Forever Altered

by D. J. Pierson

  Biting my lip is the only thing that stops me from laughing. What is it with guys and their cars? “Would you be mad if I told you that I wasn’t paying attention to the car?”

  “Nope. It just means you’ll have to take another ride with me sometime.” He exits the car. I follow and meet him around the back of the car. He puts his arm around my shoulders and leads me to the main entrance of the building.

  “You know we could have just knocked on my window and someone would have let us in, right?”

  “Yeah, I know, but this way takes longer,” Rocco admits as he swipes his card in the scanner on the wall. The audible click sounds and I open the door. We walk over to the stairwell and up to the second floor in silence.

  When we reach our floor, he looks troubled. “Thanks for taking me for a ride,” I say trying to ease whatever is bothering him.

  “Says someone not at all interested in cars,” Rocco teases raising his eyebrows.

  “It wasn’t the car I was referring to. See you in class tomorrow, Rocco.” I say walking away.

  “Have a good night, Alyssa,” he chuckles. When I glance back, he’s standing there smiling watching me walk away.

  Once back in my apartment, Leah, Julia, and Erin are sitting in the living room waiting for me. There’s no way we are going to do this right now. “No. Don’t even start.” They start laughing hysterically. It’s going to be a long night.

  Awakening to a cold, rainy, dreary Monday morning has me seriously regretting my decision to attend a college in northern New Jersey instead of Florida. Everyone seems to be having the same thoughts hidden underneath umbrellas trudging to class. If it wasn’t for the fact that today was a lecture day for both of my science classes, I may still be in under my warm, toasty blankets.

  After my first class is finished, I proceed downstairs to the lecture hall on the first floor of the Science Building. As usual, most of the class is already seated, ready and waiting for the professor to begin. The only seats ever left are in the very back of the large room. I slide into my seat and get situated to be thoroughly confused even further. When someone unexpectedly sits in the seat next to me, I turn to see my favorite set of blue eyes watching me.

  “Good morning!” Rocco says.

  “What’s so good about it?” I sigh even though my mood has drastically improved in the last twenty seconds. “This rain seriously sucks. The bottom of my pants are still wet and I’ve been in this building for over two hours already.”

  “What rain? From where I’m sitting, the sun is shining brighter than I’ve ever seen.” He’s really too cute for his own good. Deciding to keep that secret to myself, I just roll my eyes at him and try really hard not to smile. Thankfully, Dr. Willis clears his throat and begins his speech for the day.

  It is so much easier to concentrate when Rocco isn’t sitting next to me. Occasionally, I’d find myself looking in his direction only to see him turning to me at the same time. At one point, he throws a small piece of paper on my binder. The note says for me to turn down the brightness because he is having trouble concentrating. Shaking my head, I crumple it up and throw it at him. Of course, he finds my reaction funny and it only encourages him to try to make me laugh even more. I am so relieved when class is finally dismissed.

  “You’re a pain in my ass,” I blurt out when we get into the hallway.

  “Oh, come on. I’m not all that bad, am I?” I don’t believe for one second that his ego is even slightly bruised the way he’s pretending it is.

  “I didn’t say you were bad. I said you’re a pain in my ass. There’s a difference,” I clarify.

  “Hey, Rocco. Wait up,” some girl calls from behind us. She is very pretty. Long, bright blond hair with pretty blue eyes and a body any guy would fall for. He stops, but I keep walking. Witnessing the tireless flirting of Rocco Matthews with one of his girls is not something I need to stick around to see.

  “What do you need, Carrie?” I notice he’s short with her.

  “You’re coming to hang out tomorrow night, right? You left so early Saturday, we didn’t have the chance to talk much.” Just before heading back out into the rain, I happen to glance back only to see her playing with a lock of her hair, looking up at him like she wants to jump him right there. That’s enough for me.

  I’m not even through the small courtyard in front of the science building before Rocco comes running out of the door calling my name. “Alyssa. Hold on.” He jogs over to me. “Where are you running off to?” he asks when he catches up to me.

  It’s obvious he wants to know why I didn’t wait for him while he talked to one of his admirers, but I won’t acknowledge it. He takes my umbrella from me and holds it over the both of us. “I’m going to get a sandwich from the Hamilton Building before heading back to my room. My next class isn’t until tonight.”

  “That’s where my next class is. I’ll walk with you.” We walk a few steps in silence before he breaks it. “You know there isn’t anything going on with me and Carrie, right?”

  “That’s none of my business, Rocco.” It’s too hard to look at him.

  “I just want you to know,” he tells me with the same troubled look I saw on his face last night after we got back from the ride in his car. “You doing anything tomorrow night?”

  “I don’t really do anything on Tuesday nights because I have to get up early on Wednesday mornings.”

  “I’m in the same class as you and I still manage to squeeze in a little fun.” He is back to teasing me again.

  “I have Physics lab at seven.”

  “You’re taking Physics, too? Are you crazy?”

  “If I want to graduate any time soon, I don’t have a choice,” I explain.

  “That sucks.” We’ve reached the Hamilton Building, so he folds up my umbrella and hands it back to me. “Enjoy your lunch. I’ll catch up with you later.”

  “Have fun in class.”

  “I can guarantee it won’t be nearly as fun as my last one.” There’s that friggin smile again. Damn it!

  Chapter Nine

  Rocco

  It’s becoming harder and harder to go to my classes when I’d rather be with Alyssa. Keeping her company seems to be the only thing that interests me anymore. Between yesterday and today, she doesn’t seem to be bothered about her ex-boyfriend anymore. Yesterday while she was talking to his sister, the sadness still never showed like it had the week before. Her eyes have been bright, even when she is trying to pretend like she’s mad. When she laughs, my heart melts. She has absolutely no idea how friggin adorable she is. That’s the part I like most about her.

  By the time my classes are over, Alyssa’s class has already begun. Since there is nothing I can do until she gets out in a few hours, homework helps me pass some time. Once it is finished, I decide to take a few minutes to check in with my mom. Excited is an understatement when describing her reaction to hearing how I’m bringing a date to the charity dinner this year. We are on the phone for another half hour while she questions me relentlessly about Alyssa. Since she will be busy that night, she wants me to bring Alyssa by the house this Sunday, so she can meet her. I promise to ask and tell her I’ll get back to her before the weekend.

  Just as I’m hanging up the phone, Shane is walking through our bedroom door announcing how he just walked Alyssa to her apartment. “What do you mean you walked her back?” A quick glance at the clock shows me the three hours have come and gone.

  “I told you. She’s in my Accounting class.” I didn’t realize that was the class they had tonight. “So, what’s up with you two?” He dropped his backpack on his desk and then sat on his bed.

  “Not much.”

  He laughs. “You two really should talk.”

  “What do you mean by that?” Was he talking to her about me?

  “I asked her the same thing and she didn’t have an answer either. She lit up as soon as I mentioned your name.” Why does hearing that make me feel like this? “The smile on your face right now is sic
kening.” He can make fun of me all he wants. Leaving all of my homework right where it is, I grab my keys and head out. There is no need to tell Shane where I’m going. He already knows.

  Leah opens the door. “Hey, Rocco. What’s up?” She stands to the side giving me room to walk through the door.

  “Shane told me he walked Alyssa back from class. Thought I’d swing by and see what she was up to.” She smiles at me. “What?”

  “Nothing.” She’s shaking her head as she answers my question. “Have a seat. She was just going to jump in the shower. I’ll try to catch her.”

  Leah disappears into her room and I hear her knocking on the bathroom door telling Alyssa I’m here. Alyssa comes out of her room a few minutes later pulling her hair up. She’s wearing a long sleeved t-shirt and a pair of pajama pants. This isn’t something any other girl would ever do and it thrills me at how comfortable she seems to be around me. “Hi,” she says coming over to sit on the other end of the sofa.

  “Hey, Sunshine.” That gets a smile out of her.

  “You’re still sticking with that, huh?”

  “I am. I like it,” I say winking. “You going to bed or something? I thought you went to bed early on Tuesday nights?”

  “She goes to bed early every night,” Leah calls from their room. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one Alyssa rolls her eyes at.

  “No. Well, not yet anyway. Leah is going to the movies with Tyler. Erin and Julia are already out. Figured I would get comfy and watch some TV before calling it a night.”

  “She won’t come with us, Rocco.” Leah comes out of their room. “Tell her to stop being such an old lady,” she says sticking her tongue out at Alyssa. “She doesn’t even have class until the afternoon tomorrow.”

  “I think you’re old enough to go on a date with your boyfriend all by yourself, Leah. You don’t need a chaperone. Now, get the hell out of here before I change my mind and make you stay home.” There’s a knock on the window and Leah waves goodbye. “Make sure you are back by midnight,” Alyssa tells her. Leah sticks her tongue out at her again.

  I’m left shaking my head at the two of them. “You girls are like an old married couple.” They both laugh and tell me I’m not the first one to tell them that. Leah heads out leaving the two of us alone.

  “You going to stay for a little bit?” she asks me.

  “Sure you don’t mind?” I’m instantly relieved at not being kicked out.

  “Why would I mind? Want some ice cream? We have cookies-n-cream.” She stands up and goes to the refrigerator. After pulling out the ice cream container from the freezer and dropping the lid on the counter, she walks over grabbing two spoons from the top drawer and a bag of pretzels from the cabinet.

  “I love ice cream,” I say when she hands me a spoon and the bag of pretzels.

  She sits down so close to me that her leg is right against mine. The way she looks at me causes a wave of nervousness, excitement, and something else I cannot quite put my finger on to pulse through me. A girl has never made me feel this way before. In a short amount of time, she’s done exactly what I thought she’d be able to do. Alyssa has found her way into my guarded heart. Part of me is scared to death because if she doesn’t feel the same way about me, I’m going to be crushed beyond repair. The other part knows damn well that being friends with her will never be enough for me. I’m about to cross a line I had no choice but to draw a few years ago when Vicki threatened me and those around me. Without a doubt, I’ll do whatever it takes to protect her. Well, all except staying away from her. This girl is the only one who has been able to make me feel alive since I lost my dad and I’ll do anything to make her mine.

  “Luckily for you, I like you. I don’t normally share.” She winks at me interrupting my thoughts. I watch as she takes a pretzel out of the bag now laying on my lap and dips it in the ice cream before eating it.

  “What did you just do?” I ask giving her a disgusted look.

  “Don’t knock it until you try it, Matthews!” She dips another pretzel into the ice cream and holds it out for me to eat it. My eyes lock with hers and neither one of us breaks the gaze. Grabbing her wrist and bringing it to me, I open my mouth and take the pretzel from her.

  “Not bad,” I barely manage to get out still staring at her.

  Just as I’m about to reach my hand up to her cheek, the loud fucking buzzing of the fire alarm rings throughout the apartment making us both jump. Alyssa closes her eyes and sighs. I’m ready to hunt down and kill the son of a bitch who thought tonight would be a good night for a fire drill. She gets up to put the ice cream in the freezer, then goes into her room to grab her sweatshirt and shoes. If the Resident Assistants didn’t check every room, we wouldn’t be leaving this apartment right now.

  “Do you want to sneak over to your apartment to grab your jacket before they kick us outside?” she asks coming out of her bedroom hopping on one foot and pulling her shoe on.

  “Nah. Who needs a coat when I have you to keep me warm? Let’s go.” Placing my hand on the small of her back, I lead her outside before the RAs come in here. Once we are far enough away from the building, she stops walking and turns to face me. The air has cooled off from all of the rain earlier in the day. When the wind blows, she shudders, so I wrap my arms around her and pull her against me to keep her warm. Right away, she relaxes next to me just like she did the last time I held her.

  Shane, Logan, and Troy somehow manage to find me even out here in the dimly lit parking lot. They come over to us and I think to myself how they better hope Alyssa doesn’t let go of me. All three of them have smirks on their faces, so I shake my head giving fair warning. If they fuck this up for me right now, there will be hell to pay.

  “Hey Rocco. You want to keep me warm, too?” Fucking Logan and his big mouth.

  Alyssa picks her head up looking in his direction. “Back off, Logan. He’s mine right now. Go find someone else.” The way she says that only confirms my feelings for her. She lays her head on my chest and wraps her arms around my back. Shane and Troy laugh at him making me even happier. They start telling me about the football game that I couldn’t care less about right now.

  Once they say we are allowed to go back in, Alyssa lets go of me, but she stays next to me. My hand reaches for hers. She takes it, however, she seems tense all of a sudden. When we get back inside the building, she reaches for her keycard in her pocket. After opening the door, we both head in and the door closes behind us. The look on her face is still there when she comes out of her room from putting her shoes away.

  “What’s wrong?” I’m too anxious to try to figure it out. She just needs to tell me.

  “I feel bad,” she confesses quietly.

  “About?”

  “I’m keeping you from the game with your friends. Did you want to go back to watch it with them?”

  I walk over to where she is standing right outside her bedroom door. Putting my hands on both sides of her face, I tell her the truth. “There’s no way in hell, I want to be anywhere but right here with you.”

  A look of confusion washes over her face. How has she not figured out that I’ve been falling for her since the first time I saw her? I’m done playing games. I lower my head and touch my lips to hers. She kisses me back, so I deepen the kiss. It doesn’t last long before she pulls away, her hand on her lips and tears in her eyes. What the fuck did I do?

  “I can’t,” she says taking a step back.

  “You can’t what?” She’s shaking her head. If this girl cries right now, I’m going to fall apart right along with her.

  “I cannot be another one of your girls. I just can’t do it.” She turns around and starts to go back into her room. I grab her arm to keep her facing in my direction. There is now a tear running down her right cheek. My finger wipes it away causing another one to spill over.

  “Don’t cry. Man, I fucking hate it when you cry.” Now I’ve pulled her to me and I’m holding her tight against my chest again. How do I convin
ce her this is where she belongs? I kiss the top of her head and lean her back just enough so I can see her face. “Alyssa, listen to me.” She doesn’t look at me until I put my finger under chin and tilt her head back slightly. “I don’t know what I did to make you feel that way, but I’m so sorry. Please believe me.”

  Her tears seem to stop at hearing that. “You didn’t do anything. It’s just that I’ve heard how you can be. Things that you’ve done. Girls you’ve…” She doesn’t finish what she was going to say and I’m thankful especially since she’s right.

  I shake my head. “This is going to sound pretty damn cliché, but I have to say it anyway. I’ve never had a girl mean anything to me before you came along. I don’t know what it is about you.” I’m not sure if she believes me or not. She’s been hurt too severely, too recently and someone has told her all about my past. “I had absolutely no idea it was even possible for me to feel this way about someone, but I’m so glad my heart waited for you. I want to be the one who makes you forget all the heartbreak you’ve had to deal with and I want to be the one who makes you happy the way you make me happy.” There are more tears trailing down her face now and it makes me feel like she’s telling me no. She doesn’t want me to be the one who gets to take away her pain.

  Alyssa wipes her tears on the sleeve of her shirt. “I don’t want to feel that pain ever again. I don’t think I’d survive if my heart ever had to deal with it again.”

  What the hell she is trying to say? “Please, Alyssa. Let me in. Give me the chance to prove that I deserve you. I get you’re concerned about the shit I’ve done. I can apologize for it a thousand times, but there’s nothing that can be done to change it. I honestly wish there was a way I could. I can only promise that you will never regret giving me a shot. I’ll never be the same person I was before finding you.”

  There’s a long pause and my heart is ready to explode from the anxiety. “Don’t you see? I’ve already let you in, Rocco.” She’s blinking away her tears and a small smile replaces the torture that was there before. “You just showed up out of nowhere and barged your way in while I was trying to block everyone else out. When you leave, I’ll never recover.”