Forever Altered

by D. J. Pierson

  “What the hell is it with you people tonight? Is it a full moon? Get a fucking room!” Logan raises his voice as he moves from his chair to the spot on the couch that Rocco and I just vacated. “And get the hell out of the way. The third period is starting.”

  Rocco lets go of my hand telling me he’s going to grab my coat. Still in Troy’s grasp, Paige looks over at me. “Did you want to do something Saturday night?”

  “Sure. I am going out shopping for a dress with my roommate during the day, but we should be back by dinnertime at the latest. That is, of course, unless I can’t find something,” I say. “I need it by next weekend.”

  “The dinner is only semi-formal. You can just wear something you already have,” Rocco says from behind me. “It’s at the country club my mom and stepdad belong to, but it’s more like a family night. The families we help out will be there and my mom makes sure there is a room set up for the kids to play. It’s really not that big of a deal.”

  “Do you look at me at all?” He doesn’t understand what I’m asking him. “Jeans are about the nicest thing I own. Besides, do you think Leah would let me get out of going shopping for a new dress and shoes?”

  “Leah Walsh is your roommate?” Paige asks.

  “Yup. Is she so unique that you could pick her out from what I just said?” I’m smiling because if you know Leah, all you’d need to hear is shoe shopping. She has more shoes than I have space to keep them.

  Paige laughs. “She sits next to me in my Creative Writing class. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her wear the same pair of shoes twice.” It’s probably true knowing her. “We have a good time in that class.”

  “Well, if you know my best friend and can tolerate her, please come shopping with us. I’ll need the support,” I offer.

  “Maybe I will. Thanks for inviting me,” she says giving me another hug.

  “Now this, a guy could get used to,” Logan says smiling up at us.

  “Shut the fuck up, Logan,” Paige and I say at the same time. The other three guys are hysterical.

  “Back to Saturday, you girls plan it out. Let us know where we are going. I vote for bowling,” Shane says.

  “Bowling?” I ask.

  “That’s what I said. I haven’t bowled in years. It would be fun with all the people that are going. Bring everyone from your apartment,” he says. “Afraid you will get your ass beat, Philly girl?”

  I roll my eyes at him. “You guys know I’m not actually from Philly, right?”

  “South Jersey. Philly. What’s the difference?” Shane harasses me.

  “I’m going to walk you to your room before you beat my roommate up,” Rocco interrupts taking my hand again pulling me toward the door.

  “You can stay and watch the game if you want. I’ll be fine to walk around the corner,” I tell him, but the expression on his face says he won’t have it any other way. “Good night,” I call over my shoulder to everyone.

  It should only take less than a minute to walk from Rocco’s door to mine, but he is dragging it out. When we finally reach my door, he gives me his sad puppy dog eyes. I open the door and hold it gesturing for him to go inside. His smile returns as he walks by me. Leah and Tyler are laying on the couch watching the same hockey game. Lucky me. Rocco pulls a chair out in the middle of the room to get closer to the TV.

  “Hey. How was dinner?” Leah asks.

  “How the hell can you see the puck on this small thing?” he asks leaning forward.

  “It was nice. Erin and Jules at the party?” I don’t need to ask. Where else would they be on a Tuesday night?

  “Of course. Tommy promised to make sure they got home tonight or at least get them back to his apartment instead of sleeping on some random person’s couch. Guess we’ll see,” Leah says annoyed. She is always worrying about them.

  “I’m going to jump in the shower real quick. You okay here?” I ask Rocco.

  “Sure.” He looks away from the TV with his eyebrows raised. “Unless you need me to help you.”

  “I’m good,” I assure him rolling my eyes yet again. Leah and Tyler are laughing because they know how I can be.

  The three of them are talking in the living room just low enough, so they cannot be heard over the rustling of me getting my stuff ready. To be honest, I really don’t want to hear what they are saying. More than likely, whatever is being said is something at my expense. Some friends I have, right? The water being turned on drowns out all sounds of their conversation. Usually, I spend an awfully long time in the shower, but since Rocco is waiting, my hair can wait until tomorrow to be washed. When I’m done showering and brushing my teeth, I walk out of the bathroom to find Rocco laying on my bed staring at the ceiling. He doesn’t move or even glance in my direction.

  “You okay?” I ask walking over to the side of my bed. The intense look on his face has me worried. “What’s wrong?”

  He gets up off of my bed without saying anything, then pulls down my comforter and fixes my pillows close to how I would have done it myself. “I’m going to tuck you in,” he explains motioning for me to get in. My favorite smile is nowhere to be found. After climbing in, he pulls the blankets over me and lays down on top of them facing me. He’s rubbing the side of my face the same way my aunt used to when I couldn’t sleep as a little kid.

  “You’re starting to freak me out,” I confess.

  “I’m sorry. I was just thinking,” is the only thing he says.

  When he doesn’t continue on his own, I urge him. “About?”

  Rocco closes his eyes briefly and sighs. “I’m a little concerned this will all fall apart in front of me and I won’t be able to stop it.” His reply has me thinking this could mean more than just about the two of us. “I don’t want to bring this up, but,” he pauses and rolls onto his back again. “I just have to know.”

  “You have to know what?” I ask cautiously. I lay my hand on his chest to get his attention back to me.

  “Do you still love him?” My breath releases again. Was I even holding it? “Are you still in love with Jeff?” His eyes are closed and the frown on his face makes me believe he thinks he knows the answer before I even give it to him. He has no idea how wrong he is.

  “No,” I answer without even considering it. I don’t think I have been in love with him since the moment I walked out of his room that night. Rocco opens his eyes and finally looks at me. “I stopped loving him long before you even took it upon yourself to sit next to me. It’s just the hurt that haunts me sometimes. The hurt makes me afraid of what could happen again.”

  Rocco’s hand goes into my hair and he pulls me to him, so he can kiss my forehead. “I won’t hurt you. I won’t let anyone else hurt you, either.”

  While I want to believe the words he is promising me, I know better. The world has a way of sneaking up and biting you on the ass sometimes. “You cannot control everything, Rocco. No one can. You cannot guarantee I will never be hurt again and no one is asking you to.”

  He sighs as he lets go of my hair and pulls me to lay against his chest. “Tomorrow, after lab, will you go somewhere with me?”

  “Where?” I ask relaxing next to him closing my eyes.

  “It’s a secret.”

  “Okay,” I say yawning. Normally, I would have insisted on him telling me.

  He chuckles lightly. “I’ll stay here until you fall asleep. Sweet dreams, Sunshine.”

  “Good night, Rocco.” I’m too tired to argue with him. Besides, I’m really comfortable lying next to him. At least he’s not sitting up on the hard couch. It doesn’t take long for me to doze off.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Rocco

  Last night when I left Alyssa’s apartment, there was finally a sense of calm settling over me. Not only did she tell me she wasn’t in love with her ex anymore, she also fell asleep with me again. The best part was when I slid out of her bed, she muttered my name in her sleep and her hand reached out searching for me. At first, I thought she had woken up or maybe
wasn’t asleep after all, but then she relaxed and her breathing was at a calm, steady pace. After placing one last kiss on her cheek, I unwillingly left her room. Once I finally made it back to my apartment, it didn’t take long to fall asleep myself.

  I made sure to get up early this morning to hit the gym before class. It had been a few days since being there last and I didn’t want to make a habit out of skipping it. Good thing that was where most of my time was spent last weekend. Now I’m waiting outside of the classroom for Alyssa. A note is hanging on the door saying lab is canceled today because the professor had a family emergency. It pisses me off how every other student in my class is either irritated about not being notified before they walked over here or they are just excited they don’t have to do a lab today. These people are so rude. Earlier Carrie came up to me with some bullshit about me wasting my time with Alyssa. Needless to say, I set her straight real quick and sent her away sulking.

  “I was hoping to catch you alone today,” one of the most obnoxious voices I’ve ever heard said.

  “Go away,” I responded not even looking at her.

  “Why so cruel, Rocco? Because you know what I’m about to tell you is the truth?” she whined as her groupie stood by her side being equally as obnoxious.

  “And what would that be?” I dared her to say.

  “This girl isn’t worthy of your time. She isn’t anything special and deep down, you know it.”

  I shook my head wondering who the hell she thought she was. “Let me make myself perfectly clear, Carrie,” I started. “There is no one in this world who is more special than Alyssa Adler. No one. And for future reference, even if she comes to her senses and realizes I’m not good enough for her, I still would not give you the time of day. I’ve never liked anything about you and I never will.”

  About ten minutes after the last group of students left, Alyssa comes into the hallway through the stairwell door behind me. I turn around to see her beautiful face smiling at me. Seeing her smile is just as contagious as when someone yawns and you cannot help but yawn right along with them.

  “Hey,” she says as I bend down to kiss her cheek.

  “Good Morning, Sunshine,” I greet her.

  “What are you doing out here? Don’t you usually have half the lab done by now?” she teases.

  “Lab is canceled. Family emergency,” I tell her pointing to the note on the door behind me.

  Her smile fades away being replaced by a frown when she reads the note. “I hope everything is okay.” Of course my girl is the only one to say the right thing.

  “Come on. Let’s go. I already turned in our lab,” I say turning her to walk down the hallway.

  The weather could not be any more perfect for what I have planned today. It’s a crisp fall day with barely any clouds in the bright, blue sky. Thankfully, there is only a little breeze. I was hoping it wouldn’t be too windy. The leaves have finally started to change color. In about two months, I’ll be ready for spring. Right now is the best time of year. Cooler weather after a long hot summer is refreshing, but once the trees are bare, I’ve had enough.

  “So, care to share this secret of yours?” She remembered. I was afraid she was too tired when I asked her last night.

  “Nope,” I answer. She nudges my arm making me chuckle. “I can’t tell you now. It would ruin it. At least we can go now instead of later.”

  “Want me to drive?” She might be trying to trick me into telling her what’s going on.

  “No way. Then I’d have to tell you where we are going and what we are doing. Nice try.” She giggles at me. When she looks at me like that, she could probably get me to tell her anything she wants to hear.

  “That wasn’t what I was trying to do. I just feel bad that you are always the one driving,” she responds. We’ve reached the bottom of the steps outside of the apartment building. “Can we run our stuff in? I don’t want to drag this backpack around if I don’t have to.”

  “Sure. I want to grab something to eat real quick anyway.”

  “Did you oversleep this morning?” She looks worried.

  “No, actually I got up early and went to the gym. I never eat before working out.”

  “Oh okay. I thought maybe you haven’t been getting enough sleep because you’ve stayed late with me the last two nights.” Something tells me she isn’t convinced.

  “Sunshine, even if I was losing sleep over being with you, it would totally be worth it. How did you sleep last night?” I’ve been curious to know.

  “Not as well as the night before.” She smiles up at me. “Thanks for staying with me until I fell asleep. I haven’t slept as well as I have the last two nights in a while.”

  “Guess I’ll have to start sleeping with you every night,” I say coaxing a bigger smile from her.

  She pulls out her card to get us into the building. Motioning to the mailroom, she says, “Remind me to check my mailbox later. Lori was supposed to send the wedding invitation out on Monday morning, so we should get it today. Sure you still want to go with me?”

  “Absolutely.” I know I’m grinning like an idiot. She is crazy to think I’d willingly be anywhere other than with her. “Run your stuff back to your room and then come over whenever you are ready. The door will be propped open so just come in. The guys will be asleep for a least another hour, so you won’t have to worry about running into any of them.” I watch her as she walks away from me until she rounds the corner. I know I promised myself not to sleep with her just yet, but she is making it extremely difficult. For some reason, she has this feeling that she is just like any other girl to me. I want to prove to her how wrong she is, but it’s so damn hard to keep my hands off of her when she looks so good all the time. She has this false impression that if she doesn’t get all dressed up, she’s invisible. There are always guys checking her out and she never even notices them. Unfortunately, I do and it tests my patience every time. At least no one is stupid enough to try talking to her.

  I’m washing out my cereal bowl when Alyssa finally comes through the door. “Hey. I thought you might have changed your mind about coming with me.”

  “Never. Leah was up. She was talking to me about going shopping on Saturday and she’s excited about Paige tagging along. She may not sleep for the next few nights,” she says. “You’ve seen how she gets when she’s excited.”

  “Girls are weird,” I say to her grabbing my jacket off of the chair. “Ready?”

  She smiles up at me nervously. “Not sure since I have no idea where we are going.”

  “Oh come on. Don’t be such a baby,” I tease pushing her toward the door.

  When I pull up to the small card store a mile down the road from campus, she looks over to me puzzled. “It’s just a stop along the way. I’ll be right back,” I say leaving the car running for her.

  A few minutes later, I come out of the store carrying a dozen navy blue helium filled balloons. As I’m trying to shove them in my back seat, she is shaking her head at me. “We totally should have taken my car.” I glance over at her asking why she thinks that would have been a better idea. “I have a Rav4. They would have gone right in the back with no problem.” She’s right. I should have thought this out a little better.

  Eventually they are shoved into the backseat and she hounds me to tell her what they are for the entire twenty minute drive to the park that I have been to many times before. The parking lot is not very big, but it doesn’t matter since no one else is here at this time of day while the kids are in school. During the summer, this small place is full of families, especially on Saturday afternoons. A fairly new playground for the kids to play on sits just inside a fenced-in area. Behind that, there are about a dozen or so picnic tables and a bunch of grills are off to the side. A small sized lake is the perfect backdrop for this quiet little park. The colorful trees along the back of the lake are a reminder of why this is one of my favorite places to escape to. The open field to the right of all of this is where the guys and I sometimes
come to play football when we want to get away from campus. Sometimes, I come here alone. The peacefulness of this place is just what you need to clear your head.

  Alyssa waits for me to come around to her side of the car before she gets out. She’s learning. When I open her door and reach for her hand, she looks at me probably thinking I have lost my mind. “Trust me,” I tell her after getting the balloons from the backseat. We walk around the playground and I sit on top of one of the picnic tables closer to the lake still holding the balloons. I tap the spot next to me and tell her to climb up. She does, but she still looks apprehensive.

  “It’s beautiful here,” Alyssa says quietly. She is looking around taking it all in.

  “It is,” I agree watching her appreciate the beautiful park.

  “How did you find this place?” she wonders.

  “It was purely accidental. I turned around in the parking lot one time,” I tell her.

  “Alright. Enough small talk, Matthews. Spill it. What are we doing here? I’m about to get really impatient,” she says trying to sound tough.

  “About to get impatient? What do you call the last twenty minutes?” This makes her laugh.

  “Warm up,” she winks at me. Once again, I’m sitting here appreciating how truly beautiful she really is. The way the morning sun is glistening off of her long, curly hair and the sparkle in her eyes has me wondering if she ever looks in the mirror. How can she think for one second she could pull off being invisible? How can I get mad when other guys stare at her? If she wasn’t mine, I wouldn’t think twice about staring either.

  “Okay,” I start to say untying the knot the silver ribbons are loosely tied into, so the balloons can be separated. “I think, in order for us to have a chance at making this work, we should start from the beginning. We both carry around baggage daily we need to let go of. These balloons are going to be the baggage we are going to unload. Today.”

  “Rocco,” she’s shaking her head. “Some stuff cannot just go away by releasing a balloon into the air.”