Gold Fever

by Lyn Denison

  As the song ended, Kate broke away from him, mumbling about having to go to the rest room, and she hurried through the jam of other dancers.

  Safely inside the rest room, Kate drew a steadying breath. Two women had just finished repairing their makeup and left as Kate splashed her burning face with cool water. She was just drying her hands on a paper towel when Ashley appeared beside her.

  “Phew! Isn’t it hot?” She slid a sideways glance at Kate and looked quickly away. “I saw you dancing with Phillip. Having a good time?”

  “You have to be joking, Ash.” Kate leaned tiredly against the wash basin.

  “Well, you don’t have to dance with him. Just enjoy yourself.”

  “Like you’re doing?” Kate asked sharply, and Ashley turned to the towel dispenser.

  “Well, yes.” Ashley glanced nervously at the toilet cubicles, assuring herself they were alone.

  “Do you have to be all over him?” Kate whispered urgently.

  “We were just dancing.”

  “You couldn’t have got any closer to him if you’d tried, and I saw you kissing him.” Kate’s voice broke in a mixture of anger and dejection.

  “A kiss is nothing,” Ashley said quickly. “It doesn’t mean anything.”

  “Does it also mean nothing when you kiss me?” Kate asked, and Ashley looked around.

  “Don’t, Kate. Look, we can’t talk here.”

  “I knew we shouldn’t have come to this wretched dance,” Kate cried angrily.

  Ashley sighed. “I told you it’s what’s expected of us,” she said tiredly, and Kate glared at her.

  “Camouflage, you mean?” Kate said caustically and then appealed to the other girl. “Ash, I hate all this.”

  “So do I.” Ashley placated. “But it’s only a dance.”

  Kate looked at her suspiciously. “Are you sure you aren’t enjoying all this stuff?”

  Ashley shook her head. “I enjoy being with you,” she said softly. “We just have to—”

  “Pretend. I know. I know.” Kate looked across at Ashley, and suddenly she shivered. “Ash, I’m worried. About Dean. He’s getting serious about you. He…” She swallowed, unsure whether she should tell Ashley what Dean had said at the movies. “He wants to marry you,” she blurted out.

  Ashley’s expression barely changed, and Kate looked at her in surprise. “You know?” she asked, and Ashley nodded.

  “He mentioned it.”

  “What did you say?”

  Ashley paused. “I said maybe. But that I was too young to be thinking of marriage.”

  “Oh, Ash.” Kate felt as though she’d been stabbed in the chest.

  “You know we have to be careful.”

  “Not so careful you have to get married,” Kate burst out.

  “Stop worrying. I’m too young to tie myself down.”

  “Belinda was only eighteen when she married Mark,” Kate reminded her, and Ashley shrugged.

  “That was Belinda. Mum probably thought she’d get pregnant if she didn’t let her get married.” She smoothed her dress. “Come on, Kate. Stop worrying. Were doing the foursome thing, Dean and me and you and Phillip. Where’s the problem in that?”

  “Except there hasn’t been four of us tonight. We’ve been two sets of two.” Kate bit her lip. “I want it to be just us, Ashley.”

  Ashley drew in a deep breath. “Well, it can’t be, Kate. We have to protect our reputations. And that means going out with guys. That’s how it has to be.”

  “It’s living a lie,” Kate began, and Ashley paced angrily across the small room.

  “Lie or not, Kate, I want to be normal. I don’t want people looking at me and snickering behind my back. Or calling me dreadful names. Now, I don’t want to discuss this any more. I’m going back to the dance.”

  “Ash—” Kate appealed but Ashley had gone.

  And not long after, Kate had pleaded a headache and insisted that Phillip take her home. When he pulled up outside her gate, she had jumped from the car, thanking him as she hurried up the path toward home and the sanctuary of her room.

  Kate sighed. Had she been too intense back then? Had her jealousy and possessiveness pushed Ashley further away? Well, she knew she couldn’t change the past now But what about the future?

  With one final, rueful look up at the tree house, she continued up the stairs and into her house. She went through to the bathroom and stripped off her dirty shorts and shirt, stepping under the shower.

  Now, ten years on, could she blame Ashley for thinking the way she did? It took tremendous courage to stand up in the face of the so-called moral majority. Kate hadn’t exactly done it herself, so could she judge Ashley for not being more fearless when they were both so young?

  Kate sighed. Would she have been able to face the town back then if they had come out together? Recalling the way she’d reacted when Ashley’s mother had discovered them together, Kate rather thought she wouldn’t.

  She dried herself and slipped into fresh shorts and a cool tank top.

  It was getting late, so she’d have to go back. Ashley was expecting her to. She retraced her steps through the fence. The pool twinkled in the moonlight, reflections forever changing.

  Ashley was waiting for her at the door and slid the screen open for Kate to enter. She looked at Kate a little uncertainly and ran her tongue tip nervously over her lips.

  Kate watched her do this, couldn’t seem to draw her eyes away from Ashley’s mouth, her full lips. The memory of those lips moving over her filled her, wrapped itself about her like a warm rug on a cold evening, and Kate shivered slightly.

  “The kids are sound asleep. Thanks for coming back over, Kate,” Ashley said softly, and Kate dragged her eyes from Ashley’s mouth to gaze into her eyes.

  Then she found herself drowning in their blue depths, indigo now as Ashley stood backlit by the mood lights she’d switched on over by the sofa. Kate also noticed the dark smudges of tiredness under Ashley’s eyes and knew the other woman was totally worn-out.

  “Perhaps we should have left this until tomorrow. You look exhausted.”

  Ashley gave a crooked smile. “Are you trying to tell me I don’t look my best?”

  “You look beautiful,” Kate said softly, and tears gathered on Ashley’s eyelashes, one trickling down her cheek.

  Stepping forward, Kate slid her arms around Ashley’s waist and let Ashley lean into her. A sob caught in Ashley’s throat.

  “I thought I’d lost Jen today,” she said thickly. “I couldn’t have borne that. She’s the only good thing to come out of the disaster that was Dean and me.”

  Kate gently brushed a strand of Ashley’s hair back from her forehead. “Let’s sit down.”

  They moved over to the sofa they’d sat on so decorously the evening before. Only this time they strained together, bodies touching, and Ashley took Kate’s hand.

  “I don’t know what I’d have done today without you, Kate. If you hadn’t been home … Thank you.”

  Kate shrugged. “I was about to come over here to see you anyway.”

  “Were you?” Ashley bit her lip, and Kate took a steadying breath.

  “I couldn’t keep away any longer.” There. She’d said it.

  The air about them seemed to be suspended, motionless, holding time captured. And then Ashley let her head rest back against the couch. She closed her eyes, and suddenly she was crying again.

  Kate turned to her, frowning in concern. “Ash, please. Don’t cry. I didn’t mean to pressure you. If you don’t want to… If you’ve changed your mind.”

  Ashley sat up, releasing Kate’s hand to cup Kate’s face in her palms. “Changed my mind?” She shook her head, smiling through her tears. “No way, my darling Kate. I made a mistake by letting you go ten years ago. I’m not making the same mistake twice.” She leaned forward and tenderly kissed Kate’s lips, her touch as soft as a feather, lingering exquisitely.

  Kate melted into her. They clung together until their kisses deepened,
long, drugging, desperate kisses that left them both breathless.

  Taking Kate’s hand, Ashley touched her lips to each fingertip, then pressed her mouth to Kate’s palm. “Say you love me, Kate. Like I love you. I need so much to hear you say it.”

  “I love you, Ashley. I always have,” Kate said simply, and Ashley sighed.

  “I despaired of ever hearing you say that again. We’ve wasted ten long years, and it’s all my fault. I’m so sorry, Kate. Can you forgive me?”

  “Let’s put the past behind us, go on from here. No recriminations.”

  “I shouldn’t have allowed myself to be manipulated into marrying Dean. I was such a coward.” She shook her head. “I have so much to apologize for.”

  “Ash, don’t—” Kate began, but Ashley touched a finger to her lips.

  “No. Let me explain, Kate. I need to.”

  Kate nodded reluctantly.

  “Remember the football club dance?”

  Kate nodded again. “Yes, I remember.”

  A flash of pain passed over Ashley’s face, and she sighed. “That was the start of it all. I can’t believe I was so horrible to you, Kate. I was just so mixed up. I was trying to prove to myself that I could be like everyone else, and I hurt you badly. I hurt us both. Letting Dean kiss me at the dance was part of it. I wanted to… I wanted kissing him to be as wonderful as kissing you. And I was angry because it wasn’t.”

  She looked away, her forgers playing absently with Kate’s. “Then you and I had that argument and I stalked off because I knew all you’d said was true. And then you left. If I’d —” She stopped. “Dean insisted on taking me parking on the way home. I thought it was expected, another way to prove myself. Did you go parking with Phillip?”

  Kate shook her head. “No.”

  “No,” Ashley repeated softly. “I didn’t think you would have. You were always more sensible than I was. Well, Dean started kissing me, and I tried to like it. But he wasn’t you, Kate. By the time I realized what a fool I was, things had got out of hand. I tried to tell him I’d changed my mind but he thought I was just playing hard to get. At least that’s what he said.”

  “He raped you?” Kate whispered, horrified, and Ashley gave a self-disparaging laugh.

  “Technically I suppose he did, but I wasn’t blameless. I allowed him to think, well, you know, and then I panicked. It was pretty awful. Afterward he apologized.”

  “Oh, Ash.”

  “Every time Dean rang me, my mother beamed. The boys kept saying he was a good bloke. But all I wanted was you, Kate. And yet every way I turned, everyone, everything pointed to it being so wrong. Mum. Pastor Jones. All the jokes directed at Maggie and Georgie. I was so confused.

  “Then I missed my period. I was terrified, Kate. I wanted to tell you, but I thought you’d hate me. It was from that night of the dance. That was the only time we did it. Dean wore a condom, but it came off or something when we were struggling. It was a complete fiasco.

  “I went to the doctor, and he confirmed it. I was so scared, Kate. I was trying to tell you that afternoon when Mum walked in on us. After you left, Mum and I had a huge argument, and I told her I was pregnant and that I was going away with you.

  “That’s when Mum pulled out all the stops. She forbade me to see you. Dad was sent off to talk to Dean, and Mum booked the church. I was in shock I think, because before I knew it I was married. I let everyone drag me along. I took the path of least resistance. It was easier that way.”

  “If only you’d told me, Ash,” Kate said, her chest tight with unshed tears.

  “Looking back I felt as though it was all happening to someone else, that I was simply watching on. Even when I was saying ‘I do’ I expected you to come charging in to carry me off.”

  “I was in the tree house waiting for you. Fine knight in shining armor I was,” Kate added lightly, and they both tried to laugh.

  “The first few months of our marriage was pure hell. Every time Dean touched me I’d throw up, probably a mixture of my pregnancy and nerves. So I borrowed money and came home looking for you.

  “I begged Mum and Dad to let me stay with them, but they said I hadn’t given my marriage long enough. And I couldn’t find you in Brisbane.

  “After Jen was born, Dean was a little more considerate for a while. But then he started to get possessive again, and I came home again. And as you know I went back. But I’ll never do that again. I’m in control of my own life now, Kate, and I know what I want.”

  She looked across at Kate and held her gaze. “I love you, Kate. And I want to be with you. But if you don’t want us to live together I’ll accept that. I mean, I don’t know how you’d feel about Jen being with us. I just want to be near you. To be part of your life. What” — she swallowed — “what do you want, Kate?”

  “What I’ve always wanted, Ash. You. And Jen’s part of you. How could I not love her too? She’s so much like you.” Kate ran her fingertip along the curve of Ashley’s cheek. “I love you so much. These ten years I’ve felt as though I’d lost part of me. I need you, Ash, to make me whole.”

  They kissed deeply, urgently whispering their love for each other, until eventually they drew back, smiling tiredly.

  “I can’t understand why I didn’t just race you off when you first came home,” Kate said teasingly. “I was such a fool.”

  Ashley laughed and then sobered. “I thought I’d left coming home too late. Thoughts of you were all that kept me going when things got unbearable.”

  “Why didn’t you write to me? Aunt Jane would have sent on your letter.”

  “I’m not so sure she would have, Kate. I don’t think she ever approved of me somehow. But apart from that, I didn’t dare write. Dean was…his temper was terrifying. If he’d found out how I felt about you, I don’t know what he’d have done to me or to you. There was a dark side to him.

  “But I got my life sorted out and started writing.” She looked at Kate. “And I really did write Gold Fever as a tribute to us, Kate.”

  “It’s a wonderful book, Ash. I just…” Kate paused. “With you arriving home and the turmoil that threw me into, well, I guess the way Clare and Tess were with each other, the tender poignancy of it, struck a raw nerve. It brought back all the pain I felt losing you and…” Kate shrugged.

  “I really messed things up, didn’t I?” Ashley said softly, and Kate sighed.

  “We were just kids, Ash. We weren’t really equipped to handle the intensity of it all. I know now I wasn’t.”

  “I guess not. But I wish it had been different.” Ashley looked at Kate with a frown of concern. “Do you think we can put it all behind us, Kate?” she asked, her gaze not wavering from Kate’s.

  Kate leaned forward and kissed her gently. “I think we can,” she said sincerely.

  Ashley gave a tentative smile. “I’m just so glad —” Her lips trembled and she swallowed. “When I came in search of you, I don’t think I allowed myself to picture past actually getting here. Then, that first day, when I came over to see you, and your friend Rosemary walked in, I was sure I was too late.

  “The way she was with you, the way she looked at you, the subtle togetherness. I was so burningly jealous of her I couldn’t stop myself trying to warn her off.”

  “I guess I treated Rosemary badly,” Kate said slowly. “We were friends, had been for some time, and then we” — Kate grimaced — “I allowed it to go further when I shouldn’t have. I wasn’t free to get involved with anyone. I never have been. You were always with me, Ash.”

  Ashley squeezed her hand, and Kate laughed softly.

  “When I was staying in Rob’s house in Brisbane, two women moved in when the first couple got married. I had an affair with one of them, trying to prove I was over you.” Kate rolled her eyes. “She always said she felt as though when she kissed me there was someone else there with us. She wasn’t far wrong.”

  “You’ve always been in my heart too, Kate. I never stopped loving you.” She kissed Kate aga
in and murmured appreciatively.

  “Ash.” Kate held her away and looked into her eyes. “Things haven’t changed that much. Your mother may still feel the same about us. And then there’s your family.”

  Ashley nodded. “I know. But we’ll weather that, Kate. I’m not allowing anyone else to come between us again.”

  “What about Jen?” Kate asked.

  “Jen knows how much I care about you. I’ve told her. We’ll tell her together that we love each other and want to be a family.”

  “Will she understand?” Kate persisted.

  “She knows what a lesbian is, Kate. Kids these days are pretty well-informed compared to how we were at their age. Apart from that she heard Dean making a derisive remark about two gay women and asked me about it later. I explained, and she frowned and told me her father was wrong to say awful things about people he didn’t know. I know I’m prejudiced, Kate, but Jen is a very well-adjusted young person. And she loves you already. You were, after all, my partner in all my adventure stories.”

  Kate raised her eyebrows, and Ashley pulled a face. “I know. Look where all my stories led. Perhaps in future I’ll have to add an appendix to each story, reiterating that she not try out each escapade.”

  Kate laughed. “Perhaps that might be best.”

  “So.” Ashley nibbled Kate’s earlobe. “Shall we pick up where we left off ten years ago?”

  “What do you mean?” Kate feigned puzzlement.

  “Shall we continue to have adventures, you and I?” Ashley explained with the light of awareness in her blue eyes.

  Kate felt a familiar sensation begin to build inside her. “Do you have any particular adventures in mind?”

  “Oh, I can think of any number of adventures. Strange thing is, though, these adventures all seem to have one common denominator. Their very erotic contents. What do you think that means?”

  Kate made a show of giving the question serious thought. “I suspect it means we’re both on the very same, most delightful wavelength.”

  Ashley laughed softly. “Then nothing’s changed, my darling Kate. We always were,” she said as she turned her lips to Kate’s and proceeded to prove her point.