I follow Tony and Carla to his truck feeling bad my being there is essentially ending their date early. When I ask him about it, he says to shut up and get the hell in. Well, maybe not in such a nice way.
After going a few miles, Carla looks over at Tony saying, “If you don’t say whatever it is you need to tell him, you’re going to miss out. I have plenty to say.” He grins at her and reaches over for her hand. She hesitantly takes his and it makes me wonder if it’s because I’m here or she’s nervous around him.
Tony looks at me in the rearview mirror while he says, “Looks like you got yourself in some big trouble. I’m so glad I’m not you right now.” His attention is back on the road in front of us. “Rocco, why are you and Alyssa not together?” Sounds like a simple question, but he continues. “Does this truthfully only have to do with Vicki or are you using it as an excuse to go back to being the guy who screws around?”
“Tony!” Carla cries.
“I’m not beating around the bush here, Carla. The ride isn’t long enough. Besides, it’s the truth. He knows it.”
“I understand why you would ask that, but it really only has to do with Vicki. If something happened to Alyssa because of her, how could I live with myself?” I want him to know where I’m coming from.
“I get it, Rocco, but you cannot live like that,” he says.
“You sound like Shane,” I mumble putting my head against the headrest and watching the cars go by out the side window.
“Do you love her?” Tony asks checking my reaction in the mirror.
“More than anything,” I answer without thinking.
“Now tell me again, why are you two not together?”
“I told you, if something…” I start but he cuts me off.
“That’s a bullshit answer, Rocco,” he practically jumps down my throat and slams his hand on the steering wheel. He’s going to go with the bad cop routine. “You have to stop letting other people dictate your life. This girl actually loves you for who you are, damn it. She doesn’t give a shit about the ridiculous amount of money you have. She knows how you’ve been in the past and she still tolerates your ass. Do you think you are going to find someone else? Someone better? You cannot just let her walk away because of this. If you want my opinion, which you probably don’t, but I’m going to tell you anyway. You breaking up with Alyssa was the worst thing you could have possibly done. Not only is she walking around without you, without the one person who could actually protect her if there ever was a problem, but you’ve given Vicki proof that she still controls you like a fucking puppet. If your dad was still here, he would be kicking your ass over this,” he says finishing his rant. Then he adds, “That’s it isn’t it?”
“What?” I ask trying to swallow. He’s figured out what I’ve been trying to keep from myself.
“This is about your dad.” Carla looks over at him, but he keeps glimpsing between me and the road. “You’re afraid that because you couldn’t save your dad, you won’t be able to save Alyssa.” Hearing someone say it out loud to me is agonizing. “Rocco, you were seven years old. It wasn’t your job to save him. It was his job as a father to save you and that is exactly what he did. If he had the chance to do it all over again, he’d do the same damn thing. You were the only thing he loved more than life itself.” It’s very rare I talk about my dad with anyone who knew him. Perhaps this is the reason why. Tony knew my dad better than anyone. They were partners for a long time, so they spent more time together than most people spend with their spouses. This guy spent more time with my dad than I ever had the chance to.
“How could I have screwed up so bad?” I say thinking about the huge mistake I made.
“You’re male. It can’t be helped,” Carla says looking over her seat at me winking. “What you do to fix it is what matters the most.”
“I think it might be too late. Alyssa hasn’t even looked at me, let alone spoken two words to me in over a month.” I can barely get the words out thinking about the day I watched her in the park. Since then, she has done things and acted certain ways that have made me believe she might still have feelings for me, but mostly she appears to hate me.
“If she came to you right now and said ‘take me back,’ what would you do?” Carla asks. “Would you take her back or would you continue on this quest to try and keep her hidden from Vicki?”
“She wouldn’t do that. I really think she’s over me.”
“Stupid, stupid boy,” Carla whispers. Tony chuckles. “I shouldn’t tell you anything. You should have to figure this out on your own, but she’s definitely not over you, Rocco. As a matter of fact, she is nowhere close to being over you.”
“She’s not?” How can she not be? I foolishly destroyed the greatest relationship of my life with a girl I didn’t even know I was dreaming about until she walked into my life. “Are you sure?”
“Rocco Matthews, did you just imply that I could possibly be wrong?” Carla asks whipping around in her seat undoubtedly insulted.
“Stupid ass,” Tony mumbles to himself.
“No ma’am,” I blurt out quickly. “How do I fix this?”
“I can’t tell you that,” she says when Tony pulls into the double driveway next to Alyssa’s snow covered car.
“Anything else you want to say to him before I let him out?” He’s looking to Carla.
“I think you said enough for the both of us.”
The three of us scurry into the house shaking the snow off all over the foyer. As Carla is punching her code into the alarm system, I notice the kids haven’t come to greet us at the door like they usually do whenever someone comes in.
“Where are the kids?” I ask concerned. We all stop moving to listen for them, but the house is completely silent.
“My kids are never this quiet,” Carla says hanging her coat over the banister and walking through the foyer. She glances in the living room and dining room as she passes them. We follow behind her into the kitchen. The television is on with the volume turned down pretty low in the family room off the side of the kitchen. It’s stuck on the menu screen of a DVD. Carla stops suddenly and smiles. When I reach the room myself, I can see why. Alyssa is curled up in the corner of the couch with one twin laying up against her side and the other one laying in her lap. She has an arm around each of them and they are all fast asleep. “Neither one of them has fallen asleep without me holding them since the day their dad died,” Carla announces. She is still smiling, but a tear is falling down her cheek. Tony comes over to put his arm around her. “She really is something special if my kids like her this much, Rocco.”
“I know she is,” I whisper staring at my Sunshine. Her hair is pulled back, but a curl has fallen in her face. I sit down on the coffee table in front of her and push the stray piece of hair back behind her ear. She doesn’t like her hair touching her face that way. She shifts slightly, but she doesn’t wake up. Her grip on both of the kids gets a little tighter. She knows they are next to her even in her sleep. “Will they wake up if we carry them upstairs?” I ask never looking away from Alyssa’s face.
“I’m not sure,” she confesses. “I’ve never had to do it. Let me get their beds ready before we move them.” Carla and Tony go upstairs.
I don’t want Alyssa to be startled when we move the kids, so I gently rub her leg to try and wake her up. Eventually she opens her eyes, but she’s disoriented. “Shhh,” I tell her holding my finger up to my lips. “Don’t wake them up.” She nods that she understands. Tony comes back downstairs to grab one of them. Before he takes Collin, Alyssa reaches down to kiss him on the head. Then she does the same to Callie when I take her. I knew she was full of shit when she said she was afraid of kids. Alyssa follows us up the steps, but stays in the hallway outside of the door. Collin never even stirs, but Callie does when I lower her to her pillow.
“Alyssa?” she asks sleepily. Alyssa comes into the room from behind us and sits down next to her on the bed.
“It’s okay, Callie. Your mom is
home. Go back to sleep,” she tells her stroking her hair.
“Will you come back to play with us again?” Callie can barely keep her eyes open.
“I sure will. Sweet dreams, Munchkin,” Alyssa whispers tucking her in.
“Sweet dreams, Alyssa,” she says falling back to sleep.
We file out of the bedroom and head back down the stairs. A couple minutes later, Carla joins us in the kitchen.
“Carla, I am so sorry. You must think I’m the worst babysitter ever,” Alyssa says from out of nowhere.
“Why would I think that?” Carla looks between me and Tony curiously. I shrug my shoulders and look back to Alyssa waiting for her to explain.
“I fell asleep when I was supposed to be watching your kids. I feel terrible.” Alyssa is starting to panic. Tony pulls out the barstool in front of the counter and tells her to sit down. “They both fell asleep halfway through the movie and I was trying so hard not to move that I dozed off. What time is it, anyway?” She’s looking around for a clock.
“Eleven thirty,” I say. I can tell she’s wondering why I’m here.
“You do realize that parents sleep right?” Tony teases her.
“I’m not their parent. I shouldn’t have fallen asleep. This is why I never babysit.” She’s upset and I feel bad.
“I thought the reason was because you were afraid of anyone shorter than you,” I remind her.
Tony laughs. “There are people shorter than you?”
“Knock it off, you two,” Carla scolds us. “Alyssa, you didn’t do anything wrong. Do you know how many times I’ve fallen asleep while they were still awake? That’s happened more times than I care to mention. You have no idea the trouble those monsters were able to get into in those few minutes.” She smiles and Alyssa lightens up a little bit. “They were perfectly safe.”
“Still, I guess you won’t be calling me to babysit again,” she states. I grab two Cokes out of the refrigerator and slide one over to her. “Thank you.” She finally speaks directly to me for the first time in way too long. She opens the can and takes a sip of it.
“On the contrary, my dear. They love you. I may never be allowed to have the old babysitter back again.” This makes her smile. “I just want to let you know, they haven’t fallen asleep with anyone other than me since their dad died.” Alyssa looks up at her speechless. “Every single night I’ve had to lay with both of them until they are sound asleep. That’s why they are still in the same room. Hell, I may invite you over just so I can take a shower before midnight once in a while,” Carla says.
“I’d actually like that,” Alyssa tells her. “How was dinner and the movie?” She changes the subject because she doesn’t like the attention on her.
“It was nice. Thank you so much again for coming on such short notice.”
“I’m glad I could help. Let me know if you ever need me again. I’m usually around and normally, I don’t have a problem staying awake,” Alyssa tells her. “I’m going to get going.”
“I’m driving you back,” I inform her.
“No. I’m fine,” Alyssa says walking to the closet to get her coat. I see Carla and Tony exchange a look before I follow her down the hallway.
“I ran into Tony and Carla at the movies and they told me you were here. I hitched a ride with them because I know you don’t like to drive at night,” I try to explain to her.
“You didn’t have to do that,” she sighs. “Just because I don’t like it doesn’t mean I can’t do it.”
“It’s also snowing.”
“I didn’t know it was supposed to snow.” She runs over to the window. “Damn it.” I watch as she pulls her phone out of her coat pocket. She is scrolling through text messages when her phone rings. “Hey Leah,” she answers unenthusiastically. “No thanks. I’ll be okay.” She listens a little longer then closes her eyes. “Rocco is here. He’s going to drive me back.” If I could have done a victory dance right here, I totally would have. “Yeah, tell me about it. I’ll see you soon.”
I reach out for her keys and she grudgingly places them in my hand. “I’m going to start your car and clean the snow off. I’ll be right back.” While cleaning off the car, I’m trying to think of things to say to her on our drive back. Do I tell her what is going on with Tony doing his part and my mom hiring the PI? Do I tell her how much I still love her? Do I just keep it simple?
The sound of voices coming from the front porch disrupts my thoughts. Alyssa is saying goodbye to Carla and Tony, so I walk over to do the same. She walks right by me and gets in the passenger side of her car without waiting for me.
“Good luck, Rocco,” Carla calls going back inside.
“I’m going to need more than luck,” I say watching the car.
“I’m sure you’ll figure it out,” Tony says shaking my hand. “I’ll be in touch if I hear anything new.”
“I appreciate it.”
I climb in Alyssa’s car and adjust the seat and mirrors. She is already buckled up and staring out the window. I ask her if she wants the radio on, but she ignores me.
“Alyssa, I’m so…” I begin to apologize.
“Rocco,” she inhales and exhales forcefully. “I only agreed to let you drive because I didn’t want to start an argument with you in front of Carla and I would have felt bad if Tony had to leave to drive you home. Can we please just not speak the rest of the way?”
“Whatever you want,” I say dejected. For the rest of the ride, we are completely silent. How the hell am I supposed to get her back if she won’t even talk to me?
Chapter Twenty-One
Alyssa
Everyone says that getting a manicure and pedicure always helps them feel better when things are going wrong. Either they are a bunch of liars or they have never had their hearts ripped from their chests, torn to shreds, then thrown on the streets of New York City for the world to trample on. Yes, I get that perhaps that might sound a little dramatic, but seriously? Getting someone to paint my nails does not help me feel better about not being Rocco Matthews’ girlfriend anymore in the slightest. Not only am I not his girlfriend anymore, but some of our friends have been making him feel guilty about the two of us not being together. He’s trying to be nice to me in order to get them off of his back. Talk about rubbing salt in the wound. I honestly wish they would leave him the hell alone about it. This way, he’ll forget about me and move on to his next victim.
As I’m sitting here half listening to the manicurist talk about the weather of all things with the woman sitting in the chair next to me, I can barely hold back the tears while everything that has been happening over the last few weeks is racing through my mind. First of all, who the hell did he think he was showing up at the Halloween party? I’m very well aware it was open to the whole school, but he knew I had no choice except to be there. Just because he is The Great Rocco Matthews who can apparently do whatever, whoever he feels like, he asked me to dance and had the balls to get pissed off because I declined. Who does that? Then there was the time he was sitting at my lab table when I walked in one morning. If he wasn’t so incredibly handsome, I would have probably slapped him across the face when he suggested we still work together on the labs. The thought of him being that close to me and not being able to touch him was downright dreadful. The worst part of all of this was his constant texting. I stopped reading them the night of the stupid party. Every damn time his name would appear on the screen of my phone, the amount of willpower it took to not read what it said was immense. They finally stopped last week, which sucked just as much as getting them.
All of the pain and sadness I felt over Rocco was really starting to get to me. Last Friday, I got into an argument with Leah. She was only trying to help me and watch out for me, but when she attempted to keep me from going to the mall by myself, I lost it.
“Where are you going?” Leah asked when I was getting my wallet and keys out of my backpack. She was just getting back from running errands with Tyler. Had I left a few minutes earlier,
this whole mess would have all been avoided.
“The mall,” I told her as I shoved my phone into the pocket of my jeans.
“With?” she questioned me. My irritation was growing at this point because of the way she was speaking to me.
“Me,” I answered a little too sharply.
“Hold on,” she said looking at Tyler. He nodded to her. “Give me a few minutes and I’ll come with you.”
“No, I’m fine. I’ll see you later.” I started walking out of our room.
“Alyssa, you aren’t going to the mall by yourself,” she snapped. “You know it’s not safe. Besides, it’s going to get dark soon.” That was it. I was done being treated like a child.
“Leah, you aren’t my mother. I’ve never had one of those, remember? I think I’ve managed pretty well so far. If I want to go to the mall by myself, I don’t need your permission!” I yelled at her even though I would definitely regret it later. Her face let me know she was pissed. I had to get out of there before anything else came flying out of my mouth. I stormed out of the apartment and let the door slam behind me.
“Lyss, wait up,” Tyler called from behind me as I rounded the corner of the hallway. “Leah didn’t mean for it to sound that way. She’s just worried about you.”
“I’m so sick of everybody worrying about me and thinking they know what’s best for me,” I said. “They’re suffocating me. That’s why I went home those few weekends. I needed to get away from all of them. If Thanksgiving wasn’t next week, I would have gone home today, too. At least no one bothers me there.”
His compassionate look had me starting to settle down. He came over and gave me a hug. “I’ll talk to her,” I nodded. “How about if you text her every half hour or something? Or me? Just so she knows you weren’t kidnapped by some lunatic. More importantly, so I don’t have to listen to her bitch and complain for the next few hours,” he added quickly so I wouldn’t lash out at him, too. I sighed, but agreed. “Thank you.”
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