. And you should want that for her too, after all you went through married to the wrong man."

  Sylvia sat quiet, refusing to say another word, she couldn't for the life of her, understand how Armundo came into the picture all of a sudden when he was dead and gone.

  "Am I right, or wrong?" He urged.

  "Whatever you say Shawn."

  "Now don't be like that."

  "Shawn, this conversation don't even make sense to me, you comparing Victor and Armundo, makes no sense to me. So, whatever you say - I'm not gonna be arguing with you about it. Doesn't matter how right you are, or wrong I am, or right I am, or wrong you are - Crystal will do - what Crystal decides to do! That is my point! I just want - her happy - period."

  Shawn drove on, falling silent, knowing full well when he'd said enough and it was time to be quiet and change the subject, which, handling the Mustang offered him the opportunity to do, they needed to trade it in. "We should start looking for a trade-in deal for a van, don't you think?"

  "Whatever you say Shawn." She mumbled again.

  He sighed, certain now that he'd pushed too far and gotten on her nerves. Yep, he would stir clear a while, leave the whole topic alone, and later on, he would give his friend Paul a call to ask a few questions on the possibilities of finding someone who for all intents and purposes, have been certified as dead, and this time, he would pay him to do the job. This, he did not want him doing in his spare time, he wanted him focused on fact finding and tracing. If Armundo Payne was alive and hiding out somewhere, he wanted to know where, and soon. To all parties concerned, they thought him dead and gone, when in fact, an aching feeling in his gut told him, that Sylvia, had buried her own brother. If that were true, he wasn't sure how he was going to share that fact with her. Feeling pain for her plight already, he reached over and gently took her hand in his, his thumb stroking her bony knuckles.

  She glanced at him, didn't take her hand away. He lifted it to his mouth and kissed it.

  "I love you - don't be mad at me, okay?"

  She sighed, and returned the gesture, bringing his large hand to her mouth, kissing his knuckles. "Okay."

  * * *

  Kevin pulled into the driveway and immediately spotted his brother's car. He sighed, actually not in the mood to face Ben because of all the issues rolling around in his head. His thoughts were chaotic, and his feelings were choking him. He loved Ben, had always loved his brother, had always looked up to him, and stood by him fighting when and if he needed his back-up. But he felt a bit deserted by him. He'd gone off to Shawn, searching for the truth, something he'd always known he might one day do - however in his doing it, he felt abandoned by him. Yes, he'd kept in touch, emailing him - but it would have been nice, if he'd made the vacation something they did together. He would have paid his own way, that wasn't an issue. All these years, he'd included him in what he felt about, which man was his father and he'd been there every step of the way. But then, he seemed to break away from him, turning to Shawn on his own, shutting him out. After all, Shawn McPherson was his uncle, his family, his father's brother. Yet, since he'd come back, he hadn't opened his home for him, or Paul for that matter. He would have thought, that Ben would see that. That Ben would say, can I invite my brothers? I don't wanna leave them out. Obviously, no such thing had been spoken.

  If that wasn't enough, the fact that he headed off with Shawn, hurt Jake - and when he steps up to the plate to say, "Dad, I'm here for you." What does he do? Moan and groan and cry over Ben; whom he feels, left them all. Growing up in the shadow of Ben, hadn't been so bad - but it would have been nice, for once, to have his own father, accept Ben's decision and turn to him knowing, that he at least had him, and Paul. But all he was to his father was another hand to help him reach his goals. His father simply brought him and Paul along, but Ben - he had doted on Ben. He remembered back over the years when he was around, he always handed Ben the money for them all. Hugged Ben first and said to Ben, good job, good son. Laughed at Ben's stories. Asked Ben what they wanted to do as if he represented him and Paul. Introducing them, his hand went to Ben's shoulder always, saying, "These are my boys, and my oldest son, Ben. Then, there's Kevin and Paul." Then! He'd tried often to overlook it. He'd tried often to discard the notion that his father preferred Ben over him, but the time came when he felt it was choking him. It reached the choking point when Ben left - when Ben chose Shawn, yet and still Jake was consumed with Ben; instead of being happy with his own two sons, his very own, oldest son!

  Ben chose to seek Shawn and prove him his father, now that the deed was done, he was back - to reclaim Jake as his father, again, in addition to Shawn! Thus, still Jake's oldest, which Kevin felt, left him where? Who was he to anyone? If that were not enough, now Ben, is going for Crystal. Who is black, and apart of Shawn's clan. His father bought land, behind Shawn, which makes him apart of Shawn's clan. Despite being a rival of his brother, he has to stick close to watch what he's doing, to do it too, to do it better. Again, where does that leave him and Paul? Because Ben was right there in the midst of it, shaking Gail loose, and picking Crystal up; doing all of it to keep his place in the family - it pissed Kevin off. Thus he was steadily growing resentful of the whole thing; Kevin was determined not to follow suit just because they were all doing it. He would stick with his mother, stick with Quincy and slowly, break away from the rest of them, the McPhersons, because who was he to them anyway? Mr. invisible, the middle son, who in fact was the oldest son, without recognition of that, or the privileges of the oldest.

  {{ Knock knock knock }}

  The knocking on his car window startled Kevin from his deep thoughts, he looked up, it was his brother, Ben; who opened his drivers side door, "What you sitting in here for? Foods done, Quincy cooked a roast, it's a beaut, tender and juicy, what, you want yours brought out here?" He joked with him.

  Kevin looked at him a moment before speaking, noticing his face, "You been fighting?"

  Ben moved back so he could get out of the car. "Yes, no big deal. Nothing major."

  Kevin slammed his car door, walking towards the house, "So what brings you hear? Thought you'd be - with your new father?!"

  "What brings me here? My mother lives here, you live here, Quincy lives here."

  "Oh, so - you remembered huh? Or, is it, you've worn out your welcome there? You know, with them?"

  Ben stopped at the steps, with his brother before him, holding the screen door open; he stared at Kevin, "Is there a problem here Kevin?"

  "Who me? Problem? What would makes you think that?"

  "Ohhh, I don't know, your shitty sarcasm maybe?"

  "My shitty sarcasm? Hmmm, I don't think my shitty sarcasm is a problem."

  "Close the screen door and come back this way, mom won't want mosquitoes getting in the porch."

  Kevin slammed it slightly and stepped back down to face his brother, "Thought you were mad at mom? Done with her?" He asked facing Ben.

  "That matter has been resolved, all is fine now between mom and I."

  "We
ll good for you Ben, now that all is well in your world, what's your problem?"

  "Don't turn it around on me Kevin, you're the one displaying attitude here, not me. The question is, why?"

  "Why the fuck do you care Ben?"

  "Oh my, fuck - we're angry aren't we? So let's hear it, don't ever wanna be accused of not fuckin' caring!"

  "Man you know what, I'm not even gonna get into it with you, because you're not me, so you can't relate to me! As far as you're concerned, everything that's wrong in this fuckin' family, happened to you! So there can't be anything seriously wrong with me!"

  "I wouldn't know would I Kevin, you're not saying anything yet that makes a damn bit of sense!"

  "There's a reason for that Ben, I don't wanna share it with you! Get it? You don't get to be in the midst of everything Ben, there are some things in life, that will exclude you Ben, like for instance, what's wrong with me?! Okay, so leave off! All right!?"

  "Ah, I see - so - it's your turn now, right, Kevin?"

  "What is that supposed to mean?"

  "This wild hair up your ass - it's me, right? Dad right? Or should I clarify it for you, Jake? That one? Am I on the right track?"

  Christine and Quincy could hear their raised voices from inside the house and came out on the porch, Quincy speaking first, "Boys? Everything okay out here?"

  "No Quincy it's not! Appears that I'm no longer welcome at my mother's home, your home! My brother is pissed off for reasons he doesn't have the balls to share with-..."

  "Fuck you Ben!" Kevin responded with a shove.

  Ben went back, and smiled.

  "HEY HEY HEY! CUT IT OUT NOW! Kevin, what's wrong with you?!" Christine scolded opening the porch door.

  "Mom, Quincy, go back in, little brother has something he needs to get off his chest." Ben announced, staring Kevin down. "You wanna go that route? Huh? Well Kevin? A little physical exorcisin' make you feel better? Will it? 'Cause I'm all up for it? Come shove me again, come on."

  "Fuck you Ben! Go back to your father's house! To Shawn! That's where you wanna be anyway!-..."

  "You shet your mouth Kevin!" Christine yelled, cutting him off, he ignored her continuing,

  "...-You don't get to have it all Ben! Everywhere you go, you want people to bow to you, kiss your ass - want you above everyone else, whether you deserve it or not! We don't fuckin' need you here! Go back to-..."

  "I SAID SHUT IT UP!! NOOOOOW!!" Christine yelled into Kevin's face and then slapped him across it when he continued on.

  "Oh my mother, I've offended your dear Ben, maybe I should be the one to leave." He steamed glaring down at her.

  "You know what Kevin, don't bother! Mom, Quincy, it's been nice, I'm out'ah here." Ben turned taking his keys from his pocket.

  "BEN! Stop! Wait!" Christine called to him.

  He spun around walking backwards, "Mom, I love you! Quincy, this is not about you man, okay? I love you too, but my brother's hatin' on me and I can't fix that - I'm gonna go! Thanks!" He turned back, climbed into his car, started it, backed out, and drove off.

  Christine stood on fire, she turned to Kevin, "How dare you, do that to him!"

  "Why can't I dare it mom? Who is he? Why should I have to play second fiddle to Ben all the time!? What about me? Does anybody, you - give a damn about me?!" Shaking his head, he turned from her, rushed into the house, and to his room, leaving Quincy and Christine staring at one another. "What is going on?" Christine asked her husband.

  "Darlin' the same thing that has been since man's beginning, the rivalry between Cain and Abel, continues on. There's not a thing we can do about it. We have to leave them, let them work through it on their own. Come on in now, dinners gettin' cold."

  * * *

  Ben drove trying to make up his mind where he was going, then remembered he would be helping his father, Jake with the house. Even so, he felt like shit. He made it to town, pulled over to get gas, stopped there and dialed a number on his phone; Crystal.

  She saw the name and answered it right away, "Hi." She was on the front porch, her and Angela and the boys, they were contemplating taking a drive. However, Angela's bodyguards wouldn't let her go without escort, therefore, for the time being, on the porch they sat.

  "I wasn't sure you would have your phone on, I know it's been off a while, just thought I'd call you."

  "I charged it up today. You feeling better now, no longer mad at me?"

  "I'm not mad at you, I'm frustrated. I know I said I'd wait, that I'd, back off. But - shits all messed up everywhere man. Kevin and I had it out just a bit ago, he's pissed at me."

  "Why?"

  "He resents me about shit, who knows. To do with Jake, Shawn, me and him. You know, family can fuck you up, like no one else in the world can!"

  "Tell me about it, I know exactly what you're saying." She agreed.

  "I mean, how the hell are you supposed to keep up with every fuckin' body, every given day, on every single thing that you say, wish and do? No matter what the hell you do, you step on some fuckin' body's toes! You know what Crystal, I love my brother, I do, I love both of them! Kevin and Paul, hell, we've been through a lot together - but we're supposed to be men now - why the hell do I have to watch my brother's and be careful with my steps so they aren't worked up? I mean, come on - I know I'm my brother's keeper, but there comes a point when you just wanna say, fuckin' grow up! Go do your fuckin' thing! Live your goddamn life and hey, we'll check in later! Why the hell have I been designated to watch over them and make sure they're always okay? I mean, damn, I did it for years, I don't wanna fuckin' do it for the rest of my life! At some point, aren't they supposed to get a hold of their own lives and get on with it? Do I have to be there every fuckin' step of the way? You know what I mean? If you need me, call me - if I can help, I will! Otherwise, fuckin' let go of my hand - you can cross the street now your damn self! FUCK!"

  Crystal sat listening, saying nothing, letting him blow off steam.

  He went quiet then too.

  "You still there Crystal?"

  "I'm still here." She returned softly.

  "You think I'm a jerk now, don't you?"

  "Absolutely not."

  "Sorry for all the cursing."

  "I've heard it before, and I'm sure I'll hear it again."

  "I feel better now."

  "I'm glad you feel better."

  "Have I put you off me?"

  "No, there's no way you can do that."

  "Crystal?"

  "Yes?"

  "I hate that he's come back to you. I hate it. Because I love you. More than you will ever know. I'm gonna go now, bye."

  "Bye Ben."

  Crystal clicked the phone off, and looked into Angela's eyes.

  "That Ben?"

  "Yeah, Ben."

  "He okay?"

  "Yes, he's okay."

  "What are we gonna do today?"

  "Let's check on Vivian, see what she's doing, and play it by ear after that."

  Angela smiled, "Okay." And then, thought of something, "Crystal?"

  "Yeah?"

  "You don't have to hang around me, if you wanna; go out with your friends or something, I understand. I'll keep Isaac and Darren for you."

  "Are you kidding me? Where am I gonna find better company, than with my little sister? Maybe later on, over the weekend, I might take you up on that, but for now, I'm happy right where I am, with the company I'm keeping. Let's go see what Vivian's doing."

  Angela smiled, jumping to her feet, "Come on Darren, and put that dirt down! Yuck, I think he's eating dirt!"

  * * *

  Victor sat at the bar drinking, thinking, his mind spinning. He'd tried to reach his mother earlier, but no one was home, no one answering the phone. He hated that she didn't carry a mobile phone - due to some nonsense when she was out and about, whomever wanted her, would have to wait until she was home to reach her, just as it used to be. Followed by a long sermon on un-necessary gadgets and mans stupidity to fall for it - just the worlds reas
on to get you to spend more money.

  He took another drink of his beer, that he was using to chase down shots of gin - and then whiskey.

  Divorced.

  Crystal had actually made up the papers to divorce him. He couldn't believe it. That was something he never thought that she would do. He always believed, that if they divorced, it would be an act that he would have to initiate. He even saw played out in his minds eye, having to chase her down, pester her, press her to sign them, if he were to file for it. He saw her avoiding doing it at all cost.

  So now, what was this?

  "I didn't sign, a goddamn thing! I never saw them, I never saw any divorce papers." He stood brewing, looking gloomy and mean, the latter getting worse and worse with every drink, sip, shot. "I married you - me - Victor Prescott - married you. And you, divorced me?" He spoke low, shaking his head.

  Some of his friends that saw him, observed him from afar, speculating on what was going on with him. He wasn't inviting them in, wasn't sharing the current event. He didn't want anyone to know - that he, Victor Prescott, the catch - one of the big fish, had been tried, and thrown back as if lacking. He felt embarrassed by it, and more resentful as he drank. When sober, he'd been hurt - desperate - feeling lost, now - drunk, other feelings were rearing their heads. His thoughts went from Crystal and what she'd done to him, after all he'd done for her, loving her, marrying her, patiently loving her through all of their problems. "I didn't have to stay, through all that, I could have left, got a divorce, did I? No, I stayed, and she divorces me?"

  "Victor? What are you doing here? Early in the week isn't it? You drinking, don't you have to work tonight?" Omiyah asked.

  He turned bleary red eyes to her, staring her down.

  "Look at your face, you been fighting again? With who?"

  He only stared at her, shook his head and took another drink.

  "I take it, you don't have to work tonight?" She pressed.

  "I'm not - fuckin' - goin' to work - fuck work! Fuck - everything." He pressed harsh and low.

  "Has something happen?"